by Brian Yorkey
DIANA: Well, yes.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Is life less cloudy than it was before?
DIANA: Yes.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Do you still feel your head is filled with concrete?
DIANA: No.And you’re not a scary rock star anymore.
DOCTOR MADDEN (Beat): Okay. Great.
DAN: But what about her memory?
(Music changes. As Diana goes, Doctor Madden takes Dan aside.)
better than before
DOCTOR MADDEN:The memories are there, somewhere.
Find some pictures you can share,
Keepsakes of the life that’s there behind her.
DAN: Should I bring up the subject of, um . . .
DOCTOR MADDEN: Yes . . .
But keep it light at first, that’s best.
Careful that she’s not distressed.
When the time’s right, tell the rest . . . remind her.
You’ll find her.
(Dan goes to Diana and Natalie in the kitchen, a box of photos and keepsakes before them.)
DAN:So let’s start with something small,
Something personal and pretty . . .
I bet you’ll know these shiny things.
DIANA (Spoken in time): They must be tacky trinkets from, I guess, Atlantic City?
DAN:No, actu’ally, Di, they’re our wedding rings.
NATALIE: It’s going well.
DAN:Here’s a flower from our wedding,
It was such a sight to see—
With the ceremony everything we’d hoped.
NATALIE: Um, Dad?
DAN (To Natalie):Well, that’s how I remember it, so that’s how it’ll be.
NATALIE:It was raining, it was Portland, you eloped.
I mean, Portland?
DAN:It’s an open book to write here,
It’s a life we can restore.
We can get back what we had and maybe more . . .
Maybe get us back to better than before.
NATALIE: You’re missing a few pictures here, aren’t you, Dad? Didn’t the doctor say—
DAN: The doctor said at the right time.
NATALIE: Oh, well then.
DAN:Here’s the year we drove the West,
We hit the highway in the Honda,
And I took pictures everywhere we went.
(Hands Diana three pictures, in sequence:)
We saw the painted desert, the Grand Canyon, and Aunt Rhonda,
(Another picture:)
And Nat learned what her middle finger meant.
(Another batch:)
Here’s the first house that we owned,
On Walton Way, we loved that place.
Then we built this one on land that we both chose.
And here’s a pic of all of us with smiles on ev’ry face . . .
And the Photoshopping hardly even shows.
DIANA:We’re standing by a lake with all these ducks . . .
And who’s this little chubby girl?
DAN:That’s Natalie.
NATALIE:This sucks.
(She starts to leave, but Dan moves to stop her.)
DAN: Hey. Nat.Gonna get us back to normal
Gonna get us back to good . . .
Gonna get back what we had and maybe more.
Gonna get us back to good times
And forget the things we should.
Gonna get us back to better than before . . .
We can get things back to better than before.
NATALIE: All right. Fine.
(Lifts a different stack of photos:) Here’s the headline in the paper
When you freaked out at the market.
Here’s the house on Walton Way after the fire.
DAN: Natalie.
NATALIE:Here’s the damage to the Honda
When you showed me how to park it.
DIANA (Takes picture, studies it):Did we crush somebody’s cat beneath the tire?
NATALIE: Yes. Ours.
(More pictures:)
Here’s Dad at my recital,
And we’re wond’ring where you are.
DIANA:I remember this—I made it to the school.
DAN: Wait, you remember?
DIANA:It was the year of too much lithium—
I hid out in the car.
(Another picture:)
And your swim meet—just last year—
I’m in the pool.
NATALIE: So you are.
DAN:
You’re getting it! You’ve got it, Di! Hooray!
DIANA (To Natalie):Your life has kind of sucked, I think.
NATALIE:You got it! Yay! Hooray!
DAN:Hooray!
DIANA:Hooray!
Gonna get back what I lost there.
Gonna find out who I was.
Gonna open up the gates and let it pour.
DAN:And if mem’ry makes things better,
Well, mem’ry always does.
Gonna get us back to better than before . . .
(They look through more keepsakes . . .)
DAN AND DIANA:Make ev’rything much better than before.
NATALIE:Won’t anything be better than before?
DAN AND DIANA:Better than before.
DIANA:I guess it must be
DAN, DIANA AND NATALIE:Better than before
Better than before . . .
(. . . when suddenly the music box ends up in Diana’s hands. She looks at it a long moment before Dan realizes, and whisks it away.
From the midst of the celebration, Gabe emerges.
Lights.
Music changes.
Gabe speaks to Diana, and though she doesn’t hear him, the others fade, leaving Diana alone.)
aftershocks
GABE:They’ve managed to get rid of me—return me to the grave.
ECT, electric chair—we shock who we can’t save.
They’ve cleared you of my memory, and many more as well—
You may have wanted some of them, but who can ever tell?
Your brainwaves are more regular, the chemistry more pure;
The headaches and the nausea will pass and you’ll endure;
Your son is gone forever, though, of that the doctor’s sure.
The memories will wane . . .
The aftershocks remain.
You wonder which is worse—the symptom or the cure.
(Lights.
Diana is at the kitchen table sorting through photos, papers, more. Dan finds her.)
DAN: Diana? Honey? You’ve been at this for days.
DIANA: There’s something missing, Dan. It’s like it’s tugging at me. I can almost see it.
DAN: Come to bed.
(He waits.)
If the memories are meant to come back . . . they will.
(A moment, and Dan goes.
Diana gives a start, and hurries to the front door. She opens it to Henry, almost knocking.)
HENRY: Oh. Sorry, Miz Goodman, I just needed to talk to Natalie about some homework.
(Diana just stares at him.)
I know it’s late. She’s not answering her . . . is everything all right?
DIANA (Finding it): Henry.
HENRY: Yes?
DIANA: You remind me of someone. How old are you?
HENRY: Seventeen. Why?
DIANA (Searches, then): I don’t know. Natalie’s in her room.
(Henry goes.
Diana watches him go.
Gabe watches her.)
GABE:They’ve managed to get rid of me—I’m gone without a trace,
But sear the soul and leave a scar no treatment can erase.
They cut away the cancer but forgot to fill the hole;
They moved me from your memory—I’m still there in your soul.
Your life goes back to normal now, or so they all believe.
Your heart is in your chest again, not hanging from your sleeve.
They’ve driven out the demons and they’ve earned you this reprieve:
The memories are
gone.
The aftershocks live on.
But with nothing to remember, is there nothing left to grieve?
DIANA:With nothing to remember . . .
(Lights. Music changes.
Natalie is in her room, not studying, when Henry slips in.)
hey #2
HENRY:Hey.
NATALIE:Hey.
HENRY:So tomorrow’s the dance.
It’s annoying, I know,
But let’s go.
NATALIE:Not a chance.
HENRY:NATALIE:
Let me know you again. Not right now—
—Okay, when?
Say wait, and I’ll wait. It’s already too late.
There’s no way it’s too late. Hey—
There’s no way. Hey—will you listen?
I stayed by your side . . . Just shut up and listen.
Why do I get denied? You remind me of me . . . And how fucked-up I can be.
HENRY:Okay.
Hey.
Let’s start over—clean slate.
I’ll come by here at eight—
If you show,
Then we’ll go.
If you don’t, well, we’ll see.
(He pulls the dance tickets from his pocket . . .)
NATALIE:You just don’t give up.
HENRY:So don’t give up on me.
(. . . and leaves one beside her.)
NATALIE:Good-bye, Henry.
(A moment. Henry turns to go.
Lights.
Music changes.
Diana is with Doctor Madden.)
you don’t know (reprise)
DIANA:It’s been four weeks since the treatment, and my mind is still a mess.
And what’s left to be remembered, well, it’s anybody’s guess.
’Cause my past is like the weather—it will come and it will go.
I don’t know
Even know
What it is that I don’t know.
I’m some Christopher Columbus sailing out into my mind . . .
With no map of where I’m going, or of what I’ve left behind.
I don’t know
The thngs I don’t know.
I’m sure something’s missing—
I wish it would show.
I don’t know . . .
You say take it slow,
And I do, although
How I do
I don’t know.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Are you talking with your husband?
DIANA:Well, he hasn’t much to say.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Is it helping you remember?
DIANA:I remember that’s his way.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Does the puzzle come together
Piece by piece and row by row?
DIANA:I don’t know
I don’t know
Where the fucking pieces go.
’Cause I don’t know how this started, so I won’t know when it’s done.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Have you talked of your depression, your delusions, and your son?
(Music stops. This hangs there.)
DIANA: My what?
DOCTOR MADDEN: Your husband didn’t—(Stops himself, then) I think you two . . . should talk more.
DIANA: We should talk more? That’s it? I don’t even remember marrying this man, it’s not like I’m some sexually frustrated soccer mom.
DOCTOR MADDEN: Interestingly, the underlying challenges are similar. I’ll see you next week.
DIANA: But—
DOCTOR MADDEN: Next week.
(Music. Doctor Madden goes.
Diana steps out of the office, and is alone.
Gabe appears, with the music box. He hands it to Diana, and she takes it without seeing him, and seems surprised to find it in her hands.
She stands there.
And then opens the box.
Music changes.
Gabe hums, wordlessly, with the music. Suddenly, Dan.)
DAN: What are you doing?
(Diana shuts the music box.
Music stops.
Gabe disappears.)
DIANA: What is this?
DAN: Where’d you get that? It’s nothing, an old music box.
(He reaches for it, but Diana pulls it away. Music.)
DIANA: We played it for the baby. Sometimes it helped him sleep.
DAN: Diana—
DIANA: Him. We did have a boy.
DAN: Diana. You—you shouldn’t.
how could i ever forget?
DIANA:We were still living downtown . . .
DAN: It’s not a good idea—
DIANA:
My black coat thrown over my blue nightgown . . .
You drove too fast—
The lights of the city flew past.
DAN: Please. Don’t.
DIANA:How could I ever forget?
Outside the morning was cool and wet.
He had such chills . . .
But still—he lay there so still.
And just eight months old . . .
So cold . . .
We ran him inside,
Lost—worrying, wondering.
That hospital room—
That gloom—
DIANA:DAN:
How could I ever forget? How could I ever forget?
Screaming at doctors—alarmed, upset. God I was so upset.
They said to wait, Diana—don’t.
They never said we were too late. You think this will help, but it won’t.
But I was a child . . . So many years ago . . .
Raising a child. So much we could not know . . .
DIANA:Those weeks full of joy . . .
Then—a moment of dread.
Someone simply said
Your child . . . is . . .
DIANA AND DAN:How could I ever forget?
This was the moment my life was set.
That day that I lost you—
It’s clear as the day we met.
How could I ever forget?
DAN: Why would you want to remember the things that hurt you?
DIANA: I want to remember everything, Dan. How did he die?
DAN: He was sick.
DIANA: With what? Why wasn’t he treated? What was wrong?
DAN:Something the doctors all missed,
The clinic, the ER, each specialist
They said, “Babies cry.
Allergies, gas, who knows why?”
And I was a child
Raising a child . . .
We stayed up all night . . .
Most nights you slept at his side.
But still he just cried
And cried . . .
DIANA (Searching): He was a baby when he died. But I remember him . . . older.
DAN: No. He was a baby. We should call Doctor Madden.
(Music changes.)
DIANA: Why would we call Doctor Madden? I’m just trying to make sense of this. God—what was his name? I don’t remember ever hearing you say his name. Why is that?
DAN: Diana.
DIANA: What was his name? Tell me.
it’s gonna be good (reprise)
DAN:It’s gonna be fine.
It’s gonna be fine.
Gonna go back to the doctor,
’Cause we caught it just in time.
We’ll take the pills and pay the bills
DIANA (Over “pills”): His name—
DAN:We’ll do more ECT.
DIANA (After “ECT”): Our son—
DAN:It’s gonna be good you’ll see.
(A tuxedoed Henry appears at the open front door, and knocks. And knocks again. Finally, he makes his way inside.
