Coming Home: The Damaged Series - Book Three

by Shayne McClendon

  Her destination was the converted barn with lights glowing in the second floor windows: Gage’s apartment.

  She made her way there steadily, butterflies in her stomach, to the open doors of the lower level that still housed horses.

  Taking the stairway in the back, she was quiet as she climbed the steps. There was noise on the second floor and she imagined Gage waiting for her, maybe thinking about her.

  Nothing romantic, he didn’t seem the type. Just waiting for her, maybe watching television or…whatever else men did when they were alone.

  At the top, there was a rail open to the main living area and sensual music drifted across the space. She didn’t see anyone so she went all the way up.

  Rowan heard Gage’s voice and followed the sound to a large open doorway. Everything inside her stilled as she took in the scene.

  Nina was naked and riding Gage’s equally naked body with his hands on her hips as he gave her gentle encouragement.

  “That feels so good, Nina…so damn good. Just like that.”

  Nina’s blonde hair trailed straight down her golden back, brushing the top of her bare ass. She had a cute butt, small breasts, and a body that was long and lean.

  A couple of inches taller than Rowan’s five-six, Nina still seemed more delicate somehow. It was a quality that drew boys and men alike to her like bears to honey.

  The nervous butterflies that had been foreign to someone like Rowan evaporated in an instant and the lost girl who lived inside her, who helped her survive, came forward to save her dignity.

  She said calmly and loudly, “Wow, good form, Nina.”

  The couple on the bed jumped like a gun had gone off and turned to her with panic on their faces.

  Nina pulled the sheet over her breasts and whispered frantically, “Rowan, please let me explain. I can explain.” Nina’s chocolate brown eyes were wide with shock as she stared at her best friend over her shoulder.

  With a grim smile, Rowan replied, “No need. I’m pretty sure I get the idea. I’m not that innocent, Nina.”

  Gage kept his eyes on Rowan as he lifted Nina off his body and set her to the side gently. He stood to face her in all his naked glory. Six-three with a sculpted lean frame, chestnut brown hair, and light hazel eyes, he was a beautiful man, in or out of clothes.

  In her most condescending voice, she told him, “Honestly, don’t get up on my account, Gage.”

  “Rowan, let me talk to you and explain. I don’t want you feelin’ bad about all this…it’s not what you think.”

  His voice was like honey, flavored with the accent of deep Texas and calm from his years of handling skittish cattle.

  It was the wrong tone to use on a pissed off Rowan.

  “Bad feelings, Gage? There would have to be feelings first, wouldn’t there? Since you have none and mine don’t matter, I don’t think there’s anything to discuss, do you?”

  Sliding her gaze slowly down his body, she took in his rapidly deflating dick, though still much more than she’d realized he was packing, and said with a smug smile, “You’re losing your condom, Gage. Funny I’d have that effect, isn’t it? Sorry to make you waste one but it’s good to know you’re practicing safe sex. Y’all have a good night.”

  She turned to go and he grabbed her arm.

  “Get your hand off me, Gage. You gave up your right to touch me when you pretended to be a man you so obviously are not.”

  He dropped his hand as if he’d been slapped.

  “Nina, let’s say goodbye now. No need to go on pretending you’re my fucking friend. How you both must have laughed at my stupidity. Mark my words - you’ll never have reason or opportunity to laugh at me again.”

  Nina had the grace to look ashamed. Were those tears in her eyes? Impressive.

  Gage begged softly, “Rowan, we need to talk. If you don’t want to right now, at least let me drive you back. I don’t want you walking the road alone. It’s so late.” He held his hands out in a supplicating gesture, trying to appear harmless.

  Poisonous snakes were harmless compared to him.

  He’d hurt her more than anyone else could have. Though she’d known that anything with him would have been temporary, she hadn’t expected to lose the man she loved and her best friend in the same night.

  She’d never tell him she loved him, never give him that power over her. He and Nina had been her only weaknesses and they’d both just taught her a valuable lesson.

  “How the fuck do you think I got here, Gage? Save your fake chivalry for someone who buys what you’re selling.” He reached for her again and she slapped his arm sharply. “Keep your fucking hands to yourself. I know where they’ve been, Gage. You touch me with that bitch’s fluids on you and you’ll never have to worry about condoms again.”

  She turned and ran as fast as she could for the stairs, reaching the bottom floor at her top speed. It was something some of the best runners in the district had been trying to beat for years.

  As she exploded outside, she heard someone running down the stairs and put on an extra burst of power, thankful she’d worn sneakers. She ran for the fence instead of the road, vaulted the top rail with one hand, and hauled ass for the dark tree line.

  Gage called behind her, begged her to stop, but she didn’t even slow down. Entering the dense forest that lined the property, Rowan found the deepest shadows she could and sat down with her head on her knees to wait him out.

  He wouldn’t look for her long. After all, he had a naked and willing woman already warming his bed. He didn’t need her.

  She underestimated his determination.

  He walked through the woods calling out to her. “Rowan, I’m sorry. Come back. Let me talk to you. I fucked up so bad but I can fix it. I can explain. I don’t want you out here alone in the dark. You hate the dark.”

  Thanks for the reminder, you ass.

  “Rowan, I know you can hear me. Let me at least drive you back. Don’t sit out here like this.”

  She listened to him move back and forth as he searched for her. She wondered how long he’d keep up the pretense of caring one way or another.

  Then he shocked her by saying, “We were both waitin’ for you, Rowan. I-I’ve been sleepin’ with Nina since Spring Break. I was dyin’ for you, tryin’ to wait, and it just happened. She’s in love with you, too. We didn’t think you were comin’. I’m sorry. God, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Please come out.” He mumbled something about her being in dark clothes and how dark her hair was. “Come out and let me take you home if that’s what you want. Or-or you can stay and let us explain.”

  Not on your fucking life.

  “I won’t give up on you, Rowan. I need you. I-I love you. I wanted to tell you that since last summer. You’re the only one I love and I didn’t mean to ruin everything. Please come out and talk to me.” He kept calling her, pleading with her to listen, to let him explain.

  Rowan sat against the tree, still and silent in the dark, as tears fell on her raised knees.

  * * *

  The stress of sneaking out, the pain of finding the two people she loved most together, and how hard she’d run from them had completely wiped Rowan out.

  She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep until she was being picked up off the ground in pre-dawn light.

  Gage held her in his arms as he carried her out of the woods. “Don’t run, Rowan. I’ve been worried sick waitin’ for light. I-I went back to shower and get dressed. Please don’t run.”

  She kept her body stiff in his arms when only yesterday she would have given anything to find herself right here.

  “Put me down.” Her voice wasn’t as strong as she would have liked but it couldn’t be called weak either.

  His arms tightened around her. “No, Rowan, you haven’t eaten and you slept in the woods all night. You must be exhausted and sore. I just want to help you. I’m not gonna hurt you, honey.”

  She was livid.

  Through gritted teeth, she told him, “It’s too late to wor
ry about hurting me and don’t ever call me honey again.” She started to fight and gave him no choice but to put her on her feet or risk dropping her. “Why are you even here, Gage? You have one idiot girl to fuck…wanting two is just plain greedy.”

  She stormed away. Just before she hit the open area beyond the woods, Gage grabbed her arm, spun her around, and took her in his arms.

  She wasn’t expecting him to kiss her.

  For one minute, Rowan let herself imagine what it could have been like to give herself to him, to experience what she’d been dreaming of for years.

  His strong arms around her, the now familiar flavor of him, the warm masculine smell of his skin.

  Gage felt so good, so right, and she hated herself for still wanting him. She hated how much she loved the feel of him against her.

  Releasing a sigh with a soft moan, she knew he misunderstood. He thought, mistakenly, that she was giving in: as so many girls had probably given in to him over the years.

  In reality, Rowan was letting him go.

  Letting her heart break in small, jagged pieces...because she could never, ever keep him.

  Not even for a little while.

  Not after knowing he’d been with her best friend.

  Shifting her weight, she drove her thigh into his groin: not hard enough to permanently injure him but hard enough to double him over.

  Hoarse with the agony of heartbreak, struggling to hold back unfamiliar tears that wanted so badly to fall, Rowan said, “I told you not to touch me, Gage.” Watching him gasp for air, she stepped away and wrapped her arms around her upper body. “I may not be much. I come from nothing and have nothing but my word to my name.”

  Dropping her arms and straightening, she looked into his beautiful hazel eyes. They still watered from the blow she’d delivered.

  “I’m going to give you my word now, Gage. Only, unlike the word you gave me, I actually mean it.” Leaning closer, she whispered, “I will never let myself love another man. I will never weaken my heart again. I will never allow another man close enough to hurt me as you have.”

  “Rowan, please...don’t do this.”

  “I’m not stupid. It’s not like I expected you to be fucking Prince Charming. I’m no princess in a fairy tale…but I deserved better than this. I thought you were a better man and I was so wrong about you, about so many things. We’re through before we ever had a chance to get started. Have a good life, Gage. I hope to hell you grow up.”

  She turned and ran hard for the road toward the orphanage. When it came into sight, she slowed to an easy jog.

  Miss Jeffries stood on the front porch with her hand shielding her eyes from the first rays of sun on the horizon. “Hey there, Miss Rowan. You always run so pretty.” The older woman tilted her head. “Everything alright?”

  Words came in gasps from running and trying not to cry. “I-I’m alright, ma’am.”

  “Have you seen Nina, by any chance?”

  “No ma’am. I’ll run out to look for her if you need me to. I was going to shower and get ready for the bus.”

  The warmth of the woman’s genuine smile seeped through some of the hurt and the cold. Miss Jeffries was deceptively soft and sweet. The way she was hid a core of steel.

  “That’s okay. Y’all are eighteen and startin’ your new lives today. She’ll be alright. If I don’t see her by breakfast, I’ll look around myself.” Rowan walked up the porch steps, a painful lump in her throat. “Are you excited, Rowan?”

  “I’ve never been so excited to just get on with it as I am right now, Miss Jeffries.” As she said the words, she knew they were true. She hugged Miss Jeffries tight. “I’ll sure miss you and your fresh biscuits though, ma’am. I really will.”

  Dropping a quick kiss on Miss Jeffries’ wrinkled cheek, Rowan darted into the house before she started sobbing out her troubles to the one person always willing to hear them - without deception or an ulterior motive.

  Heading to her room, she gathered her belongings and packed them in the large duffel bag provided to them – funnily enough – by the Chambers family.

  Mrs. Chambers had delivered the bags packed with essentials, bus tickets, and an envelope of cash to Nina and Rowan to help them get started on the next leg of their futures.

  “Of all the girls who’ve come through this house over the years, I’ve gotten quite attached to the two of you,” Gage’s mother had told them. “I’m going to miss you both. If you ever need anything, you know the number to the house. You call and I’ll help. I mean it.”

  In unison, they’d answered, “Thank you, ma’am.”

  The woman was delicate, elegant, and one of the kindest people who ever walked the Earth. Rowan would miss her.

  Now, she worked quickly and methodically, folding each item neatly and packing it carefully. She had few belongings to her name. Once she showered in the bathroom down the hall and dressed in jeans and a Texas Rangers t-shirt, she put her dirty clothes in a plastic bag.

  She went over her half of the room she’d shared with Nina for years. Sitting at her small desk, she wrote the girl who’d been her best friend for years a letter and left it on her pillow. It made her cry because she loved Nina like a sister and didn’t want to leave things bad between them.

  The next two oldest girls would get this room as soon as she and Nina were gone. Over the years, Rowan had laughed a lot in this room. She hoped there would be much more laughter in this place in the years to come.

  Picking up the duffel bag, she went downstairs. Miss Jeffries handed her a plate with breakfast on it and Rowan sat at the little kitchen table to eat. They talked about the other girls and Rowan felt the loving chatter smooth over her frayed nerves.

  She ate quickly and washed everything she used, refilling Miss Jeffries’ cup of coffee while she drank the last of her milk.

  Taking a worn baseball cap from her back pocket, she pulled her long ponytail through it. From a small purse she’d had since she was fourteen, she pulled out her sunglasses and bus ticket, checking everything one more time before slipping the shades in place.

  Bending, she kissed Miss Jeffries’ cheek one more time. Rowan lingered, inhaling the vanilla scent of the woman who’d raised, healed, cooked, and cared for young women her entire adult life.

  Pulling back to look at the only mother figure she’d ever know, she whispered, “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me. For the big things and so many little things. If you ever need me, I’ll come back. I give you my word.”

  Miss Jeffries stroked a wrinkled hand down Rowan’s face and smiled when she leaned into it. “You’re so lovely, honey. I think you and Nina are the prettiest people I’ve ever known. I always counted on you two with the younger ones and you never let me down. I’m so proud of the young women you became. I might hold you to your promise one day.”

  “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll always come when you need me.”

  “Be careful out in the world, Rowan. I’ve worked real hard to make sure you made it to eighteen in one piece. Don’t make all my hard work count for nothin’, you hear?” Rowan shook her head with a small smile and straightened. “Goodbye, sweet girl.”

  “Goodbye, ma’am.”

  Rowan picked up her duffel bag and left the kitchen. All the younger girls were away at church camp. She’d written notes for them the day before and left them on their pillows with small gifts. Looking around her, she absorbed the feel of the place and her heart clenched in her chest, making her sigh.

  Backing through the screen door, she bumped into someone and turned. Gage stood with a pained look on his face.

  “Back for more? Move.” He stepped back and she turned, taking in the sight of Nina on the other side of the porch. “Good luck, Nina. I really loved you, girl.” Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she walked toward the steps and added, “Y’all take care.”

  “Rowan, I’m taking Nina into town. I’ll drive you. Let me do that at least.”

  Without turning back, she waved h
er hand above her head and kept walking.

  Her future was in front of her.

  Chapter Two

  1997 - 2000 Age 20 - 23

  Every time Rowan gave some idiot a chance by agreeing to a date, she regretted it. Each and every one of them reminded her why she preferred to be alone.

  Walking home from another evening of empty compliments and roaming hands, she stopped to check her mail.

  A letter from Nina.

  Heart racing, she went inside her dorm and shrugged off her jacket. Her roommate was at another pointless sorority party and probably wouldn’t show up until the following morning.

  Lowering to the edge of her bed, she stared at her name written in Nina’s bubbled handwriting. Her hand shook as she opened the envelope.

  Hi, Rowan.

  I was thinking about you again today and finally called Miss Jeffries for the right dorm information for you. I hope you don’t mind.

  I’ve been in therapy. I don’t know if it’s helping how fucked up I am but I thought it couldn’t hurt.

  I’m in New York. I work as a backup dancer at night for an off-Broadway play and as a server for an Italian restaurant during the day. I don’t mind staying busy. It keeps me out of trouble and you know I manage to get into plenty of that if left to my own devices.

  I miss you. I miss our talks - talks I never had with anyone before you or since. I miss the way you made me laugh with sarcasm and razor sharp wit.

  It’s been hard for me to write, to apologize for what I did, to tell you how much I regret all of it. I’m ashamed.

  My motives at the time seem insane now. I loved you. You loved Gage, and I didn’t want to lose you. I don’t really know what I thought would be the outcome, but I cringe when I look back on it.

  I chased him, Rowan. I knew he was desperate for you and I tempted him with every trick I’d learned until I broke him down. I was persistent, determined, and ultimately successful at making him weak. I whispered to him about keeping you, sharing you, loving you together.