The tears were cleansing more than agonizing. He held her as she wept against him and didn’t speak. After a long time, she pulled back and he wiped her tears with his thumbs.
“Thank you, Gage.”
He nodded, leaned forward to kiss her forehead, and gave her a half smile. Then he walked to his horse, jumped up in the saddle, and took off toward the road to his house.
Rowan watched him until he was out of sight.
Chapter Eighteen
2004 - Age 27
The hour she spent with Gage and his horse helped Rowan turn a corner in her grief. She found her rhythm again.
Gage spent time with her without pushing, without expectations, assuming the role he knew Bennett would have held if he’d lived. The way he was helped her heal.
It wasn’t perfect but it got better every day.
She’d lived in her house in Daingerfield for almost six months. James and Mary-Margaret closed up the estate. They’d only returned once for a charity gala she’d forgotten had been planned since before Bennett’s death.
Beginning to show in the middle of her fifth month, the gown her husband commissioned when the event was scheduled no longer fit. The seamstress had clucked over Rowan kindly and found an alternate.
She spent the evening in the company of Samuel and Monica Fields, their daughter running interference with guests who wanted Rowan’s time - or to satisfy their curiosity about her obvious pregnancy.
Watching Elliana Fields answer questions about the Jefferson charity organization made Rowan remark, “What a brilliant young woman.”
Monica smiled warmly. “She’s like you, Rowan. Loves philanthropy above all else. I’d love for you to visit Elysian Fields next year so she can pick your brain.”
“After the baby comes, I’ll make plans.”
Samuel nodded. “You’re glowing. Are you feeling okay?”
“The pregnancy has been easy. My stomach revolts now and again - just a whiff of pickles makes me gag - but it’s not unusual. A rollercoaster of emotion, naturally. Some days...” Her voice trailed away and she took several deep breaths. Then she smiled. “Some days are good, others not so much. My friends help.”
“Then keep them close and lean on them as much as you can,” Monica murmured. “You’ll be strong again before you know it, Rowan.”
She did exactly that.
Days in the country passed slowly, lazily, and Rowan appreciated the calm environment as she passed her twenty-seventh birthday and her due date in early August neared.
As she did every morning, she woke up and stared across the treetops in the direction of Gage’s house. She went through a series of gentle stretches she’d started doing when she got too uncomfortable to run.
After a shower, she dressed in a flowing sundress. One of the items of clothing able to accommodate her belly and the sweltering Texas heat.
Walking downstairs to her office, she opened her laptop and stared at an inbox holding almost two hundred new emails.
It was time to start lessening her workload. The main corporation ran itself without much involvement from her but each time she attempted to cut back the time she spent on the charity division, another needy family or shelter on the verge of closing showed up in her email.
Her substantial staff knew Rowan’s pet projects and forwarded non-association charity requests directly to her.
Mary-Margaret did her best to handle most of them but some required Rowan’s authorization or personal input. The assistant walked in with a stack of FedEx envelopes.
“Rowan…”
“I know. I was just thinking the same thing.” She sighed and tugged her lower lip between her teeth. Then she looked at the woman she trusted with her life and said, “Approve it all.” She shrugged. “I know we have a system of vetting requests but we’re going to have to wing it for a while.”
Lowering carefully into her chair, she placed her palms over her rounded stomach. “I can barely think and I’m not sleeping enough to give it the attention it needs. I’ll personally cover any mistakes we make.”
Smiling slowly, Mary-Margaret said quietly, “Focus on big picture shit.”
“Exactly.”
“Bennett trained you well, Rowan.”
“Thanks.”
Putting the envelopes on the corner of Rowan’s desk, she picked up one of her notebooks placed strategically all over the house and started making rapid notes.
“All travel has been cancelled until after the baby comes.” She looked at her watch. “Approximately thirteen days from now. Based on other new mothers, I think you should plan on six weeks of confusion, sleep deprivation, and panic.”
Rowan grinned. “I’ve been around newborns. Miss Jeffries had a teen mom at the house for a few months. I won’t panic but sleep deprivation sounds about right. Only time in school I wasn’t sure I’d pass a class. Fell asleep on my desk every damn day for weeks.”
Mary-Margaret looked up from her notes and arched her brow. “You still passed.”
“Of course. I wasn’t messing up a sterling record.”
“Have I mentioned how much I adore perfectionists?”
“A time or twenty.” Standing, Rowan felt a pinch and returned to her chair. “Move slower. I keep forgetting.” After a few deep breaths, she stood again and nodded. “Better. I’ll eat a little something then tackle these emails.”
“Uh uh. You eat. I’ll handle these and give you a rundown of anything important.”
“A lifesaver...that’s what you are, Mary-Margaret. Want some coffee?”
“I’ve already had three cups. Save me from myself.”
Giggling, Rowan walked from the room and called over her shoulder, “So...yes on the coffee.”
“Of course, darling!”
As she entered the kitchen, she looked through the big windows at the way the sun came through the trees behind the house. Instantly distracted, she walked out on the back porch. Sitting in one of the chairs with soft cushions, she zoned out on the early morning vibe.
Palms on her belly, she whispered, “Good morning, darling. It’s going to be a beautiful day. Clear and hot.”
Anxious to hold her child, Bennett’s son, every instant of happiness was bittersweet. If Bennett was still with her, she wouldn’t have a child. To have the child, she lost the man.
Sometimes, thinking about it made her want to scream.
James came out and smiled. “Good morning, Rowan. You look like you’re having some deep thoughts. How’s your little passenger today?”
“Complaining about accommodations.” He laughed and sat beside her. “I’ll be glad when this part is done. The waiting is terrible. I’ve never been so clumsy.”
“Let me tell you a story about clumsiness. After Bennett’s second divorce, he went on a drinking binge. Started around noon and didn’t stop until he couldn’t see to pour.”
“I can’t even imagine!”
The two of them talked about Bennett a lot and James helped her remember all the good things instead of dwelling on the devastation of losing him. He loved to regale her with tales of his hell-raising days.
“Drunk off his ass, he walked into the foyer, thought he was in the bathroom, and pissed in the potted plant beside the stairs. Even tried to flush.” Rowan put her hand over her mouth to hide her grin. “I go to grab him to carry his pickled ass upstairs. He tried to take a swing at me, spun in a full circle, and hit himself in the forehead.”
“No!” She braced her stomach as she laughed.
James shook his head. “Knocked himself clean out, Rowan. I shit you not. I grabbed him before he hit the floor and Mary-Margaret was laughing so hard she was zero help.”
Gasping with laughter as tears ran down her cheeks, Rowan said, “I’m going to pee myself…”
James helped her up and led her inside toward the half-bath.
Outside the door, he continued, “Next day, he had a knot the size of a golf ball on his forehead from his class ring. Looked me in
the eye and said it never happened. I told him the imprint of his alma mater said different. That was the last time he got drunk.”
Giggling as she washed her hands, she said, “Oh, James. I love the stories you and Mary-Margaret share. Love them.” Opening the door, her eyes widened. She reached out to take his hand and placed his palm on her belly. “Benji likes them, too.”
“Aw. Hello there, buddy.” A soft expression crossed his face. “This whole process is fascinating, Rowan.” Nodding, he said, “You need breakfast. Food or a protein shake?”
“A shake, I think. I feel a little too snug today for food.”
“You sit while I take care of it.”
They had a chef who lived with them but James enjoyed making breakfast. Naturally into fitness for his job, he created delicious shakes that gave Rowan the nutrients she’d been struggling to consume as her pregnancy progressed.
She scooted onto one of the bar stools to watch as he started taking ingredients out of the refrigerator, setting everything down on the big island in the center of the kitchen.
Rubbing her belly, she asked, “What are your plans today?”
“You have your final ultrasound appointment. Later, I’ll work out.” He grinned at her over the blender.
Putting her chin in her hand, she asked sweetly, “Is Nina going to work out with you, James?”
The bodyguard bobbled the bottle of juice.
Every few weeks since Rowan moved from Austin, her best friend visited from New York. Then, a few months before, Nina had wrapped her last production and moved into her old room at Miss Jeffries’ place to help with the twin girls.
Strangely, a woman who talked a lot about sexual freedom and taking what she wanted seemed to be as stuck as Rowan’s bodyguard. They were clearly attracted to one another, flirted constantly, and worked together to knock out projects.
“What exactly are you waiting for, James? You have so much in common and I know you’re attracted to each other! My lord, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife if you’re in the same room...which is constantly.”
He combined ingredients and sighed. “It’s complicated and not something you need to be worried about right now.”
“Is it the age difference? You’re almost twenty years younger than Bennett was and Nina and I are the same age.”
“It’s not that...but you do deserve your youth, Rowan.” Rowan’s eyes filled with tears and James walked around the bar. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay. You know crying is always just under the surface, waiting to wreck my makeup.”
“Bitch, you don’t wear makeup,” Nina said from the doorway. “What brought on the waterworks this time? Because girl, you have had a hair trigger for weeks.”
Pulling herself together and wiping her face, Rowan answered, “Thinking about that Folgers commercial with the brother and sister...gets me every time.”
Nina walked around and sat on the stool beside Rowan. She stared at her for a long moment and said quietly, “When you lie, you blush and look up like you’re asking forgiveness in advance. They’ve been your tells since you were twelve.”
“Um…”
“Don’t struggle.” Nina looked at James. “She asking a lot of questions?” He stared at her over Rowan without a word. “It’s likely to get worse.” She nodded at the blender. “I’ll take one of your shakes if you have enough.”
“Coming right up,” the bodyguard said quietly.
He walked around the counter and started cutting up fruit. Rowan looked back and forth between them and her eyes went wide.
“Are...you guys having sex?”
There was a thump and a sharp inhale as James muttered, “Fucking hell.”
His thumb was bleeding profusely as he dove for the paper towels and wrapped one around the wound.
It was quickly soaked in blood.
Hand over her mouth, Rowan rushed for the sink and threw up.
Nina stood between them and said, “I’m not sure who to help first here…”
“Help James,” Rowan muttered. “It just hit me wrong.”
She heard her friend say, “It’s deep, James. You might need stitches. I’ll drive you.”
Rowan rinsed her mouth. “I’m sorry, James. Blood never freaks me out.” Facing them both, she asked weakly, “Stitches, huh?”
“You up for a little drive?” Nina asked. Rowan shook her head and propped her upper body over the sink again. “Alright, let me get Mary-Margaret.” A minute later, she returned with the assistant in tow. “I’m going to check out this wound and see how bad it is. If necessary, I’ll drive him into town.” Taking his arm, she said, “Let’s go, Grace.”
They disappeared down the hall to the bedroom he slept in on the first floor.
The moment they were out of earshot, Mary-Margaret whispered, “Those two keep secrets like no one else.”
“I think they’re having sex.”
“Agreed. How’s your stomach?”
“Heaving. I need to stay here for a minute.”
There was a tap on the kitchen door and Gage opened it. “Are you alright? What happened?” Mary-Margaret filled him in and Gage walked around the island to gather Rowan’s hair off her neck. “Still queasy?” She nodded. “Let’s stay here just a minute then.”
The assistant busied herself straightening the kitchen. Then she turned to them and said, “There’s no way you’ll be able to eat for a while. You relax while I finish going through your emails, alright?”
“Thank you, Mary-Margaret,” Rowan replied weakly.
“Call me if you need me, Gage.”
“Sure thing.” He rubbed Rowan’s back gently. “Once you settle, we’ll sit on the porch while you sip some water. Just focus on breathin’.”
“Can you get my toothbrush? I feel so gross.”
“Be right back.”
Once she rinsed and brushed her teeth, Rowan felt like she could straighten. She held her stomach with one hand as she braced herself on the counter.
“Better, I think.” Smiling at him, she said, “You didn’t have to take on babysitting duty. The rest of the team is here and Mary-Margaret. I’ll be fine. Were you busy?”
“Nothin’ that can’t wait. It’s not babysittin’ duty, Rowan. I want to help. James says you’re a little skittish with the other security guys you don’t know as well yet.”
Sighing, she nodded. “Outside a few people, I don’t want anyone touching me.”
“You’re about to deliver. Feelin’ protective like moms do. It’s okay. Nothin’ to be shy about.” Putting his arm around her waist, he guided her to the porch and held her as she lowered into the chair. “Let me get you some water.”
They sat together, enjoying the silence, and watching the sun get higher in the sky.
Birds played in the little statuary bath. Bugs hopped in the grass. A stray cat stalked along the fence looking for prey.
Rowan wasn’t uncomfortable around Gage anymore but there was a persistent feeling inside her when he was close.
Like a low hum of electricity.
He checked on her every day and often kept her company. The dynamic between them was strangely familiar. They shared common bonds and history in the community. She knew his family, and they knew her.
Taking a sip of the water, she set it on the table between them. “Your mom called me last night. Told me she was getting married again.”
“I can’t believe it took those two this long to come out of the closet. They been sneakin’ around - afraid of how it would look to us boys - for a couple years.” He shook his head with a smile. “She’s known Teller for damn near forty years. He and my dad were best friends.”
“She sounded happy. Like her old self.”
“She and my dad were great together. I never saw them fight. I’m sure they did but to the world they were a unit. After he died, she could barely get out of bed for months. When she was past the worst of it, she was different.” He leaned his head agai
nst the chair. “Couple years ago, she started gettin’ her hair and nails done regular, dressin’ nice.”
“You followed her?”
“She came up with this crazy complicated lie about drivin’ up to Paris for a couple days. I got worried. Used one of the hand’s trucks so she wouldn’t recognize mine.”
He turned to her with a smile. “She got out of her car laughin’. I hadn’t seen her laugh like that in a long damn time. Teller hugged her hard then led her into a real nice restaurant. I drove home. Didn’t tell my brothers but felt better knowin’ she had somebody.”
Staring out at the trees, she said, “Tabitha has been amazing since I got back. Always assuring me that things get better by inches and then suddenly, by miles.”
“That’s how it was for her. She had a lot of years with Dad. You had less time but you sure packed a lot of love in what you got. One day, you’ll smile more, cry less, and think more about the memories than the loss.”
“Thank you, Gage.”
He stared at her without speaking for a long moment, as if he didn’t realize he was doing it. Then he murmured, “You’re a beautiful woman, Rowan. Sweet Pea used to call you a singular beauty. I never knew what she meant until recently.”
Blushing, she tried to form a response.
“Sometimes, it’s almost painful to look at you. Like I can’t get enough air, can’t think straight. You’re the only woman I ever felt like that about.”
Getting up, he knelt on the floor, his knees on either side of her bare feet. “You’re cryin’ more as your due date gets closer. Hurtin’ bad again. You pretend everything makes you emotional but that isn’t it.”
He was closer to her than usual. It made her heart pound in her chest. “I’m alright,” she whispered.
“You’re not alright...and that’s alright. I think I know somethin’ that might help. Close your eyes, Rowan.”
After a long hesitation, she did.
Gage placed his palms on either side of her pregnant belly. The contact startled her but she kept her eyes closed.
As he so often did, he helped her disconnect, to relax, to zone out in a way she couldn’t do with anyone else.
Coming Home: The Damaged Series - Book Three Page 16
