Coming Home: The Damaged Series - Book Three

by Shayne McClendon

  “Yes, thank you. Thank you so much.” Rowan sobbed in relief as she held her baby close.

  Blotting her eyes, Mary-Margaret said, “I told you all would be well.”

  Sniffing as she looked into her son’s sweet face, Rowan laughed. “You did. You were right as usual.”

  A few days later, she began to have strange dreams that bordered on nightmares. Dreams that made her wonder if Bennett hadn’t placed his soul inside their son when he died. It seemed ridiculous, but painful sensations of guilt and confusion stayed with her when she woke.

  It was early morning and still quiet. Another nightmare woke her before dawn and she did what she could to stay busy until the rest of the house started their day.

  Rowan tucked her breast into the nursing bra and lifted Benji to her chest to burp him. Once he gave her a good one, she lowered him to her lap to check his diaper.

  Stroking through his dark hair, she murmured, “I hope you get your father’s beautiful green eyes, darling.”

  Benji rarely cried but stared at Rowan with such intensity that it made her zone out. Shaking herself from her strange introspection, she started to cry. Holding him to her chest, patting his back, she tried to get herself under control.

  Every day since his birth, she experienced painful crying jags that shook her foundation for hours. She’d hoped things would improve after her six-week checkup, but didn’t mention her stress to her doctor when the man gave her a clean bill of health.

  Gage walked on eggshells around her and Rowan knew he believed she had second thoughts after their time together.

  Rowan needed him desperately but didn’t want to tell him all the thoughts in her head. Even she considered them insane.

  Placing Benji in his bassinet, she told him, “Just a moment, darling. Let Mommy pull herself together.”

  She washed her face and struggled for calm. Carrying her son downstairs, she sat on the porch to watch the sunrise.

  Turning Benji in her arms so he could see the sky change colors, she explained, “I’ve always loved watching the sun come up. It makes me feel like anything is possible.” She smiled. “Do you know that your father had never watched it until he met me? He loved to sleep late.”

  Gurgling, her son looked up at her.

  “I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what to do, darling. If I tell anyone, they’ll think I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have…”

  “You haven’t lost your mind, sweetheart.” Gage’s voice from the other side of the porch startled a small scream from her. “I knew I should have pushed.”

  He slipped from Teddy’s saddle and dropped the reins over the rail. Coming up the steps, he knelt on the floor in front of them.

  He grinned at Benji. “Young man, you’re gettin’ bigger by the minute. Come here.” Gage took Benji from Rowan’s arms. He was holding her son. It was the first time since the day he delivered him. “Your mama has been real quiet. I thought it was me but now I understand.”

  “I-I didn’t mean to keep him from you,” she said weakly.

  “Childbirth is hard and emotional. You’d already been through a lot before this guy entered the world. I wanted to give you space and time to adjust. At the time, it felt strange pushin’ myself into things. I saw your light before dawn again this mornin’ and knew somethin’ wasn’t right.”

  “I think…” She stopped and gathered her courage to say the words she hadn’t said aloud to anyone. Staring at her son, she whispered, “I think it’s Bennett...that Benji has Bennett’s soul.” Lifting her eyes, she hated the tears. “My-my dreams are awful. I can’t sleep and I-I’m crying all the time. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

  Gage stared at her for a long moment. “Oh, honey.” Leaning forward, he hugged her with Benji between them. “I shoulda come sooner. I’m sorry.” As she sobbed, he held the back of her head.

  “What happened?” James asked from the kitchen door.

  “Gonna need you to take this little man, James,” Gage answered. “Let me spend some time talkin’ with Rowan.”

  The bodyguard frowned. “Are you alright?”

  She shook her head but couldn’t speak. Gage explained, “I think she’s sufferin’ from postpartum depression and her guilt is givin’ her nightmares that Bennett put his soul in their child when he died.”

  “What…?” James crouched beside the chair and said gently, “Benji just senses your sadness. This is Bennett’s son, not Bennett. Just like his father, the happiness of others is critical to him.”

  “I’m so confused. So tired.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were struggling?” Holding out his hands, James took Benji from Gage and stood. “We have breast milk in the fridge. Go with Gage, Rowan.”

  “I-I can’t…”

  “You can. You haven’t taken a break since he was born but we thought you were just being a typical new mom. Give yourself the day with Gage. Talk, cry, sleep, whatever. We can handle anything Benji needs. The team will keep an eye on you from a distance. You need a minute, Rowan.” He walked inside and said over his shoulder, “Taking him with me now so you have no choice.”

  The door closed and she stared at it in confusion.

  Gage got to his feet and lifted Rowan to hers. Rowan took in his shaggy hair, hazel eyes, and lean body in jeans and a button-down shirt. He wore worn cowboy boots on his feet.

  There were few things in the world as beautiful as Gage Chambers just being the man he’d always been.

  Taking her hand, he led her to Teddy and she was stiff as he lifted her into the saddle. After he mounted behind her, she leaned against him as he slipped his forearm around her waist.

  “All you gotta do is breathe, Rowan. I’ll keep you safe.”

  Clucking to the horse, Gage rode out of the yard. He walked Teddy slowly along the shoulder of the road. She heard the ATVs her men used to check the boundaries and appreciated that they kept their distance.

  At her ear, he said, “All my brothers started businesses of their own years before we lost Dad. When he passed, I was still out in the apartment over the barn.”

  She listened but didn’t speak. The early summer morning was beautiful and Rowan realized she hadn’t enjoyed such a thing in weeks.

  “I moved into the main house after Mama moved out. I’m the only one workin’ the cattle ranch anymore. Dad left it to me since he knew the others didn’t want it.”

  Gage rode through the smaller gate into the main yard of the Chambers’ house. It was still as pretty as she remembered it: a huge two-story plantation-style with lots of windows and a porch that wrapped all the way around it.

  Swinging down from the saddle, he reached up and she put her hands on his shoulders to be lifted down. When she was on her feet, he took her hand and led her up the porch steps.

  He opened one of the double doors and tugged her into the foyer. Her first impression was one of warm woods and bright sunlight.

  “You renovated…” she said softly.

  “I wanted to brighten up the wood, the paint. Make it feel different from when I was a kid without losin’ the history.”

  “It’s beautiful, Gage.”

  He raked his long fingers through his hair. “Time for a tour.” Room by room, he pointed out things he thought she’d find interesting.

  The place was more than a hundred years old and huge. A library, formal dining room, enormous kitchen, two living rooms, two small bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a large laundry area made up the first floor.

  “Mama had a housekeeper and a cook who lived in these two rooms downstairs. Dad added extra bathrooms when I was a boy. The man who took care of the grounds and drove us sometimes lived above the barn in the other apartment my folks made. Now they live at her new place with Teller.”

  He stepped through a set of French doors in the dining room and the wide porch extended to a huge deck that led down into a fenced back yard.

  On one side was a pool and on the other was a children’s play area, comp
lete with an enormous fort and tire swings. “My brothers and I played out here for hours. Mama watched us from her office in the library.”

  Back inside, they went upstairs where there were six bedrooms. “This suite was where our nanny slept. It has its own bathroom and that door connects to the nursery. Each of us slept in the nursery until we were two. Then we got our own rooms.”

  Continuing down the hall he said, “That door leads to the attic. Part of it is enclosed storage and the rest is a game room. It’s pretty hot since I haven’t aired it out or turned the AC on but I’ll show you that later.”

  At the end of the hall was a set of double doors. Pushing them open, he told her, “This was my parents’ bedroom and I moved in a while after Mama got her own place It covers one whole end of the house. It has a seatin’ area, huge closets, an enormous bathroom I remodeled last year, and another little office. The fireplaces all work. There’s one here and three downstairs.”

  Walking to the seating area that looked out on the backyard and woods beyond, Gage pointed at the tree line through the large windows. “At night, I can see the lights on in your room.” He grinned. “Sounds creepy, I know.”

  “I can see yours, too,” she admitted softly.

  Turning fully to her, he asked, “Do you like the house?”

  Rowan nodded. “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen so much of it but I’ve always liked it. You must have been very happy here growing up.”

  “I was.” Gage stroked his hand over her head. “I called about addin’ more security, Rowan. The technicians will be here this week to talk about everything I might need.”

  “More security? It’s Daingerfield…”

  “Keepin’ you and Benji safe is a little different than what it takes for average folks, Rowan.” She blinked several times, unsure what to say. “There’s plenty of room for Mary-Margaret to have her own suite with an office.”

  “Gage…?”

  “I’ve been talkin’ to James about the team that protects you. The space above the barn will work for now but we’ll need more long-term. I thought he and Nina could stay in your house. We can make a path through the trees to connect them. I know your place is crazy secure and I get why...but I also think there are ways to make this house work. We have tornado bunkers and tunnels from here to the barn.”

  “I don’t...what?” Her heart raced.

  “There’s plenty of room for the staff you have and the staff you’ll need. James can watch over you durin’ the day while I’m workin’ and the others can cover nights. We’ll figure it all out together. Whatever you need, Rowan.”

  She rubbed her temple. “You realize I’ve gone crazy, right?”

  “Nah, sweetheart. You’re just dealin’ with sadness after givin’ birth. A lot of women have that. My sister-in-law couldn’t get outta bed for weeks after her third baby. Hell, I even see it with the cows sometimes. A little talkin’, maybe an antidepressant or somethin’, you start runnin’ again, and your mind and body will balance.”

  Twisting her hands in front of her, she said, “I was afraid to tell anyone.”

  “Rowan, it’s okay. Considerin’ how Benji came to be, how much you loved Bennett, it seems a pretty short leap to thinkin’ his soul is in your boy.” He held her shoulders. “He’s not, Rowan. James had it right. I think Benji is sensitive to how you feel, pickin’ up on your sadness and fear. One day at a time.”

  “When did you start thinking about all of this?”

  “Since you pulled up to check on Miss Jeffries.” Her eyes widened and he pushed her hair over her shoulder. “I know this isn’t what you had when you were with Bennett. I also know it was never about money for you. Not with me the first time and not with him.”

  “I don’t care about money…”

  He grinned. “You got more now than my family could make in ten lifetimes but you don’t need it. I’ll take care of anything you need.”

  Walking to the bed, he opened the nightstand drawer and took out a little box. Turning, he held it out on his palm.

  “I’m tired of livin’ without you, Rowan. I need you in my house while you do your charity work and we raise our kids. In my bed every night. I’m askin’ now but I don’t expect you to marry me anytime soon. I get it...I just want you to wear my ring while I show you how happy you can be.”

  Shaking, she opened the box and gazed in wonder at the ring inside. A platinum band with an intricate setting of diamonds and sapphires. It was stunningly beautiful.

  “Isn’t that…Sweet Pea’s ring?”

  Nodding, he told her, “It’s been in my family for four generations.” He winked. “Sweet Pea was said to be somethin’ of a clairvoyant. That July Fourth wasn’t the first time I noticed you...it was years before. You were sittin’ with Sweet Pea for hours and I watched the way your hair moved in the breeze. You wore shorts and a t-shirt, runnin’ shoes.” He chuckled. “You were always in runnin’ shoes.”

  “Y-you remember what I was wearing?”

  “I stripped that outfit off you in my head for a long damn time. My mom got in my line of sight and told me you were too young for me to be lookin’ at like that and she’d whoop my ass if I so much as leaned too close.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I think I growled at her.”

  “Growled?”

  “You made me desperate. Always have, always will. After everything happened, it took me a while to confess everything to Mama. She gave me a tongue-lashin’ like you never heard. Said I got what I deserved and if I ever got another chance, try not to mess up the only girl I dated worth a damn.”

  “I really like Tabitha.”

  “She likes you, too.”

  Rowan tilted her head, looking at a spot on the wall. “Sweet Pea read my palm that day. Said I’d have pretty babies and asked me a lot of questions about myself.”

  She swallowed hard. “She told me I’d have my heart broken twice but it would be worth it because every woman should experience a broken heart to appreciate good love.”

  “I hated bein’ your broken heart.”

  Smiling up at him, she said, “Sweet Pea mentioned you were still too much of a boy but if I gave you time, you’d be a real good man.” She stared at him, “I was embarrassed because I didn’t want anyone to know about the raging crush I had on you. I changed the subject.”

  Reaching in the drawer again, he withdrew a small linen envelope with old-fashioned handwriting on the front.

  “When you came back, Mama took this ring and note out of the safe.” He handed it to her and she withdrew the heavy paper inside.

  Gage, you must be ready to grab what you really need with both hands. Rowan’s roots are strong and she’s going to love the spring after some harsh winters. I’m glad you’ll be there for the blooming. You’ll be a fine husband and father. Tell her she’s to keep her promise - she’ll know which one. Sweet Pea

  The page shook in her hand.

  “What promise, Rowan?”

  “The-the one I made to Bennett...to love again.” Reaching up, she slipped her palm along his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

  Then they were pulling at each other’s clothes. When they were naked, Gage picked her up and lowered her to the bed. He followed her down and Rowan’s legs wrapped around his waist. Positioning himself, he drove deep and strong.

  She kissed him and tightened her hold to bring him closer. Her feet pulled him hard into her and he increased the power of his thrusts, pushing her desperation higher.

  The first time she came, it hit her suddenly, her upper body slamming into his as she screamed his name.

  Gage didn’t give her time to think and she didn’t want it. He kept going and her mind didn’t get a chance to doubt what she wanted, what she needed.

  Running both hands under her back, he gripped her shoulders from behind and drove into her without mercy as Rowan dug her nails into his ass.

  Bracing one leg on the bed, she shoved, rolling them over. Her hands hold
ing herself up on Gage’s chest, she stared at him as she moved.

  His hands dropped to her hips. “I’m never gonna last seein’ you over me like this.” She moved her palm over his heart and felt the strong thump under the skin. As she raised her gaze, he smiled. He covered her hand with his. “Yes, Rowan. I can feel your body tightenin’. I want to see it.”

  Head dropping back on her shoulders, she let the pleasure take her. It was the freest she’d ever felt.

  When it let her go, she placed her hands on either side of his head and bent to kiss him. “Come for me, Gage.”

  He thrust hard three times and came roaring her name, his hands gripping her hips hard enough to bruise.

  Sitting up, he devoured her mouth before rolling them again. Staring into her face, he said, “I love you, Rowan. I’ll love you hard every day for the rest of my life.”

  Rowan stroked her hands over him, kneading his muscles, and lightly scraping her nails on his skin. Again and again, she brought him back to her mouth and held him to her.

  Finally, she whispered, “I’ve loved you forever, it seems.” She kissed him slow and steady. She placed her palm over the steady beat of his heart while he stroked her hair.

  “I’m healthy and strong, Rowan. I’ll have a check-up every six months so you don’t worry.”

  “Three…” she whispered. Soaking up the warmth of his skin, she told him, “Life is funny sometimes. The night I went to the barn was the first time I saw a naked man, the night Bennett died was the second, and the day Benji was born was the third. I got a late start on all of this.”

  “We’ll make up for lost time, Rowan.”

  Smiling against his skin, she tugged his nipple gently between her teeth, sucked it, and licked it before moving to the other and repeating her attention.

  Gage’s hands fisted in her hair and he breathed shallowly. Her hands never stopped moving on him as her mouth made its exploration.

  Crawling further down his body, she kissed over each rib and the sculpted lines of his abs. When her tongue licked around his belly button, he sucked air hard through his teeth. Further down, she kissed the lines of his hip and across his pelvis.