American Monsters

by Derek Landy

  “I hate Uriah.”

  “I don’t know him myself. Kelly’s the fan.”

  “So six Dark Places viewers who shipped Gideon and Uriah in their fan fiction are dead,” said Amber. “What is it, the work of a prudish, serial-killer uberfan?”

  “Oh, Aaliyah Brewer is much, much more than that,” Warrick replied. “She’s a dead, prudish, serial-killer uberfan.”

  “Like, back-from-the-dead dead or …?”

  “Nope,” said Warrick, “we’re talking a real-live g-g-g-g-ghost. Well, a real dead one. Actually, no, a dead person would be a live ghost, right? So, yeah, a real-live ghost. We think she travels through the internet.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Scary, isn’t it?”

  “I’ll say.”

  “Think of everything she’s seen. The GIFs. The cat pictures. The porn.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah,” said Warrick.

  “But, if she travels through the internet, why are you here?”

  “Because,” Warrick said, handing Amber a convention flier, “the notoriously reclusive author of the Dark Places books is going to be doing an online Q&A from here later today. This’ll be the first time she’s been near a Wi-Fi signal in three years.”

  “Annalith Symmes is here? In the building?”

  Warrick rolled his eyes. “Focus, Amber. Ghost killer, remember?”

  Amber nodded and looked at the author’s photograph. “You think Brewer will go after Symmes? Why?”

  “Kelly says there’s a line in the books about Uriah and Gideon locking eyes, and that’s really been the cause of all this.”

  “It was a hot moment,” Amber said.

  “So, yeah, we think Brewer will go after her.”

  “Amber!” said a voice in the crowd, and a moment later Linda emerged, and gave Amber a hug.

  “Hey,” said Amber in response. She smiled at Ronnie as he joined them. “Hi.”

  “Yeah,” Ronnie said.

  “Come on, man,” said Warrick, “you can try to be a little friendly.”

  “Hmm? Oh yeah, sorry,” Ronnie said, and gave Amber an uncertain smile. “How’ve you been?”

  “I’ve been good,” said Amber. “You okay? I understand that the chances of this are actually pretty high, but you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Uh, he just got some news, actually,” said Linda, and she turned to Warrick. “I’m leaving.”

  Amber winced to herself, and stepped out of the conversation.

  “Where are you going?” Warrick asked.

  “No,” said Linda, “I’m not leaving the building, I’m leaving, you know … the gang.”

  Warrick frowned. “Our gang? This gang?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “As soon as we finish up here,” Linda said. “This’ll be my last case.”

  Warrick stared at her. “Why?”

  “I just need to do something different with my life.”

  “Is it me?” Warrick asked. “Is it something I said?”

  “No,” Linda said quickly. “God, no, of course not. I’ve just come to the end of my time here.”

  “But … I don’t understand. Was it Desolation Hill? Was it the haunted cabin in the woods?”

  “It was neither of them,” she said. “Well, neither and both and, and everything. I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”

  “This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

  “Because you’re not me, Warrick.”

  “But we share things,” he said. “Stories, secrets, toothbrushes …”

  “You’ve been using my toothbrush?”

  He ignored the question. “Why are you leaving? We make such a good team.”

  “I’ve tried that,” Ronnie said dismally. “You’re not going to change her mind.”

  “I’m sorry, Warrick,” said Linda.

  Warrick shook his head defiantly. “Have you told Kelly? Kelly will talk you out of it.”

  “Kelly knows.”

  He went back to looking incredibly sad. “She does?”

  “She’s the first one I told.”

  “Well, what are we doing that you don’t agree with? We’ll stop doing it, we will. Is it Two? Are you sick of him humping your head while you sleep?”

  Linda frowned. “I didn’t know he did that.”

  “He doesn’t,” Warrick said immediately.

  “Well, it isn’t Two,” she said. “I’ve never loved any animal as much as I love that dumb dog. And it isn’t anything you’ve done, either. I just need to stop this. I need to have a normal life now.”

  “But normal’s so boring.”

  “I’m in the mood for boring.”

  “But that’s like being in the mood for vegetarian quiche. I mean, what’s the point?”

  “It’s just something I feel I have to do, Warrick. It’s been on my mind for a while now and I think it’s best to quit while I’m ahead, before the … oh, please don’t cry.”

  Warrick turned away. Linda wrapped her arm round his shoulders.

  “I’ll keep in touch,” she said softly. “I’m not going to vanish from your life forever …”

  Amber looked at Ronnie. “So … serial-killer ghost, huh?”

  “Yeah,” Ronnie said. “That’s why you’re here?”

  She shook her head. “Parents.”

  “If I see them, you’re the first one I call.”

  She smiled and nodded, and Linda was still comforting Warrick so she said, “Need any help with the ghost?”

  “Naw, we can handle it,” said Ronnie. “Is Milo with you?”

  “Searching the crowds.”

  “Cool. Kelly’s somewhere around here.”

  “So Warrick was saying.”

  “She’s probably at one of the panels.”

  “Wouldn’t be surprised.”

  A few awkward moments passed. “If you wanted to say hi, I’m sure she’d be pleased to see you.”

  “Yeah,” Amber said, offering a fake smile, “maybe. Heard anything from Austin?”

  Ronnie brightened at the prospect of something else to talk about. “Just talking to him yesterday, actually. His parents are acting happy families, his teachers give him great grades for barely trying, and the entire population of Desolation Hill is doing its best to carry on with life as normal, while at the same time coping with the implications of no more Hell Nights. Remember the Party-Monster and Dave?”

  “I remember being told about them.”

  “Dave got bitten by a rabid squirrel and didn’t tell anyone. They found him in bed a few days later, curled up like a pretzel.”

  “Jesus.”

  “The Party-Monster got himself trapped in a coffin as part of a prank that nobody else knew about. That was on a Thursday. They found him the following Tuesday. He did not survive the ordeal.”

  “They both managed to get themselves killed in such a short space of time?”

  “I know what you’re thinking. Foul play, right? Nope. Lucy Thornton looked into it, and came up with the cause of death as being sheer stupidity in both cases.”

  “Wow.”

  “Looks like she’s gonna be elected Chief of Police, by the way.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  They nodded, looked around at all the Dark Places fans passing.

  “Lot of odd-looking people here,” Ronnie said.

  Amber chuckled. “Yeah.”

  They kept looking at passers-by, long after it started getting weird.

  “Well,” she said, “I’ve gotta go find my parents. If I don’t see Kelly, um, tell her I said hi, okay?”

  “I will,” said Ronnie. “Oh, and Amber? I know she seems hard as nails, and she is, but she’s been through a pretty rough few years and …”

  “Yes?”

  “Please don’t break her heart.”

  Amber blinked, and nodded, and walked away.

  SHE SEARCHED.

  Her
parents would stand out in a place like this. Tall and gorgeous, well-dressed and seemingly respectable, the lowly masses would give them a wide berth even in this jam-packed hall.

  Amber wiped the perspiration from her forehead. It was sweltering in here, and frustrating for someone of her height. All she saw were torsos and the backs of heads. She tried to slip out of the surging current, but it snagged her back in and took her with it to the next corner. She edged to her right and stepped into the flow moving in the opposite direction, was greeted by a dozen muttered curses and then a slender, tattooed arm reached out, took her hand, and pulled her into an empty stand.

  Kelly frowned at her. “What are you doing here?”

  That was it. No greeting, no smile …

  “Parents,” said Amber, wiping her forehead again.

  “Your parents are here?” Kelly asked. “Why?”

  “I don’t know yet,” Amber said. “I couldn’t even begin to imagine what goes on in their heads.”

  Kelly, her face a little flushed, her red hair a little mussed, was wearing an old Dark Places T-shirt with spots of fresh blood quickly drying.

  “Uh, you okay?” said Amber. “Is that your blood?”

  “No,” said Kelly, “not mine.”

  Amber nodded. “I was talking to the others. They told me about Brewer. You really think she lives in the internet?”

  “That’s how she travels. It’s not how she kills.”

  “Oh?”

  “Three people just attacked me in the bathroom,” Kelly said, “one after the other. They were all her.”

  Amber frowned. “I’m not sure I understand … Are you talking about cosplayers?”

  “She infects people, Amber,” Kelly said. “That’s the only explanation. Her consciousness leaps from a wireless device into a living host. She possesses them, and she can hop from one to the other. Through touch, I think. Basically, it means that anyone here could be Brewer. Including you.”

  Amber raised her eyebrows. “Me? Wow. Well, I guess that’s true, if she can possess people. It’s not, though. I mean, I’m not. Her.”

  “Though that is exactly what she’d say,” said Kelly.

  “Crap, yeah,” Amber responded. “Or she could be you. I mean, let’s not forget that.”

  Kelly shook her head. “She wouldn’t be me.”

  “You don’t know that.” “Yes, I do.”

  Amber narrowed her eyes. “But isn’t that just what she’d say?”

  “I’m not her, Amber, because, if I were, I wouldn’t have told you about her being able to possess people, now would I?”

  “Oh,” Amber said. “I guess not.”

  “So Brewer isn’t me, but she could be you.”

  “I don’t think she’d be as confused as me, though.”

  “You might just be pretending to be confused.”

  “Why?”

  “To … what? To try to fool me.”

  “Oh,” said Amber. “Yeah. Sorry, I forgot what we were talking about for a moment. So you’re not her, and I know that I’m not her, so at least we’re okay.”

  “No, Amber, see, I don’t know that you’re not her.”

  “But I do.”

  “And that doesn’t make any difference to me.”

  Amber thought about it. “Okay, how about this. Come over here.”

  She led Kelly out of the stand, away from the main throng of people, and through a set of fire doors into the empty corridor beyond. Amber turned Kelly to face the wall, and stepped up close, shifting as she did so. She tapped Kelly’s shoulder with her talons, and then reverted.

  “What’s this supposed to prove?” Kelly asked.

  “If I were Brewer,” said Amber, “and you’re the only one who knows I can swap bodies, I’d take the opportunity to kill you right here, wouldn’t I?”

  “I guess so,” said Kelly, and turned.

  Amber smiled. “So we both know the other is who they say they are. That’s good news. Although … I mean, Jesus, Kelly, if I had been Brewer, I could have killed you right there. It was pretty silly of you to let me take you to a secluded corner like this.”

  “Yeah, well,” Kelly said with an irritable shrug, “I guess I still like you, then.”

  “You do?”

  “Even though nothing’s gonna happen while you’re the Devil’s lapdog. So are you?”

  “Am I what?”

  “The Devil’s lapdog.”

  Amber made a face. “I’m still Astaroth’s representative, if that’s what you—”

  “It is.”

  “Oh. Then, yeah, still the Devil’s lapdog.”

  “Thought so,” Kelly said, walking back to the hall.

  Amber caught up with her as she went through the fire doors. “But I’m still me, Kelly. I haven’t changed.”

  “Yet,” Kelly said. “But it’s only a matter of time.”

  “You said that, next time we met, we might be enemies,” Amber said. “Do you think we’re enemies now?”

  Kelly hesitated. “No.”

  “Then I can help you.”

  “You’ve got your own stuff going on.”

  “My parents want me to walk into a trap. Helping you will delay that. It might even mean I don’t walk into it at all. They couldn’t have planned for me meeting you here. I can help you, Kelly, if you’ll let me.”

  Kelly grunted. “Yeah, whatever.”

  Despite the churning in her gut, demanding that she pursue her parents, Amber brightened. “I can help?”

  “Sure,” said Kelly. “We’re looking for a needle, and the haystack is every single person in this convention centre apart from you and me.”

  Amber observed the crowd. “How did you find her last time?”

  “She chews her top lip,” said Kelly. “Practically every picture on Brewer’s Facebook page has her chewing her top lip. She does it when she’s nervous, excited, angry … pretty much all the time, according to her Instagram, too. I went to the VIP section, saw a dude hanging around, chewing his lip the same way, went up and asked him some questions and he bolted.”

  “Good detective work.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s what you have to look out for.”

  “So we’re looking for a lip-chewer? In a crowd of thousands?”

  “We’re not going to be examining every single person, Amber. We’re going to go back to the VIP area and stand guard.”

  Amber nodded. “That’d make sense. Okay then, let’s go.”

  She went to move off, but Kelly put a hand on her arm. “We’re going to have to be careful. She possesses people through touch.”

  “So we can’t let anyone touch us?” Amber asked, frowning. “This place is packed.”

  “Hence the careful part.”

  “You better call the others and warn them.”

  “No calls,” Kelly said sharply. “We won’t know if it’ll be a friend who answers the phone, or Brewer.”

  “Balls.”

  “Yeah.”

  Amber took another look at the crowd. “Okay, this is getting creepier.”

  “Stay close to me.”

  Doing their very best to avoid contact with the crowd, Amber and Kelly kept to the wall, stepping over the outstretched legs of cosplayers and the backpacks of fans.

  “You still you?” Kelly asked.

  “Yep,” said Amber. “You?”

  “Still me.”

  They came to a cordoned-off section of the hall within which were the partitioned walls that made up the VIP area. Staff members in convention T-shirts with lanyards around their necks stood ready to intercept any naïve fan who thought they could sneak into the temporary den of the stars.

  “We could probably sneak in,” said Amber.

  “We’re not going to do that.”

  “But Aaliyah might already be inside. She could be possessing one of the actors. We should sneak in and make sure they’re okay.”

  “We don’t have passes, Amber.”

  “So? We’re not
like these other fans, are we? We’re resourceful. You’re a ninja. I’m a demon.”

  “I’m not a ninja.”

  “But you can beat people up.”

  “I’m not going to beat up convention staff.”

  “I’m not saying beat them up, I’m just saying … We have skills. Surely we can use them to get by a few clueless volunteers?”

  “Okay,” said Kelly. “How?”

  Amber looked around. There was one entrance to the VIP enclosure. It was guarded by two staff members.

  “I don’t know,” she confessed.

  Kelly sighed. “Come on,” she said, taking Amber’s hand. They left the hall, headed down a corridor towards the restrooms, then took the fire escape outside. The cooler air dried the perspiration on Amber’s forehead as they walked round the side of the building.

  “So how have you been?” Amber asked.

  Kelly let go of her hand. “Fine.”

  Amber wished she hadn’t said anything now. She liked it when Kelly held her hand.

  “There,” Kelly said. Ahead of them was an open door, guarded by a single staff member. “That’s the back way into the VIP section. You distract the guard and I’ll sneak in.”

  “How do I distract him?” Amber asked. “You want me to wave? Juggle something?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “How do I distract him?”

  Kelly stared at her. “You can engage him in a ridiculous conversation, Amber. Like the one we’re having now. You’re really good at that.”

  “I don’t know,” Amber said. “I don’t think I’ll be very good at it.”

  “Jesus, Amber, you just have to make him look the other way for ten seconds while I sneak in behind him. You can do that. Anyone could do that. A child could do that.”

  “Well, of course a child could do it,” Amber said. “Children are cute and adorable. If they fall over, you run to help them up. When I fall over, he’ll just frown at me.”

  “Why … dear God, Amber, why would you fall over?”

  “To … to distract him. No?”

  “All you have to do is ask him if he’s got the time. Falling over is not required.”

  “Oh,” said Amber. “Oh yeah. That’s a good idea. But then, wait, how do I get in?”

  “You don’t,” said Kelly. “One of us inside is all that’s needed.”