by Noelle Adams
“I guess it’s not surprising a mom wouldn’t want us sleeping in the same room.” There was a teasing lilt to her voice.
“Actually, she doesn’t mind about that. She’s pretty laid-back about sex.” Carter’s expression was sober but also soft. It was clear that he loved his mother. “She just prides herself on being a good hostess, and she’d never want to assume anything about the sleeping arrangements or put us on the spot. She’ll probably put you in the room that connects to mine, so we can sleep together or not without any big deal.”
Ruth laughed. “Very convenient. I really like her, by the way.”
“Yeah?” He didn’t take a step or anything, but it somehow felt like he moved closer to her.
“Yeah. She’s kind of unorthodox, but I like that in people. When they surprise me.”
“She used to be more traditional. Quieter. I think...” He glanced down as he trailed off.
“You think what?”
“I think my dad kind of held her back. She seems... It sounds like a terrible thing to say, but I think she’s happier now that he’s dead.” He darted a quick look up, like he was checking her reaction.
“Yeah,” she replied softly. “I can see that. I don’t think it’s terrible. He was pretty forceful, wasn’t he?”
“Yes. He was.”
She knew Carter still had a lot of emotional scars from his relationship with his father. In fact, many of them probably hadn’t healed yet. He wasn’t meeting her eyes right now, and his shoulders looked stiff beneath the soft brown sweater he wore. She reached to stroke his upper arm for a minute, squeezing it before she dropped her hand. She wasn’t sure what to say, so she didn’t say anything.
Carter swallowed and lifted his face, his expression returning to normal. “Well, I guess Kayla’s waiting for you, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. I should only be a couple of hours. She loves the cheese fries at Miller’s, so we usually just go there. They’re always open on Thanksgiving.”
“Okay.” He stood still. Didn’t step back or turn toward the house.
“Okay.” She was irrationally self-conscious. She shifted from foot to foot.
“Okay.” It was like he was waiting for something.
So she blurted out what she wanted to say, whether it was wise or not. “Did you want to come with me?” As soon as the question left her lips, she regretted it. Of course he wasn’t going to want to come get cheese fries with her and a teenage girl he didn’t know on Thanksgiving after a huge gourmet meal. Now she’d made it awkward. Like she was hoping for more from him than they’d agreed. “Not that you—”
“Do you think she’d mind?”
“What?” Ruth had no idea what was happening.
“Do you think she’d mind?” Carter repeated gently. “If I come with you. Would it bother her to have me tagging along?”
“Oh. No. Of course not.” A knot of tension had exploded in her chest, spilling something like joy out to flood her body. “You’re more than welcome, if you want. Not that you have to. But she’d probably like to meet you.” She paused for a moment before she admitted, “I told her the truth. About us. I hope that’s all right. But she was getting too excited about it, and I didn’t want her to be disappointed when it... it didn’t work out. She’s not going to tell anyone. I promise.”
“That’s fine,” Carter murmured without any hesitation. “It makes sense. The truth is I’d feel kind of guilty about lying to an innocent teenage girl.”
“I was feeling guilty too. And now she thinks it’s the best fun she’s ever heard of, so she’d love it if you want to come with us.”
“I will.” He glanced over at her car, which they’d been standing beside the whole time. “You want to drive? Or should I?”
“She’d probably prefer your car since it’s so much fancier than mine. It would give her a treat.”
Carter chuckled at that, and he was still smiling as they got into his expensive SUV and drove away.
TWO HOURS LATER, THEY were sitting in a booth at Miller’s. They were the only ones at the local diner, and the cook had given them each a free piece of pie after they’d finished their cheese fries.
Kayla was obviously having a great time. Her pale skin was flushed with pleasure, and she seemed to have bloomed under the attention she was getting. Carter was kind and funny, and he kept asking her questions about herself in such a mild way that she opened up easily and naturally.
Kayla had a very different personality than Ruth, but she was just as guarded as Ruth had been at her age. She didn’t expect dreams to come true. She assumed people would disappoint her. She trusted very few people, just like Ruth. So it felt like a miracle that she’d let down her guard with Carter. Ruth kept watching in awe. She had no idea how it was even happening.
Carter was obviously making an effort with Kayla, but he wasn’t playing a role or pretending to be something he wasn’t. Kayla would have recognized that immediately, exactly as Ruth would have. He was being himself. And evidently he genuinely wanted to get to know Kayla and make sure she had a good time tonight.
It went to Ruth’s head like too much wine.
She kept telling herself that Carter was truly a nice guy. A rare breed. He would have done this for anyone. It wasn’t about her. By the time they finished their pie and coffee, she was having to mentally scream at herself to remember that fact.
She couldn’t start hoping for something that would never happen. She’d been down that road far too many times before, and she wasn’t going to do it again.
She wasn’t going to fool herself into believing a relationship that wasn’t real. She wasn’t going to get needy or clingy. She was going to remain who she really was. Independent. Strong. Mature.
Despite her mental gymnastics, she was feeling far too soft and tender when they got up to leave, and no self-warnings about the danger of those feelings were making a dent in them. Carter casually put his hand on the small of her back as they walked through the parking lot to his car. The move surprised her, but a quick glance at his face proved he wasn’t even aware of doing it.
He wasn’t intentionally touching her. It must just be natural to him, which meant it didn’t mean what she might want it to mean. It still felt nice. Protective. She didn’t like how her back felt without his hand when he walked around to the other side of the car.
When they returned to the house, he got out and walked Kayla to her front door, a gesture that obviously thrilled the girl. Ruth was smiling like a sap—like a dope—when he came back and climbed behind the steering wheel.
He arched his eyebrows. “What?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being so good to Kayla. It meant a lot to her.”
A slow frown lowered on his face. “What did I do?”
“Are you serious? You talked to her. Listened to her. Treated her special. Acted like she was a human being with value. She hasn’t had a lot of that in her life.”
Carter was still frowning, but it was different now. More dangerous. He hadn’t yet taken the car out of park, and his eyes were focused on the small house in the dark of the evening. “Her father and brothers don’t—”
“They don’t hurt her. I promise they don’t. I know you’re worried about the situation. So am I. But it’s like I told you before. They love her as much as they...” Ruth shook her head and tried again. “They’re not bad people. They’re just kind of selfish and lazy. But the sad truth is a lot of people are like that. When my mom was alive, things were better. She sort of held the household together and made sure Brent made more of an effort. But since she’s died...”
Carter didn’t say anything, but he was clearly listening.
“Kayla is okay. She’s not abused or neglected in anything except attention. But she’s not used to anyone but me making a real effort with her. And you did tonight.” As ridiculous as it was, Ruth’s voice cracked with emotion. “You made an effort with her. It meant something to
her. And to me.”
She wished she hadn’t said that last thing. It was too much. Too obvious. She couldn’t take it back now so she added hurried, “So thank you. That’s all I wanted to say.”
“You’re welcome.”
She smiled at him and tried to subdue the flutters when he smiled back.
THEY MADE A STOP AT her apartment so she could get some stuff for tonight and clothes for tomorrow, and then they returned to the house. Mrs. Wilson had made up a room for Ruth. As Carter had predicted, she was given her own room but one that connected to Carter’s. There was fancy miniature shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and body wash in a cute basket in the attached bathroom and clean, fluffy towels in a stack on the counter. A bouquet of fresh tulips was in a vase on the dresser.
“It’s wonderful,” Ruth said, looking around at the fresh, pretty room. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Mrs. Wilson replied. She appeared quite pleased with herself. “Just let me know if you need anything. Or Carter can get it for you.” The older woman leaned over to give Ruth a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good night, dear. I’ll see you in the morning.”
When she left the room, Carter was still there, still looking handsome and expensive in his sweater, tan trousers, and brown leather shoes.
Ruth was suddenly terrified.
This wasn’t right. They were treating her like family. She felt like family, and she loved it so much. She wanted it. So much more of it.
But she wasn’t. This was nothing more than a silly fake-engagement plan.
It wasn’t real, and it wasn’t going to last.
“You okay?” Carter asked softly, his eyes searching her face in that careful way he had.
She forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah. Just tired.”
“You’ll be okay in here? You don’t feel weird or anything, do you?”
She opened her mouth to try to answer, but her throat had closed around a painful lump. Instead, she made what she hoped was an affirmative noise and nodded again.
Carter frowned, still peering at her face.
It was unnerving. He needed to stop. If he kept it up, he’d see how she was feeling—how stupid she was being—and she’d be humiliated again.
And maybe worse.
She turned away and put her overnight bag on the bed, reaching into it to pull out her hairbrush, mostly for something to do.
“Ruth?” Carter murmured.
Shit. Shit. Shit. “I’m really tired,” she managed to say. “I think I’ll get ready for bed.”
He was far too polite to argue with that even if he’d wanted to. She’d known that about him, so she’d used it to her advantage to get him out of there before she completely lost it.
“Okay. I’ll let you go to bed. I’m just next door if you need anything.”
She puttered around with her bag and didn’t look back at him. “Okay. Thanks. Good night.” She thought she’d sounded okay. Maybe a bit stretched but not on the verge of frightened tears.
There was a too long pause before Carter replied softly, “Good night, Ruth.”
She still wasn’t looking at him, but she heard the connecting door between their rooms click a few moments later.
Releasing her pent-up breath, Ruth sat down on the edge of the bed and cried silently into her hands for a minute. She didn’t indulge in the emotion for long, and she was careful not to make any sound that Carter might hear through the door.
It was fine. This was all fine.
It was natural that she’d enjoy the sense of intimacy and connection. She’d had very little of that in her life and even less of it since her mother died. The Wilsons were good people. Kind people. And they seemed to care about her.
But they weren’t her people.
She didn’t really have any people, and she was used to it. As soon as this little interlude was over, she’d get used to it again. This wasn’t going to change her.
She wouldn’t let it.
That resolved in her mind, she straightened up and dried her tears. Then she went to take a long, hot shower, brush her teeth, and put on her pajamas. She’d discovered a tiny beverage cooler built into the bookcase against the wall. Inside was bottled water, so she grabbed a bottle before she climbed into bed.
Needing to distract herself, she turned on the television before she turned off the light. She found the same half-hour comedy on the streaming service she and Carter had been watching the night before, flipped to the episode they’d left it on, and pressed Play.
She’d watched about fifteen minutes when she heard a knock.
She sat up, confused and self-conscious. She wasn’t even sure where the knock had come from. “Yes?”
“Can I come in for a minute, Ruth?” It was Carter’s voice, slightly muffled by the connecting door between their rooms.
“Oh. Yeah. Sure.”
“Sorry to bother you,” he said, taking one step into the room. He’d obviously taken a shower too. She could smell soap from all the way on the bed, and he wore a pair of gray pajama pants and a white undershirt.
“It’s fine. Did you need something?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re all right.” It was dark in the room except for the light from the television, so she couldn’t see his expression very well. But his eyes were clearly focused on her face.
“I’m fine.” She was pleased that she sounded light and casual. “I told you I had everything I need.”
“I know. But it felt like...” He took a few steps closer, obviously trying to see her better. “It felt like something was wrong. I was worried. Are you sure you’re okay with everything?”
Of course he’d noticed something was wrong. Why the hell couldn’t he be clueless and self-focused like most of the other men she’d spent time with in her life? She smiled at him brightly. “I’m fine. I’d tell you if I wasn’t. I’m not actually all that good at keeping things to myself.”
He smiled. It felt like he was relaxing slightly. “Okay. It just felt like something was wrong.”
He didn’t ask the question again, but it was clear that he wanted an explanation for her weird mood before they’d said good night earlier.
She lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she thought through how she should respond. She didn’t normally guard her words that way, but this was important. Carter was important. She didn’t want to blow things with him by blurting out something stupid. “I don’t know. I guess maybe I... I feel kind of bad sometimes. Your mom is so sweet, and she seems so happy that we’re... that she thinks we’re in love. I don’t know.”
Carter came all the way over to the bed. “Can I sit down?” he asked.
“Of course.” She scooted over to make room for him to sit on the edge of the bed.
When he did, he turned to gaze down at her, his expression thoughtful and sober. “I’ve been feeling a little bad too. They’re all so happy for me, and they like you so much.”
“It’s probably more the idea of me than me myself.”
“No. They love you.” He sighed. “Maybe this whole plan was stupid and selfish. Maybe I never should have let us do it. I just wanted...”
“I know what you wanted.” She’d forgotten about her own worries and insecurities in the face of Carter’s internal conflict. “I completely understand that you needed them to see you moving on. And it can still work. I mean, they might be disappointed, but you won’t be genuinely crushed when we break up, so they’ll probably understand that you weren’t as in love with me as they thought. They’ll see you moving on, so the pressure will be off you. People break up all the time. They’ll understand. And maybe it will free Summer and Lincoln from that guilt they still feel.”
“Yeah. And it’s too late now anyway. Even if we call it off now, they’d still go through the same disappointment, so we might as well stretch it out until Christmas like we originally planned.” He was fiddling with the covers on her bed. Just idly bunching them up in his fingers. “If that’s still ok
ay with you.”
“Yeah. It’s good with me. I’ve already got jobs lined up for months. If we do this until Christmas, I’ll probably be set for all of next year.”
“Good. I’m glad. You’re really good at what you do, so you deserve to be a success.”
She was far more embarrassed by the matter-of-fact compliment than she should have been. She wanted to hide her eyes. “Um, yeah. Whatever.”
He chuckled, the warm sound of it like a physical touch.
“So you’re okay?” he asked after a minute, so softly she could barely hear him.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
They stared at each other in the dark. His hand moved to brush her cheek with his knuckles, the slight touch sending shock waves of pleasure all through her.
Then he cleared his throat and stood up abruptly. “Okay. I’ll let you sleep then. See you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
He left quickly, closing the door behind him.
Ruth was warm and soft and tender and a little disappointed. She’d wanted Carter to touch her more. Keep touching her. Never stop.
But it was far safer for him to leave, so she tried to be pleased that he had.
RUTH WOKE UP THE NEXT morning in a really good mood. Her nerves and uncertainties seemed to have settled during the night, and she was instead excited about the day.
A day off. No work. Just hanging out with Carter and the others in a nice house with good food she didn’t have to cook for herself.
And then a lazy weekend after that.
She was going to enjoy it. She wasn’t going to worry about getting too deep. It was okay to like Carter and appreciate his family. It didn’t mean she was losing control here.
She woke up at just after seven, which was far too early to get up and go downstairs. Breakfast wasn’t planned until nine, and everyone else would still be asleep, so she’d be all alone in an empty house. There was a coffee maker in her room, so she made herself a cup, opened the curtains, and climbed back into bed to wait for the sunrise.
The house had a built-in sound system with speakers and individual remotes in every room. She turned on the satellite radio for her room and found something she liked, keeping the volume down enough not to annoy anyone else in the house. She started with country music, but it wasn’t fitting her mood this morning, so she found the station that played pop music from the past two decades. That gave her a happy, nostalgic buzz, so she left it there as she checked her phone and drank her coffee.
