by Leesa Bow
Terrified.
Reef leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips. “Merry Christmas, Macy.” He hands me a small box wrapped in glossy white paper and a gold ribbon. “Open it on Christmas Day.”
I wipe my eyes again. “I don’t have yours with me.”
“It’s fine. You can give it to me when I return if it’s what you want to do.”
“I do,” I say quickly.
“Macy,” Oliver calls to me.
I give him a nod before turning back to Reef. “I have to go.”
“Merry Christmas,” he says again and turns for the door.
My chest burns, and I manage to say, “Merry Christmas,” back to him as the door closes behind him. Usually, Reef will turn and wave to me as he walks by the window.
Tonight, he doesn’t look back.
“Bernadette invited me to her place for Christmas dinner. I didn’t invite her to our lunch,” Dad adds.
I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
He limps to the table and pulls out a chair while I chop tomatoes and cucumbers.
“Are you wearing your prosthesis too much?” I stare at his leg looking for signs of redness and inflammation where it’s strapped to my father’s thigh.
“It’s not as painful compared to a week ago. And don’t change the subject.”
I stand to pass him bread, salad, and tuna to make a sandwich. “I appreciate it.” I don’t look at him because I know he’s hinting to ask her. “One more year of just you and me,” I say, and smile. “Because next year, I think the two of you will be married.”
Dad chuckles, yet he doesn’t deny it.
“Holy shit, are you thinking it?” I gasp.
“Love, we’ve known each other a while, and I’m not saying anything, but we would like to spend more time together.”
“So, live together?”
“It’s what we’re aiming for in a few more months.”
I slide into the seat and allow the tears to fall. “I’m happy for you, I am.” I swipe my nose with my forearm. “It’s just everything is changing, and it will no longer be you and me.”
“It was never going to stay that way.” He passes me a hankie from his shorts pocket, and I blow my nose. Hard. “You were always going to find a nice man, and I thought I’d be the one alone.”
“I’d never leave you alone.”
“And I’d never compromise you from having a life to stay with me. Have to say I’m disappointed not to have formally met Reef but understand you’re reluctant. I want you to make good decisions because you deserve a guy who treats you like a lady.”
His last words send me over the edge, and I’m sobbing with my face resting on my forearms.
“Macy.” He stumbles around the table to sit by my side and places an arm around my shoulders. “What is it?”
“I think I blew it. I got scared and pushed him away.” I glance up and drag my hands over my cheeks. “I don’t want to be like her.”
Dad’s expression switches to stoic. “You’re nothing like her. Except for her good points. You’re beautiful and smart and know what you want. Determined and loyal.”
“How can I be loyal when I’ve never loved?” I sob. My heart, my lungs, my throat all burn with the pain, and it’s like I’m reliving Mum leaving all over again because I know the moment I give Reef my heart with the layers removed, exposed and vulnerable, it’s his to crush. And it will happen. We both know the inevitable ending. “I can’t get hurt again.”
“You’re talking about two different things, my girl. You are capable of loving freely, and yes, it’s a risk to be hurt, but you need to experience hurt to know what it is to be loved and who you want as a partner. Trust me, I won’t be making the same mistakes with Bernadette as I did your mother. Bernadette is not the best-looking lady, but in my eyes, she is beautiful. She has a heart of gold and makes me laugh. And her outlook on life is always positive. Your mother wanted for everything. She may have had the looks, but over time she turned cold when I couldn’t give her all she wanted.”
“I’m glad you found Bernadette. And for the record, I’m claiming the win because if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have gone swimming.”
Dad strokes my hair. “You’ve always known what’s best for me. I know you’re old enough to understand, but I want to say it because I think you need to hear it. I’m not replacing you. I’m trying to free you.”
“What if I don’t want to be free?”
Dad pulls me into a hug. “Of course, you do. You have your whole life ahead of you.”
Merry Christmas! xx
I send the message to Reef.
Forcing myself out of bed, I shower and head to the kitchen to find Dad.
I want today to be special.
“Merry Christmas,” I say and give him a tight hug.
He’s in the kitchen pouring yoghurt into a bowl. He turns on the oven to preheat for the turkey breast roll and sits to chop the vegetables to roast. I sense he wants to do more to make it special. I’m not sure if it’s for Bernadette or me since he’s taking a dessert to hers for dinner.
Hours later, I slouch in my chair.
“I can’t eat another thing,” I tell him after having seconds.
“What about pudding?”
“Argh.” I rest my hand on my stomach. “I need to wait a while.”
I move to the couch, and Dad limps in behind me. “What’s that?” I point to a box on the television cabinet.
“I found these after clearing out a cupboard.” He carries them to the coffee table while I slide onto the floor next to where he sits on the couch. He opens the box and pulls out photographs of me sitting in his shiny blue truck—one behind the steering wheel and another standing on the step, posing. I giggle and can’t take my eyes from the pictures. I looked so happy. He hands me a few more, ones I’ve never seen. And one of him, my mother, and me.
“This is the last time I think she was truly happy,” he says.
I looked about four.
I don’t linger on it and toss it into the box when he hands me an image of just the two of us at the beach. I looked around ten and remember the day well. Remember Mum refusing to come. “And I remember being happy here,” I add.
He nods and smiles at me. “You were a happy kid, my girl.”
“How about we watch a movie?” I suggest when he puts the box aside. “And then we can have dessert.”
“Sounds good to me.”
I allow Dad to select a movie knowing it will be a romantic one and settle in to spend time with him knowing it could be the last Christmas of just being us.
The clock ticks closer to dinner. I’ve checked it every fifteen minutes.
“Do you want to join us?” Dad asks when he places a container of dessert in a small esky.
“No way am I ruining your first Christmas with your new girlfriend,” I tell him. I walk him out the front to where Bernadette has pulled up in her SUV.
“Merry Christmas,” I say to her. She opens the door, and we hug each other.
I move to the other side of the car holding the esky while Dad gets in. “Enjoy yourselves.” I kiss him on the cheek before he closes the door, then stand on the sidewalk and wave as they drive away.
It’s weird walking into the empty house. I switch off the Christmas carols playing in the background and head to my room.
I message Georgia.
How is your Christmas going?
I check my phone for new messages. I smile when one comes through from Reef.
Merry Christmas, beautiful.
Have you opened your present?
Hope you’re enjoying your time with your father.
Looking forward to seeing you soon xx
Not yet.
I’m opening it tonight.
I’ll love it no matter.
Miss you xx
I can’t help thinking about his previous comments about gifts. More to the point, expensive gifts. And why he said those things. It has to be because of an ex-girl
friend. Now I’m thinking, what was she like? Wrapping my arms around my middle, I recall his words of telling me I’m his type and recall the look on his face when he said the words. Only I recognise his expression—one of lust, not love.
Picking up the small box, I turn it in my fingertips, then place it down deciding I don’t need another thing to mess with my head today.
It’s six o’clock. I receive the call from Oliver asking if I can come into work as Tara has gone home sick. So I send a message to Bernadette asking her to let Dad know since he can be unreliable with his phone.
I don’t hesitate because it’s better than staying at home alone. I may be working my arse off, but I’ll be surrounded with work friends and happy revellers enjoying the festivities.
By the end of the night, I’m exhausted, and when Oliver offers everyone drinks on the house, I accept. After downing a couple of glasses of wine, I check my phone and see a message from Georgia and Bernadette.
Holding my breath, I swipe the screen and read the one from Bernadette first.
Hi Macy
Peter is staying the night.
He’s had a few beers and since you’re working, I thought it best for him not to be home alone.
Enjoy your night.
B x
I open the message from Georgia.
Merry Christmas, babe!
I’m heading to the city tonight.
In the mood to hit up a nightclub?
If so message me.
Having a few quiet vinos with the family before heading out later.
Let me know!
Why not? I have nowhere else to be with anyone special.
I’m already at Lombardi’s, although I am in work clothes.
I can’t drive as I’ve had a few wines, so I’m heading out in black.
Suits my current mood.
Meet me here?
I continue drinking wine with Oliver and Tyler since the rest of the staff left to be with loved ones. Georgia arrives an hour later with a red dress flowing behind her as she holds it on a hanger over her shoulder.
“Merry Christmas, babes.” We exchange hugs and kisses. “Here…” She shoves the dress toward me. “Go try this on.”
I know the dress before taking it from her. She has worn it a few times, so she’ll probably sell it rather than be seen in it again. On her, it’s the figure-hugging dress that turns heads, and it will look ridiculous on me. Like I’m a try-hard or wannabe.
“I’m good. I can go out in these. I have clean work clothes for tomorrow,” I tell Oliver when he raises his brow.
“Try the dress, Macy. I’m sure it will look great on you,” Oliver says.
I gape at him. “Do you even understand women’s fashion?”
Oliver folds his arms beneath his broad chest. “Of course, I am Italian.” He’s wearing an expensive designer shirt and pants and pointy leather shoes.
“Right. Point made.”
“It’s the colour of Christmas,” Georgia says, grinning in a cheesy way.
“Have the tinsel ready to wrap in my ponytail,” I shout over my shoulder as I head to the restrooms to try on the damn dress.
Kisses are given freely at Christmas. A peck on the cheek with a hug from a stranger. A nightclub is the best place to be when you’re lonely.
Dim lights hazed by red smoke blowing out of machines on the stage fail to hide the sultry look on girls’ faces and the pining sexy expressions on the men. Eyes dip and wander down the length of my torso, lingering on my rack in the figure-hugging red dress.
“I’ll get us another round of gin,” Georgia announces before pushing through the crowd toward the bar.
“Merry Christmas, beautiful.” More hugs and a kiss. Tight hugs so my tits crush against their chest. I know what men do, and tonight I don’t care. I’m having every touch, every embrace, every chance to feel needed. Each only lasts seconds, and it’s in the spirit of Christmas.
Harmless hugs.
“Merry Christmas, sexy.”
Lips are forced against mine. Strong arms wrap around my back in a bear hug so tight I’m squished against a solid wall of muscle.
His tongue is inside my mouth before I even know what’s happening. His wet mouth is suffocating, yet I manage to squeeze my arms up between our bodies and shove him off. I wipe his vile saliva from my mouth and freeze, recognising the red-haired mullet guy who is not only Reef’s teammate but a friend.
“What the fuck? What was that?” I shout at him.
“A Christmas kiss.” His sleazy gaze wanders down my body. “Hit me up for a fuck session if you’re missing Reef?”
“No!” I yell at him but want to say more. What do his friends think of me? Do they think I’m his sex buddy?
“Fuck off, dickhead,” Georgia yells. She can’t do much with two glasses in her hands. Her glare is enough for him to move away.
“I thought about throwing the gin over him, but wasn’t sure if you knew and liked him.”
“He’s Reef’s friend, and I don’t like him… now.”
“Glad I didn’t waste the drink on the douchebag, then. The prices are through the roof.”
I turn to see where he is, but he’s out of sight in the shoulder to shoulder crowd. Georgia hands me the drink, and I down it because what happened cements exactly what Reef and his friends think of me.
Georgia takes my hand and leads me to a group of guys she made friends with over the last hour. “These guys are from Brazil,” she tells me before turning and smiling to one in particular. “If you need a tour guide, Macy and I would be more than happy to offer our assistance during your stay in Adelaide.”
Minutes later, I’m laughing with Georgia and her new friends. She reminds me what it is to be carefree and to have fun. After a few more gins, I’m the person I recognise. No one important will tell me they love me. And I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone. It all seems so much easier this way.
A long, straight road with no bends.
Yet, I promised myself the future would hold surprise and possibilities.
A road full of turns leading to the unknown.
Chapter Nineteen
MACY
After leaving Georgia and her friends around three in the morning, I headed home. After a broken sleep, I’ve awoken with a throbbing head and what feels like a ton of lead on my legs. I remember how we danced for hours, which accounts for the sore feet and muscles. Considering the amount of wine, and gin consumed, I’m surprised I only have a headache and no nausea.
Forcing myself to walk to the kitchen, I retrieve analgesia tablets and swallow them with a gallon of water. I want to crawl back into bed, and before I do, I’m distracted by the little box tied with a ribbon sitting on my bedside table.
I tug on the ribbon and lift the lid slowly. It’s a piece of jewellery—a sterling silver Tree of Life necklace. It’s delicate with a fine chain long enough to fall low on my chest. Inside the lid is a folded note reminding me of the ones you receive in fortune cookies.
Merry Christmas, Macy.
I saw this and I thought it represented our relationship.
Just you and me. <3
With a click of the fingers, he’s melted my walls again.
I pull out the necklace and clip it around my neck, touch the tree where it lands near my heart space. I take a selfie, not of my face but of the necklace snuggled in my cleavage and send it to him.
Thank you. I love it!
And I agree it is a representation of our lo—I backspace before letting the word slip—what we mean to each other. x
I understand it to be hope, a fresh beginning, and a friendship that never dies.
It makes my emu sculpture made out of old bed springs look inadequate. My first day off I’m going shopping for something special for Reef.
I shower and change, ready for work, surprised Bernadette hasn’t dropped Dad home. I can’t help feeling a touch of jealousy. Still, I know in my heart it’s a good thing because if I’m goi
ng to spend more time with Reef, I’m glad Dad has Bernadette to look out for him.
Placing the hot iron aside, I hang up my work clothes for the week and change ready for another busy night.
My phone buzzes, and I smile seeing Reef’s number.
“Finally,” I whisper.
“Merry Christmas,” I sing into the phone. “Did you have a good day with your family?”
“I did.” His voice sounds off.
“Is everything okay?”
“You tell me. I see you had a good day and night.”
“I missed you if it’s what you’re talking about.” My heartbeat picks up a notch waiting for him to answer.
“I saw the photo. Why don’t you come clean and tell me you’re not interested in me? You keep playing these fucking games, and I’m sick of it. You can’t stay a night with me, yet you go away for a weekend with Chance. Then you can’t spend a night with me before I leave for Christmas because you’re worried about your father, yet you party into the early hours with your friend at a nightclub and hook-up with one of my mates.”
My gut falls hard hearing the disappointment in his tone. “Reef, it wasn’t like that. He kissed me. I pulled away, and he forced himself on me.”
“Did he? I’ll send you the picture, and you tell me what it looks like? Anyway, I’m done. I don’t have the energy for all your games. I got out of a toxic relationship based on lies and can’t go down the same road again. I thought I could have something with you, but you make it so hard. I’m exhausted trying to make excuses for your behaviour. You’re right, it’s never going to work between us. I intend to finish the season in Adelaide and be traded back to Melbourne to be with my family. So, while I understood you putting your father first, I don’t understand how the rules change one day to the next. Be honest. If not with me to yourself and stop fucking playing games.”
The call’s gone silent.
