by Leesa Bow
Shit! He’s ended the call without hearing my side.
My breaths turn fast and shallow, and I can’t stop the burning in my throat and behind my eyes.
My phone dings, and for a moment my hope lifts seeing the message from Reef and falls seeing the image of me kissing his friend. The moment the photograph was taken, I wasn’t pushing away. You can’t see that my arms are trapped. Only my eyes are closed, and from the side, it looks like I’m enjoying the kiss.
“Fuck my life.”
I throw the phone onto the bed.
Reef didn’t even give me a chance.
And he’s being traded at the end of the season.
Who’s not being honest now? When was he going to tell me about this?
I flop on my bed and cover my eyes with my arms and keep my thoughts in the dark. I need to call him back. Does he even want me to call him back?
If his friend ever steps foot in Lombardi’s, I’ll…
Do nothing.
I let out a little sob knowing I can’t say anything to customers. I don’t want to be anywhere near those guys since it took more than one of his friends to set up the prank.
My throat burns, acknowledging his friends didn’t think I was right for Reef. And in truth, I’m not.
Only it’s too late because he already owns my heart, and I didn’t have the courage to tell him. I only hope he’s willing to speak to me when he returns.
I can explain everything when you come home.
It’s a big misunderstanding. x
It takes a few seconds for him to reply.
Don’t bother. We’re done.
He hasn’t even heard my side. I thought I knew him and don’t understand why he’s being unreasonable.
You need to know I do love you.
I was waiting for the right moment to tell you.
To hell with texts. I pick up the phone and call him.
“You say that now?” Is how he answers the phone in a deep, low voice.
“Yes. I do love you. I don’t know what to say to fix this, but your friend forced himself on me and kissed me. We are right for each other, Reef,” I croak. Even though there’s silence, I keep talking. “You know how we talked about where we see each other in ten years? Well, I see myself with you. I mean what can I say to fix this? I see myself having your babies. Is that what you want me to say?”
“It’s exactly what I don’t want you to say.” I hear the growl as though he’s said the words between clenched teeth. “You don’t know me at all. Goodbye, Macy.”
I collapse on the floor, curl up into a ball, and ugly cry until it’s time to go to work.
Since my car is parked at work I call an Uber. Sitting in the back of the car, I wipe away a never-ending supply of tears and don’t even remember stopping at traffic lights. We arrive at Lombardi’s, and I thank the driver. I find my keys in my bag and unlock my car, needing a private space before I commence work. Resting my head on the steering wheel, I give myself a pep talk, the same one I’ve given my father countless times. I swallow most of the water out of my drink bottle to wash away the lump in my dry, sore throat. Reaching for my makeup bag, I dab on bronzer and lean back to squeeze eye drops in my eyes. It’s going to be tough to get through the night, and the last thing I need is for people asking me if I’m okay and reminding me I’m far from it.
For years I’ve helped my father get through the tough times, and this time it’s my doing, and I’m not sure I can fix it. I can only fix me. It’s not the picture that broke us. It was simply the icing on the cake.
I broke us.
Every time he tried to break through my armour, I pushed Reef away.
Afraid to fall in love.
I denied I could fall in love or was worthy of Reef. The fear stopping me is exactly what I’m feeling right now. The knife twisting a hole in my heart is not from falling in love, it’s reliving the agonising pain of someone leaving me all over again.
My mother didn’t crush me. Dad and I managed to get through the grief together. I’ve never loved a guy like Reef. Never fallen so hard and fast, and ironically our love gave me the best sex I’ve ever experienced.
I touch the necklace sitting on my chest.
A symbol of new beginnings.
Do we even have one?
I close my eyes and open the car door. I have a choice. First, to learn from my mistakes. The second is what I’m going to say to him when he comes in for coffee at Lombardi’s.
That is if he comes in at all.
Chapter Twenty
REEF
New Year’s Eve
“Why the sour expression?” Felicity drawls. Dark red lips pout, and on her, the colour looks evil.
If ever there’s a reason to be miserable, it’s being at a party with my ex.
“Thought you’d be getting wasted with your mates before heading back to Adelaide.” She raises a perfectly shaped tattooed brow. “Not looking sorry for yourself on a day where the world celebrates together. A day we all make resolutions for a better new year. So, what is it Reef Burton wants that he doesn’t already have?”
“Bugger off, Felicity. Even if I were the type to make resolutions, I’d never tell you.” I down the remainder of the beer in the bottle. The last of it is warm since I’ve been sitting on the same drink for a good hour. I am simply holding the bottle to have something in my hands to look social. Warm beer is still preferential to talking to the snake I refer to as my ex.
“You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s written all over your face. A girl break your heart? Again?”
“You make it sound like it happens all the time. We both know it’s you who likes to tally up the boyfriends.”
“And I break hearts, not the other way around. When are you going to learn to harden up?”
“Jesus, you’re still a bitch.”
She tosses her long blonde tresses over her shoulders. “Maybe. At least I know what I want and go for it.”
“Even if it means lying to get it,” I say through clenched teeth. The memory still fresh, the bitter taste of manipulation and deceit lingers on my tongue.
“You loved me.”
“Why are you still here?” I walk off, grab another beer out the ice, and crack open the lid, then wipe the cold bottle across my forehead. When I turn, Felicity is standing behind me. “For fuck’s sake, don’t you take a damn hint?”
“Answer the question, Reef. You did love me, didn’t you?” Her green eyes search mine for honesty. The truth is bubbling up inside of me bursting to give it to her straight.
“Yes. Past tense. I can barely stand the sight of you now.”
“I don’t believe you.” She takes a step closer and gets in my face. “You’re angry and hurt at what I did, and you’re allowing those feelings to get in the way of how you really feel. I did what I had to do to keep you.”
“Keep me,” I croak. “You hadn’t lost me then. I still have no idea why you pretended you were pregnant.”
“Because you were going to leave me here until you settled in Adelaide. We both know you were not going to ask me to come, after living with three guys and starting to receive all the attention of famous football players. We were high school lovers. You were hitting the big time and would forget about me. Forget about us. I couldn’t risk it. I wanted to come with you and be by your side from the start of your football fame.”
I shake my head at the memory. “Why the hell are we even discussing this?”
“Because we never did when shit went down between us. You blocked me out.” She takes another step, clutches my hand holding the beer and stares up with an earnest gleam in her eye. A quality I remember from when I actually liked her. “Refused to talk to me or anyone else about us. You’re stubborn and block out what you don’t want to deal with.”
“We all deal in our own way and do what we need to go on. It took me a while to trust anyone again,” I snarl. “Guess I have you to thank for opening my eyes to what some girls are capable of to get their ow
n way, and…” I swallow thinking about what facts I discovered after her fake pregnancy stunt, “… my future.”
I never shared those facts with anyone other than my parents and Chance.
“So why are you looking miserable about being home when you intend to return here at the end of the football season?”
Emptying the contents in one go, I reach into the ice and grab another beer. I clink my beer bottle against her wine glass. “A few more of these, and I won’t be so miserable, as you put it.”
“So, it’s not me,” she says and smiles as though she is a step closer to getting into my bed.
“Not this time.” I guzzle more beer.
“Trust me, they’re all easy to forget after a while. It comes back to the one person who you lost your heart to for real. We both know we’re meant to be together. You have to let some of the hurt go. You’re older, and I figure you’ve grown up since then.”
“You thought I acted immature telling you to fuck off after you lied about being pregnant? You carried the lie for a month and lied to the family. Christ, we are so different. And no. I don’t believe we were meant to be together. Since you want to know what’s bugging me, it’s that I found someone else. Someone I thought I could trust. Turns out she was no better than you. Guess I can’t pick ‘em. So, if I were to make a resolution… it’s to avoid heartless bitches like you and develop a sense to know a witch before she gets her claws into me.” Man, it felt good to get that out. I wash the good feeling down with more beer.
“Felicity. Reef. Happy new year.” Chance clinks his bottle against mine. “Strange to see you two talking and not shouting at each other.”
“It’s the new year,” Felicity says, batting her fake lashes. “We’re discussing resolutions and new beginnings. The new year is about hope. Right, Reef?”
“Right,” I groan and down another mouthful of beer. Her words remind me of what the assistant said to me in the jewellery store when I purchased the necklace for Macy. After drinking myself to sleep since Christmas Day, I told myself I wouldn’t think about her tonight. And like a switch, she’s back in my thoughts.
“How’s Macy?”
I clench my jaw trying not to lose my shit. “You could ask Brody,” I snap.
Both Chance and Felicity stare at me as if I’ve grown two heads.
“I thought there was a reason he was looking sombre,” she says to Chance. “If you need cheering up, you know where to find me.”
Felicity walks away leaving Chance to gape at me.
“No fucking way,” I say into the bottle as though it holds my happiness and all the answers I need to know.
“Mate. What’s going on?” Chance lands a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m not stupid enough to hook-up with her again.”
“Not what I’m talking about. What’s going on with you and Mace?”
I give him a long look before answering, a look Chance recognises since we grew up together. “Not tonight.”
“Fine. I know you bottle shit up, but you and me, we’re going for a beer tomorrow.”
“Won’t change anything.”
“At least I can be your wingman tonight, so you don’t make a bigger mistake.” He nods in the direction to where Felicity strutted over to another group of guys.
“A bigger mistake?”
“Yeah. Bigger than what happened between you and Macy.”
The following afternoon my mother beats me to answering the door.
“Happy New Year, Mrs Burton.” Chance hugs my mother and kisses her on the cheek.
“Chance. It’s always lovely to see you.” One delicate hand remains on his shoulder while she assesses him. Usually, it’s a weight thing as she’s ready to tell us we need to eat more.
“Bet you’re happy to have your boy home at this time of year.”
“Yes. His brother misses him, too. He can’t wait for him to come back to Melbourne at the end of the season, so he can watch him play football and not the handful of games we watch on the TV.” She gives me a warm smile. “Although we understand why he moved to Adelaide.”
“Reckon he’s happy even though there’s barely a minute he’s not holding a beer. I know it’s the festive season and all, but my brother is taking it to the next level.”
“Jesus,” I utter at my brother. “Give it a rest.”
He laughs and gives a playful push to my shoulder, although not hard enough for me to stumble, considering I’m twice his size. My brother is an athlete, a marathon runner, and a student at university studying architecture.
“You’re jealous you don’t have the body weight to hold more than a few beers,” I tell Noah. Chance pats my gut as though it’s an imaginary beer gut. “Bugger off.”
“Darling, you’re going to have to run with your brother before heading back to Adelaide for preseason training. We’ve all noticed you letting yourself go these holidays.”
“Thanks, Mum.” I lift my T-shirt to make a point. “You could still grate cheese on these babies.” I slap my belly while contracting my abs.
“What do you think, Mrs B?” Chance lifts his top. “What football code trains harder?” Then my brother joins in. “Noah, you tell us. What code wins?”
My brother chuckles and pats his abs with zero fat. “You both lose.”
“Boys, please. Next you’ll be dropping your pants and comparing your penises like you did when you were eight.”
“And I won there, too.” I chuckle.
Both Noah and Chance groan but don’t say anything.
“Darling, I’d like you to win in other ways.” Mum pats my cheek. “Where are you and Chance headed?”
“I was going to suggest a bar down the road, but I’m happy to hang here by the pool.”
“Fine by me.” Chance pulls off his top. “Everyone likes to see me sitting around the pool, don’t they, Mrs B?”
Mum giggles a little. “Oh, Chance, you haven’t changed.”
“Still a douchebag,” I say under my breath, which results in a punch to my right shoulder.
“So, what made you have a New Year’s party?” I ask Chance when we’re finally alone.
“I’m back on the road for games interstate in a couple of days and thought it’s a way for me to catch up with mates. Haven’t seen some blokes since we left school.”
I nod and sense there’s another reason. “How’s the family?”
He leans back on the sunbed and stares up to the sky. “It’s why I had the party then and not near Christmas, so I could spend more time with my parents. Something’s going on with my dad. I know it’s not good, but he’s not giving me all the deets. Said he’d talk to me if there’s a problem and not to be worried.” He glances at me and shakes his head. “He’s hiding something because he doesn’t want us to be concerned.”
“Sorry, mate.” I lean forward and pat his back. “Life can be a kick in the guts sometimes.”
“Yeah.” He stands and strips down before jumping into the water. Thankfully the pool is screened from the house as he would have mooned my mother. He surfaces and leans his forearms over the edge. “So, what’s going on with you and Mace?”
“She kissed Brody on Christmas eve. The boys sent me a photo. Caught them in the act.” The abbreviated version, and I still want to punch something thinking about it.
“Doesn’t sound like her.”
“Didn’t sound like Felicity either when I told you she was lying about being pregnant.”
“Felicity is a whole different level to Mace. What did they say when you questioned them?”
“Brody said he doesn’t remember it because he was drunk and it was just a kiss.” Asshole. I roll my hands down my cheeks. “I told Macy we’re done and sent her the photo.”
“You didn’t give her a chance to explain?”
“Didn’t need to. Had all the evidence I needed and…” I give him a pointed look, “… I’m not going down the same road again.”
“All I’m saying is you should’ve
heard her out. I got to know Macy on the road trip and mate, she’s not that kind of girl.”
“You think you know her better than me?” I snap.
“Not at all. You’re hurting. I’m trying to see it in a clearer light.”
I shake my head. “She had me fooled. I would’ve done anything for her. Doesn’t matter. I needed the shake-up to focus because one more season, and I’m back here. So, it wouldn’t have worked out for us anyway.”
“You mean because of her being like a caregiver for her dad?”
“Yeah, in a way. Can we drop it now?”
“Yeah, but I think you need to hear her out.”
“Whatever. Now can I get you a beer?” Because damn him, I need something to help take my mind off Macy.
Chapter Twenty-One
REEF
After meeting Chance for an early morning surf, I head home and dress before swinging by to collect him for a lunch gathering—one that will no doubt continue into the night. This time it’s a twenty-fifth birthday bash. Dakota went to the same private school as Chance and me. Dakota and I excelled at AFL football and were both drafted from school. He was picked up by a Melbourne team when I was drafted to Adelaide.
I told Chance I’d drive because I didn’t intend to have more than a couple of beers. Yesterday’s comments about my drinking habits the past week is not the only reason I want to keep my wits about me. Felicity will be at the party. Her father is the president of the Devils Football Club, the team Dakota plays for, and many of the guests will be from his team.
“Here we go again,” I say to Chance when we enter Dakota’s house—a three-level beachside residence with a pool. “Seems like all I do lately is attend functions and parties if I’m not training.”
“Yeah, it’s a tough life,” Chance chuckles.
“It is when you’re an introvert as much as an extrovert.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” he says, and I follow him down the hall to the backyard where there’s a marquee set up by the pool.
