Where Dreams Reside

by M. L. Buchman

  Angelo closed his eyes to concentrate. Jo was so big on words. He had to be careful and choose just the right ones. He opened his eyes and looked at her, really looked. But those dark eyes only showed clear and cool rather than the soft warmth they usually radiated.

  “I’m not talking about my heart, Counselor Thompson. I’m talking about yours.”

  “I think I know my own heart.”

  “Then how can you go back to Alaska?” It burst out of him. It was so obvious that she couldn’t go. Not for three to five years. It sounded like a prison sentence. She’d die just as some part of her mother had, though he was smart enough to not use that argument. Even if she didn’t end up at the Crab Hole bar, she might as well. Her heart would shrivel and die, like those old men who didn’t even know how to say goodbye to a companion who had sat with them every night for decades.

  “I can go back to Alaska because that’s my job,” her voice was rigid. “I’m very good at my job.”

  “But is your job good at you?”

  Jo flagged the steward who was only just moving away and asked her for a ginger ale on ice. It gave her an excuse to not look at Angelo. She wished she had a book that she could read, or at least pretend to.

  She reached for the in-flight magazine, but there wasn’t one in the seat-back pocket before her. There were two of them in front of Angelo, but she wasn’t going to reach across or ask for one.

  Instead, she took her soft drink and peanuts and stared straight ahead.

  Her job was just fine.

  She’d won her first class debate in high school. She’d led the Vassar debate team to a statewide victory, even if a little school in Maine had won the regionals. Editor of the Law Review at the University of Washington. Partner at an elite law firm at an unprecedented twenty-seven years old.

  Her job was just fine. Though it did feel as if she were protesting perhaps a little bit too much. But really, her job was just fine.

  And anyway, Angelo didn’t love her. He was a guy. He was a really decent guy for coming to Alaska to be with her, but he was still a guy. He’d just tangled up loyalty and lust with deeper emotions. He didn’t love her, he only thought he did.

  Jo closed her eyes, leaned her head back against the seat, and let the humming of the engines fill her head, ignoring the pleading look on Angelo’s face.

  He didn’t love her, she assured herself. Especially when her career started taking her places he couldn’t follow.

  Chapter 31

  “I got the call.”

  Russell’s voice was loud in the empty restaurant kitchen followed by the clomping of his crutches as he pushed in through the back entry door. Front-of-house service had ended two hours ago, cleanup had finished the hour before, and the restaurant had been Angelo’s alone since. He’d shooed his mother out and started working on the menu for the new restaurant.

  It needed a different feel, a different flavor. Perhaps northern. The Piedmont region of Italy was in the north, but so was Venice, though he was less of a fan of east Italian flavors. Lombardy was a possibility, everyone had heard of Lake Como now that George Clooney had his villa there.

  “What call?” Angelo added a pinch of rosemary to the cream sauce, stirred and tasted it again. It tasted flat. No matter what he did, it—

  Russell whacked Angelo’s leg with one of his crutches.

  “Hey! Ow!”

  “What call? Think, man. I’m married to your girlfriend’s best friend. You did something to freak out Jo. She cuts off all communication with any of her friends and for some reason I don’t pretend to understand, it’s now up to me to fix the whole mess. So, I’m figuring we’ll deal with it tomorrow instead of half an hour to midnight tonight. Then the phone rings. Guess who’s on the line?”

  “The Pope.”

  Russell hobbled to the cooler and pulled out a couple of beers.

  “No, worse than that.”

  “I don’t know. Who?”

  Russell slowly eased down onto one of the stools by the prep table with a groan. “Never break your leg, Angelo, it’s a real pain in the you-know-what.”

  “And the leg.”

  “And the leg,” Russell agreed with him.

  “I’ll remember that.” For lack of any better idea, Angelo opened the beer Russell had set out on the counter and poured some into the sauce. A stir, a taste.

  “Well, that takes care of that.”

  “Awful?”

  “Truly awful.” Angelo turned off the burner, dumped the pot in the big steel sink, and splashed some water into it before sitting on the stool facing Russell. “So who was on the phone worse than the Pope?”

  “Maria Amelia Avico Frickin’ Parrano.”

  Angelo swore and knocked back some of his beer. Definitely worse than the Pope.

  “So, I’m half undressed for bed and more than halfway to coaxing Cassidy to join me when the call comes in. Then what happens? Next thing I know, I’m dressed, and my loving wife is closing the door on my sorry self telling me not to bother coming back until I fix it. Some honeymoon.”

  Okay, he’d felt like garbage before, but this was perhaps a new low.

  “So,” Russell leaned back and folded his hands in his lap. “What did you do to her?”

  “I told her I loved her.” Wow, he really had to work on not saying that out loud. It took too much out of him.

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “And you do?”

  Angelo could only nod. He couldn’t even speak. Like his soul had been taken out, run through a blender, then turned into a really crappy cream sauce.

  “What did she say?”

  Angelo didn’t even bother to shrug. Let her go back to godforsaken Alaska. He closed his eyes. That thought hurt even worse.

  “Oh man,” Russell groaned.

  Angelo couldn’t agree more.

  “What are you doing, Jo?”

  Jo yelped and dropped her briefcase which thudded onto the deep pile carpet, clipping her foot hard enough that she fell into a leather armchair.

  As she’d entered the lobby of Stanley, Tu, Rolfmann, and Thompson from her office, the lights had sensed her motion and turned on. They’d revealed a very tired looking Cassidy Knowles slouched low on a dusky blue leather sofa.

  Jo rubbed her foot a moment longer, but nothing appeared broken.

  “What are you doing sitting in the dark? Why didn’t you come back to my office?” Jo’s heartrate was still up. Interestingly, seeing Cassidy, she should be feeling joy at seeing her friend or chagrin at how she’d been avoiding her. Instead she felt a little depressed. Some conspiratorial part of her mind had been waiting for Angelo to come by and visit her. He hadn’t even called. Not that she could really blame him.

  “I did come back.” Cassidy pulled in her feet enough for Jo to sit at the other end of the couch.

  Jo recovered her briefcase from the middle of the floor, set it on the coffee table then sat.

  “But you were on the phone to some crazy place…”

  “The Chairman of the Danish Maritime Authority’s Shipping Tribunal.”

  “Too much stratosphere for me.”

  “Says the woman trained in wine by Robert Parker.”

  Cassidy shrugged, “Wine tasting. Creators of international maritime law. We each have our comfort zone and that one sure isn’t mine. So, I backed off. You took so long to finish your call that the lights decided I wasn’t here and turned off. Didn’t see any reason to argue with them.”

  “It is,” Jo checked her watch, “past one a.m.”

  “What are you doing working this late?”

  “Well, it’s a big and important case and I—”

  “Blah. Blah. Blah.” Cassidy made her quacking duck hand sign from college whenever she caught Jo over-defending her position. It had actually been exceptional training for trials, as she now automatically heard Cassidy’s quacking noises whenever she was about to say too much. Her main challenge had been to not smile at th
e image during a serious courtroom moment.

  Jo bit the inside of her cheek, then tried again. “It’ll be the most important—”

  “Wah. Wah. Wah.” More quacking duck.

  Jo knew from experience of many years that Cassidy could go all night and never repeat a sound. Even when they were drunk, Cassidy somehow kept track.

  She knew why Cassidy was here. Jo wanted to confide in her, but it wouldn’t work that way. Cassidy was newly married and through those eyes, thought that in order to be happy, everyone else should be as well. Perrin was a total romantic, which meant she was of the same mind, only more so. If she mentioned Angelo’s declaration of love, which was still freaking her out, she’d never hear the end of it.

  “I was offered a new job.” Jo had already decided to not take it, but she didn’t need to tell Cassidy that. At least not right away.

  “Whacka. Whacka. Whac—Uh, what?” Cassidy blinked.

  “Renée Linden is retiring and wants me to take over her job.”

  Cassidy jerked upright to stare at her. She gestured toward the Market. “That Renée Linden? The one behind like, I dunno, everything?”

  Jo nodded. “That Renée Linden. She’s retiring and thinks I should replace her as the Executive Director of the Pike Place Market. She’s been courting me for a couple of weeks.”

  “Weeks?!” Cassidy’s voice whooshed out and she dropped back on the couch. “I once managed to hold out for forty-three minutes when she wanted me to serve on a board for the Friends of Emerald City Opera. The other board members actually made me a plaque in honor of my holding out for so long. It ended up being fantastic and fun, but it sure didn’t look like it from the outside. Weeks? Really?”

  Jo nodded. She’d forgotten about that connection. When Renée retired, that position would probably be opening as well. Except Renée wasn’t just a member of Friends of the Opera, she headed that board which placed her on the board of the Opera itself. Jo’s head throbbed.

  “You’re turning her down?”

  Jo did her best to remain impassive.

  Cassidy squinted her eyes. “You are. Okay, Thompson. That one you’re going to have to explain.”

  “Cass, it’s one a.m. and—”

  “And you’re going to explain this one to me in short, simple, unlawyerly words because it is, as you say, one a.m.”

  “I’m sure Russell—”

  “Is presently with Angelo. He’s having some kind of meltdown. His mother got so worried that she called Russell a couple of hours ago.”

  Jo closed her eyes and counted to ten. It didn’t help, so she counted to twenty with no better results.

  “Really, Cass. It’s all so spoiled.” At thirty she rose to her feet.

  “I can’t do this.” Jo picked up her briefcase. She straightened her jacket. Straightened it and tried not to think about how much fun Angelo had made of taking it off her. He’d made her feel so desirable, so important, so…

  “I can’t do this. I have a phone conference with the undersecretary of the United Nations Division of Oceans and Law of the Sea tomorrow at seven a.m. I…” They were real reasons she couldn’t talk about everything that was snarled up with her personal life, aside from the fact that it would take all night and she needed the sleep, but even those felt as if she were making excuses.

  “I…” She made it one step toward the door and got stuck again. “I can’t do this.”

  Cassidy came up to hug her, and some preservation instinct had Jo stepping back. She ignored the pain on Cassidy’s face.

  “I’m sorry. I just can’t. You— Renée— Angelo— The will— My mother—” She was stuttering worse than her father’s old truck engine which had refused to turn over when she and Angelo had tried it. She finally slapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself.

  “I can’t, Cass. I just can’t,” she mumbled through the hand over her mouth.

  “You’ll call me when you can?”

  Jo nodded, blinking hard against the tears.

  “I’ll be the first?”

  Jo nodded again.

  “I mean it Thompson. Repeat after me, ‘I’ll call Cass first.’ Right? Say it.”

  “You first,” she mumbled.

  “Okay,” Cassidy nodded to herself, pulled her sweater straight like Captain Picard readying himself for battle. “Okay. Now, you’re coming home with me.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing Thompson. I’m not having you drive. I’m not leaving you alone tonight. I live two blocks away, you’re coming with me and that’s final.”

  Jo could only nod and keep her hand in place. There’d never been a friend in the world like Cassidy Knowles.

  And she really needed a friend right now.

  Even if she couldn’t speak to her.

  Chapter 32

  “Hi, honey.” Jo heard Russell call out from the living room as Cassidy opened the front door to their condo. “Can you believe that goofball told her that he loved her?”

  Cassidy spun to face her as all the blood drained from Jo’s brain. Only the power suit kept her from simply fainting to the floor.

  “Even worse, Jo clearly lost her mind and told him she didn’t care for him.”

  She braced a hand on the still-open front door as her stomach heaved. She was about to barf the energy bar she’d eaten ten hours earlier all over Cassidy’s perfect white carpet.

  “He was somewhere between murdered and so mad I’m glad he doesn’t own a gun. Once I got him really drunk, he started mumbling that she was killing her soul, but he wouldn’t explain that one. I dumped him in the guest bedr—” Led by his long-hair black cat, Russell came around the corner of the hallway on his crutches and stopped dead.

  He and Jo stared at each other for an eternity that may have lasted less than five seconds but they were seconds stretched beyond all reckoning.

  “No! Jo. Hi. I’m… Oh, no!”

  Jo turned and ran.

  Cassidy called after her, but Jo bolted into the emergency stairwell and almost tumbled down the concrete steps.

  When she heard Cassidy’s call getting closer, she turned and sprinted up the nearest steps. It was a mistake. She’d meant to go down. She thought she’d be trapped, but it was all that saved her.

  Cassidy roared into the stairwell the same moment Jo turned the corner onto the next landing up.

  Cassidy went down.

  Jo collapsed on the stairs a half flight above where Russell held the door open. Separate but together, they listened to the pounding echoes of Cassidy’s downward footsteps and frantic calls.

  “Aaugh!” She heard Russell in such pain she almost went to reassure him. “I’m such an idiot!”

  He wasn’t the only one.

  Jo didn’t dare go home, for Cassidy would surely follow her there. And she didn’t want to find a hotel room, and be one of those red-eyed weeping women trying to hide some deep unhappiness for everyone to see and whisper about.

  She did the only thing she could think of after she heard Cassidy return and tell Russell she was indeed going to check Jo’s apartment.

  Jo walked down the twenty flights and out into the night. Four blocks into Bell Town, she arrived at Perrin’s Glorious Garb. The shop’s lights were out, as was the studio light in the back. She went around to the side door and pressed the buzzer that served the six upstairs apartments.

  She leaned on the buzzer.

  A sleepy and distorted, “Who?” crackled out of the speaker.

  “Jo.” Her throat was so tight that it ached to create the single word. All she could taste was the salt of her tears that must have started again without her noticing. All she could see was the tiny squawk box.

  The door buzzed sharply enough that Jo almost fell backwards off the low stoop, but managed to stop herself by grabbing the door handle.

  Perrin met her at the head of the stairs.

  One look at Jo’s face was apparently all she needed. She led Jo down the narrow hall painted an improbable lim
e green and through a chartreuse door.

  Perrin didn’t cross-examine her. Didn’t prod or poke. She only asked one question, “Should I call Cassidy?”

  Jo could only shake her head before she pitched face first onto Perrin’s couch and cried herself to sleep.

  Chapter 33

  Jo made it to the morning phone call. Kept Muriel in the room for it because she knew she wouldn’t remember a word of what was said. Afterward, over her protests, Muriel sent her home.

  Per her assistant’s instructions, which she’d written down and handed to Jo, the first thing she did was take a long, hot bath. Despite doing so, she remained numb to the core. Then she made coffee and ate the large apple muffin with the crunchy crumb topping that she always avoided, which Muriel had made her promise to pick up on her way home.

  Now she sat out on the balcony with her unopened John Grisham book in her lap. She glanced down at Muriel’s list.

  Buy decadent muffin

  Go home

  Take hot bath, a long one, with bubbles (recommended: get undressed first)

  Muriel’s voice came through loud and clear.

  Make coffee

  Get that book you keep talking about not having time to read

  Go to balcony (clothing optional)

  Jo had pulled on shorts and her Vassar t-shirt which felt impossibly decadent for ten in the morning. Hearing Perrin in the back of her head, she had not put on a bra, which left her feeling unclothed despite being covered.

  Eat muffin and drink coffee (you got dressed, didn’t you? Knew you would.)

  Open book (you’re almost there)

  Read book

  Do not come back to the office today (Would tell you not to think about the office, but that would only make you think about the office, so I shouldn’t have written this sentence to begin with, but it’s too late and I’m not rewriting the list.)