Better Than Heaven (The Bachelor Brothers Book 1)

by Honey Holloway

  My phone buzzes beside me and I ignore it, burying my face in the sofa cushions. Ten minutes later, it buzzes again. And then, with my heart aching and heavy in my chest, I hear the buzzer to my flat sound.

  There’s only one person who has ever visited me here, and he’s the last person I want to see if he’s going to make me feel worse than I already do. I force myself to get up off the sofa to answer the buzzer.

  “Oliver...I really don’t want to talk right now.”

  “Willow, I’m sorry I let you walk away...I really am. I know that must have felt lousy, but I thought I was keeping the peace…”

  I close my eyes. I can’t get the thought to shift from my head that he’s only half into this. I don’t want to put my heart on the line when I’m not certain I can get something good from it. It feels too risky after everything I’ve been through over the years. My heart has taken quite a beating and one last punch might finish me off. I lean my head against the wall.

  “I don’t want you to mess me around, Oliver…”

  “I swear that’s not my intention. Please just let me come in…”

  I know he’s not the sort to give up easily so I sigh and press the button to allow him in. I try my best to compose myself while I’m waiting for him, but the second he arrives outside my door, I feel my heart sinking.

  Oliver has his head hung and his eyes are full of pain. I want to reach out to him and hold him, but I can’t let myself give in to him this easily. Since all this began, I’ve been allowing him to keep making things more complicated. I don’t need any more complications in my life, even if they’re as good as him.

  “Please don’t come in if you’re going to mess me around more,” I say. I wish I sounded more in command, but for once, my voice has failed me. Oliver raises his eyes to meet mine.

  “That’s not why I’m here. I promise. I…” He scratches the back of his head, looking wholly uncomfortable. “I like you...a lot. Today was the best day I’ve had in a long time. And I know I might’ve ruined that. But Willow...I swear I want this.”

  I scrutinize his face. I’ve got a good radar for liars. I know when someone isn’t being honest with me. But Oliver wears his heart on his sleeve much more than I realized. He’s telling the truth...and knowing that he likes me makes me want to give him one last shot.

  I step aside to let him and he gives me a grateful smile before coming inside. I head to my fridge and take out two beers. I’ve been saving them, but I think a time like this calls for them. I hand one to Oliver and he smiles half-heartedly.

  “Thanks. Look, I shouldn’t have let you go earlier...I’ve been friends with Violet for a long time and I feel like I owe her so much...I’m scared that I led her on unintentionally. I felt like I had to give her time. But it turns out she’s not the person I thought she was. I think...I think she was just trying to stir up trouble for us.”

  I settle next to him on the sofa, feeling the tension of the day tightening my shoulders. “Stir up trouble?”

  He struggles to meet my gaze. “She showed me something...and I have to admit it did shock me a bit. Willow...are you still working at the...club?”

  It takes me a minute to realize what he’s referring to. My heart stops for a moment and then it plummets to my stomach. Those days of working in the strip bar are so far behind me that it feels like another life. It might only have been three years ago, but I’ve come such a long way since then. I cover my face with my hand, needing a moment to get my thoughts together. I flinch when I feel Oliver’s hand on my arm.

  “Willow...we don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to...I was just surprised.”

  “How did she find out?”

  “She was at the place last night...she saw a photograph of you on the wall. And the website hasn’t been updated for a while…”

  I sigh. I’m not ashamed to have worked there. Not even in the slightest. It’s just not ideal that the guy I’m trying to date has found out this way...especially from a girl who would seemingly do anything to try and ruin me.

  But I can’t hide from my past. No matter how far I run from it, it’ll catch up to me eventually. I take my hand away from my face and look at Oliver.

  “I don’t work there anymore.”

  He nods slowly. “Okay...that’s...I mean, it would be okay if you still did, but-”

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to explain. It wouldn’t be fair of me to lie to you about something like that. But I left there years ago...I took the job at the cafe instead.”

  Oliver nods again, his brow creased. I can read his mind so easily right now. I know he wants to say things that sound supportive. I know he wants to be the guy that tells me it doesn’t bother him. But I think it does. It must do. It’s like he’s dug up some sleazy dirt on me that should’ve stayed buried. Except I refuse to be ashamed of this.

  “Oliver...life hasn’t handed me anything at all. At the time, working there was my only option.”

  He leans forward, ready to listen. I take a deep breath. I know I’m about to tell him things I’ve never told anybody. But I need to do this. I need to stop keeping everything inside me. I need to stop thinking my secrets can destroy me.

  “It was always just me and my Dad...he was an alcoholic. When I was younger, it wasn’t so bad...he’d be the kind of happy drunk where he’d want to help me bake cookies at midnight, or let me eat sweets until I felt sick in front of the TV. But when I was twelve, he lost his job. He couldn’t find another one...or he didn’t bother trying. I’m not sure which, now that I think about it. But everything changed after that. By the time I was thirteen, I was walking three miles to school every day because he didn’t have a car. I used to come home with out of date bread that I’d buy with money from his wallet and eat it dry because that’s all we could afford. He signed up for benefits, but it barely covered rent...especially when he was drinking so heavily. And I guess one day he just snapped. He was so angry at the way his life had turned out...he just used to be so furious all the time. And I don’t know...somewhere along the way, he began blaming me for it. He used to hit me just for breathing.”

  “Willow…”

  There are hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I’m not ashamed to cry. What happened to me makes me sad every day of my life, but it’s made me who I am today. I’ve never let that hold me back. I wipe my eyes even as more tears replace the ones that I just brushed away.

  “It hurts. It really does. I watched my Dad become someone else. I don’t even know what he’s doing now, or where he is...he could be dead in a ditch. He’s not my concern now.” I sniff. “I hope he’s okay...I hope he’s found a way to heal. But it’s too late for me and him...I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if I stayed. I watched him get worse and worse...maybe he would’ve killed me some day.”

  “Willow...I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

  I shrug. “Not many people do, really. I moved out at seventeen. I cut most of my ties with people from where I grew up, even though they’re still living in the city. Liverpool has always been my home, through the hard times and the good ones...but I felt I had to leave my other reminders of my past behind.”

  Oliver’s hand slips into mine. “I can understand that. My brother...my brother did the same after my Dad died.”

  I sniff and give him an encouraging smile. “Do you want to talk about that? While we’re spilling our souls, you might as well…”

  Oliver sighs. “I mean, it’s simple really. My parents chose to smoke and drive...Mom crashed the car, but Dad’s the one who died. And our family never moved on from that. How could we?”

  I can see Oliver chewing the inside of his cheek like he’s trying to bite back some of the emotion he’s feeling.

  “It was a few years ago now...I guess I’ve come to terms with it. But it destroyed how I thought about them. We were from a wealthy family...they could’ve done anything they wanted with their lives. Why did they have to go out and get high like dumb teenagers? They wer
e meant to be the grown-ups. The ones who kept us safe and never made bad decisions. I know now, as an adult, that might not be realistic...but they were parents first and foremost. They made a selfish decision...and it’s hard to forgive them for that.”

  I nod, hardly knowing what to say. He’s right, of course. They made a bad choice. I squeeze his hand.

  “People make mistakes all the time. But they loved you. That’s something to hold onto.”

  Oliver sniffs a little. “But not enough to stop Dad from getting killed. They ripped a hole right down the centre of our home. Caleb’s gone now...he won’t talk to Mom. Tammy has to stay home just to look after Mom...these are meant to be the best years of her life and she’s stuck with Mom because of her bad decisions. And then Ezra...well, I think it hit him the hardest. He’s always been emotional...and he couldn’t hack the aftermath. He hates seeing us all fight.”

  “Well...whose side do you take?”

  Oliver sighs. “I don’t take a side. I keep my distance as much as possible from it all. I don’t know what else to do. If I side with Caleb then Tammy will never forgive me. Neither will Mom. But when I try to side with Tammy, Caleb gets all defensive, as though he didn’t choose to leave our family behind...it’s easier to just accept that I’m stuck somewhere in the middle.”

  “I mean...I guess that’s a good thing in a way...but I can understand how that sucks...not being able to express an opinion.”

  Oliver looks up at me with a sad smile. “You know...that day when I walked out of class...I felt really alone. I felt like no one would understand how I feel. But you just...you get it, don’t you? The things we’ve been through are so different...but you listen to me long enough to understand. Not many people would do that for me.”

  I swallow. I feel more nervous being vulnerable like this than I did when we kissed the first time. I’ve opened up about things I never speak about. Now, sitting here with him, I know why we’ve connected. We’re both a little bit broken, but with hearts full of love to give.

  Maybe he can give some of his love to me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Oliver

  “Are you sure you don’t mind me staying?” I ask for the third time. Willow rolls her eyes at me with a smile as she plumps up one of the pillows on her bed. They’re still a little red from all the crying, but she seems more relaxed now. Like she’s finally got something off her chest.

  “I don’t mind. It’s late, you shouldn’t walk home alone. There’s plenty of room in my bed.”

  Technically, there isn’t. It’s one of those three-quarter sized beds that they make for students when they head off to university. Not a single, but not a double. It’s going to be cozy in here…

  She doesn’t seem to mind that idea, though. She’s slipped into an old pair of shorts and a baggy old t-shirt, her blue hair loose and brushed out, looking a little static as a result. I’ve never seen her this relaxed. She gets under the duvet and wriggles around a little, getting comfy. I stare at her, realizing how much I want to get in beside her and wrap my arms around her. I’ve never felt such an urge to get close to someone like that. I’ve also never been so damn horny in my life, and I didn’t think that both these feelings could co-exist. I guess Willow just makes me want everything I’ve never had before.

  “Are you coming in or what?” she asks. She’s facing the wall so I feel a little less self-conscious as I take off my jeans and t-shirt. Another new sensation...nervousness. I never got nervous before getting into bed with Violet. Maybe it’s because this means something to me. Maybe it’s because I’m not sure where the night will head. Or maybe it’s because I’m scared I’ll mess this up, like I always seem to mess everything up. Especially when it comes to Willow.

  But she’s asking me to do this. And I want to. So I get in beside her and find that my body feels right next to hers. It curves around her body until we’re slotted easily together, my arm over her and my face buried in her hair. I sometimes used to do this with Violet, but my heart never beat as fast as it is doing now. Her hair smells like the red wine we drank before we came to bed. The skin of her arm is soft against mine. I feel like I can barely breathe in her presence. How did I end up lying next to this enigmatic woman, knowing that if I’m lucky she might just let me in a little? We’ve broken down walls tonight and before she builds hers back up again, I want to make sure I’m on her side of the fence.

  I can feel her breathing hard as we lie quietly together. Maybe she’s as nervous as I am. She grabs her phone from beside her pillow and begins to type something. I feel a little offended at first, wondering why she’s texting while we’re doing something like this, but then rain sounds come from her speakers and she slides her phone away again, settling down on her pillow once more.

  “I find it relaxing,” she whispers. “Sometimes at night when it’s loud here I just put them on and it helps me drift off to sleep.”

  I wonder if sleep is what she’s thinking about now. I’m still learning to read this girl. I want to touch her, but I’m not sure if she wants that. We’re quiet for a few minutes and then I finally get the confidence to brush her leg gently with my fingertips. She responds with a sigh. Not a dismayed sigh, but a gentle, loving one. With her back to me, I can’t see her face, but as she backs her body up against me, her ass grinding against me gently, I know she wants this.

  But I’m happy to go slowly right now. What’s the point in rushing this thing when we have all night? What’s the point of diving in head first when this is the first time I actually care about what sex means? I’m hard as hell right now and I could just flip her over and fuck her, the way I’ve done wiht other women before, but it doesn’t feel right. I follow my instincts, gently caressing her thigh. I place a few tender kisses on her shoulders, buried in the woozy scent of her hair. She’s quivering a little beneath my touch. She’s not the kind of girl to shy away from a moment of intimacy. I know without asking her that this isn’t her first time, and I know she’s not exactly shy. But it’s like it is for me. It matters to her. I can just tell by the tentative movements of her body.

  I close my eyes and just savour this moment. Our bodies close together. Our breathing heavy with anticipation, but our bodies relaxed. I find myself pressing against her so she can feel my hardness behind her even more potently. She’s still facing the wall, but her hand stretches behind her to touch my leg. It’s not a particularly intimate place to be touched, but it sends sparks through my body anyway. Only she seems to be able to make my body react with even the slightest nudge of her hand.

  The rain sounds around us divert us from complete silence and I’m glad. The tension between us is already too much without the silence making it harder. I move my hand higher to her hip and rest it there a moment, trying to decide whether I have permission to do the things I want to do to her body. In response, she turns over so I can finally see her face. I see the lust in her eyes. Her lips part and she breathes out slowly, like she’s composing herself. Right now, we’re holding back, but I sense she’s about to give in. And from here, this night is going to go very differently.

  She climbs on top of me, our eyes locked. I’m so enthralled that I know I couldn’t look away if I tried. She threads her fingers through mine and presses my hands down onto the pillow. I’m at her mercy right now. I’m not used to someone so domineering, but I like it. She shifts herself a little, grinding gently on me through my boxers. Her nipples poke out against the material of her old t-shirt and a small smile plays on her lips. She’s nervous, but there’s a sparkle in her eyes.

  “You know...if we do this...we’re all in, okay? Like, we’re exclusive to one another,” she says, moving closer so her lips are hovering over mine. I chuckle.

  “Why would I refuse that when you’re turning me on so damn much?” I murmur. She throws back her head as she laughs and I grin back. Seeing her laugh only makes this whole thing hotter. Who wants silent sex when you could have it full of love and laughter?

  She
presses my hands into the pillow again as she kisses me. I groan against her lips. My cock is throbbing for her. Damn, this is what I’ve been missing. All this time I could’ve been here with her…

  But we’re making up for lost time. Her tongue slides into my mouth and she grinds against me. I’ve never been this turned on. I must really fucking want this.

  I sit up and her legs wrap around my waist. She’s sitting right over the top of my cock now and she pulls my face closer to kiss me. Entwined in one another, she moves steadily, working up my appetite for this before we’ve even removed an item of clothing. I cup her breast, tweaking her stiff nipple through her t-shirt and earning a moan from her lips. I grab the bottom of the t-shirt and pull it over her head. She gets tangled for a moment and the pair of us giggle like teenagers, but the second she escapes, I’m enchanted by the sight of her topless. She arches backward a little so I can clamp my mouth around her nipple as she continues to grind against me. She moans and my hands find her waist, pulling her closer to me. She can’t get close enough for my liking.

  Part of me is desperate to go wild, to take this to another level, but another part of me wants to savour every single second. I want this to be a romantic experience for her. She deserves it. But as she grinds against me again, I know she’s deliberately driving me crazy with lust. She doesn’t seem interested in some slow, romantic experience anymore. She grabs one of my hands and puts it between her legs, demanding more. I follow her lead. I want to give her exactly what she asks for.

  I move her shorts aside and find that her underwear is soaked wet. She’s as turned on as I am. I find her sweet spot through her panties, massaging her clitoris gently at first. I want to drive her wild first. She moans and the sound is like a drug to me. Knowing she’s into this is the biggest turn on I could ever ask for.

  She leans in to kiss me as I touch her and my other hand grapples for the back of her neck, pulling her close. I can barely believe that this beautiful woman is here with me. As my lips venture down her neck, she giggles.