Smitten: Part I-Zerrin

by Patria L. Dunn

  *********

  “I can’t believe we ate the whole thing!” I laughed as I entered the kitchen again, a smile touching my lips as Roman finished cleaning the meat from the leg bone on his plate.

  “I can’t believe the floor is blue!” he answered with a laugh of his own, shaking his head as he surveyed the kitchen floor for the third time that night.

  “We should probably do something with that,” I pointed now to the picked clean chicken carcass that sat in the pan on the stove.

  As if on cue a round of barking sounded from the backyard, a low whine and then a piercing yelp mixed in the commotion.

  “They’re probably hungry,” Roman shrugged, getting up to scrape the bones from his plate into the pan on the stove.

  “We could give it to them…but aren’t chicken bones bad for dogs…”

  “All the more reason to give it to them. If one of them gets out…”

  “I know, but they’re suffering enough already…”

  “He starves them on purpose Lana, and besides, he only feeds them raw meat, and only a little just before a hunt. It keeps them wanting more…” he trailed off, shaking his head when another yelp from outside caused me to jump.

  “Fine, but you’re coming with me,” he nodded towards the coat and shoes I’d discarded on an empty kitchen chair. “Are the twins sleeping?”

  I nodded, pulling on the coat, and then the soaking wet shoes, my feet protesting against the shocking chill.

  “The baby?”

  I nodded again, moving past him out of the back door and down into the yard, making sure that he was behind me before continuing towards the dog pen. The barking grew more vicious as we approached, low growls mixed in with a distinct whine. I’d expected all four pits to be throwing themselves against the metal fencing as we approached, their noses wide open to the smell of chicken juices, but their eyes weren’t on us. A yelp sounded as a scuffle broke out, and I jumped as Roman dropped the pan into the snow beside me, running to the fence with his arms waving wildly about. I didn’t see her before, but I saw her now as I approached more cautiously, a smaller white pit on her side, panting as blood ran from her snout and into the dirt.

  “Survival of the fittest,” Roman shook his head as one of the larger dogs attacked again, his jaws locking around the smaller pits neck before releasing, his attention finally on us.

  “You can’t go in there!” I exclaimed, my hand catching his arm as he walked back to grab the pan he’d dropped.

  “We’ve already killed a chicken, if one of the dogs die too…”

  He was right, but I wasn’t so sure that Martin Pernickle would be shaking our hand in thanks either way. Too many rules had been broken, and we both knew that consequences would follow as soon as they returned. Adding a dead dog to the mix, even if it wasn’t our fault, would not amount to anything good.

  “How do you plan to get her out of there?” I finally asked, as he scanned the roof of the pen.

  It was sealed tight on the top and bottom. These were prized pits, and Martin Pernickle wouldn’t take a chance on losing any of them. We would have to open the door to give them the food, and hopefully distract them long enough to drag the injured dog out.

  “I’ll crack the door and throw the food towards the other side. When they run, I’ll grab her, and then you shut the door as soon as we’re clear…” Roman instructed, his breath showing as a heavy cloud of smoke in the cold night, the rush of adrenaline written on his face.

  This was even more insane than breaking into the Pernickle’s bedroom the night before, but I only nodded, my eyes now on the injured pit. In her condition, she didn’t seem as if she could harm either one of us, but it wasn’t her that I was worried about. The two large black male pits circled each other, the hair standing on the back of their neck as Roman unlatched the door slowly. The other smaller brown pit, stayed towards the back, his teeth bared, but no sounds coming out. I only nodded as Roman glanced at me, my body stiffening in fear as one of the dogs lunged forward slamming into the fence.

  “Now!” Roman cried, throwing open the door before the dog had a chance to right himself, its eyes already following the flying food through the air, and down into the dirt where it landed with a thud.

  They were on it in a flash, growling and snapping at each other, the two of us forgotten. Somewhere during the commotion I screamed, but Roman was already dragging the young white pit out by her front paws, his breath coming in short pants as he fell backwards out of the pen and into the snow. I slammed the door and locked it just as the last scrap was snatched up from the ground, the three remaining pits charging the fence before I could back away.

  “It’s okay,” Roman caught me as I tripped, a scream lodged in my throat despite the barrier between us and the three remaining dogs now.

  “They could have killed you!” I exclaimed, slapping his hand from my shoulder as he laughed at me again.

  The smile instantly cleared from his face as he took in my serious expression, his eyes already apologizing as my hand went over my chest.

  “She’s hurt pretty badly,” I noticed now, several wounds lay open and bleeding on the wounded pits neck, the tip of her nose also torn from the attack.

  “Well I’m not a vet; I have no clue what to do. We can clean her up, maybe wrap something around her neck, and put her in the shed until morning.”

  I only nodded in agreement, my mouth falling slightly open as he removed the sweater and then the t-shirt he wore underneath. Gone was the lanky boy I’d seen cutting the grass summer after summer. I couldn’t help but admire the slightly chiseled frame he now carried, his shoulders broadening out from a wide chest, squared against the cold. He’d always been cute, but he was like a brother to me, and I knew he’d never looked at me in the same way. My cheeks warmed as he tossed me the t-shirt, my eyes on the dog now as he slipped the sweater back over his head.

  “I’ll hold her still while you wrap that around her neck…not too tight, I don’t want her to bite…”

  I nodded as he lowered to the ground, the dogs head cradled in his lap before he slipped his hand through her collar to hold her still. The t-shirt was thin, and ripped easily in my hands, creating two separate pieces that I used to wrap around the pits wounds.

  “Her name’s Jezebel,” I read from the tag, smiling at the reddish brown patches I hadn’t noticed decorating the dog’s side.

  “She’s pretty, but I still don’t trust her,” Roman replied as her head jerked from his lap, a low growl in her throat as she looked warily from me to him.

  “It’s cold in the shed…”

  “It’s cold out here too Lana. She’s always been in the pen, and we’re not taking her in the house with us,” Roman interrupted me, answering the question I’d been about to ask.

  “I just thought she could heal better in the house. It’s warmer in there, and…”

  “No, Alana, geeez! Don’t you think we’re in enough trouble already,” Roman snapped at me now, jumping up so that we were face to face again.

  “I’m sorry, I just…”

  “I’m sorry,” he cut me off again, taking my hand in his for a moment. “I just wish they weren’t coming back. We could take care of the kids. We could make it without them, don’t you think?”

  “Roman…I’m seventeen. You’re sixteen… What are you saying? They are coming back, and soon…”

  “I know…it’s just…I’m so tired of living like this. And when they get back…” he sighed, motioning around us to the farm in general.

  I didn’t have to finish his sentence to know that we were both thinking the same thing. When they got back we’d both be lucky to survive the beatings we had coming our way, if they stopped there this time.

  “Run away with me Lana…”

  Roman’s voice was quiet, his head down as his eyes looked up at me through silky brown locks. My breath held as he pulled me to him, his cold fingers cupping my face so that I had no other choice but to
hold his gaze.

  “I could take care of you. You wouldn’t have to stay here any longer. We could leave as soon as they get back. They pull up and we go before they ever get in the house. You would know that the kids are safe…”

  “But would they be…?” I asked, my hands closing over his to keep him from pulling me any further in. “Would they be safe Roman?” I repeated the question, my own voice so soft that the words barely came this time. “I can’t just leave them like this… I want out of here as much as you do, but I can just…”

  “GRAB HER!” Roman screamed now, stumbling backwards in the snow as the pit dove between our legs, her body stretching out into a full run across the backyard.

  He was fast, closing on her before she’d passed the shed that sat on the backside of the property line, but freedom loomed too close and he quickly lost ground. A blur of white skimmed along the trees, her body dodging in and out of the brush before she disappeared from sight completely. I hadn’t moved from the spot I was in, my mouth opened in shock as I watched Roman run into the woods after her. The crunch of dry leaves grew fainter, the night air falling quiet again around me as I strained to hear the direction he was going. I couldn’t believe he had left me standing here all alone. Sounds that I hadn’t noticed before seemed magnified as I tipped my way across the backyard. The wind had picked up, creating a background howl to the buzz of the outdoor lamp mounted on the side of the house. A second set of footsteps seemed to match mine, and I couldn’t help but turn to watch the house as I walked, sure that something would pop around the corner at any moment.

  “Lana!”

  I heard Roman scream my name, and I ran towards the sound, my heart pounding in my chest as the other dogs erupted into a frenzied round of barking.

  “Here!” I called out as I neared the shed, my eyes scanning the darkened woods for a sign of him.

  The light on the back of the house didn’t reach this far into the yard, the yellow glow barely illuminated Roman’s footprints that led past the shed continue along the perimeter before disappearing on the other side of the fence, into the woods.

  “I’m turned around…” I heard Roman’s voice call again, a howl sounding somewhere off in the distance just as I answered.

  “Walk this way!” I screamed now, stomping my feet in the snow in an effort to make some more noise. “Over here! Over here!” I cried now, jumping up and down as the sound of crunching leaves reached my ears.

  There was no sign of Jezebel as Roman came stomping back through the woods, his face sullen as I reached to help him climb back over the rusty fence. He was pissed that she’d ran off, and probably even more pissed that he hadn’t found her.

  “It’ll be alright… She hunts, she’ll find her way back…”

  “Would you come back here?” Roman snapped, stopping in his tracks so that I almost ran into him.

  I didn’t say anything as he looked me up and down, hurt showing through the anger at my refusal to run away with him. Running away just wasn’t the answer, especially when I was three months away from turning eighteen. My only consolation in leaving the younger children behind, when that time came, was knowing that Roman would still be there to look out for them until I could put my plan into place. An anonymous letter I’d written to social services months ago would be mailed the day I walked away from this place for good. The contents of that letter would be enough to have the Pernickle’s foster care license taken away for good, placing Roman and the younger children in better homes once I was gone.

  “Roman…” I finally tried, reaching for his arm, but he had already turned away from me, heading back towards the house.

  There was nothing left to do but follow him across the yard, my eyes on the bright red blotches that stained the snow, leading away from the pen. If she wasn’t back by morning, I would search for Jezebel tomorrow when everyone was at school I decided, locking the door behind me as I shed my wet shoes for the second time that day.

  Roman had disappeared into his room, closing the door before I had a chance to pass and say goodnight. He was angry, and I understood that, but he hadn’t given me a chance to explain why I didn’t want to just run away. He needed time to cool down, and I needed a shower. Going into the woods was the last thing I wanted to do, but if Martin Pernickle returned, and he was one pit short… I didn’t want to think about what would happen to either of us. I had to find Jezebel before they returned.

  Sun Up to Sun Down

  My morning started much like the one before, except I hadn’t overslept this time. I’d gotten up early enough to cook a small pot of the oatmeal I’d found in the back of one of the cabinets. The date on it had expired months ago, but the twins ate it with no complaints. Twenty minutes before the bus would arrive, Roman finally made an appearance, mumbling a quiet hello to all of us before taking his place at the table. I pretended to be busy feeding Ranger his morning bottle, my back to them as they ate and I paced the worn kitchen floor, my thoughts on how I would go about searching for Jezebel, who hadn’t been in the yard this morning. The sound of a car creeping into our driveway pulled me out of my reverie long enough for me to catch Roman’s warning look, his coat already on as he motioned for us to stay inside.

  “Who…?”

  “Quiet!” I stopped Shelly, my hand over her mouth as she jumped from the chair.

  From the back door, I could see nothing but the right side of the chicken coop, and a snow covered field, but I could hear Roman’s voice, low and rumbling as he spoke to whomever was outside. A high pitched laugh and I knew it was a woman, the voice familiar before her face appeared outside of the fogged up glass of the screen door.

  “There you are!” she exclaimed loudly, a smile on her lips as she stepped inside uninvited, already reaching to take Ranger from my arms.

  His fat fingers reached immediately to the thick orangish red curls fashioned into a globe around her head, and he laughed when she opened her light green eyes wide in feigned surprise. I could tell it was a game they played often, and she didn’t seem to mind the cheek full of drool he left behind when he planted a big wet one on the side of her face. She seemed familiar, but her name escaped me even though she seemed to know who we were. I watched as she play tickled Ranger, putting him into the one piece snow suit she’d brought with her before giving each of the twins a pat on the head.

  “I’m so sorry… Alana right?” She addressed me now, her double chins wobbling as she shook her head. “I thought sure Jo said today was the day I needed to pick up the baby early, not yesterday. Roman here was just telling me that you had to miss school yesterday…”

  “Yeah…I…” I paused, my eyes going to Roman as he entered the kitchen through the back door, shrugging out of his coat before sitting down to finish his breakfast.

  “Ms. Nancy, from up the road? I baby sit Ranger on the days Jo works,” she reminded me, filling in the silence that had fallen in the room.

  “Right… Jo… Mrs. Pernickle,” I corrected quickly, moving aside so that the older woman could pass me. “They didn’t mention a babysitter, and I wasn’t sure who to call, so I stayed…”

  “I’ll explain why you missed school if that’s what you’re worried about,” Ms. Nancy shook her head, her eyes trailing around the room now, from floor to ceiling. “Well I declare…I haven’t seen this kitchen floor this blue since Martin Sr. had it installed fifteen years ago!” she announced, taking in the clean counter and sink.

  “Maybe them being gone has done you some good?” she asked with a nod, her eyes falling on us in pity. “You don’t have to say anything to me. If I didn’t need the babysitting money she pays me…”

  She stopped suddenly, her plump cheeks growing crimson as her gaze dropped from mine.

  “Don’t worry about packing him a bag. My daughter has a little extra from her son that I always use when I have Ranger. Which reminds me, I’d better be getting back to the house. She has to get on the road before the bus comes this way, or she
’ll be late for work. Three-thirty?” She asked, looking at me again expectantly as she backed her way out of the screen door and onto the porch.

  “Three-thirty?” I replied, confused with the subject change.

  “The bus…You’ll be out of school by three thirty so I can bring him back right? Jo said…”

  “Yes! Three thirty is fine…”

  “Well it’s really nice to meet you Alana. When Jo told me they were adopting, I thought they meant the little one, but you seem like you’re a big help around this place. Maybe just what these younger ones need,” She added with a raise of her eyebrow before tucking Ranger under her parka, safe from the cold, against her chest.

  “Adopting…wait…what?” I started after her, but she seemed to realize her slip and rushed forward down the steps, almost slipping on the patch of ice that had formed at the bottom. “What do you mean adopting!?” I yelled now, sure that my question reached her before she climbed in her car and shut the door.

  My vision shifted a little as I played back the last few minutes in my mind. Adopting… The Pernickle’s wouldn’t get a check from the state if they adopted any of us. We were their bread and butter… Ms. Nancy had to be mistaken.

  “Did you hear her?” I asked, whirling around, my eyes on Roman’s back as he washed out his bowl at the sink.

  “You know and I know that they aren’t adopting any of us. Nosey old neighbor, who likes to run her mouth, just like everyone else around here,” Roman snapped, jerking his coat off the back of the kitchen chair.

  “Yeah, but why would she say that? Was she talking about me? I don’t get it…first they leave us here, and then the letter…”

  “Look Alana, we don’t have time for this. Get dressed; the bus will be here in five minutes. It’s a long walk to school,” Roman reminded me, helping the twins into the coats I’d hung on the back of their chair.

  He was still mad at me. I could see it in his eyes despite the hollow expression he now wore. The mention of a letter had barely elicited a raise of his eyebrow, much less a comment, and he knew I wouldn’t say anymore with the twins looking back and forth between us. Gone was the connection we’d shared just the night before, and I hated the sullen look he threw my way before letting the screen door slam behind him.

  “Go ahead and catch the bus, I’ll walk,” I murmured, opening my arms for the hug I was sure to get from Shelly and Thomas.

  I watched from the front window until they’d caught up with Roman, sure that he wouldn’t come back to check on me. I wasn’t going to school today; the babysitter had just freed my morning up, and I planned to search for Jezebel until I found her. I’d wanted to get Roman’s opinion before opening the letter, but he’d stayed in his room the remainder of the night, and I hadn’t wanted to bother him. It remained unopened, tucked under my mattress, the mystery of its contents burning a hole in my thought even more now. Ms. Nancy’s words played over and over again in my thoughts, creating a mild sense of panic as I dressed in layers of the warmest clothes I owned. Jo Pernickle’s feet were at least two sizes larger than mine, but three pair of socks and two plastic bags on top of that, and her snow boots fit like a glove. I checked the clock against my watch before leaving the house, sure to leave the back door unlocked so that I could get back in.

  Our tracks from the night before were still fresh in the snow, Jezebel’s blood trail easy to follow from outside the pen to the fence that marked the perimeter of the Pernickle’s property. One last look at the house, and I was up and over the fence, the woods looming before me, thick and dark despite the carpet of white snow that blanketed the ground. Thorny vines and branches stuck up -in every direction- through piles of dead leaves, catching the already ripped hem of my jeans almost immediately. It was much colder today than it had been the night before and I had no choice but to use the top of the turtleneck I wore to shield my nose and mouth from the crisp cold air. The woods were just as creepy in the daytime as they had looked at night, gnarled bare branches hanging in clusters, like long fingers reaching down for me.

  The earthy smell took over my senses, causing my mind to wander as I walked, my attention only halfway on the task at hand. The last time I’d been in any kind of woods is when I’d been hunting with my dad at eight years old. We’d been tracking a wounded buck from sun up to sun down and he’d refused to give up and go home. I remembered the fear that took over me when the buck bolted from our sight. We’d been hiding under a pile of brush for nearly an hour waiting for him to walk close enough for my dad to get a good shot. Time stood still for me as the bullet sank into his side, a circle of blood bursting and spreading free across his dark tan hide as he fell for a moment, the muscles in his legs spasming as they fought against the sudden shift in weight. Another shot shattered that moment and he was gone just like that, his fear becoming mine as he ran for his life. We searched for two days before we found him dead by a shallow creek, his carcass opened to the bone by a host of scavengers that had happened upon an easy meal. A wounded animal will always try and find water…

  The thought took hold as my ears caught the far away rushing sound, mingled in with the noise of the wind. I knew that the river ran somewhere behind the Pernickle’s property, though I’d never seen it with my own eyes to know exactly how far I’d have to walk to find it. My attention was instantly back where it belonged, but one quick look around me, and I realized that I was lost. My eyes searched the ground and then my surroundings, trying to place the direction I was headed in. The sun had been in front of me when I started, and was now off to my right, its light barely reaching the tops of the trees through the thick cloud cover. There was no blood in the snow from what I could see where I stood, so I tried to follow the sound, moving quickly, fearful that it would disappear before I located it. The further I walked, the thicker the brush became, the snow making it even more difficult to keep from tripping and falling face first to the ground. Thorny branches and vines, stripped bare of their once lush green leaves tore at my pants legs, and eventually through the thin material, opening up more than a few cuts along my calves and ankles.

  It seemed like I’d walked for miles, every tree mimicking the last. The deeper I went, the more uncertain I became. There were bears, foxes, and probably a whole host of other animals in these woods that could kill me if they wanted too. I’d been lucky…almost too lucky to not have come across anything other than the occasional squirrel or bird. I couldn’t tell if I was going straight, but the sound was growing stronger by the minute, so I kept my eyes alert, scanning my surroundings for a break in the brush that would indicate a nearby creek leading to the river.

  A quick look at my watch and I knew I should have given up hours ago. It was already after lunch, and it seemed as if I’d only been in the woods for a short period of time. I refused to rest because I knew if I did, I would probably never find my way back in time for the bus. My thoughts were so heavy on the task at hand that I almost missed the dots of blood that suddenly appeared in the snow beneath me, faint from settling overnight but still visible. Relief flooded through me as I followed the trail, certain that the blood was from Jezebel because of the paw prints that led in the direction I was heading.

  The smell reached me long before I caught sight of the small creek, the air around me rotten, and smelling slightly of fish the closer I got to the bank. The blood trail disappeared at the waters edge, and there was nothing beyond the opposite bank that I could see. I’d expected to find a dead animal, or even dead fish as I knelt down to inspect the water’s surface, searching for paw prints in the frozen mud or anything that would tell me that Jezebel had entered the creek. There was no blood, no tracks, no nothing.

  The water ran crisp and fast, its edges frozen into a thin layer of ice that flanked either side of the bank. I was hungry and cold, and the burn in my throat increased suddenly as I contemplated whether or not to drink from the creek. If I’d planned more carefully I would have thought to bring water with me, but I hadn’t,
and I dreaded the icy cold I knew would freeze my fingers once I dipped them in to get a drink. It was a small price to pay I decided, slipping off the gloves I’d borrowed, so as not to get them any wetter than they already were from my many trips and falls in the snow.

  My mouth welcomed the cool liquid, but relief was short lived as the taste of the water settled on my tongue. I gagged and spit before swallowing hard, coughing up what little had managed to slide down my throat in my hurried sip. Not only had the smell in the air magnified, but the water tasted of it, curling my insides as I spat into the creek, trying to get the fishy taste from my mouth. Not only was the water tainted, but there was a hint of salt in it too, setting my already raw throat on fire as I fought against the coughing fit that ensued once my gag reflex kicked in. The snow was my only other option, and I fell into it, on my knees, cupping handfuls of it into my mouth, just to rid myself of the offending taste.

  Tears dotted my eyes as I straightened, my lips still tasting slightly of the offending odor. A closer peek at the water, and I could see beneath the thinly frozen surface, a shiny trail of blue, pooled at the bottom of the creek bed, ebbing against the flow, growing more and more faint until it disappeared entirely. The creeks water was dirty brown at best, maybe clear on a warm summer day, but certainly not the electric blue that stained the bed, its color sparkling despite the absence of sunlight to reflect its hue. It piqued my curiosity enough that I quickly forgot about my search for Jezebel, my eyes trained on the odd color as I followed it, slowly, along the edge of the bank. The footing was more slippery here, though partially frozen, the mud immediately sucked the heavy boots I wore downward, causing me to expend what little energy I had left before I’d walked more than a few hundred yards.

  I was about to turn back, sure that the cold had me heady enough to be seeing things, but then I heard it. The sound was so faint that I wouldn’t have caught it had I not been holding my breath in an effort to cease the burn that had exploded through my lungs. Someone was singing, or humming rather, the tone low and mournful, constant and floating. I paused as it droned again, low and pulling, my head turning on its own accord as I searched the woods around me. I was alone as far as I could tell, the rustling of dead leaves absent now that I had stopped to listen. My eyes trailed the tree branches above, noticing that where there had been an occasional bird or squirrel scampering about, there were none in this part of the woods. Eerie, but not impossible, I reasoned, letting my eyes wander back to the creek that had suddenly become still and silent.

  I wanted to turn back. I could almost hear my father’s warning tone on the other side of my irrational thoughts, but everything seemed jumbled now. I couldn’t think past the cold that had claimed my entire body, my eyes steady drawn to the creek’s bed, the blue hue now rippling, as if in an effort to draw me into its flow. It was beyond mesmerizing, the space around me closing in until my peripheral vision blurred, my focus only on the tiny bit of space in front of me that remained clear. There was no stopping my feet as they moved me forward, my frozen fingers tucking under my arms as my eyes followed ahead in anticipation of what I would find. The smell grew stronger, forcing me to breathe through only my mouth, chapping my already dry lips to the point of cracking. The taste of blood mingled and then faded, my senses exploring the sight before my eyes.

  Alarms bells chimed through my thoughts, but faded quickly, a thick fog settling in my head, the low mournful tones caught within as if in an echoing song. Where the mouth of the creek spilled into the beginning of what I knew to be the Kennebec River, the blue exploded into hues of greens and yellow, the color changing the now rushing flow of water into a spiral of sparkling liquid. I paused as the song droned on, much louder than it had been a few moments before. I would have covered my ears had I been able to move my arms, but they were stuck fast to my side, my limbs frozen in the position they had settled in. Panic gripped me as my eyes ran along the widened bank, following the water out into the open, well past the rickety dock that lay half concealed by a thicket of overgrown dead vines. The trees were thick here; their trunks almost touching as they crowded the waters edge, their exposed roots tainted the same unusual blue color that ran vividly through the creek. Somewhere outside of the invisible bubble, I seemed to be trapped in, I heard a bird’s call, its whistle harsh and shrieking as if to warn me not to go any closer.

  My body was not my own to control, and though panic crept steadily through me, I couldn’t react, my legs refusing to back away from the edge of the slippery bank. The drone was so loud now that I wondered if anyone else heard it. Surely, the time for the bus to arrive have come and gone. Roman would have noticed my tracks by now, leading away from the house. He would be looking for me…

  The thought settled like a lead weight on my chest, crushing any hope that Roman would immediately be worried for me. He was still angry, and once he saw that I wasn’t at home, and I hadn’t shown up for school, he would probably think the worse… He would probably think…

  Listen…

  The word was so soft, I barely heard it, and my ears instantly piqued as hope rushed through me. Maybe a hunter… Maybe a…

  Listen…

  It came sharper this time, warmth pressing just inside my ear as if someone were standing right beside me. I didn’t mean to jump. I didn’t even know that I could, but I did, a scream lodged in my throat as my boots slipped in the mud, my arms suddenly flailing about me as I grasped for anything that would keep me from falling into the icy water. Pain ignited into a fiery burn, starting in the fingers that clasp the tips of a dead bush, growing out of the side of the bank, its thorns catching deep in my frozen skin before releasing suddenly as I lost my hold. The woods around me went suddenly clear again, the fog in my head rushing free the instant my body hit the icy water sending me into a state of shock. My mouth opened and then closed as I choked on bits of salt and ice that had broken free of the thin layer coating the edge as I fell. The foul odor claimed my throat, taste buds and lips, but was the least of my worries as I felt my butt hit bottom.

  Help me…

  “HELP ME!” I sputtered, echoing the words that seemed to hover above my head as I pushed myself upward, the voice far enough away that I doubted anyone could actually see me.

  My body felt as if a thousand needles had been plunged in simultaneously, the cold so intense that it took my breath away as I struggled to right myself in the waist deep water. I’d had no energy left to begin with, and the rush of adrenaline was fading faster than I was able to move, my boots stuck deep in the muddy river bottom. The harder I fought, the deeper I sunk, the mud seeping in over the tops of the borrowed shoes and down into the hastily tied plastic bags I’d donned to keep my feet extra dry.

  Listen…

  Help me…

  The words came again, the drone silencing my whimpering cries as the invisible bubble settled around me once more. Gone was the splashing sound my hands created as I pulled against the liquid that sucked at me. It was so loud, yet so soft that I was sure that whoever it was, had fallen in right after I did. My peripheral vision blurred once again as I tried to turn, my focus pulled directly in front of me, to where the dilapidated dock lay less than twenty feet away. My mouth opened, but no sound came forth as I watched a trail of the bluish green color veer towards where I stood trapped, its movement mimicking a fish tail as it surrounded me, the color reaching inward until it formed a circle around where I stood.

  Listen…

  The word came again, pulling at my senses, clearing my nose of the foul odor, and my ears of the rush of blood that echoed from my racing heart.

  “I’m listening…” I whispered back, my teeth chattering so violently that I bit my tongue in the process.
<
br />   Open your eyes and you will see clearly, follow the song, merman of the sea…

  “Follow the song…? But…? Help!” I cried now, tears streaming down my face as my hands pulled once again at the water, trying to free my trapped feet.

  I’m going to die here! I realized, my eyes landing on my fingers as I drew them back to my body.

  They were as blue as the color that surrounds me now… Stained! I realized as I rubbed the tips together, ridding my skin of most of the tint. My fingers aren’t cold anymore!

  Neither are my arms… My legs… Realization came slowly as I shifted my weight in the water, my body warming as the circle of blue stained my clothing, and any skin that was visible to me. I’ve gone crazy! I thought to myself as I allowed my legs to bend slowly, submerging the still frozen top half of my body until the water was at my chin. Yup! Crazy! I confirmed as warmth took hold, seeping through my clothes, heating the aching muscles and joints I hadn’t been able to feel moments before.

  My teeth still chattered noisily, but my body was warming quickly, steam now lifting off of me as I stood, my eyes wide as the blue began to move outward, away from me and back towards the dock. The foul odor returned almost instantly, and my breath caught as I covered my mouth with my hand, determined not to inhale fully this time.

  Listen…

  The word came again, and I stilled, my eyes closing as the drone took hold of my thoughts, pushing them aside until there was nothing left but the low mournful song.

  Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song…

  Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song…

  Sorrow took hold as the words became clearer, their meaning lost on my physical mind, but I was well beyond that. I could feel myself floating now, my feet suddenly free of the sucking mud, but I didn’t dare open my eyes for fear of it not being real. Was it meant for me…? My parents calling…?

  Look…

  It came as a command, and though my reflexes reacted in time to squeeze my eyelids even more tightly shut, it was no use. They opened freely as if fingers had pried them into a widened position, my muscles frozen against the automatic desire to blink. I had no choice but to look straight ahead, everything else hazy at best, even when I turned my head. I saw it, and recoiled inwardly, bile rising in my throat as the rotten fish smell hit me full on. A hand floated just under the dock in an upright position, its fingers curled, and blackened at the tips. Once again my legs refused to moved when I wanted them too, my body now warm, but frozen to the spot I still held in the shallow water.

  Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song…

  The drone took hold once again, pulling at my chest as if it meant to rip my heart free of its encasement. Sorrow settled somewhere deep within me, and blossomed, pulling on the place that had yet to heal from my parents’ death. It was impossible that I was feeling another person’s pain, but somehow I knew it wasn’t mine. The tears were mine however, and I wiped my cheeks self consciously, unable to stop the sadness that now claimed every fiber of my being.

  Help me…

  The voice! I finally realized, my body snapping free of the holding trance as I rushed forward now, the foul odor forgotten. Whoever it was wasn’t dead. I could see movement the closer I got, the man’s almost submerged head bobbing with the waves my body created as I moved towards him.

  “Sir!” I called now, my voice panicked as I stopped just shy of reaching distance, afraid to bend down and inspect his condition. “Can you hear me?” I tried again, my voice much lower than I’d intended it to be. “My name’s Alana… Alana Cassidy…” I paused, shaking my head at how ridiculous I sounded.

  Here I was trying to give a formal introduction, while he lay dying…almost drowning in a shallow grave.

  “I’m… I’m going to get help… I’ll be right back… Okay?” I asked now, my words sounding just as unsure as I felt.

  There was no response. From where I stood, I could see that the hand that I’d spotted was not floating, but actually caught in a mesh bait trap, the rusty wires poking every which way, scratching his skin raw. His eyes remained closed, but I could see his lips move as I bent further down, taking a step backward just in case he tried to grab for me. He was trying to speak to me, I realized, already dreading the notion of having to pull him out of the water. The smell was definitely coming from him, and I’d begun to smell it well before finding the river. The water tasted of it, so I could only imagine what the rest of his body would look like if I dragged him free. A shark could have eaten his whole lower half… Or a wild animal could have dragged him here and left him for dead!

  My thoughts grew wilder and wilder every second I stood there debating on what my next move should be. Guilt shot through me as I looked back towards the woods, and then to him. If I left him here, he could die before I returned with help. I had to at least get him out of the water.

  “I’m going to go for help, but first I need to see where you’re injured,” I explained quickly as I splashed forward, my hand reaching for the edge of the dock to support my weight and his. “Im going to pull you out of there… Tell me to stop if I’m hurting you okay?” I instructed, my heart flying into an erratic beat as I lowered myself in the water once again.

  It was even warmer beside the dock, but I didn’t have time to question how it could be below freezing outside, yet almost steaming hot where I now stood.

  “Wait…”

  It was the first words I saw and heard him speak, and I froze as his eyes opened, his head turning slightly so that his electric blue eyes locked on mine.

  “You heard my song…” he stated, but I knew he meant it more as a question, his brows furrowing as he took in my surprised face.

  “I’m going to help you…” I explained again, extending my hand for him to take.

  “I shouldn’t have called to you... It’s not meant for me to be saved… I thought you would end this…” he whispered now, his voice dropping with a ragged rush of air as he struggled to breath.

  “You’re…delirious… As soon as we get you help…”

  “I’m not like you…” he interrupted me, his eyes shifting from cool to cold as he fixed his gaze on me again.

  I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Once again I was frozen, my legs refusing to move the second my mind screamed DANGER! with matching alarm bells attached.

  “I can’t be helped… Not by your kind…” he added slowly, his gaze dropping away from me as he shifted in the water.

  A splash further under the dock made me jump, and I lowered to my chest, looking to where his feet may be.

  “Look sir, either I leave you hear to die while I go get help, or you at least let me get you out of the water, and I promise I will come back as quickly as I can with people that can take you to a hospital…” I explained quickly, my eyes scanning the water’s surface around me for a sign that there might be something else in the water.

  He was obviously ill and injured. Arguing with him would be futile if I planned to run all the way back to the house and come back before sunset. I had no idea how I’d even ended up here, and I wasn’t even too sure I could find my way back once it was dark.

  “Come on,” I crooned softly, reaching now until my hand settled on his elbow, just below where the trap held fast to his arm.

  He didn’t resist as I pulled, his weight heavy, but lessened by the water as we moved slowly backwards. The smell was overwhelming the second we moved, the foul odor sticking in the back of my throat and forcing me to gag as my reflexes kicked in.

  “I’m sorry…” I mumbled shamefully as his eyes opened slowly, his lips pulling at the edges into a hint of a grimace as he looked up at me.

  “A dying fish…” he murmured as I staggered backwards in the sucking mud, my footing almost lost as his breath washed over my face.

  “Ex… Excuse me…” I stammered now, unsure of if I’d heard him right.

&
nbsp; “I’m…”

  “You… You have a tail!” I screamed as my back hit the bank of the creek, my hands releasing his forearm as I scrambled sideways, out of his reach.

  His body was still almost fully submerged up to his chest, but there was no mistaking the splash that had rocked a tiny ripple of waves away from us the moment before.

  “You… you… you…” I stuttered, unable to pull my frantic thoughts into one cohesive sentence.

  I had to be seeing things. My eyes blinked and blinked again, as he flopped sideways, his tail rising slightly out of the water before disappearing again below the surface.

  “Don’t be afraid… Please…” he whispered, his uninjured hand reaching for me as I fell backwards into the shallow water.

  What I’d excused as slime from the dirty river water, was actually a thin webbing between each of his fingers, slick and shiny from the blue color that coated them.

  “Please…” he said again, his head turning so that our eyes met and held. “I won’t hurt you…”

  I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed before, but his skin was not skin at all, but a layered membrane of fluorescent blue scales that seemed to be peeling free of the partially exposed tissue underneath. His face was almost completely bare of the crescent shaped covering, baby smooth despite the mud and grim that had layered there, undoubtedly from his stay under the dock.

  “You’re… You’re a fish?! A… A…”

  “Jonas…”

  “A Jonas…?” I asked stupidly, wracking my brain, for any species of fish I’d heard of in the Jonas family.

  “My name…is Jonas…” he breathed heavily now, his words labored as his hand lowered back into the water.

  “You’re human, but you’re not… You’re a… a…fish…” I stammered as I righted myself again, the water growing colder as I moved further away from him.

  “Yes… and kind of…” he eyed me warily now, his chest heaving with the effort of just those three words. “You called me sir… but I’m Jonas…” He explained as if I were a child, his tone forced, but patient as he took in my defensive stance.

  “No… I meant…” I stopped, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.

  I was in the middle of the woods, standing in waist deep water that should have been freezing, but wasn’t, looking at a real live merman. It really didn’t matter that he hadn’t understood what I meant by calling him sir.

  “Jonas…” I began again, shifting my weight, so that I didn’t look as if I was about to run, even though I was. “Where did you come from? How is this real? Mermaids… Mermen…” I corrected, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment even though his expression hadn’t changed. “…They aren’t real. They’re fairy tales, stories, myths…”

  I trailed off, lifting my hands as if the answer would be placed there and understanding would be granted by the gods.

  “In your world…yes…we are just that I suppose…” he answered slowly this time, his eyes heavy with sorrow as he found my gaze again. “In Altonia…where I come from…there are no humans. You are actually the first I’ve ever seen… a fairy tale, story, myth…” he echoed me now, his shoulders seeming to shrug, though I couldn’t tell with the bobbing of the waves his tale created when he shifted.

  “It’s just…a little much…” I sighed heavily, my hand going to my forehead as I scanned the woods behind me again. “I was out here looking for my… my…dog…” I suddenly remembered Jezebel’s escape, and the reason I’d been out in the woods for so long. “…And then I saw that blue color…” I trailed off, pointing to the electric blue shade that filled the area around him.

  “My essence, it’s what makes me who I am…”

  “Jonas of Altonia…” I murmured softly as he paused, taking in the deep cuts that ran across his chest and shoulders.

  Where I’d expected his flesh to be wrinkling and pruned from being in the water under the dock for so long, it was smoother than mine…gelatinous to the touch I realized as I rubbed the remainder of the sticky goo from the palms of my hands.

  “So I guess the police or an ambulance is out of the question…” I thought out loud now, shivering from the cold that had begun to claim my skin once more. “Can you walk…?” I asked suddenly, the idea taking hold before I’d had a chance to think it through.

  I could only imagine the publicity it would bring to the Pernickle’s farm if I reported this, but I couldn’t leave him here to die. If I could just help him get well enough to swim back home… Hope plummeted as he shook his held slowly in response to my question.

  “In the stories, once mermaids… mermen…” I corrected myself again, moving closer so that he didn’t have to turn to see my face. “Once out of the water…their tails turn into…well…legs…” I stammered now, heat rushing to my cheeks as his brows lifted in amusement.

  “You are not like the humans in our stories… Vile, and cruel… Only looking to kill or steal from us…” Jonas mused, his eyes closing as he spoke in a hushed tone. “Altonians have never been permitted to go to the surface. What you say is partially true from what I’ve heard… Once out of the water, there is a spell we can cast that will change our tails into human legs until we return to the water, but that is not where the problem lies. The salt of the sea is what sustains us. Just as your body is made mostly of water, ours is comprised mostly of salt… sea salt. Without it we grow weaker by the day… Our organs fail, and eventually death. It’s what I’ve been sentenced to. You can not help me,” Jonas shook his head once, his eyes remaining closed as he allowed his head to sink partially under the water’s surface.

  I wanted to ask what he meant… There had to be a reason he was so far from the ocean if it wasn’t permitted. Was he in trouble…? The thought deepened into more questions that I didn’t have the answers too. The only way I would find out is to get him someplace other than where he lay in the water against the shallow riverbank.

  “I’m going to have to leave you. There’s a four-wheeler back at the farm where I live. I’ll have to get it, and come back. I can’t carry you,” I explained, my teeth chattering with the effort as I forced my legs to move back towards the bank.

  “You still want to help me…?” Jonas murmured, his words heavy as his tail lifted slowly, turning him so that he was on his stomach facing me.

  I gasped without meaning to, taking in the condition of his back before my eyes landed in horror on his questioning face. There the odor emanated upward, his flesh laying open and browning around the marred edges in a design so intricate that I couldn’t imagine what had done this to him. His essence, as he called it, ran thick and blue from the longer cuts in his back, each of them more than an inch in length, and probably just as deep. It is what had stained this portion of the river and the creek, taking with it the rotten odor of his decaying flesh.

  “I…I…don’t know if I can, but I still want to try,” I whispered now, the words forced as I tried to hold back the hot tears stinging my rapidly blinking lids.

  “I don’t have much time, and I’ve never tried the walking spell…”

  “I’ll help you… I’ll come right back…” I promised now, swiping my shoulder across my tear stained cheek as I brushed my fingers across his brow.

  They were stained a shimmering blue as I drew them away, and I sighed in relief as the warming began, sending a stinging pain through my hand.

  “Take as much as you need. You won’t last much longer in this cold…” Jonas nodded before I could protest, my mouth falling open as he inched a little closer, so that I wouldn’t have to come further into the water.

  “What do I…”

  “Rub it on your skin…over your clothing…under your nose and around your mouth. Liquid fire is one of the names your kind has given it… It can be used for many things… My mother told me a story once where a mermaid gave her essence to two human children that had fallen from a boat. She saved them from the icy waters of the Atlantic, and broke Altonian law by bringing
them to shore. They were nearly frozen, and she knew that she would not be allowed to return to her family, so she sacrificed herself…coating them in her essence. Legend has it, that in turn, the children saved her life also, and she now lives in the human world as their mother. I don’t know if it’s true, but… you stopped shaking when you were closer to me,” Jonas noted, his words thin now as he struggled for another breath. “Maybe if I save you first… you will then in turn be able to save me.”

  It was more than I’d hoped to hear, and with it, revelation finally came of what his essence could truly mean at this moment.

  “Yes… yes…!” I agreed in understanding, thinking back to the blue that had surrounded me, coating my skin in a fine layer. “But…will I hurt you?” I asked, eyeing the gaping wounds on his back and shoulders.

  “I am beyond pain at this point. Take what you need…” Jonas answered as his head sank lower into the water, his face entirely submerged from my view.

  I wasn’t sure if he did it to keep from screaming, or if being underwater helped him breathe easier, but I didn’t want to keep him waiting any longer than he had too. I slid my fingers across his back gingerly, careful not to get too close to the openings of the cuts. The liquid came away easily, thick and sticky on my hands, sending a trail of immediate warmth throughout my body, though I hadn’t begun to spread it yet. I coated the top of my head first, rubbing as much of it as I could into my scalp, not knowing if it would do more good than harm. My mother would have chided me for not wearing a hat in this weather, saying that most of the body’s heat was lost through the head, while my father would have disagreed entirely, warning me that the feet is to be kept warm the longest. I hoped in this case that she was right, and it would help keep me warm the entire way home. My face and neck were next, and then my clothes, my body now sweating as I backed away from what looked like a floating corpse.

  “Jonas…?” I questioned softly, letting the tips of my fingers rest against the base of his skull as his body turned over in the water, his cheeks drawn taut by the grimace that he held.

  “Go…” he exhaled on a single breath, his eyes never opening to look at me again.

  “I’ll be back,” I promised, swiping at the blue stained tears that dripped freely onto my equally stained coat.

  “I’ll be back…”

  The Guardian

  I’d always wondered why there was a window in the bathroom. The shabbily made curtains hanging at odd ends, across the rectangular cut of glass, would normally have been drawn tight, pinned with my one and only hair clip, but I hadn’t had the energy to move that far past the tub once I’d crawled into the hallway bathroom of the Pernickle’s home on all fours. In my head I knew, though my nerve endings were no longer conveying any feeling to my hands or fingers, the exact amount of pressure needed to turn the knobs of the cracked ceramic tub to the on position was all I had left. Some of my darkest moments I’d spent in its porcelain cast, soaking away the load of never ending pain my body encompassed from my parents’ deaths. It is where I lay now, my eyes partially closed to the sun’s waning light shining through that window -only a few moments after I’d found my way home.

  I wanted to imagine it all to be a dream in which my mind had finally succumbed to insanity. No one person should have to endure the turmoil that my life had been placed in over the last five years, but yet here I sat, still shivering from the cold that seemed would never let go of my bones, but still alive. Face partially submerged, eyes hollow as I continued my blank stare of confusion. The woods waited in the dark recesses, my dreams only a moment away if I allowed them to close in. Somewhere on the other end Jonas called for me to come back, his song haunting me, even within the lopsided walls of the Pernickle’s farmhouse. I could hear it just as clearly as if I were standing waist deep in water again, only inches from him.

  There was no time for sleep. I could already hear footsteps moving down the hall, and I owed Roman an explanation that I hadn’t yet begun to figure out. I froze as a soft sigh sounded beyond the closed bathroom door, Roman’s voice muffled, but concerned as he called to me.

  “Alana…?”

  “It’s…it’s…me…” I answered back, my teeth biting my lower lip to keep them from chattering together.

  No one had been home when I’d gotten in, and I’d assumed that Roman had either called the police to report me missing, or went to search for me.

  “Do you know how worried I’ve been! Do you know what I thought!?” Roman questioned now, his concern suddenly replaced with anger.

  “I’m hungry…” I heard Shelly’s voice whine from further down the hall, and I breathed a sigh of relief when he moved away from the door without waiting for an answer.

  There was no point in telling him the truth now. I had to go back.