In truth, I am beset with nerves, and this is the only way that I can release them.
Another kiss came, a little longer than the last, then another, longer still. Each space between was less, and each kiss was more. Their limbs entangled like tree roots or branches. The trees parted for a moment in the stirring breeze, and the sunlight warmed their two bodies.
Juliana did not remember getting there, but the next thing that she knew, they were both on the ground together. She had the softness of moss, and the prickles of rogue twigs in her back, while he was beside her, the warmth of his face heating her. They both took a moment to get their breath back, like rabid animals.
“Come closer,” pleaded Juliana.
She could feel the warmth of the sun beating down, it had reached the pinnacle of its arc through the sky. Andrew shifted his weight, the wound still troubling him, and brought his lips to hers, unmoving as they touched. Their eyes were locked, communicating everything that needed to be said.
He shifted and took her shirt in his hands, rolling it up her body and over her head. Juliana moved so that he could take it off. He took his own off, displaying his rugged chest. Before she knew what she was doing, her hand was among his thick chest hair, heat radiating, and sweat beading.
She brought her hand down to his bandaged wound, and he jerked back slightly but let her touch it. She bent upwards and kissed his side, tenderly. He removed her skirt, his Adam’s apple fluttering in nervousness as he looked over her body, covered only by the thin chemise.
“The day at the lake,” started Andrew.
Juliana put her finger to Andrew’s lips. “I knew that you were watching me, but I never said anything.”
Andrew stood and removed his kilt. Juliana gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. She had been expecting undergarments, but he wore none and, now, he stood before her in all of his glory. She could see just how much he wanted this.
Without taking his eyes off of him, she removed her undergarment, and lay back down in the moss, feeling the cool wetness underneath her, and basking in the sun above.
Am I a fool? Is this folly? I set out this morning to be better than I was, but I cannot shake the feeling that I am being good and true.
Juliana shivered a little as the cold caught up with her. Andrew covered her body with his eyes, but she wanted him to cover her body with his own. She had never done this before, not once come close, but she knew what to do as if she had been imbued with secret knowledge from somewhere. As if the spirit of nature had passed through her and instructed her in what was right and good for all living things.
Juliana raised her hand, and Andrew took it. She pulled him down toward her, still unsure that she was doing the right thing, but confident that it had to be done. The forest was her freedom, temporarily, from a life in the Castle and beyond, but in her heart, she knew that it was wrong, deep down; deep, deep down.
This is the end of my freedom. I cannot lie to myself any longer, but perhaps I can for one more afternoon.
As Andrew dived down to be with her, she plunged upwards and into everything; the Highlander, the setting, the freedom, the forbidden lust, a final farewell.
This time, it was not lips that were interlocked, it was their entire bodies. Juliana had expected some fumbling, nervousness, stopping and starting, but everything flowed like a freshly-thawed creek. She caressed his back and felt his hands wander over her, touching, grabbing, holding back.
Every touch excited her. His fingers sent feelings coursing through her body. She reached down and took his rear in her hands, pulling him against her and pinning her body to the ground. A low moan of pleasure escaped her lips.
He had her breasts in his hands, squeezing gently and teasing her nipples. She could feel her back arch involuntarily as she lived through every moment of pleasure. Juliana moved from his buttocks to his back, loving each muscle, and clawing a little at him as he teased further.
His large hands ran down her sides, from breast to waist, stroking gently, causing her tiny hairs to stand on end. He was firm with her, moving her legs apart, but he did not yet go to where she was most wet, instead teasing her inner thigh with his fingertips.
Lips were brought to her stomach, then her breasts, always kissing around where she wanted it most, drawing out the pleasure. He moved up again, lifting her arms up behind her, to stroke and play.
Then he grasped, first on her waist, next on her breasts. There was a kiss at her neck, then her lips, a soft breathing and moan in her ear, before he moved his hands from her neck, down to her thighs, lingering, touching, gently squeezing. Her nipples stood on end.
He moved in closer and rubbed his body against her own.
She thought that she was going to burst, and inside, she did, as he finally gave her what she knew she had been wanting ever since they had first kissed by the lake. He was rubbing against her, and the throbbing only made her pulsate more. Taking his manhood, she guided him inside.
He slid in, and Juliana could feel her warmth combine with his own. She reveled in the deep moan and gasp that he let out as she accepted him. Her hands were on his buttocks again, pulling him inside deeper, the discomfort turning to only pleasure.
She had heard tales of pain from your first time, but there was none.
Their eyes locked again, and lips soon followed. He kissed at her neck, and that caused her back to arch once more, enveloping him more, and deepening his thrusts.
This is all that I have ever wanted. This is the pinnacle of everything that I have ever wished for.
His movements quickened, and his hands stopped roving. He took her hands in his and pinned them onto the mossy undergrowth, one on each side of her head.
As he thrust downwards, sinking into the warmth and wetness, Juliana thrust upwards to meet him. It was ecstatic and exuberant. The chirping birds sounded like the songs of angels. She could not keep her eyes on him any longer. Her head was thrown back as the concerto was peaking. Greens and blues mixed together as her vision blurred, and she closed her eyes.
He moaned long and deep, and the song of the thrush rang out from a nearby tree, an embarrassed bird caught up in the affair of humans. Juliana replied in song, both to Andrew and nature’s call. She gasped, and moaned, and breathed. She could feel the heat enter her as her last breath escaped.
Andrew collapsed, a welcome weight to tether her to this world. He panted in her ear, pleasure mixed with the pain of his injury. Juliana breathed heavily too and smiled toward the swaying branches that danced only for her.
As her mind came back to reality, she knew that she had to break it off, there was no doubt in her mind. It was the right thing to do, no matter who it hurt. She just had to find the right way, the right words.
I have never been surer of anything in my life, but I know now that I must find a way to be with Andrew and not the Laird.
19
When Freedom Ends
“Did that just happen?” asked Andrew with a slight smile on his face.
“I think that it did,” replied Juliana.
They lay on the ground together, clothes were strewn somewhere beside them, without a care in the world. Neither of them cared if someone stumbled across the scene, though they were both in too much of a fog to realize exactly what that would mean.
Juliana nuzzled her cheek farther into Andrew’s shoulder and chest, and immersed herself in another world, one that came after them being together one last time. The world had changed around her forever. She closed her eyes and dozed off into her own consciousness.
She was woken later; she did not know how long, by Andrew stirring. The warmth in the air was the same, but it could have been days, or it could have been an instant shift, all meaning of time had deserted her. He moved to get up from the ground, and she let him.
Without a word, he reached for his clothes and began to get dressed. He looked down on her with a mix of pain and pleasure. Juliana wanted to help him with his shirt, seeing the pain on his face a
s he dressed, but she knew that he would not accept the help.
“I have tae be the one tae dae this,” said Andrew with sternness in her voice.
I know that you think by leaving that you are doing me a service, but I want you to stay more than anything in the world. We can figure this out.
Juliana remained silent.
“I cannae mess with yer life, and the life of yer family,” admitted Andrew. “I—”
“What is it?” asked Juliana. She hoped that he had formulated the plan that would get them out of all of this.
“I think that I’m fallin’ in love with ye.”
Juliana could only smile as her heart melted. She was falling for Andrew too, but her heart could never truly be his as long as she was to wed another. It was all very well to call it all off in her head, but it was a different matter entirely to actually change the future.
I want to tell you the same, I really do, but how can I, when I know that I will soon be gone from here and in the arms of another man?
Andrew spoke again. “I dinnae expect ye tae say anythin’. The last time I expected ye tae speak, ye broke me heart, and that was me own fault. Dinnae think that ye're tae blame in any of this. I’m the one who acted out, and I have tae deal with it. I wanted one more moment with ye, and I've been blessed with it. I cannae ask for anythin’ more.”
Juliana wanted to reply, but she could not.
Andrew continued with his passionate speech as he continued to dress. “I dinnae know if I will be taken back tae the Castle. This may be the end of it for me. The Laird is not goin’ tae be happy, no matter how this story ends. I let ye fall intae the hands of bandits, and that’s all that'll matter for him.”
“I’ll—”
“No, ye willnae. I’m a grown man, and ye dinnae need that worry on ye. Dinnae worry, I’ll be fine, and so will ye,” said Andrew.
The way that he said the last word gave it a sound of finality. He finished dressing, turned, and left. Juliana broke down in tears. She wrapped her arms around her body and wanted to fall into the darkness. She wished that he would come back and they could properly say goodbye to each other, but that would only hurt her more. She had fallen for the Highlander, and he was gone, lost forever.
It was only when he was gone that she felt naked. She had been lying there nude for a while, but, with him by her side, she had felt clothed in something. She sat up, before bringing her knees under her to kneel in the Scottish moss. She looked around, hoping that no one or no animal was close by. She did not want any company.
She dressed hastily, checking her clothes as she put them on. The skirt was dark, and she brushed off the leaves as much as she could. There was a little green on the back of her blouse, from when she had lain on the ground with Andrew. She did her best to brush that off too and had it looking almost like it had before.
The air around her had changed, she could sense that as she inhaled and exhaled. She brushed herself down and walked back to the Castle, taking her time as she did.
There must be something that I am missing, some way to make all of this work. I want to be with Andrew, but my family needs money. The Laird has money. If there was a way for Andrew to have the Laird’s money, then my life would be happy. I just need to…
No matter how hard she thought about it, there was no way to fix the problem. She had two separate problems with no common answer. She paced slowly toward the Castle as she tried to overcome her fate.
If we had more time, he could go out into the world and earn his fortune. Yet, he is already seven-and-twenty, and who is going to take pity on a poor blacksmith’s son. There are those who have money and power, and those who do not.
The more she thought about it, the more her head hurt, and it was the lack of attention that almost sent her to an early grave. She had not noticed the trees end, and the road begin. As she stepped foot onto it, the noises came back, and the thudding of hooves thundered past her.
“Get out of the way,” shouted a burly Scotsman, one of the two men on horses who were taking the lead. They were followed by two more, a single rider, and two more again. Juliana was thrown backward and slipped down into the ditch by the side of the road.
She caught sight of the solo rider glancing at her before looking back at the Castle. She shook herself off and got back up, watching the procession of horses as they sped along the road and into the Castle. They were in an obvious rush to get there, but Juliana did not know why.
She took her time again and slowly walked toward the Castle. She was no closer to finding a solution to her current predicament. Everyone was in a rush to get to where they were going, but she was not.
At the Castle gates, the guardhouse was not manned, and there was more noise than usual coming from inside. It would seem that the arrival of the seven men had stirred up quite a commotion. Juliana sauntered inside and saw Lady Drechten standing in the courtyard. She was talking to the man who had been riding solo.
Lady Drechten was animated, and so was the man. She was flinging her arms up and down, moving her head from side to side, as if she was trying to explain why she had lost something. In return, the man was shouting at her. Finally, the Lady looked Juliana’s way, and a look of calm anger encountered her face.
“Miss Petrey,” said Lady Drechten, her voice carrying over the noisy courtyard.
The man turned, and Juliana knew immediately who it was. It was the Lady’s brother, her future husband, Laird Lochenbrew.
He is so handsome and elegant!
Juliana stood still before noticing that the Laird was staring at her. It was only then that she went to him. The Laird stood there impatiently like a parent waiting for their insolent child. Lady Drechten too had a look on her face like that of a disapproving aunt.
As she walked to him, her husband-to-be, she got a chance to look him up and down. She tried her best not to look him in the eye, instead casting demure glances over his clothes, sizing him up without him seeing. She could feel his eyes on her the entire time.
When she had decided that she truly wanted to be with Andrew, and even before, she had hoped that the Laird would be a disgusting old man, a figure whom she could despise and feel vindicated in hating. He was no such thing, not to look at, anyway.
His tartan kilt was immaculate and bright. She had never seen so much color on a man before, and he carried it off with a rugged roguishness. The tartan was striped with light greens, yellows, and purples, and looked to be crafted just for this ride. If they had encountered any dirt along the way, they had escaped unscathed.
The black shirt was as neatly pressed as she had ever seen one, and the obsidian fabric sucked in all light, creating a void of nothingness. He wore black riding gloves too, again immaculate, and shoes that were speckled with dirt, but still harnessed a natural shine.
I knew that I would compare this man to Andrew the minute I met him, but I wish that I had not for he more than stands up for himself.
Laird Lochenbrew stood over six feet tall, and Juliana was certain that he had some size on Andrew. He was broad too, a man that she would consider to have the look of a warrior, and that was confirmed by the sword on his belt. The sword looked newly forged, but Juliana still had the feeling that it had been used already.
The face was a mask of handsomeness, different to Andrew’s, but attractive all the same. He had pronounced cheekbones and a strong jawline as if carved from the finest marble. He had a little stubble on his chin, a design choice and not laziness, and rich maple eyes. His eyebrows were dark and thick, framing his face, and the hair on his head was luxurious, a little longer than Andrew’s, and it hung tidily over his ears.
The one feature that stuck in Juliana’s mind was the permanent smirk at the edge of his mouth, as if he was sharing a secret with you, or an inside joke. If this had been the man who had walked out of the carriage back in Gordontrent, she would have been equally as impressed.
“Why were ye outside of the Castle?” asked an impatient Laird Lo
chenbrew when Juliana finally arrived.
“I am sorry, My Laird.” She bowed slightly to the Laird. She was not sure what the protocol was here. Should she bow, curtsy, or was she equal to him?
Laird Lochenbrew looked to his sister as if asking her the same question. There was immediate frustration on her face, and Juliana could tell that there was something being communicated between the two siblings as she stood there, an innocent bystander.
The Laird blamed his sister for Juliana being out of the Castle, while the Lady obviously did not think that the care of this English lass was any of her concern.
“It was my fault,” said Juliana. She looked down at the ground, ashamed of causing more trouble and perhaps sowing discontent. The shame of what had happened rushed back to her. She and Andrew had not been far from the road when they had engaged together. She had set out to do the right thing and had ended up putting his life at risk, and the financial ruin of her family was concerning.
Consumed By The Lost Highlander (Steamy Scottish Historical Romance) Page 18
