The Batboy

by Terry O'Reilly

  Mrs. Stevens looked concerned and Mr. Stevens tsked. “Well, Thad, this is family time and, since most of your games are in the evening, we haven’t gotten to sit and talk very much this summer. We need to take advantage of your Saturday games when you do get to come home for dinner. Since we did wait dinner so we could all be together, it’s time to share our day and let each other know how things are going—what the Lord might be doing in our lives.”

  Thad thought once more about Iggy and Danny and his reactions to what he’d seen and heard. What was the Lord doing in his life? Was this some sort of divine test to see if he could resist temptation? He closed his eyes.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling all right, dear?” his mother asked. She reached out and put her hand on his forehead.

  There was no way he was going to admit what was really going on in his head. He couldn’t tell them that he had seen Ignacio Hernandez kissing Danny Otis, that he was confused and frightened by the way it made him feel, and that he was afraid his reactions to Iggy and other guys meant that he could be gay.

  “No, Mom, I said I was fine. I’m just not hungry.”

  “Well, son,” his father persisted. “Just tell us how your day went. Then, after we all share, you may be excused.”

  Thad took a drink of milk to give him a moment to try to clear his head and think of what he could say. Finally, he told his parents, “The Buzzards won the game. I was assigned to be batboy for the Thunderbolts from Chicago…and the Lord gave me the grace to accept that, even though I didn’t like it much.” He’d added that last part as an afterthought for his father’s benefit. Then he related how Iggy got three home runs, one of them winning the game in the bottom of the ninth inning. He hoped that would be enough to satisfy his obligation of sharing at family time.

  “You seem to mention this Iggy fellow a lot,” Mrs. Stevens said.

  Thad felt a stab of anxiety. Was he talking about Iggy too much? Would someone be able to guess that behind his admiration for him as a ballplayer there was this other, unspeakable, attraction? He tried to come up with something to say that would ward off that catastrophic discovery.

  Surprisingly, his father did that for him. “Ignacio Hernandez is one of the stars of the team, Marion. He seems a fine young man as well as a good ballplayer. Thad’s respect for him is well-founded. He’s a wonderful role model for Thad.”

  Thad smiled at his dad. “Yeah, Iggy’s a good guy all right.” But what would you think if you knew the truth?

  Thad fidgeted under the table as first his mother and then his father shared their days. Finally excused from the table, Thad kissed his mother on the cheek and thanked her for dinner, as was expected of him. He walked out of the kitchen, then hurried across the foyer and took the stairs two at a time. He headed for the solitude of his room where he could finally think about what he had witnessed.

  But before Thad could try to put some rationality into his thinking, his carnal needs began to demand his attention as he pictured the two men beside the hot tub and imagined what had happened once the door had closed. He decided that while he was so horny and hot from the images in his mind he would never be able to be sensible about this. He gave in and allowed himself to release the pent-up feelings that seeing two men making out had caused in him.

  Once he’d finished and cleaned up, he lay back down on his bed. Iggy was gay. Danny Otis was gay. These two men, adult men, baseball players, were gay. Up to this point the only other people Thad knew for sure were gay were the two guys who’d been caught doing it in the boys’ john. And they were dorks. They looked gay. Or at least what Thad had assumed gay guys would look like based on the way the media often portrayed gay men. But Iggy and Danny were handsome, masculine men. How many other guys that looked normal might actually be gay? Maybe gay people weren’t all fruity or feminine-acting. Maybe there were all kinds of gay people, just like everybody else. There certainly wasn’t one single thing about Iggy or Danny that would have tipped Thad off that they were gay. The terms fag, homo, queer, and swishy sure didn’t fit these guys at all.

  Then he had another thought. Does anyone on the team know? He knew that pro sports teams were pretty homophobic. He had read about that in the papers when a football player had come out. Would semi-pro teams be the same? Danny had seemed to be nervous about them being seen together. These thoughts brought on a wave of fear for the man he idolized. If the team didn’t know and found out…What would they do to Iggy? Thad decided he would guard his secret well. No one would find out from him. He wouldn’t tell anybody what he’d seen that day.

  That thought brought back the images of the two men in the training room and for the second time in less than an hour, Thad gave in to the demands of the flesh. Then he fell asleep without resolving the conflict raging in his head.

  * * * *

  Two days later Thad was on the roster to work the game. This would be the first time he would see Iggy since the hot-tub thing. He wondered what his reaction would be now that he knew Iggy was gay. During his time off from work, Thad thought about Iggy’s relationship with Danny. Were they just buddies that messed around once in a while? But Thad had seen them kissing. Wouldn’t that mean there was more to their relationship? Did gay guys have those kinds of relationships? If they did, how could it work in a world where gay guys had to be so afraid of being found out?

  The more he thought about it, the more questions came to mind. Although popular and good-looking, Thad had never had a girlfriend, never really wanted one. Link and Dale had had one or two. But Thad had filled his life with sports and studying. Thad had always figured he’d play pro baseball when he grew up, get married, and have kids. If he was gay, as he was suspecting more and more, would he have to give up on that future? Did gay guys get married to women? Could gay men even do it with women? Could he? When he first started jerking off he didn’t think of much of anything. Soon he found himself thinking about hot guys at school, teachers, and sports stars. Then, more recently, Iggy had dominated his fantasies. He had never really thought of girls when he did it. He even tried jerking off thinking of some hot chick, but the only way it worked was if he pictured some equally hot guy doing it with her. What did that mean? There was no one who could answer Thad’s questions, so they just kept floating around in his head, repeating themselves over and over.

  As Thad came into the locker room to get some of the equipment he would need for the game, he saw Iggy lacing up his shoes. One locker away Danny was pulling his jersey over his head. The two men weren’t doing anything that indicated what they had shared just two days before. Of course they wouldn’t be, you dope, Thad told himself. They’re not gonna come in and say, “Hey, guys we had a really good time in the hot tub!” Or be holding hands or something. Nevertheless, Thad watched them closely to see if he could catch anything that might indicate they had anything going on.

  Iggy looked up. “Hey, Thad!”

  Thad returned the greeting and walked over to him.

  “You going to be on our side of the field today?” the shortstop asked.

  “Yes, sir,” Thad replied, feeling strange being close to the man, now that he knew Iggy’s secret.

  “Great,” Iggy said as he picked up his mitt. “I gotta get out to warm up, but I want to talk to you about something when we get a chance.” He put a hand on Thad’s shoulder. It was like being struck by lightning. An intense thrill went through Thad’s body while at the same time apprehension filled his mind. Had Iggy somehow figured out he had been a witness to the hot-tub episode?

  “Oh, okay,” Thad stammered.

  Iggy gave his shoulder a light squeeze and turned to leave with the other players who were heading for their pre-game workout.

  “Hey, wait up, Ig,” Danny called out.

  Thad watched as Iggy turned and waited for Danny. When the two men were shoulder to shoulder they walked toward the door, talking. Thad tried to hear what they were saying, but the noise in the room made their voices indistinct. However, whe
n they got to the door, Iggy let Danny go first but put his hand on the back of his neck as he followed him out.

  Is it normal for guys to do that? Thad thought. Or did that mean something more? Thad stopped himself. He wouldn’t go there. He wasn’t going to read anything into every slight gesture. That would just be silly. He got the ball mud he had come to the locker room for and followed the team onto the field, still worrying about why Iggy wanted to talk to him.

  * * * *

  The game was going the Buzzards’ way. They had a commanding lead over the Fireballs. Thad had learned that when games went well there was a very relaxed atmosphere in the dugout. When the Buzzards were at bat, Thad kept an eye on Danny and Iggy as the men sat and waited their turn at the plate. The two men didn’t sit next to each other every inning. Sometimes they did, most times they didn’t. What did that mean? Were they just being careful or was there nothing much to their relationship other than a dip in the hot tub once in awhile?

  Dale was working the game as batboy for the Fireballs. During the seventh-inning stretch he came over to where Thad was standing rubbing the shine off the baseballs to be used in the last part of the game.

  “Hey,” Dale said. “Good game. We’re killin’ ’em. The Fireball guys are bummed.”

  “Yeah, good,” Thad laughed.

  “Say, did you hear about Iggy and Danny?” Dale asked.

  Thad was instantly alert. “What about them?” he asked, wheeling around to face his friend.

  Dale looked surprised at Thad’s intense reaction. “What, man? It’s just they were asked to do some TV commercials for the Ford dealer in town.”

  “Oh,” Thad said, relieved. Then when it looked like Dale was waiting for something more, he said, “That’s great. I thought maybe they were traded to another team or something.”

  Just then Iggy came up to them. “Hey, Iggy,” Dale said. “We were just talking about your TV spots for Grayling Ford.”

  Iggy laughed. “Yeah, I don’t know what I got myself into. I’m no actor. I hope I don’t make a fool of myself.”

  “You’ll do great,” Thad said.

  “Sure hope so,” Iggy replied. “Say, Thad, can I have that talk I mentioned with you now?”

  Thad’s apprehension returned.

  “I better get back to the Fireballs, I love to watch ’em squirm,” Dale said with a laugh. “See ya.”

  They waved as Dale trotted back toward the other team’s dugout.

  Iggy put his arm around Thad’s shoulders as the two walked back to the Buzzards’ dugout.

  Once more, despite his worry over what Iggy was going to say, Thad felt the disturbing swoop of pleasure that came from the physical contact.

  “We don’t have a game this weekend,” Iggy was saying. “So if you’d want to, could you come over to my place and help me with a few chores? What do you think? I’d pay you, of course. I don’t think you’d mind a little extra spending cash. They don’t pay you very much for being a batboy.”

  Thad was relieved—at first. It had nothing to do with what had gone on in the hot tub.

  But then he wondered if Iggy could possibly want him to come over to his home for something more than help with chores. His teenage mind went into high gear.

  “Sure,” he said, “That’d be great.”

  “How about ten? That give this teenage boy enough Saturday sleep-in time?” Iggy said with a chuckle, squeezing Thad’s shoulder again.

  “That’d be fine,” Thad said just as the call to “play ball” came over the PA system, announcing the end to the seventh-inning intermission.

  * * * *

  The interval between Monday’s game and Saturday was a time of extreme turmoil for Thad. He knew players often asked the batboys to help out with things off the field. So it wouldn’t be unusual for Iggy to ask him for help. Link had a job mowing the lawn for the catcher, Jack Miller, and Jason was helping Don Perone paint his house. But both Don and Jack were married. Iggy was gay and he had seen him kissing Danny. Those were the thoughts that kept Thad in a state of perpetual confusion. He spent most of his time alternating between fighting them off, then entertaining thoughts of what might transpire when he spent his Saturday with the hunky shortstop. There was no doubt of what images filled his sometimes twice-daily private fantasies.

  In his more rational moments, Thad told himself Iggy, gay or not, wasn’t interested in anything more than help with chores. Even if he was, Thad reminded himself of the trouble that the ballplayer could find himself in for messing around with a kid. But Thad was also a seventeen-year-old with raging hormones and an ignited desire to experience what was being played out in his mind during his jerk-off sessions. He knew he’d never be the one to bring his idol down. So if something did happen between them, he’d keep it a well-guarded secret. By the end of the week his conflict between wanting to have something happen with Iggy and his fear of it happening had his emotions in a knot.

  Thad worked the opponent’s side of the field during Wednesday’s game, so he had little contact with his new employer. He was the Buzzards’ batboy for Friday’s game and was uptight and nervous. He observed Iggy carefully. When there was nothing unusual in the shortstop’s actions or conversations with him, Thad began to relax some. However, after the game was over, Iggy came over to him as Thad was picking up the bats and other equipment to be put away.

  “Hey, Thad. Still all set for tomorrow?” Ignacio Hernandez smiled his handsome, sexy smile.

  Thad felt his insides do a flip. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, ten, right? Great game by the way,” he added, trying to keep his head clear and focused.

  “Thanks,” Iggy replied. “Always a lot more fun when you win, and when you’re our batboy.” He smiled again and Thad’s heart pounded.

  “Say, I’m gonna have you wash the car and do some weeding in the back around the pool. So wear clothes that you won’t mind getting a bit grungy.”

  “Okay,” Thad said as he tried to keep his mind from picturing Iggy lounging around the pool as he worked.

  Then lightning struck. Iggy put his hand on the back of Thad’s neck, just like he had with Danny before Monday’s game. He said, “And bring some swim trunks. It’s supposed to be a nice, hot day. We’ll take a dip in the pool, hang out, and maybe order some pizza when we’re done. That sound like a plan to you?”

  Thad heard himself say, “Sure, that’d be great,” while his mind whirled with, When we’re done. He didn’t say when you’re done, he said when we’re done! Done with what?

  His brain was still focusing on that question when Iggy said, “Okay then. See you tomorrow at ten. Here’s the address.”

  Iggy took his hand from Thad’s neck, pulled a slip of paper from his uniform pocket, and handed it to him. Thad looked at it with unseeing eyes, nodded, and shoved it in his pants pocket. He looked back into Iggy’s face. The shortstop smiled and gave Thad’s shoulder another squeeze.

  As the man turned and walked away, Thad watched him go. Thad’s head was spinning. His teenage body was reacting to the hunky frame and what the imagined invitation he’d just received might mean.

  As he continued with his post-game cleanup chores, the debate began again.

  He couldn’t mean that!

  But he put his hand on my neck just like he did with Danny.

  He wouldn’t want to do anything with me; I’m just a kid.

  But he said, “when we were done.” And I am seventeen and it’s legal in Illinois to have sex when you’re seventeen. I looked it up.

  He meant when I was done with the stuff he wants me to do for him, dufus! And he can still get in deep shit for messing around with me. When I looked it up it said something about you can’t do it with someone seventeen when you’re in a position of authority or trust.

  But he said, “when we were done.”

  No matter what argument Thad’s rational mind came up with to inject some reality into the situation, the other side of him always responded with, but he said, “when we’re
done.”

  * * * *

  Thad sat in his car in front of Iggy’s house. It was a sprawling ranch style with well-manicured gardens and an immaculate lawn. In the driveway was a white Lexus convertible. Thad was nervous. He hadn’t slept well. Once again he had been at war with himself: part of him hoping what he imagined Iggy suggested would happen, the more reasoned part knowing that that was an impossibility, and a small part fearing that if it did happen he would go straight to hell. He was just about to give into his fear and anxiety, drive away, and tell Iggy the next time he saw him that he was sorry but that he had come down with some dread disease. He would say he didn’t call because he didn’t have Iggy’s phone number. But just then, Iggy came out of the garage. He was wearing shorts and a black tank top which showed off his well-developed frame perfectly. Thad let out a deep breath.

  Iggy looked toward Thad’s Toyota and waved.

  Too late to make a run for it, Thad thought. At any rate, seeing Iggy had changed his mind about any retreat. He would just play it out and see what happened. He waved back and got out of the car. Iggy walked toward him as Thad came up the drive.

  “Hey, Thad. Good to see ya,” he said, smiling his warm, inviting smile.

  Thad nodded.

  Iggy draped his arm over Thad’s shoulder and walked him toward the waiting automobile.

  “Here’s mah baby,” Iggy said, taking his arm from Thad’s shoulder and running it lightly over the back fender of the convertible. “Really more than I can afford but, anyway, that’s your first task of the day. You up for it?”

  Thad was up all right, but it had nothing to do with the car. He was glad he had worn the jock he’d stolen from Iggy’s cubby.

  Thad nodded again.

  “Okay,” Iggy said before giving instructions on just how he wanted his baby taken care of. It was obvious the car meant a lot to Iggy. Thad hoped he’d do a good job for him.

  Iggy and Thad worked side by side washing, rinsing, drying, and waxing the vehicle. Thad was aware of every move the man made, how his body stretched and flowed. When the two were close together Thad was sure Iggy could hear his heart thumping and see what was happening beneath his jean shorts.