Real Men Knit

by Kwana Jackson

  “Don’t worry, hon. It will be fine,” Val said.

  “Yes, it will be fine,” Lucas said. “The damage isn’t as bad as this text implies. You may be back in sooner.”

  Kerry looked at him. “You knew?”

  He nodded. “I heard this morning. I was coming over to check on you and tell you that too.”

  She heard Jesse let out a breath as he walked over her way. He moved to her side and pulled Lucas’s hand from her arm. “Here,” he said. “Take a seat.”

  Lucas stared at Jesse for a moment but let Kerry go and took the chair next to her at the table. “I just heard and wanted to see if you knew and also how you were dealing with it. Looks like there’s more damage than initially thought from the building next door, and structurally, with the age of your building, it’s just not safe for you to go back right now. But don’t worry, it shouldn’t be for long. Just like the text said.”

  Kerry let out a long sigh as she rubbed her forehead. She thought of putting her head down on the farmhouse table or, better yet, crawling under it. Thoughts of just how temporary “temporary” would really be and the commute nightmare of traveling from either the Bronx or Brooklyn while doing two part-time jobs was something she didn’t relish with the way transit had been performing lately. She let out a slight moan, affording herself that, then straightened her back. Enough of this. What was she doing wallowing? It wasn’t like she could—well, she could, but she wouldn’t—go to Virginia crying to her mother. Besides, she didn’t think she’d be a welcome third wheel there anyway.

  “I guess I don’t have any choice,” she said, getting up from the chair. She looked at the time on her cell. “I need to get going and gather what I can before stopping by the management company to check out whatever this temporary housing is. I don’t know how far out they’re talking about in either. Off the top of my head I guess I’d pick the Bronx since it’s closer to here. Brooklyn is huge, and I could end up in a place closer to Staten Island than Manhattan, with my luck. It would end up with me on the subway at midnight.”

  “Well then, don’t take either,” Jesse said, surprising the room.

  Kerry pushed her glasses up farther on her nose and looked at Jesse like he’d grown a second head. An alien one, and so much less beautiful then the one he usually sported. “And you propose I do what exactly? This text doesn’t give me much of a choice. I see either A or B. There is no C listed.” She waved her phone in his face. “Would you care to read it?”

  Jesse shook his head. “No, I don’t care to read it,” he said in a teasing tone that infuriated her that much more. “I got the gist from the recap. But you’re wrong; there is an option C. You could stay here.”

  12

  Kerry’s mind did a pause-skip thing as her heart sped up while Jesse just continued talking. She must not have heard him right. He hadn’t suggested she stay there? Like indefinitely? But there he was still talking, and “indefinitely” is definitely what it was sounding like he was saying.

  “You’re here helping us out until the shop is up and running, plus you have your work at the community center. That’s a lot on you, plus you are still actively interviewing for full-time positions. We’re grateful that you’re continuing to spare us the time.”

  Kerry stared at him. “I thought we settled all that gratefulness crap this morning, Jesse.”

  “Excuse me?” Damian suddenly said. “I hope nothing was settled in my room, because those are twelve-hundred-thread-count sheets!”

  Kerry turned on him with a hard look, and Jesse whirled around at the same time. Damian put up his hands to them both. “Okay, I was just joking.”

  Kerry let out a breath. Sure, he was just joking, but little did he know how close to her own thoughts he had come.

  “Just so you are,” Jesse said, then turned back to her. “Like I was saying. There is another option. It’s ridiculous for you to uproot and go to another borough when everything you need is right here. We’ve got plenty of beds.” He paused, and Kerry heard Val chuckle. Jesse then added, as if he had caught Val’s chuckle, and his own words too, “I mean we’ve got plenty of room—well, a lot of space.” She caught the embarrassment in his voice. “What I’m saying is, you won’t be putting anyone out.”

  “What?” Damian balked, chiming in once again from his own personal peanut gallery. “I was joking earlier, but Kerry living here? What are you thinking?”

  Kerry turned from Damian back to Jesse, unable to keep the shock from her eyes. Damian wasn’t wrong. What could Jesse be thinking? One night was more than enough to push the boundaries of awkwardness between the two of them. Her living there would just be too much. She held up a hand. “Thanks, Jes, but that’s really not necessary. Though I don’t want to move to another apartment—or borough, for that matter,” she said, twisting her lip, “I can and will. I’m lucky to have the option. Besides, if it gets late at night”—she turned to Val—“I’m sure I can stay with Val. Or better yet, maybe I can stay with her outright.” Kerry’s eyes went wide at Val, and she tilted her head a bit, giving her the “Go with me on this” signal. She needed help out of this mess.

  But in spectacular craptastic form, Val just looked at her, blinked and then smiled before turning to Jesse. “I think living here is a great idea! Jesse, who knew you would be the knight to save the day? So, you’re not just a pretty face after all.”

  Jesse just grumbled at that, so Val ignored him and turned back to Kerry, who considered adding a growl to Jesse’s grumble. “Not that my place isn’t always open to you,” Val said, “because it is, of course. It’s just that with you spending so much time here, working, I know it will be more, um, convenient for all involved. Logically, it’s the best choice.”

  Her pauses and emphasis on certain words made Kerry want to walk over and pinch her. Hard. But since they were in the middle of the shop in front of the guys, she just gave herself a mental note to save the pinching for later.

  “It sure is,” Lucas said, further surprising Kerry with his agreement. Then he salted the mood by throwing the ball back to Damian. “Isn’t that right, Dame? And she can use your room. I would offer her mine, but I’m in and out so much, that might get a little inconvenient.” He looked at Kerry with a definite sparkle in his dark eyes. “For you,” he added, “not for me. Not at all. Now, thinking things over a little more deeply, Noah still is in and out with his shaky living arrangement and the tour going on. He’s got lots up there in that space. So yeah, Damian’s room would be best. It’s like an oversized walk-in closet anyway.”

  Damian growled at that one. “Why is it everyone has so much of a problem with the closet? I mean, my room. It’s not a freaking closet.”

  “Of course it isn’t,” Lucas said. “But still, she can use it, right?”

  Damian looked from Lucas to Kerry, and the hard look he gave her made her want to tell him where he could shove his convenient room and color-organized closet and then walk on out of there. But where would she go? What would she do?

  For a few tense moments they all stood there in charged silence, the air thick with the anticipation of who would speak next. But the off energy was soon broken when Jesse clapped his hands together and ended the little standoff.

  “Perfect,” he said. “I’m glad we got that settled.” Jesse put his arm around Kerry’s shoulder. The gesture was a lot more casual than the mood from that morning but still had the same intense impact that put her heart in a stutter. He gave the top of her shoulder a squeeze at the same time as Val came over and gave her a nudge in her side.

  “Now let’s go and get the rest of your essentials, roomie,” Jesse said. “That way you can get back here and we can get going on this never-ending to-do list.”

  “Roomie”? Oh hell!

  Kerry shook his arm off. “Don’t worry about me,” she said, quickly backing away. “You’ve got plenty to keep you busy here, and I can t
ake care of my things myself.”

  “Well, I’m heading that way,” Val said. “I can go with you and give you a hand before I hit the gym.”

  Kerry looked her way with sharp eyes. As if she was hitting the gym. She knew for a fact that Val’s membership had expired five months ago. But unlike her friend, Kerry would not be blowing up her spot, at least not today. Instead she just raised her brow. “I think you may have helped enough. Thanks.”

  Val grinned. “No need to thank me. You’re my girl. That’s what friends are for.”

  Oh really? Right now, she wanted to pop this particular friend one right in her big mouth.

  She mentally groaned. Just a month ago she had thought she had a plan, or at least that things were halfway set and stable, but now . . . She sighed. Now it all felt shaky. Mama Joy was gone. Her mom was gone too, though just a few hours away, but still, she was not there, and Kerry was left as the keeper of their small but still valuable apartment. This whole displacement situation just didn’t sit right with her. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust their landlord, but trust and foolishness were two different things when it came to rent-controlled apartments in New York. She couldn’t lose their place. She’d seen too many long-standing neighborhood families moved out of their apartments and rents hiked up to triple, sometimes quadruple the rates for less than what she was being moved out for. She had to be sure this was just a temporary thing. For all she knew, she could be gone, and her landlord could end up Airbnb-ing her place and she wouldn’t be the wiser.

  Kerry shuddered at the thought of Swedish tourists sleeping in her bed, going through her under-sink cabinet and, oh God, her night table. “I can walk with you guys too if you’d like. I was just gonna head to the gym, but I’ve got time. Maybe I can help find out the status of things for you,” Lucas said.

  Oh God, no! Lucas seeing what she had in her nightstand drawer. No way!

  “You’re a regular Fire Scout,” Kerry said, then immediately felt bad because he was only trying to help and indeed was helping. She didn’t have any reason to give him anything but gratitude.

  “You mean Boy Scout? And no, that club wasn’t for the likes of me,” Lucas retorted.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just been a long twenty-four hours. I really should be thankful.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry, Kerry Girl, and you don’t need to be thankful.” Kerry was stilled by the surprising hint of steel in his voice. She looked into his dark eyes and saw how serious he was.

  She nodded. “Okay, I won’t,” she said. “Still, you really don’t have to come with us. I don’t want to put you out any more than I already have and you can at least let me be thankful for that. Also, I don’t have that much to pack, so I can take a car back. Don’t worry,” she added, taking in his frown. “I’ve got this.” Kerry added a smile that she hoped was reassuring but felt the strain on the ends of it and knew she had failed terribly.

  She looked at the three brothers, all so different but, in that way that family is, surprisingly similar. She could see the good in them. And Jesse did have valid points about the commute—compared to staying in an outer borough, she knew it would make her life so much easier, all things considered.

  She glanced at him, and he smiled. It came so naturally, almost too naturally, and screw her foolish heart but it thumped, thumped, thumped harder and brighter in her chest as if it were waiting for him to wake it up. She hated her responses to his cues, his gestures, his every little quirk. It was fine when she was a teenager, but dammit, she should be well over it by now.

  Jesse wasn’t the only man in her life. It wasn’t like she’d been crazy enough to think he cared about her or that she should somehow save herself for him. But still, after all this time, he was the only man in her heart, and here she was so many years later hanging on. Still an interloper in this family that wasn’t quite hers.

  She didn’t have the right. They were going through so much with their current state of family upheaval, and now here she was interjecting herself into this already turbulent situation. She looked at Jesse. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m sorry for being an intrusion, and thank you.”

  Jesse sighed, just as Damian suddenly shouted out, “Oh, enough. Stop apologizing, and cut it with saying ‘thank you’ already. You sure know how to beat shit into the ground, Kerry Girl.”

  Heat rose quickly up her neck, straight to her ears. “Excuse me for trying to be polite even during my crisis.” Freaking Damian, being an ass. But where was the surprise in that?

  He held up his hand. “Shouldn’t you get going?” he said. “That text implied it was time sensitive, so you’d better go and get your stuff while you can.”

  Kerry blinked. Wait, was he really relenting? Like, out loud?

  “I suggest you get moving quick,” he said, and sealed his declaration of relenting by waving his hand as if shooing away an annoying child. Damian now looked at Jesse. “And you, we need to talk more about your plans and how you intend to get the shop reopened as fast as possible. Because no money coming in means just that—no money coming in. I know you have remodeling plans, but you have to keep them in check. This is not just for you to run away with. We won’t be able to keep this space on dreams and wishes. Taxes are due soon, and who knows what else will come up. You need to keep that in mind.”

  Lucas ran a hand across his forehead while Jesse shook his head and let out a breath. Kerry didn’t know if it was in anger or awe over his brother’s whacky reversal. Either way it was probably not supposed to be as sexy a gesture as it turned out to be, but still it was a lot to take in.

  Lucas spoke, his words bringing Kerry’s gaze from Jesse. “You sure you’re okay getting your things on your own?”

  Kerry blinked, trying to get a handle on herself. “I’m fine,” she answered, knowing it was maybe three-quarters of the truth.

  His smile was only slightly reassuring. “Good luck, then. Give a shout if you need anything. It looks like my workout is going to be here, refereeing.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Jesse said sharply, catching a frown from both his brothers.

  But Kerry could do nothing but agree. “Yes, I’ll be fine,” she said, and headed for the door.

  “Of course she will,” Val said. “She has me!”

  Now it was Kerry’s turn to dole out the hard glares.

  * * *

  As they hit the pavement, Kerry fought hard to hold on to her swirling emotions. She looked up Seventh Avenue at the tall NYCHA projects and the clear blue sky that framed the rooftop water towers. It was way too lovely a day for this much turmoil to be going on in her life. Then she turned and looked at Val, no longer able to hold back the words that had been champing to come up. “What the hell was that all about? You were supposed to have my back in there and yet you were practically throwing me to the lions.”

  “Hmph,” Val countered. “If you’re lucky, you’ll be eaten by dinnertime.”

  She shot Val a look that said she didn’t think she was even close to being funny. “Cut it out with that. I don’t need those kinds of complications in my life. It’s bad enough with this whole Mama Joy thing and the shop and me trying to figure out my job situation, and now I’ve got this apartment situation on top of it. What if it goes on indefinitely? I can’t afford rent anywhere else—hell, I can barely afford paying what I’m paying there now, which is why I’m looking for other positions.”

  Val paused in her stride and looked at Kerry. “I thought you were looking for another job because you’d gotten your degree and were ready to move on.”

  Kerry waved her off, not liking where this was going. Her friend was getting dangerously close to a place she wasn’t sure she was mentally or emotionally in the mood to visit. “Yeah, that too. But I do like working with the children at the center, and working at the shop makes me happy too.” The shop part she purposely tried to downpla
y.

  “Oh, I’m sure it does.” Kerry didn’t like the smug look in Val’s eyes, but then her friend’s eyes softened and she gave Kerry’s arm a soothing rub. “Come on. Don’t. It won’t go on indefinitely. This is just one of those things that happens, and thank goodness it isn’t worse. If it was, you could have been hurt in that explosion.” She grinned. “And the best part of it all is you have the Harlem Knights, as they are all ready and willing to come to your rescue.” She thumbed her fist down the avenue toward Strong Knits. “Listen, there are plenty of worse situations to be in. The way both Jesse and Lucas were rushing to your side . . .” Val fanned herself with a wave of her hand. “Lucas with all that swagger, plus his smile and those firefighter muscles, and Jesse and his too-fine, sexy ass. Even the hard-ass demon Damian himself was swayed to your side. I almost peed myself right there.”

  Kerry pulled a face. “Ugh. Thank goodness for small miracles.”

  Val rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. “Well, the fact remains: I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”

  “That’s it,” Kerry countered, “you don’t know. I’ve known those guys practically forever, and sexiness or swagger, it all means nothing. They think of me as nothing more than family. Their Kerry Girl.”

  “Sure, Jan. You keep telling yourself that. Not one of them looked at you like any sort of girl.”

  Kerry didn’t dare go where Val was headed. “No. You’re wrong. Well, maybe not all that wrong. I could have been overstepping with the family talk.”

  Val looked skeptical but nodded.

  “They probably only think of me as at most a very distant cousin, or the tagalong friend of that cousin. Tolerated at family gatherings, but nothing more than that.”

  “Fine, but we’ll see how distant you stay now that you’re under the same roof. I mean, you’ve got Lucas on the one hand and Jesse on the other. And then there is the wild card—smoldering.” She fanned herself again, first by her chest, then her crotch area. “Damian. Wait. You’re out of hands. Not to mention Noah too. I tell you, favor surely ain’t fair.”