Real Men Knit

by Kwana Jackson

  He heard the pause in Lucas’s step and hoped he’d gotten away with sounding convincing.

  “Oh,” Lucas said. “Okay. You need some help? I’m off duty so I came to help out tomorrow. Need me to help you clean up?”

  “No, we’re good,” Kerry yelled. “I made some pasta if you’re hungry. Why don’t you get some? It’s in the kitchen.”

  “Yeah, um, sure. I’ll do that,” Lucas said. “Thanks, Kerry. See you upstairs.”

  They each let out long breaths and looked at each other over the sound of Lucas’s retreating steps and the now-awkward silence with the record no longer playing, it having ended at least ten minutes before. Jesse got up and removed the needle, flipping the record player off. He reached down and pulled Kerry up.

  They looked at each other and he wiped the corners of his mouth, then bent to pick up his hat. He saw the string of her yarn. The ball had rolled out of sight. Jesse shook his head. “I’ll go get that for you.” He turned, and she pulled him back toward her. She leaned up and kissed him again. Everything in him told him to pull away. Told him to listen to the voices in his head that said this wasn’t right. That he wasn’t right. Not she. But he. But in that moment, he couldn’t. All he could do was fall in and kiss her once more. Enjoy the sweet taste of her. The gift that she was giving. The undeserved grace. And be thankful for it.

  She ended the kiss and pulled back, which was all the better, because for the life of him he couldn’t. Kerry looked up at him. “I meant what I said. No one else is making this decision for me. I know what this is, Jesse. What and who we both are. So stop worrying. Stay out of your head. And mine. I’m only here temporarily. What’s going on right now, whatever this is, is just between us. You don’t have to feel judged, and neither do I. No one has to know. I’ll be home soon, and we’ll be back to just what we’ve always been. You’ll be you and I’ll be Kerry Girl.”

  Then she let him go and started downstairs, leaving him to retrieve her unwound yarn ball.

  19

  Coming into the shop that afternoon and seeing the brothers hard at work transforming the shop with new bright-white paint was a sight to behold. Kerry could already see hints of how much lighter things would be with the fresh white. It made the darker woods that much more striking and the colorful yarns pop like little fireworks.

  Kerry had to force the thought that a girl could get used to this from her mind. Just as she had to push down on the physical urge to go in, throw her things down and rush into Jesse’s arms like some heroine at the end of a nineties rom-com or, better yet, a late-eighties porn. Grind up against him and take him up to his room and do all sorts of things not ready for the innocent—well, let’s face it—not-so-innocent eyes of his brothers. She’d kissed him. Kissed Jesse Strong. And now didn’t know how to consider life before kissing Jesse Strong.

  Kerry eyed the old farmhouse table that had seen so many loving, sweet knitting circles, looked at Jesse in his tank with his locs twisted up on his head just enough to show off his muscular shoulders to perfection; her eyes seemed to naturally go from his shoulders, to his waist, to his hips, to the table. Lordy. “Oh, you’re here, Kerry,” Lucas said. “Good, we can use the extra hands.”

  She blinked and looked into the staring eyes of Jesse. He tilted his head and she could tell he was trying not to laugh while giving her a look of “Could you not!” plus “I know exactly what you’re thinking, you naughty girl. That is not what that table is used for!”

  Kerry turned Lucas’s way. “Sure, just give me a minute to change,” she said brightly, hoping there wasn’t too much exuberance in her voice. Lucas’s furrowed brow and nod told her there definitely was. When she had gone back upstairs last night, Lucas hadn’t let on like he’d suspected anything, so everything had seemed normal, but still he was looking between her and Jesse now like he was their dad about to give them the talk. Their hot Korean dad, but their dad nonetheless.

  Noah was there today too, tall and lanky, wearing old sweats and a sleeveless tee. He had the small ladder in his hand and Lucas had a roller. Jesse was now shifting a paint tarp. The effect of them dressed down, working hard and loaded up on good looks and testosterone was dangerous and very hot. Suddenly, she got an idea when she noticed how Noah and Lucas looked with the shelves behind them, the old displays ready to be transformed. She took out her phone and started snapping some photos.

  “What are you doing?” Jesse said. “I thought you were going to change and help us.”

  She looked at him. “I am, but you guys keep working. I’m just going to take a few pictures first to get the work in progress. Who knows—we can have them for posterity, or use them for something later?” Jesse and Lucas frowned but Noah smiled. “Good idea, Kerry,” he said. “We can use the photos for promo.”

  “Who says?” Lucas suddenly said, which surprised Kerry. “I said no to the FDNY calendar, and there’s no way I’m doing this.”

  “You said what?” Noah said. “Are you crazy? Why would you say no to that? Do you know how much ass you could have gotten from doing that calendar?”

  Kerry coughed and he looked over at her. “Oh, no offense, Kerry.” Then he looked back at his brother. “Okay, ass aside. You maybe could have found your dream woman.”

  She laughed. “From that calendar, I think not. Though still you would have been perfect for it. Just like you all are perfect in these pics.” She turned her phone his way and he shrugged, not at all impressed over how good he looked, paintbrush in hand, muscles rippling. Kerry shook her head and took some pics of Noah and Jesse. She laughed when the two of them hammed it up. “Well, at least one of you is humble. I think these are great, and once we’re done, we’ll take more of you with the yarns. You never know. I think it will be a great way to drum up business.” She paused. “As a matter of fact.” She took a group shot of the three of them as they worked, with the bins of colorful yarns visible on the side and the old wooden “Strong Knits” sign in the background. “You like?” she asked.

  “It’s fine. Why?” Jesse said.

  “What better time than now to start marketing?”

  She hit a few buttons on her phone and yelled, “Voilà! Our first story!”

  “What?” Jesse asked.

  “Our IG story,” Kerry said. “I hashtagged it #RealMenKnit. I also made us a Twitter account.”

  Jesse moaned. “Shit, Kerry, what did you do?”

  “Calm down. It will be fine. I just let the world—well, so far, our zero followers—know that we’ll be having a grand reopening soon, so they should look out for us. And don’t you love our hashtag? You guys are perfect for it.” She grinned.

  Lucas shook his head. “Kerry, I already said how I felt about the calendar.”

  Kerry turned to him. “Lucas. This shop is not the calendar. And you know we have to do everything we can to get people in here quickly or we’re not going to make it.”

  He continued to frown, but Noah raised his hand. “I’m in!”

  “Perfect.” Kerry said. She gave Jesse a long look. “Come on. You know it’s a great idea. Lucas, you know it too.”

  Noah nudged at his brother’s side and Lucas gave him a hard shove back and looked at Kerry. “Fine, but I’m not taking my shirt off.”

  She nodded. “No problem. And we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  She looked at Jesse then and winked. He gave her a grimace as she made her way upstairs to change and come back to help with the painting. She figured she’d pushed enough for the moment and would get more promo pics on the sly later. With that crew and hashtag, who knew, #RealMenKnit just might go viral.

  Kerry changed into a pair of shorts and an old knit tank that Val had thrown in her bag. She didn’t see any other opportunity to wear the improperly blocked tank. She put a sports cami underneath and hoped most of the flaws weren’t too obvious. Anyway, what did it matter? They were w
orking. It wasn’t like she was being judged. She piled her twists high on her head, then wrapped them up in a print scarf to further protect them from dust and potential paint splatters. She slipped on a pair of old flip-flops and a little extra courage to go along with the whole ensemble.

  “You’ve got this,” she told herself before heading back downstairs. This wouldn’t be weird at all. She’d made it through last night and today. Well, she and Jesse had, without too much awkwardness. Sure, she didn’t get a bit of sleep and they didn’t talk at all about the moment in the loft nook last night, but they’d made it through. She didn’t know if Lucas or Noah would be staying over tonight and how they would handle things, or if Jesse planned on staying silent and continuing to pretend like nothing happened. She made a face as she remembered how she had tossed and turned last night. She had even contemplated reaching for her BFF, hidden away in Damian’s second drawer. But the thought of the potential noise and being in Damian’s bed had quickly ruled the idea out.

  Kerry let out a breath. It was fine. She’d made a declaration last night and she was sticking to it. What she’d started, she was finishing. Somehow. And there was no way she was letting Jesse and his ridiculous fear of who knew what stop her—no, stop them both—from the potential of what could be a terrific orgasm.

  * * *

  One look at Kerry when she made it back down to the shop and the paint roller practically slipped out of Jesse’s hand. What the hell was she wearing and why had she made it her mission to actively try and destroy him?

  “Um, little brother. You want to watch what you’re doing there. You’re gonna get paint on the floor,” Noah said.

  Jesse blinked. Shit. Noah was right, and the soft salmon color on his roller was currently dripping from the sponge to his hand and ready to hit the floor. Jesse quickly shifted and put the roller over the paint tin. Crap. This was twice. No, three times. It was official, the woman was definitely out to kill him. Those shorts and the way they hugged her hips, not to mention what that top, if you could call that twisted pile of yarn a top, did to her breasts. The whole effect was just not fair. Thankfully Noah’s voice had penetrated his not-ready-for-the-afternoon thoughts, and he had pulled the paint roller up in time for there to not be a disaster on the floor. Also thankfully Jesse turned away from Kerry in time to not get fully erect and completely embarrass himself in front of her and his brothers.

  Too late though. He looked at Noah and one glance at his smug-assed smirk let him know he’d been found out. He shot Noah a hard glare that turned totally glacial a moment later when Noah called Kerry over to steady the ladder for him. That little shithead. As if he needed the ladder steadied. “What do you need the ladder steadied for?” Jesse said. “You were fine with it a minute ago.”

  “Oh, it’s no problem,” Kerry said, walking over to Noah, who sported a shit-eating grin that perfectly fit the shithead.

  Jesse let out a deep breath and went back to finishing his accent wall. He wouldn’t get riled up. Nope. Wasn’t going to do it. He knew when he was being played. He’d seen this game too many times to not know every move. She was probably mad because after Lucas broke them up last night, and thankfully so, he didn’t pursue her further, and this morning he’d stayed in his room until she was nearly out the door already for work at the center.

  Sure, it may have been just a little cowardly, but right now he figured he just needed to bide his time and keep his distance, and then they could both come out of it all unscathed. No matter what she said, she wasn’t as strong as she let on. Jesse let his eyes slide over to where she was now no longer helping Noah but over with Lucas painting trim. They were laughing together, light and easy. She bent down to put a little more paint on her brush, and when she came up again, some dribbled on her thigh. Lucas quickly bent and wiped it off with a towel. Kerry laughed and, in that moment, looked lighter and more carefree than he’d seen her in a long while.

  Jesse turned away, fighting hard to ignore the prickles of anger as they covered his neck. He swiped at the wall. Taking his frustration out on it. Finishing the second coat quickly. “I’m running out,” he suddenly said to no one in particular but the group in general.

  Kerry looked at him, her eyes wide. “Where are you going? We still have a lot to do.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  The words came out sharp, and she frowned at him. “Fine, just don’t go getting lost. Remember, you’re the one who came up with this whole idea of painting.”

  He looked at her. “Oh, I remember everything.”

  She laughed at him, the sound light, musical and totally unbothered. “Good for you and your impeccable memory.”

  Jesse turned to head for the door but was stopped by the sound of Noah’s voice. “Hey, can you pick me up a coconut water while you’re out?”

  “And a beer for me,” Lucas added.

  Jesse shrugged and let out a sigh. “Why not. You all take what you want anyway.”

  20

  The shop was in pretty good shape, though Kerry and Jesse were so very not. Since they had kissed, Jesse had been nothing but weird, doing his best to avoid and sidestep her. And when he did encounter her, he went overboard. He either treated her like they were in an eggshell-walking, sketchy-boss-with-subordinate, full-of-too-much-sexual-tension-but-scared-as-shit-of-HR thing, or like he was a newfound kinda-hot-but-still-awkward-and-weird jealous boyfriend whenever one of his brothers showed her any attention. He was enough to make her head spin. It all seemed to boil down to him not wanting to be near her. Could it be he really did regret their kiss? Every time she’d gotten within two feet of him, he’d backed away like he was allergic to her or something. It was damned infuriating.

  He was damned infuriating!

  Fine, if that was how he wanted to play it. Cool, Kerry thought as she headed into work at the center. She could wait. Maybe not for long, but she could wait. It wasn’t like she’d not held out for him this long. Kerry stopped short then and shook her head. How ridiculous was he? No, how ridiculous was she? Waiting, holding on, putting her life on hold while Jesse controlled all the moves. How long was she going to do this? She was no longer Kerry Girl but Kerry. Not his girl but a woman with wants and needs. If he wasn’t ready to be the man, to get his head out of his ass and fulfill them, then she surely needed to get her head out of her own ass and do it herself.

  Nodding, she let out a breath and gave a small fist pump to gear herself up. Now she just hoped Jesse didn’t show his ass and could put on a professional face in front of the kids today. If avoiding her was his thing, fine. They would do it that way. At least she’d gotten him to agree to living up to the commitment that Mama Joy had previously made with the center to have the kids come in for an outing. They had so few chances to get out, with funding being cut left and right, but the shop was so close, and this was something the kids usually enjoyed. She was glad to still be able to do it.

  After his little storm-out while painting, Jesse had returned a short while later with the requested beverages for his brothers and even a drink for her. They finished the painting and were sharing a pizza when Damian showed up just late enough to not get dirty. Kerry got them to take a few more posed pictures with some yarns once they’d cleaned up.

  But things got awkward again when Noah threw her on Jesse’s lap and they all were posing for a selfie. She tried to scoot up and over when she saw how uncomfortable he seemed. But once she inched over closer to Lucas, Jesse pulled her in tighter, making things hella more obvious instead of keeping their secret like she was sure he’d planned. She couldn’t get her head around the man, but then again, that wasn’t her main objective right now, now was it?

  “You got some, didn’t you?”

  Kerry gasped and her eyes went wide as she looked around to make sure nobody had heard what Val had said.

  “Could you not, Ms. Big Mouth! And the answer is no.”

 
“Dammit,” Val hissed. “Do I have to go over there and throw you in somebody’s bed?”

  “No, you do not,” Kerry said, “and I can find a way to a bed just fine by myself, thank you.” Wait. She couldn’t believe she was actually having this conversation. Like seriously entertaining it. What had happened to her over the past week?

  Val looked at her seriously. “How do you know this? What’s your plan, and are you getting close?” Her eyes took on a serious glint, and Kerry fully expected her to pull out her bullet planner to start taking strategy notes at any moment.

  But she knew her friend, so she went along with it. She looked back and forth around the classroom, then went to the door and peeked out to be sure no one was in the hall. Kerry came back in. They had a few moments before the kids would be in, so she pulled up a chair next to Val’s.

  “I don’t have a set plan, but let’s just say things are in motion.”

  Val’s brows shot up. “Things? In motion? Please tell me we’re talking dicks and tongues, because if we’re not, I’m going to make you eat paste right here and right now.”

  Kerry tightened her lips but nodded.

  Val pumped her fists in the air. “Yes!” She looked at the clock on the back wall and sat back down, realizing they didn’t have much time. “Now, tell me which one? Jesse? Lucas? Noah? Damian?”

  Kerry frowned at her.

  “Lord, could it be all of them, or more than one? You lucky wench!”

  “Are you crazy?!” Kerry yelled.

  Val took a breath, then smoothed her hair and fanned herself. “Sorry, I got ahead of myself. Of course it’s Jesse. It’s always been Jesse for you.”

  Kerry frowned deeper. She didn’t like the sound of that. Always been Jesse for her. That didn’t bode well with her one-and-done plan. She blew out a long breath of air. “It’s not like that,” she said, and waved a hand in the air. “We did end up making out in the loft the other night. But we were interrupted when Lucas came home, and now Jesse’s acting all weird. I think he’s scared to take things further. Doesn’t want to mess up our friendship or some such nonsense.”