by Jane Henry
She nods. “Alright, then.” For some reason, she looks nervous. She bites her lip, and her cheeks flush a little. “But there’s something I have to tell you, too.”
“Oh?”
She closes her eyes as if to steel herself. “I’m not sure if it matters or not, but still, I need to tell you.”
I sit up. She sits up with me, tugging her clothes back on. She doesn’t look in my eyes, and she’s clearly a little troubled. Nervous. It’s unlike her.
What the hell is this?
“I… well maybe it’s best if I show you.”
I try to reserve judgment. I watch her as I get dressed myself.
“Well… the first night I was here, the night of the wedding?” she says.
“Aye.”
With a sigh, she opens her bag. “I found this.”
She pulls out what looks like a ruined journal. It’s swollen and damaged, as if someone threw it in a lake.
“Are you… are you familiar with it?”
I shake my head, as my heart begins to quicken. Somehow, I know this matters, that it will shed light on what we need.
“Was it Eve’s?”
She sighs. “Aye. And I… have to admit, I read some. But then we got caught in that rainstorm in Stone City, and… well…” She sighs, closes her eyes, then opens them again. “It got ruined.”
I shove the anger that surfaces away. It isn’t her fault. I can’t blame her. But Jesus, I never knew Eve kept a diary.
Why didn’t she tell me?
I reach my hand out. “May I?”
She nods. I open the cover, but the front pages are stuck to it like they were glued. The paper is utterly ruined, ink smeared and jammed together. I can’t leaf through it, because everything is too stiff and damaged.
“See? Ruined,” she says with a sigh. “And I’m so sorry, Carson.”
I don’t respond, because I’m trying to turn the ruined pages when I notice something. Words on a page in Eve’s handwriting. Legible.
“The center isn’t ruined,” I say softly. “It isn’t ruined at all.”
I read.
And I read.
And I read.
And as I do, my vision clouds. My heart hammers in my chest. I get to my feet. I pace the room. In a choked, strangled voice, laced with anger, I whisper. “You have to leave.”
I shake my head. I was right. This changes everything.
“Megan, you have to go.”
Chapter 14
Megan
I stare at him as if he’s speaking a foreign language. I shake my head in bewilderment. My heart still races from climaxing beneath him not ten minutes ago.
I reach for the diary. “Carson, let me see. Let me read it.”
But he shakes his head, and his voice sharpens. “No. You have to go. Megan, I’m not fooling around.” And to solidify things he takes his phone out of his pocket, swipes it on, and ten seconds later I hear him talking to Nolan.
“Nolan, you need to come get Megan. She’s at my flat, and she needs an escort.”
No.
“Carson,” I begin, but he’s ignoring me. He stands up and walks away from me, shaking his head.
“You have to go,” he says for what feels like the millionth time.
“Let me at least see what you read.”
“No.”
He’s like a vault. He won’t speak to me, won’t show me anything, his face as hard as granite when Nolan comes to get me.
“I’m fine,” I say, both hurt and anger warring within me. “I’ll see myself out.”
Nolan’s arrived and he witnesses all.
“Ah, you won’t, cousin,” Nolan says gently, but when he reaches for my elbow, his grip is tight. “You’ll come with me.”
“What did I do?” I say. I’m so angry with all of them. How could they treat me like this? What did he read in the pages of that diary that mean anything at all?
What would’ve happened if I never showed him the diary?
But I had to. I couldn’t hide it any longer.
To my surprise, both Tully and Lachlan are waiting just outside. The three of them walk me back to the mansion.
“What the hell? What are you guys doing? I’m not a child, I need to know.”
“And you will, Megan, I promise,” Nolan says gently. “But we have a few things that have to happen before we can tell you anything.”
My biggest question of all, though, isn’t one that any of them can answer.
Why did he tell me to go?
Does he not love me like I love him?
How could he just reject me like this?
My heart feels as if someone’s torn it into pieces then stomped on it. And this, this is why I never wanted to fall in love.
In love.
Bloody hell, I’ve fallen in love.
With a man who either can’t or won’t love me back. With someone who’s been a part of this brotherhood since I was born, who isn’t going anywhere.
I’m the one that has to go.
The realization makes me literally sick to my stomach. Everything that matters to me in the universe is right here. Everything.
I get back to my room and try to occupy myself, but I give up. I can’t focus or think, my mind so preoccupied with whatever’s going on. I finally plop on my bed and toss an arm over my eyes. I try to rest, but that doesn’t work either.
Down in the garden I see Maeve with Breena, and my heart squeezes. I open the door to my flat and find double the guard there I had before.
“What the bloody hell are you all doing here?”
One shrugs apologetically. “Clan orders, miss.”
I keep my voice icy, trying to keep my anger in check. “Which member of the Clan?”
“Carson.”
Of course.
He’s sent me here, apart from him. He’s got me under surveillance, with double the guard. I go back into my flat and pace, trying to clear my brain, when it comes to me.
He read something in the diary about himself. Oh, God. Oh God.
He’s the spy. And as soon as the realization hits, I know, I knew it all along.
I have to talk to Nolan. He’s the one I can confide in.
If Carson’s a spy, the brotherhood is in danger. And if he is… I’m in danger, too.
I dial Nolan, and he thankfully answers on the third ring. “Nolan? It’s an emergency. I have to talk to you.”
“You alright?”
“Aye, but there are a few things I need to tell you about.”
“I can come up to you as soon as the meeting Keenan just called is over. Can you wait? You sure you’re okay?”
I feel guilty, because he’s concerned, and I’m not harmed. Yet, anyway.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “But what I have to tell you might even be more important than the meeting.”
He’s quiet for a moment. I hear the mumble of voices, then he comes back on the phone. “I’m on my way up.”
Three minutes later, Nolan’s sitting on the little sofa in my flat, his large frame dwarfing the small seat.
“Keenan gave me ten minutes, Megan,” he says. His face is sterner than I’ve ever seen him look, and there are bags under his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“I… I’ll be quick.” I take in a deep breath. Just thinking about what I have to tell him makes sharp pain radiate in my chest, as if someone was physically stabbing me. I push on. “I think Carson’s a spy.”
Nolan’s eyes widen, then to my utter horror, his eyes crinkle around the edges and he huffs out a deep, throaty laugh. I narrow my eyes at him.
“It nearly killed me to tell you that, because I fucking love him, and you have the feckin’ nerve to laugh?”
Nolan laughs even harder. “Oh, bloody hell,” he says. “You can’t be in love! There’s no way.”
“And why the hell not?” I ask him. I feel like I want to slap his face.
“Because it’s Carson, and he’s my brother, and that’s just fucking wro
ng.”
“He is not your brother, and whether or not it’s wrong isn’t up to you. Can we go back to the part where I told you he’s a spy?”
He nods. “Oh, aye. ’Tisn’t at all possible, lass,” he says, with a shake of his head. “No bloody way. I mean, Carson’s a spy, alright, but he ain’t one that’ll hurt you.”
What?
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I… I found a diary—and when I showed it to him, I thought it was ruined, and Nolan, if you read that diary, you’ll know what I do, though I daresay Carson won’t give it to you now.”
His face grows grave, as he looks to me. “Megan, there are things you don’t know about, plans we have in place. I shouldn’t say much more,” he says. “But Carson sent you home for your own good, and you’ll do well to stay safe. Just for now, Megan.” His phone rings, and he answers it. “Aye, on my way.” He hangs up the phone. “They’re waiting for me. I can’t hold off any longer. I need to go.”
All of them. The men of the brotherhood. That includes Carson.
He’s going to go into that meeting, tell them all I suspected Carson was a spy… and then what? What happens after that?
“Nolan, don’t!” I tell him.
He looks at me curiously. “Don’t what?”
“Tell them what I said.”
He looks thoughtful. “I promise, I’ll be discreet.” He gets to his feet and walks to the door. “Now, Megan, sit tight. Someone will be up to get you shortly. Please, just stay here.”
But I’m not the type that sits around and waits for someone to rescue her. As soon as he’s gone, I begin to plot my escape. I know every route to every room in this house, and have, since I was a very small child. I even know a few passages that no one else knows. If I get one of the girls to help me… it just might work.
I need to see what’s in that diary. I need to know what it says about Carson.
I need to know if I can trust him or not.
I can’t sneak past the guards, this much I know. I’ve tried, I failed at that.
I’ll need help. I pick up my phone and dial.
Chapter 15
Carson
I pace back and forth in the meeting room, waiting for the other men of the Clan to arrive. Just one day ago, everything was right in the world. I was falling in love with Megan, doing the job my Clan Chief wanted me to, secure in my knowledge that I was a Clan brother through and through.
But now.
I can’t believe she never showed me. All this time, I’ve prided myself on being astute, on noticing everything and piecing it together. I felt like the details on the O’Gregors were only just beginning to come together. Meanwhile, the clues were right under my fucking nose.
The sodden pages of the book gave way to the center, where the pages were kept intact by some miracle. I suppose they were warm enough and tight enough together that the rain that ruined the other parts couldn’t seep through to the center.
Eve’s handwriting in clear, sloping lines.
If Carson knew the secrets I hold, I’m afraid he couldn’t be with me any longer. And I’m carrying his child. I can’t risk rejection at a time like this, not when solidifying ourselves in the Clan is in everyone’s best interest.
I agreed that I would find out everything I could for the O’Gregors. I did so reluctantly, but given what I know now, it was my only choice.
Eve. Right in front of us, she was spy to the O’Gregors. What did she lift from me? Did she read my phone, read my email, tap into anything else she had access to? I’m careful, but always trusted her, so I never imagined she’d use my trust to her advantage.
I shake my head, as Tully and Boner enter. They look at me and can likely see I’m physically troubled.
“Y’alright, Carson?” Tully asks with concern.
“Aye,” I lie. Bloody hell, I’m not alright.
It’s for everyone’s good, the diary entry continued. They used the information they knew about the McCarthys as blackmail. But what they didn’t know is that I was already in love.
They told me about Carson. About his mum, and how she was violated. Raped, by the highest-ranking member of the O’Gregors. How she kept her son’s birth and identity a secret until her deathbed, then confided in Carson’s father as to who he was.
No one else knows this. Not Carson. Not Keenan. No one but Carson’s mum who’s long gone, and his father, who sits on the throne as overlord of the O’Gregors.
It’s confidential because Guy O’Gregor says once his son is a sworn member of the Clan, he can no longer touch him. Just like if one of his daughters were to ever fall in love with rival mafia, he could do nothing if they wed.
Me. Bastard son of Guy O’Gregor, current clan Chief.
Seamus knew this. My mother knew this. But they both took it to their death beds. And if my father knows I’m a sworn-in McCarthy….
I can hardly process any of this.
Eve, my sweet Eve, spy for the O’Gregors.
Seamus swearing me in as McCarthy, though I carry the blood of a rival.
Megan’s innocence in all this.
I had her brought to safety as soon as I knew what kind of danger she was in. Poor lass probably thinks I’m angry at her, but I’m not. I’ll have to make things right with her. But in the moment, all I could think about was getting the information to my brothers and keeping her safe in the meantime.
The O’Gregors are fucking deadly.
One of them knows who I am. We need to verify this.
Keenan arrives and brings Father Finn with him. Lachlan comes with Tiernan, as the two of them have grown closer in recent years, and Lachlan’s been training the boys at St. Albert’s. I wonder at first why he brought Tiernan as well, but then I remember. Tiernan lived in Stone City. He was runner for the O’Gregors when we met him.
The men nod to me as they come in the room, and I wonder what will happen when I tell them what I found out. Will they still accept me as one of their own, when they know my direct bloodline to the O’Gregors? Bloody hell, what a mess.
“You seen Fiona?” Lachlan asks, his brows furrowed. “Was supposed to take her for a driving lesson later today, but she’s nowhere to be found. Ain’t answering her cell, no one’s seen her.”
Tiernan frowns. “I haven’t, but that doesn’t sound good at all.”
“No,” Lachlan says. “Fucking hope this meeting is over quickly, I need to track her arse down.”
He slumps into a chair and scowls into thin air.
“Thank you, gentlemen,” Keenan says. “We’ve got a few new developments that need discussing.”
Murmurs and nods of agreement.
“Carson?”
I hate what I have to tell them. Hate it.
“This afternoon, Megan brought this to me.” I take the dilapidated diary from my bag and swallow hard. “Was Eve’s.”
None of the men talk for a moment, as they observe what the diary looks like. “It got nearly ruined in a flood. Megan found it in my flat, pulled it out, started to read it. Didn’t show me. Brought it with her that day in Stone City, and we got stuck in a torrential downpour.”
Keenan nods, “Ah, right.”
“But it isn’t fully destroyed. There’s plenty here with evidence we need to go on. Details I don’t want to share but feel like I have to.”
All eyes are on me. I take a deep breath, and I read.
I tell them that my Eve, the mother to my child, was a spy.
My voice shakes when I tell them the harried last pages of her diary, fraught with nerves and fear as she recounts her fear that she’s going to be killed as traitor for the O’Gregors.
I tell them she was a spy because of me, how I was the bastard son of Guy O’Gregor.
Every point I make feels like a lead weight in my belly, dragging me further down. These men are the brothers I’d give my very life for, and I hate feeling like I’ve let them down.
I’m O’Gregor blood. My woman was a spy. I have no idea what she s
hared with them.
“Makes sense,” Keenan says thoughtfully, when I’m done speaking. “Doesn’t it, now?” The others nod. “Her death seemed so senseless at the time, but knowing that she spied for them, their motive is clear. And so is our course of action.”
I look at him sharply. “Come again, Keenan?”
He hasn’t mentioned anything about my being of the O’Gregor line.
“Isn’t it clear, Carson? We know what we have to do.”
“But I just told you.” I’m on my feet in a second, and my voice sounds as if it's amplified, as if this moment is suspended in time and my words are distant. “I’m not a McCarthy.”
Keenan scowls. “You bloody well are.”
“Aye,” Cormac says with a growl.
“Don’t you fucking say anything to the contrary,” Nolan says, his eyes flashing with anger. Keenan holds up a hand to stop both of them.
“Quiet.”
The room stills.
“They’re right,” Keenan says. Tully, Boner, and Lachlan remain silent, yet all are nodding their heads in agreement. “We never thought you were McCarthy by blood, Carson, and you know that. My father said on more than one occasion you were his adopted son. He loved your mother, and said you were one of ours. You may have been O’Gregor by birth, but your allegiance to the McCarthy clan, the vows you’ve taken, the blood oath you’ve sworn, make you one of us.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Keenan holds up a hand and shakes his head. “Not another word about this. You say another word about you not being McCarthy family, and I swear to Christ I’ll give you a beating I’d have given my fucking brothers.”
I close my mouth and swallow hard. Jesus, I love the son of a bitch.
“Now,” Keenan says, glaring sternly at every one of us in turn. “Have I made myself clear?”
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Nolan says, giving me a glare like he wants to kick my arse for even thinking what I’ve said aloud. “We know Carson’s McCarthy family. Seems like he’s the only one that needs reminding.”
