Break You

by Jennifer Snyder

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I figured being an ass would lighten the mood and make you laugh. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “I’m not crying,” I said. I wiped the pooling tears from my eyes before they spilled over completely.

  “Yes, you are. It’s okay, you know,” she whispered. “You can cry. You deserve to.”

  “No. I don’t,” I sobbed, unable to keep my tears at bay any longer. “This is supposed to be a happy moment in my life. I should be happy when I’m pregnant, not a blubbering mess, angry and pissed at the father. This is so not the way I wanted this phase of my life to go.”

  “Things happen for a reason. I’ve always been a firm believer in that.”

  “Then why this? Why now?” I asked. My sobs were growing louder and it was harder to catch my breath in between. I was a mess.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I’m sorry, but you know me and Paige are always here for you. Whatever you need.”

  “I know,” I said. And I did. They were honest friends and I loved them for it.

  “Everything will be fine.” She pulled away and retrieved my bagel from the toaster. I watched as she spread on the cream cheese. “You only told him on Saturday. Give him some time. I think he’ll come around.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks in full force at her words. “No, he won’t,” I sobbed. “I saw his Facebook this morning. He’s been partying at the bar, kissing some slut we went to high school with named Marla all night.”

  “What?” Lauren sounded just as pissed as I’d felt when I first saw the pictures. “What the hell is his problem?”

  I hung my head. “I don’t know.”

  “Here, eat.” She shoved the bagel at me.

  “I’m not hungry now.”

  “I don’t care. Eat,” she insisted. “Will hearing someone else’s shitty news cheer you up? It always does me.”

  I chuckled. “Sure, it’s worth a shot.”

  “All right.” Lauren grinned. “You ready for this? Jimmy Moon only wants me for my body.”

  “What? Not Jimmy Moon!” I laughed, because I’d known that was all he was after from the start and so had Lauren. This was no surprise at all.

  “Seriously, he told me.”

  “He did not.”

  She nodded. “He did. The other night. Right after we had sex.”

  “Wow, he’s got balls!” I said, unbelieving a guy could be so bold.

  “Oh, that he does.” She winked at me. “So, I’m being used. Honestly, I don’t care though. I’m using him too. The sex is amazing. He can use me all he wants.”

  I balked at her. She was always so carefree, so hippy-like, a free soul. I envied that about her. I was more scheduled and structured with everything. A control freak. Lauren was the type that would travel the world if she had the money, and savor every second of it with a glass half full of wine in her hand and a carefree smile on her face. She’d spend random amounts of money on the local tourists who would show her the secret wonders of each place she went to get the full experience. Me? I’d be counting every penny I spent, hoarding it away without doing much, and making sure I had enough to get back home on.

  This was why we were friends. We were opposites.

  “You would feel that way about it,” I sneered.

  “Don’t judge.” She smiled, knowing I was only teasing. “Have you heard Paige’s bad news?”

  I shook my head. Paige had gotten bad news? Why was I just now hearing about it? “No.” I tore a small bite of my bagel off and forced it into my mouth.

  “You know she had that meeting with her dad, right?” I nodded and waited for her to continue. I’d completely forgotten all about that. I hadn’t even asked her how it had gone. I was a horrible best friend. “Her dad said that if she doesn’t slow down on the spending and get control over her addiction to shopping, he’s going to cut her off.”

  My heart lurched to my throat. Most people would think that was an easy fix. They’d stop shopping in a second. Paige was different. She harbored problems, secrets, only I knew about… Her shopping was an addiction. It was a way she made herself feel good. It numbed the pain from her life and the things she bought made her feel loved, beautiful, and worthy. She was a very materialistic person, but not the way that everyone associated the word with. Shopping filled a void from her childhood she had yet to learn how to fill another way. It wasn’t that she cared about having nice things… Shopping was a high for her, a way to release the endorphins in her mind you were supposed to feel when you were loved.

  But the reason why my heart was now lodged in my throat was because if Paige couldn’t pay her half of the rent and utilities, we’d be on our asses. There was no way I could swing it alone, and especially not with a baby on the way.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  JASON

  My mind always seemed to be racing. It raced with thoughts of my future, thoughts of Blaire, thoughts of our baby. I didn’t tell anyone, though. It wasn’t anyone’s business but mine, and there wasn’t a single person who could guide me in the right direction but me.

  I knew this without a shadow of a doubt.

  Two weeks had passed. During those two weeks I’d sent Blaire numerous messages about wanting to meet up with her—for a meal, for a soda, for whatever just as long as I could talk with her—but she never answered a single attempt. After the first week of her not answering my Facebook messages and me not seeing her at Cross Meadows, I drove over to her apartment. I’d become a freaking stalker and I didn’t give a shit. She needed to hear me out. I deserved that much.

  Paige had been the one to tell me to leave the first time. She’d said Blaire realized I wasn’t ready to deal with something so massive and life changing at the moment. That she herself was handling it hard and that maybe it truly was best if I gave her a little more space to wrap her head around things as well. Paige was so sweet and innocent looking in the face that I had no idea she was pulling my leg and sugarcoating the shit out of the situation to bypass my feelings. Obviously the girl sucked at confrontation, because the next time I went, Lauren answered the door—and sugarcoating was not something that girl knew how to do at all.

  Lauren had all but got in my face as she told me I was a sorry sack of shit and asked how I could go out drinking with some tramp the night after Blaire told me she was pregnant with my baby. I’d stood there speechless while my heart raced in my chest, realizing my mistake—along with the entire misunderstanding—but not knowing what to say that would rectify the situation.

  My entire world was closing in on me at the speed of light and I felt like there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it. The realization I would have to make a pretty huge grand gesture in order to win Blaire over and make her see I truly wanted to be with her zapped through me. There was only one place I could learn how to do something of that nature the right way: a romantic comedy.

  As much as I hated to admit it, those movies knew how to tug at the heartstrings and emotions of a woman better than anything I’d encountered in my entire life. I’d witnessed it happen more times than I could count. Every romantic comedy had a formula to it—the couple meets, they fall in love, something horrible happens that tears them apart, and then the guy generally does some amazing grand gesture to win the girl back. It’s not a science, it’s a formula.

  And it was that formula that I’d unsuspectedly found myself in.

  After watching countless movies, searching for my answer, I’d finally come to the conclusion that I’d wasted an incredible amount of time with that idea. The solution to getting Blaire to want to spend time with me was plain and simple. I needed to be there for her.

  The third week of not talking with her flew by as I closed out my life in Tennessee and moved back home to Coldcreek. It was a decision that hit me square in the gut while I’d lain awake one night, wondering what the hell I was going to do. Moving home made sense—I’d transfer my classes to Norhurst in the fall and find a decent part-time job as so
on as possible. Hopefully Gramps’ house would sell soon and I could use my cut to get a place of my own—a place for Blaire, me, and the baby.

  Blaire didn’t need some grand gesture, she needed me—my support, my love, and my devotion—throughout this entire process. From my memory of when she’d first told me the news, I knew that was all she’d wanted from the beginning anyway.

  * * * *

  The newspaper on the coffee table looked crumpled and shredded in places where I’d circled and X-ed shit out too hard. I’d been struggling to find a job for the last three days. The new paper was set to come out this morning, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to put myself through this craziness again. It wasn’t like there was an endless supply of jobs in Coldcreek waiting to be filled. In fact, there were only about a handful, and of those listed in the employment section more than half of them were outside of town. I was okay with driving to work outside of town, if the job paid decent. So far, none had. I could make more money being a lifeguard at the local pool during the week than I could as a bag boy at a grocery store in the next town.

  Tossing the pen I’d been using across the room, I ran my fingers through my hair and let out the frustrated breath that had been building in my chest for some time now. Maybe Matt was right, maybe I should take the lifeguard job at his parents’ newly renovated pool and call it good. His list of pros slashed through my mind once more, said in his cocky tone: “You don’t have to do shit besides blow your whistle when you see some kid running. You get to listen to music—which might not be the best, but it’s still music—all day while getting a killer tan and staring at the hot bodies of all the jailbait and MILFs behind the cover of sunglasses. It’s epic.”

  All that sounded great, but it wouldn’t be the type of job Blaire would want me to have…especially for the last reason. It wouldn’t help my case any, not after she’d seen the pictures Marla had posted up on Facebook. Damn, I really needed to explain to Blaire nothing had happened that night. Too much time had passed though. I pressed my palms into my eyes as hard as I could.

  Fuck it, a job at the pool was better than no job at all. I could work there until I found something else, something better.

  Scooping my cell off the table, I hit Matt’s name and propped my feet up. He didn’t answer. It was eight o’clock on a Monday morning—I should have known. The pool didn’t open until twelve; there was no reason for him to be awake yet. When his voicemail came on, I left him a message, telling him I was interested in the job if it was still available.

  I prayed that it was.

  Hopping in the shower, because I knew Matt wouldn’t be calling me back anytime soon, I decided I’d head over to spend some time with Gramps. He was doing a little better this week, but not much. I liked to think it was because I’d come back and was visiting with him nearly every day instead of just Mom. Maybe it was good for him to see another familiar face. I couldn’t be sure, but it was nice to think of it that way; it made me feel as though my presence here was needed and I was rectifying the hole in this family I’d helped deepen in the past.

  After my shower was finished, I tugged on my boots, slid my cell in my pocket, and headed out the door. My heart pitter-pattered in my chest a little faster than it should. My mouth became dry and I rubbed the back of my neck as I climbed in my Jeep. Every time I went to visit Gramps at Cross Meadows there was always a chance I’d run into Blaire—that slight chance made my heart pound the entire ride there and not let up until I was turning out of the parking lot and headed back home. This time was no better.

  When I pulled into the parking lot, it was nearly ten o’clock. Gramps would be finished with his breakfast and most likely his bath too. Chances were he’d be sitting in the game room on the couch, looking disoriented and vacant like always. It broke my heart to see him that way.

  When I found Gramps, he was exactly where I thought he would be, but he wasn’t alone. A dark-haired girl sat with him. I couldn’t see her face, but I knew who she was without needing to—it was Blaire. My feet faltered and my heart lurched up to my throat. I stared at her for what felt like forever, debating on what I should do. Everything I’d thought to tell her—all the things I’d rehearsed in my head a million times—vanished at the sight of her.

  Tapping my fingers against my thigh, I made my way over to the two of them. She was here. I was here. It was time to say what needed to be said.

  “And here I thought it was seeing my face that had my Gramps doing so much better these days,” I said. I walked around to the other side of the couch and plastered a small smile on my face, hoping to hide the nerves I felt chewing at my insides. “But from the looks of it, it could have been seeing yours. Thank you.”

  Blaire’s eyes shifted to lock with mine and all the air in my lungs left at once. She was gorgeous. I’d always heard of pregnant women looking radiant and glowing, but I’d never truly looked long enough to see what people meant when they said it. Today I understood.

  Blaire was stunning. Her eyes glimmered under the florescent lights and her cheeks had a pink tint to them that made her look healthy and happy all at the same time.

  “I haven’t done anything that I don’t do for the others,” she insisted. Her eyes dropped to the shag rug beneath her white Sketchers, and she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What are you doing here so early?”

  I took a seat in the recliner beside her. “I have to meet up with someone later, so I figured I’d get my daily visit in a little earlier.” I realized my mistake of an answer seconds after the words left my lips.

  Blaire shifted in her seat. “You have to meet up with someone later, huh?” Her words were cold and sharp. She’d gotten the wrong impression and I kicked myself mentally, because I’d left it wide open for her to do so.

  “I’m supposed to be talking with someone about accepting a job offer here in Coldcreek.”

  Her eyes snapped to mine then and I smiled, because I knew it had been the right thing to say. That was the opener I’d been searching for. Who cared if the job was as a lifeguard? I wasn’t planning on divulging that bit of information to her. She wouldn’t know where I worked until I had a better, more respectable job to boast about.

  “A job offer? Here, in Coldcreek? What about Tennessee?” she asked. The surprise was clear in her voice and it made my small smile grow.

  “Tennessee was all right, but I’m needed here.”

  Her expression reined in and her posture straightened. “Needed here by who?”

  The words came as a slap to the face. Shit, I’d backed myself in a corner. I couldn’t say by her, because that would piss her off even more. Then she’d throw it in my face that she damn sure didn’t need me. “My mom is going through some things and I really need to be here for her this time. I walked away in the past, twice, and left her to deal with a lot of tough things on her own. I can’t do that to her this time. I need to be here. If not for my mom or for Gramps, then I need to be here for myself too—to know that I can make it through the death of a loved one without walking away. It’s sort of like closure for me, a way to move forward,” I said. It wasn’t the best I could say, but it was the truth. Plus, it was something soft and emotion packed that would tug at her heartstrings. That was the only way to get to her right now. Although I did hate saying all that in front of Gramps, because he was the loved one I was talking about. “Plus, I need to be here for you…if you’ll let me.”

  As soon as those last few words tumbled from my mouth, the room instantly became too hot and my heart started to pound too fast. I risked a glance at Blaire—eye contact was key in a moment like this; it forced the person to believe the things you were saying. My heart sank. I couldn’t read her expression.

  “What do you mean you need to be here for me?” she asked. Her words were barely above a whisper.

  “Exactly what I said, I want to be here for you, for this baby. Will you consider giving me that opportunity?” I asked. It was hard to keep the begging tone that des
perately wanted to coat my words away. “I know I messed up the night you told me you were pregnant, but please give me another shot. I want to do this right.”

  Her face scrunched up and I swore, if looks could kill I’d be dead right now. The sudden shift in her demeanor had me replaying everything I’d just said, wondering what had set her off.

  “If you wanted to do this right, then you wouldn’t have been all over Marla Danes the last freaking month!” she snapped. She shot up from where she’d been sitting and pressed her fingertips to her temples. “I’ve seen all the slutty pictures of the two of you together on Facebook. Some of them happened to be posted on the night after I told you! Who the hell do you think you’re kidding here? Not me. I’ll tell you that.”

  My mouth slacked. Did she still think Marla and I were an item? “Marla posted those up herself. I didn’t even want her to take them,” I said, hoping to salvage the moment we’d just had. I’d been getting somewhere with her, damn it!

  “So there would be no proof, right?” she scoffed.

  “What?” I bolted from the recliner and met her stare dead-on. “No! It was nothing like that. I haven’t slept with her since high school. She’s Matt’s girl, not mine.”

  “Matt’s girl?” she asked. “Then why was she all over you?”

  “Because that’s just Marla, that’s the way she’s always been,” I insisted. “And as for the last set of pictures—she was trying to get with me, but I wasn’t having it. She put my hands on her ass. She kissed me. I ended up leaving right after that… I even called my fucking mom like some loser to take me home, because I didn’t want to be there anymore.”

  “You turned her down?” Her voice shook as she spoke and there was a dumbfounded expression sliding across her face. “Why?”

  I erased the short distance between us and gently gripped her arms. Rubbing her bare skin with my thumbs, I looked her in the eyes to further prove the point I was about to make. “Because, all I want is to be with you. Even before this baby came to be, that was all I wanted. You,” I repeated, honestly.