Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  I didn’t want to lay all of that out on Aubry, but I couldn’t stop. I needed to get it all out. I hadn’t coped with either of their deaths yet, and now someone else was dying.

  “After Johnny died it was Pawpaw. He became the father figure. We had no one else left. And . . . he was so good at it. He’s such a good man. He took me, Tommy, and Brandon all under his wings and helped shape us. He guided us. He took over after no one else could. He never even once complained about it either.”

  The tears kept flowing as Aubry hugged me closer, rubbing slow and gentle circles into my back. She said nothing and just let me say what I needed to say.

  I stood up and leaned my head against the wall, trying to get myself to stop crying. I was trying to get myself to stop being so pathetic.

  “Fuck, this is all pathetic. He was . . . is my grandpa, not my father. I needed my father. I needed my dad, but he’s gone.” I tried to slow down the tears that kept building up as I sat back down on the bed next to her. “I-I can’t lose Pawpaw too,” I whispered.

  I couldn’t stop my tears. So, instead, I let them flow freely as I clung onto Aubry. She was the only thing that my heart wanted at that moment. She was the only comfort that I could feel.

  A little while later, after I was done crying and cursing God in my head, I pulled myself together. I reluctantly untangled myself from Aubry. I looked at her over for a moment. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen just like I knew mine were. She looked beautiful, but I was sure that I looked like a little baby.

  “I’m sorry . . .” I said slowly in embarrassment. I couldn’t help but to be embarrassed, though. I mean, I had just cried an ungodly amount of tears to my girlfriend. She must’ve thought that I was a giant wimp.

  “Aiden stop! It’s not wrong to cry. Men are allowed to cry too. It doesn’t show weakness to feel things. Your grandpa is dying, you have every right to be upset about it,” she told me fiercely while looking into my watery eyes. “Besides, I cried way more than you anyways.”

  I smiled at the girl in front of me and kissed her quickly. “You’re amazing, you know. I feel like I tell you that too much.”

  “You do,” she said with a serious face.

  I rolled my eyes at her statement.

  “Aiden, if it . . . if it’s too hard for you, I’ll tell your sisters. I mean, only if you want me to. I don’t want to overstep, but I want to take some of the burden off of you too,” she said with a look of concern on her face.

  “That would, that would be really helpful. I-I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to say to them,” I said, shaking my head.

  The room was silent for a few moments as I looked at her. I felt like telling her everything. Every single thing about myself and my feelings that I needed her to know about it, so I started off with the most painful thing.

  “Have I ever told you how I lost my dad?” I asked slowly.

  Her eyes widened and she trembled. She swallowed thickly as she looked down with a devastated face. “No, but your mom told me about him after I told her that my dad is an addict. She told me he died from an overdose.”

  Her words were soft yet stifling. I figured that she was upset because my dad reminded her of hers. That was a sad thing to have in common.

  “Well, I guess that’s something we have in common, except my dad died from his addiction.”

  I shook my head and clenched my fists.

  “Do those people not even care about what they’re doing? All those drug dealers and drug lords, do they not even realize what they’re doing to people? To families? I mean, both of our lives have been ripped completely apart by drugs . . . by those people. Those selfish people who prey on the weak, diseased, and addiction-ridden.”

  I took a deep breath when I heard her sob. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so worked up.”

  She shook her head and wiped her falling tears. “No, you have every right to. You’re right, those people are . . . so selfish. They . . . they ruin everything. Families, lives, love . . . everything.”

  “All they care about is money. They don’t ever stop to think about the person they could be cutting down. They don’t see the family they could be destroying or the people they could be killing. They don’t care, they just think about themselves.”

  Aubry let out another sob and buried her face in her hands with a nod of agreement.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder to try to be comforting.

  “Drug dealers have a special place to rot in hell when they die,” I said darkly. I had completely forgotten where I was going with the conversation. I was just pissed.

  I stood up angrily, letting out a pent-up breath of aggression.

  “I fucking hate them. My family is in complete ruins because of drugs. I hate them!” I said, raising my voice.

  Aubry let out squeak and clutched at her chest.

  “Me too,” she whispered with a sob and completely broke down.

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I told her while pulling her into my arms shakily. “I didn’t . . . I didn’t mean to scare you or bring up painful things.”

  She composed herself after another minute or two and pulled away from me. She shook her head as she wrapped her own arms around herself.

  “Y-You didn’t,” she answered me softly. “I’m sorry. Aiden, I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of this.”

  I sighed and caressed her cheek. “It’s not your fault.”

  She swallowed thickly again and looked away. “Why don’t you go take a drive or go to the gym or something? I think you could use a little alone time, and I doubt that you want to be here when I tell your sisters.”

  I nodded obediently. “Aub, you’re so amazing,” I told her with a kiss to her forehead before I left.

  I didn’t miss the way she shook her head or the tears that threatened to spill out.

  ***

  I came back from the gym an hour later, not feeling any better at all. I didn’t think about Brandon and Tommy being at the gym, or I might not have gone, because they were there, I had to tell the guys about Pawpaw.

  That might’ve been worse than telling my sisters. Like I said before, he was all our father figures after Tommy’s dad died. Everyone was distraught.

  “Hey,” I said as I came into the living room where all the girls were sitting.

  Briana was leaning on Aubry with her feet out to the side, while Cece was sitting in Aubry’s lap. Aubry had one arm around Bri and was holding Cece’s hand with her other hand. When they all looked up at me, each of them had red-rimmed and swollen eyes.

  Wow, this was depressing.

  I sat on the coffee table in front of them. “So . . . how’d they take it?” I asked Aubry.

  Briana scoffed. “We’re right here, idiot.”

  “I know, but people don’t tell the truth when it comes to themselves.”

  “It’s okay,” Aubry said gently. “Bri and I explained to Cece that Pawpaw is very sick, and he might have to go away forever. However, it’s all going to be okay if that happens because he’ll be reunited with his beloved wife, Cecelia, and he’ll be happier. He’s been missing her for a very long time now,” she answered me.

  Wow, she’s good. I was so glad that she took over that. Whatever I would have come up with would not have been so eloquently put.

  “Yeah, I’ll miss him so much, but it will be okay because he’ll be with me everywhere I go just like Daddy!” Cece said with a vigorous nod. “And I’m glad that Pawpaw and Grammy will get to be together again. He missed her,” Cece added and stood up.

  “Can we go see him now, Bubba? I wanna tell him it’s okay to go on if he wants to go on. He doesn’t have to stay here for me.”

  “Umm yeah, go get your jacket,” I said awkwardly.

  She ran off to her room and I sighed. “I wish I could be like her. I wish I could tell him to go if he wants,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Me too,” Bri said with a heavy sigh.

  “Oh, Brandon and T
ommy are out front if you want to ride to the hospital with them. They want to see him too. We figured it might be nice to have all of his grandkids together to see him.”

  “Well um . . . I’ll just stay here, and I’ll see y’all when you get back. Tell him that . . .” Aubry started.

  “What are you talking about Aubry? You’re going too,” I said, looking at her sideways.

  She cocked her head at me with a confused look.

  “Bri will you help Cece get into the car? We will be there in a sec,” they both walked out, and I looked at Aubry expectantly.

  “I-I just don’t feel like I should intrude on such a personal time. I mean, I’m not one of his grandkids.”

  “Well, technically neither is Brandon, but he’s coming too . . .”

  She looked very unconvinced.

  “Look Aubry, my Pawpaw cares about you. I know that you don’t understand that because you’ve not ever been cared about in the way that you should have been, but he cares about you. We all do. So, just come and see him. Hug him. Tell him the things that I can’t. Tell him that you love him and to move on because I can’t, and he needs to hear that. He needs to do that.”

  I could feel the tears piling up again.

  “Be there for me, because I need you,” I said.

  Aubry looked at me as she stepped forward. She grabbed my hand and touched my cheek softly.

  “Okay,” she said simply.

  ***

  To say that things at the hospital were not easy was a vast understatement. He was like a corpse already, his skin pale, thin, and gross looking. He didn’t look like himself at all. It was horrible. He looked horrible.

  Oh God, he was dying.

  It took a while for him to wake up after we all got there. None of us wanted to wake him, so we just waited for him to wake up by himself. He was super surprised.

  He was so happy that all of us were there with him. We chatted, joked, and laughed the whole time we were there. Pawpaw seemed so content. He was happy and ready. He was ready to pass on, but I didn’t know if I was ready for that.

  Soon enough, the nurses were kicking us out. “He needs rest and visiting hours are over,”’ they kept saying. But we wanted to stay, we needed time. Didn’t they understand that he was dying? My Pawpaw was dying.

  We all reluctantly lined up to tell him goodbye. It would have been the last time that we said goodbye to him. It weighed heavily on everybody’s mind. Pawpaw whispered things into everybody’s ears as they hugged him. It was all very depressing. It was real.

  Aubry was in front of me, she talked to him for a minute and hugged him. Pawpaw looked at her for a moment and smiled. He spoke quietly to her for a long time. No one but her could hear his words. However, at the end of his speech to her, he raised his voice for all of us to hear.

  “Remember, you’re a fighter, Aubry, just like my beautiful Cecelia. You can handle anything that comes at you. You deserve the world, little one. I love you, remember that always.”

  Then it was my turn, and I had absolutely no idea what to say.

  “Hey Pawpaw.” It was the only thing I could think of.

  “Aubry already told me what you can’t say, and I really appreciate that, son.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t tell you that myself, I-I guess I’m just selfish,” I said shakily.

  “Oh Aiden, you’re not selfish. You’re human. And it’s okay to be human. It’s okay to make mistakes because the people that really love you will still love you, Aiden, no matter what. No matter what you’ve done or what they’ve done, they’ll love you. You remember that, Bub.”

  He smiled at me and looked me in the eye.

  “Aiden, people are going to make mistakes. They’re going to break your trust and piss you off, but don’t give up on them because of it. Everyone deserves love, especially you.”

  I unconsciously looked at Aubry when he whispered those words to me.

  “And Aiden, I’m so glad that you found her. She really loves you a lot. I can see it every time I look at her; the love that she has for you is pure and amazing. Don’t let that go. Don’t let her go.”

  He smiled at me when I nodded. “You deserve the love that your grandma and I had. It was the most amazing kind of love. I know you’re young, but I truly think that she’s it for you. She’s your Cecelia. Love her good and love her right.” He kissed my cheek.

  “I love you, Aiden. You’re going to be okay, no matter what happens.”

  “I love you too Pawpaw. Thank you,” I said, trying to keep myself together.

  “Dana, I want you to go home with them. Come back if you want but go home with them. Take a shower and make sure that they’re okay, then come back if you want. A little old man shouldn’t be your first priority.”

  My mom begrudgingly agreed because she knew that we all couldn’t miss another day of school, and we needed to talk about schedules and who was going where.

  We all left the hospital with heavy hearts and were very emotionally-drained.

  On the way home, my mom talked to us about school schedules and afterschool care. Pawpaw had always taken care of Cece after school, but since that was not an option anymore, Aubry volunteered for it. It cut right into our gym time, but she was eager to help out in any way possible.

  She was always so eager to help everyone.

  ***

  A few days passed. Three to be exact. Our new schedule was a little difficult at first, but it worked fine. It was just a bit of an adjustment.

  Aubry seemed to finally have a bit of balance in her life with not being at the gym every waking hour that she could be. Plus, Cece and Aubry got along great. She was natural with my little sister.

  As she babysat, I’d sit with Pawpaw in his hospital room, instead of going to the gym like I should have been. He was unconscious for most of the time, but that didn’t really matter to me. It was depressing, I just wanted to be there with him.

  It was a great thing Mom worked where she did because she could check in on him all day long. In fact, Dr. Reed made her my Pawpaw’s nurse, so it worked out quite well for her. She was able to be with him a lot.

  There were no improvements on my Pawpaw’s condition. He was still hanging on. He would wake up every so often, but he couldn’t stay up very long. He couldn’t speak much either. He was deteriorating quickly.

  That day, Brandon decided to come along with me to the hospital. We sat silently in Pawpaw’s room for about an hour before we decided to leave. I just wished that he could wake up and be okay again, but I knew that was not how life worked.

  Brandon hugged him, and I followed suit. While I was hugging him, he woke up for a second and looked at me.

  “Remember, forgiveness is the best love in any relationship,” he said quickly. Then he was asleep once again.

  Brandon laughed loudly. “What the hell? Is he just a fountain of profound sayings and shit?!”

  I smiled at my Pawpaw. That truly was what he was, a profound fountain that just spat out wise sayings whenever he wanted.

  We hugged my mom before we left and kissed her cheeks. She told me that she’d be home a little early to make dinner for all of us, but she’d still be spending the night at the hospital once again.

  She was drained, totally and completely. We all were.

  We walked out of the hospital and as soon as we got to the parking lot, something felt wrong. Something felt amiss. We got closer to my truck, and there was someone leaning up against it.

  I was confused as to who the hell the person was. I looked at Brandon briefly. I knew that he didn’t know either because he looked just as perplexed as me.

  We rushed forward, I was annoyed because I figured that the person had hit my truck or something. That was just what I’d need. A dying Pawpaw and a messed-up truck.

  “Can I help you?” I asked cautiously when we approached the guy.

  “Either Aubry got really ugly all the sudden or she made you changed teams. Honestly, who’d blame you after dating
that disaster of a girl,” the guy commented with a smirk as he stood in front of me.

  “Excuse me? That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about!” I said angrily.

  I stared at the guy in front of me for a second, that was when I finally recognized him. He was one of the two creeps that went to see Aubry at the gym. He was the younger, rougher looking one.

  “Oooh, touchy touchy. I was only playing, chief,” he said, laughing shortly. “Anyways, where’s Aubry I need to . . . speak . . . to her.”

  “Where she is, is no concern of yours. I’ll let her know that you stopped by looking for her. Now, get off my truck and get the hell away from me. Stay away from Aubry,” I said, taking a step towards him. I was pissed at the guy. He gave off awful vibes, and the way he spoke about Aubry wasn’t okay.

  “Aiden . . .” Brandon said warningly while pulling me backwards. He pointed at the gun exposed on the guy’s hip.

  “Aww, aren’t you cute. Completely in love with that bitch,” he scoffed and spat on the ground beside him. “I bet you wouldn’t be so in love if you knew the truth. Why don’t you ask Aubry how she knows your dad?”

  “Excuse me?” I asked, not understanding what he was talking about.

  “I said, why . . . don’t . . . you . . . ask . . . Aubry . . . how . . . she . . . knows . . . your . . . dad? Also, while you’re at it, tell her that Daniel is looking for her. Demetri is wondering where his payment is.”

  With those departing words, he got into his dark SUV, then left us in the dust.

  I stared at Brandon and then at the ground.

  What the fuck was he talking about? How would Aubry know my dad?

  Chapter Forty-One

  The End of us

  Aubry

  The few days adjusting to the new schedule were different, to say the least. At first, I was nervous, I hadn’t ever really been around kids before, but thankfully, it wasn’t too difficult for me to take care of Cece for a couple hours after school. Cece was one of my favorite people, so she was easy enough to be around. Cece was a good kid, and I loved her so much.