Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  “B-But . . .” Brandon started, but I couldn’t really hear him over my heartache.

  It was fair. I would kick me out too if I were him. Hell, I even wanted to leave. I wanted to give them their peace of mind.

  However, I couldn’t get myself to move. I just stood there and stared at Aiden.

  “Aiden—” I tried.

  “Just . . . get out!” Aiden yelled, punching another hole in the wall.

  With that, I ran into Aiden’s room. Through the tears, I gathered all my stuff that I could find and threw it into my duffel bag. I left pretty much any gift that any of them, besides Pawpaw and Cece, had ever given me. That included the money and gift cards that I was given for my birthday, that included Aiden’s beautiful necklace and book that he’s given me . . . all of it.

  I hurt them so much. I didn’t deserve any of the gifts that they gave me.

  I walked out of Aiden’s room and back into the hallway. Briana was leaning on Brandon, crying. Aiden had his forehead leaned on the wall, taking deep breaths. My heart hurt so much for everything that I’d done to them.

  “Aiden, Bri . . . I-I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean fo—” I started.

  “No, you aren’t,” Briana scoffed through tears.

  “Aiden,” I said trying to grasp his hand, but he moved away too quickly.

  “Just leave,” he said without looking at me.

  I felt like he punched me right in the gut. I nodded and walked to the door. “I love y’all, I really do. All of you. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I . . . Thank you for the small time that we did have together. I’ll cherish it all forever,” I said through all of my tears.

  I opened the door and walked out quickly. I spared one last glance before I closed the door. My heart shattered as I looked at Aiden once more.

  I ruined him. I ruined us.

  I breathed deeply and began walking away. I needed to get away from there before I completely broke down on the porch.

  What I wasn’t expecting was Dana to be walking up the path to the door. She looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed together.

  “Aubry, what are you doing?” she asked, panicked.

  I walked forward to her and hugged her tightly. “I love you Dana, and I am so sorry,” I whispered.

  Before she had a chance to ask anything, I was gone.

  I had to leave. I had to get away. I needed to go. I needed to do that for Bri and Aiden. They needed to be away from me. Everyone needed to stay away from me. I was a plague that ruined everyone around me. It was simply just who I was . . .

  It was who I’ve always been.

  ***

  Aiden

  “I am the one who sold your father the heroin that he overdosed on. The heroin that killed him.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, it was like a bullet pierced my heart.

  No.

  She finally looked at me with her emerald eyes. Tears were pouring out of them profusely as I just stared. No, there’s no way she would do that. Not her, not Aubry. Not my Aubry.

  I was trying to justify why it couldn’t have been her. However, from the tears and haunting look in her beautiful eyes. I knew it was her; I knew she did it. It was true.

  After I processed it for a few moments, I suddenly got angry. She took my father away. Then she moved in with us! How could she do that?

  My heart was cracking again and again. I felt despair. She was talking, but I wasn’t really listening. I couldn’t.

  She wanted to explain everything to me, but I was so pissed. How could you explain something like that? There was no justification.

  My anger took over and guided my mouth. I was saying things without thinking, I was letting my heartache speak.

  I was just so mad. She let me love her under false pretenses! She made me fall in love with a person that didn’t really exist!

  She said that she loved me! What a load of shit! She didn’t understand love if she could do something like that. She didn’t love me.

  That revelation just made me even crazier with anger. Words were flying out of my mouth speedily and hot, like firing bullets out of a gun. I wasn’t even sure what I was saying. I was just letting the angry words come out.

  I couldn’t believe she was a fucking drug dealer. I couldn’t believe she sold them to my dad . . . to anyone really.

  She took my father away from me. He was dead because of her.

  Yeah, she hadn’t been holding a gun to him to make him shoot up, but to me, drug dealers were responsible for all the addict’s deaths too. Drugs are illegal for a reason. They are so addicting and dangerous, and still, despite the illegality, drug dealers still made them accessible and available.

  She made drugs available . . . to my father.

  Had she planned this whole thing? The awful thought suddenly popped into my head. I mean, had she killed my father and then realized I was his son, so she came for me as well? I voiced my morbid theory to her darkly.

  She explained that she didn’t know at first. However, she also said that she had figured it out the first night that she came over.

  That just made me even more heated! She had known about it since almost the beginning of our friendship. She had done nothing but lie for almost the whole relationship!

  She lied!

  My mouth continued to spew venom at her. I couldn’t stop. Especially when she almost said it again. She almost lied to me that she loved me. Bullshit!

  I asked her if there were more people than just dad. How many other lives did she destroy?

  Before I knew what, I was doing, I was in front of her. I was so pissed. I wanted to punch her, but her terrified face made me want to just hug her too. I could never hurt her like that. I could never hit her, it made me sick just thinking about it.

  I loved her, no matter how big of a lie she was. However, whenever I closed my eyes, all I could feel was anger—pure and unadulterated anger.

  I punched the wall. I’ll worry about my mother later. The wall a much better thing to take my aggression out on than Aubry’s face.

  I was so hurt. I was so betrayed, so broken. I loved her . . . I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. How could she do that?

  The comical thing about was, as I stood there yelling at her, I just wanted to hug her. I wanted to wipe those tears off her face and hug her until she was okay again. However, I wasn’t okay, and she was the cause of it. She was the one that broke me. I couldn’t make it okay.

  My mouth kept running. I wasn’t worried about any of the nasty things that I was saying until I heard her little voice coming from near the hall.

  “Aiden?” she asked innocently.

  I tried to tell her to go back to her room, but she wouldn’t listen to me. The scene looked bad, and I knew that I looked like the bad guy. That was when Aubry stepped in.

  Cece actually listened to her.

  “Okay, only for you Aubry,” Cece said as she went back to her room.

  Cece loved her. I loved her. We all fucking loved her! What the hell was I supposed to do?! How could we fix it?!

  “Aiden . . .” my Aubry whispered painfully.

  She wiped away some of my tears, but more just formed in their place. She was the cause of them. My heart was hurting so bad. She was the only thing that could make me feel better.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  I melted into her. I fucking needed her . . . And that was what made of it even worse.

  Fuck it, I loved her! I pulled her to me. I needed her.

  However, I looked deeply into her green eyes and faltered. The look from earlier was still there—the look of guilt, betrayal, and hopelessness.

  Fuck! My dad was dead.

  I ripped myself away from her as soon as that thought whispered through my head. I couldn’t contain myself around her. I loved her. But what was I supposed to do?

  I yelled at her again in frustration.

  Bri walked through the door, and that was when I really lost it.

&n
bsp; Tell her! She needed to tell her. He was her father too.

  Aubry was her best friend.

  I was yelling at Aubry to tell Bri the truth, but nothing would come out of her mouth. She just stayed silent. It made me even angrier.

  Tell her!

  Finally, I just said it, all the things that Aubry had admitted. I told Briana all of it. It killed me. I couldn’t fathom that she had done it.

  The look that Bri had on her face after my words was so dark and full of disgust that I almost felt bad for Aubry.

  The next thing I knew, she slapped Aubry. Aubry didn’t even flinch as she stood there with dull, sorrowful eyes. She looked completely broken. I hated it.

  Briana took over the yelling department. I just stood there and stared at Aubry with dead eyes. It was all just so fucked up.

  Brandon finally got Bri to calm down after a while. He was trying to spare Aubry.

  If I wasn’t so mad at that moment, I would have thanked him. However, I was just so pissed, and I saw red.

  I needed someone to blame. So, I blamed her. I blamed her for everything.

  “I loved you,” I said angrily.

  “No . . . not you. I loved the picture of you that you painted of yourself. I loved the you that you pretended to be.”

  More tears cascaded down her cheeks.

  “How could you say that you love me? Huh?! You . . . you don’t care about anyone but yourself!”

  “Just get out,” I finally told her.

  I needed her out. I needed her away from me.

  She tried to speak, but I didn’t want to hear it.

  She needed to fucking leave. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I knew that if she stood there long enough looking like a sad puppy, I would give into her.

  I couldn’t do that! She ruined everything. She ruined my whole family.

  “Just get out!” I yelled, and without thinking, another punch was thrown to the wall.

  I leaned my forehead against the wall while trying to take deep calming breaths. But how was I supposed to be calm when my whole life was falling apart once again? I was torn. A part of me wanted to just hug Aubry and tell her it was okay, but the other part wanted to rip everything apart and yell some more at her.

  I was so angry, and my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I was completely broken.

  She came back out with her duffel bag loaded up.

  I couldn’t even look at her, so I just kept my head resting on the wall.

  “Aiden, Bri . . . I- I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean for—”

  “No, you aren’t,” Briana scoffed.

  I just stayed silent, trying not to have a complete breakdown.

  “Aiden . . .” she said as she tried to hold my hand.

  I pulled away quickly. One touch was all it took. One touch, and I could possibly just be putty in her hands.

  She needed to leave. I couldn’t see her face anymore. I just wanted to be angry. I didn’t want the giant hole in my chest—the hole that she created.

  “Just leave,” I finally said.

  My heart was torn. I wanted her, but I also couldn’t look at her. She destroyed everything, my whole family, my whole life.

  “I love y’all, I really do. All of you. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I . . . Thank you for the small time that we did have together. I’ll cherish it all forever.”

  With those parting words, she walked out the door.

  My heart shattered apart even more.

  I loved her . . . love her, even still.

  She walked out. She left my house, my proximity, my life. I almost threw the door open and screamed for her to come back. I couldn’t do that, though.

  I wanted to hate her. I wanted to blame her. I needed it.

  I just hoped that without her there, I could do just that. I just prayed that a part of my heart would quit wanting to comfort her constantly. I hoped that I could repair the giant hole in my chest that she left me with.

  Just seconds later, the door reopened. For a split-second, my heart sped up in relief, thinking that she came back, thinking that she didn’t actually leave. However, all relief washed away when I saw my mother’s face instead of hers.

  She didn’t come back.

  Good, she didn’t need to come back. It was for the best. It was what was right. I tried to convince myself of that.

  “What is going on? Why did Aubry just tell me that she’s sorry and then run away?” my mom asked us, confused.

  “What happened to my wall?” she yelled as she looked around.

  I didn’t say anything, I just continued staring at the door. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes once more.

  God dammit, I missed her like crazy already.

  It was ridiculous! I should have hated her.

  “I need some answers!” Mom yelled at us.

  I couldn’t. I couldn’t sit there and explain how my girlfriend practically killed my father. Explain how my whole life was basically crumbling down around me. Explain how I threw my whole world out that door.

  I couldn’t do it.

  I pushed myself off the wall and walked to my room without uttering a single word. I could hear my mom yelling behind me, but I couldn’t be bothered. I needed to be alone.

  I went into my room, and my eyes immediately landed on a pile of stuff that was left on my nightstand. Her stuff. She left pretty much everything that we had ever given her there—the book, the gift cards, the money . . . all of it; even though she could have used it. She just left it.

  She left. I told her to leave.

  Fuck, I told her to leave.

  Where did she go? She had nowhere to go. I kicked her out. I told her to leave.

  I picked the pile up and threw it across the room.

  Fuck this. I wasn’t supposed to feel bad. She was the one that basically killed my father. I wasn’t supposed to care about her. I didn’t care about her; I couldn’t.

  Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I stared at my bed. She slept there with me while all along she played a role in my dad’s death. She knew how I felt about my father’s death. She even listened to me, she comforted me. All along, she was probably just laughing at me, laughing about how fucked up she made me.

  I thought she loved me!

  I loved her!

  How could she do that? How could she pretend like that? Why didn’t I see it? Why did I let myself think someone could love me? Why did I let her in? I should have known! After Ronnie, why didn’t I realize that I could never be happy?

  I could never be happy; it was about time that I accepted that.

  I took my pillows and threw them at the door. It even still fucking smelled like her! I took all my bedding and threw it in a heap on the floor. I just wanted to erase her from my life. I wanted to pretend that I had never met her. However, considering the giant hole in my heart, I knew that wasn’t really possible. I sure as hell could try though.

  I was so mad and so angry—angry at Aubry, at my dad, at my life, but mostly at myself. I let myself fall for her. I knew that it was a bad idea, but I let myself do it anyways. It was my doing.

  In all of my anger, I began throwing everything that reminded me of her around my room. My backpack, my desk chair that she sat in occasionally, my shirts that she looked so cute in, the mattress that both of us slept on keeping each other’s nightmares away . . . everything. Everything reminded me of her.

  By the time I stopped, my room was destroyed, and it didn’t even work. Everywhere I looked I still saw her, I constantly saw Aubry.

  I needed to get out of there. I needed to do something. I needed to forget about her.

  I walked out of my room and went towards the front door, not wanting to see anyone.

  “Where are you going?” I heard my mother’s voice come from behind me.

  “Out,” I said coolly.

  Her eyebrows shot up and a look of anger crossed her face. “Briana told me what happened,” she stated solemnly. “I understand why you’re mad but�
��”

  I didn’t want to hear it. You would think she’d be angrier. I mean, he was her husband.

  “Just stop, Mom. It’s done, we’re done. That was the end of us.”

  “Aiden . . .” she said with warning.

  “Mom . . . please. I need to get out of here. I see her everywhere,” I said pleadingly.

  “Fine, but take Brandon or Tommy with you. I want someone to keep an eye on you.”

  “Brandon is comforting Briana.” I didn’t want a babysitter.

  “Actually, she fell asleep a while ago. He’s just been sitting in the living room blankly.”

  “Fine . . . Brandon! Come on, we’re going out.” I yelled begrudgingly.

  “Son, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. Don’t get into any trouble tonight . . . and you are going to school tomorrow.”

  I walked to the door with Brandon behind me. He hadn’t even spoken to me yet.

  “So, where exactly are we going?” he asked when we reached my truck.

  “I want to get drunk and break some people’s faces,” I answered, starting the route to the Underground.

  “Do you think that’s wise Aiden? I mean, shouldn’t you process your emotions or something? Aubry made a mis—” Brandon started.

  Before he was done with the sentence, I slammed on the brakes, making him stop short of whatever he was going to say.

  “I don’t want to talk about her. You can either shut up or get out, those are your options!” I said angrily.

  “Okay . . . I’m sorry. Whenever you’re ready . . . I’m gonna text Tom to meet us there,” Brandon said calmly. He was used to my temper.

  We got to the Underground, and I immediately went to the bar. I just wanted to forget, so that was exactly what I tried to do. I took so many shots that I could barely stand up straight.

  She was still on my mind. Aubry was everywhere, so I just drank more and more, drowning my sorrows away and trying to drown out Aubry’s memory.

  My mind reminded me that she was not a memory, and I would have to see her the next day at school.

  Fuck.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Broken

  Aubry

  The sun was beginning to rise as I sat on the bench frozen, not because of the weather. No, the early April weather was quite mild, and would be pleasant to anyone that didn’t just have their heart ripped out.