I put my arm around Bri and began to walk out of the hallway away from Aubry; away from my happiness. I could never find happiness with her again, not after what she had done. I had to walk away.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.
“I know,” I whispered back and looked at the girl that I loved so much. She was a mess, but so was I. I had to force my feet forward and walked away—away from her, away from my heart, away from my Aubry. She had to be out of my life for me to heal.
I heard loud sobs as soon as I turned the corner. I flinched and swallowed the lump in my throat. I had to get out of there. I had to leave.
I turned around once we made it back near the cafeteria. Brandon was running down the hallway to catch up with us. I gave him a questioning glance, but I knew that he had to talk to her too. He cared about her as well, we all did. Unshed tears were in his eyes when he came to a stop before us. I gently pushed Briana to him, and they immediately wrapped each other up.
“I have to go. I have to get out of here.” I sighed and looked away from them. Not because she was my little sister, but because it reminded me of Aubry. Everything reminded me of her, and it hurt.
“Okay, go. I understand. I’ll get Tommy to pick us up later. We need to stay. School will distract us from everything,” Brandon said while Briana cried into his chest.
I nodded and took one last look towards the direction that Aubry was in. I sighed and forced myself to walk away towards the front door. More tears were falling down my cheeks.
Wow, we’ve really broken everything, haven’t we?
Chapter Forty-Three
Everywhere
I sat at the edge of the cliff as I stared out blankly. Everything around me just seemed so dull.
Why the hell had I brought her there? To my place. The only thing I could think of, as I sat there so dully, was our first kiss. I could only think about how she felt so right in my arms. I just wanted the ache in my chest to stop.
I knew that she didn’t force my dad to take those drugs, and trust me I was angry at my father as well, but he was gone! It was kind of difficult to blame a dead guy, especially a dead guy that gave life to me—a guy that I missed so incredibly much.
He was sick. I watched him struggle with addiction my whole entire life. He left when I was only four years old. It was one of the worst times in my family’s lives, but then he came back.
When I was twelve, he reentered our lives. It had taken a lot of time and effort for my mom to allow him back into our lives, but eventually she did. She did because ultimately, she loved him.
We all thought that he really had beaten his addiction and then we got the call about his overdose.
That hurt all of us so deeply. When he died, I needed someone to blame. We all did. My mom blamed herself. I blamed myself, hell I still did! I was the one that caused the fight between the two of them. They were fighting because of me when he went out.
Little did we know that he was never going to return.
I hated myself after his death. No matter how many times any of them told me not to blame myself, I couldn’t help it. It was at least partially my fault, I just needed someone else to blame, otherwise, I was going to fall so far down the dark hole that I would probably never find my way out.
His death caused me so much pain, and I was so lost. I was still so lost. I never grieved his death correctly, and I was regretting it as the old memories resurfaced. It was just so painful.
I wanted to blame my dad, and I did blame my dad, but he wasn’t tangible. He wasn’t here.
So, I blamed the drug dealer. I always had. They seemed like a logical place to be angry at. Drugs are illegal, they are dangerous, and drug dealers supply sick people with the stuff that makes them sick. Drug dealers prey on defenseless people. They made drugs available and destroy lives!
Blaming the dealer was the only way that Bri and I could handle the grief. It was the only way that we could not place the blame upon ourselves.
It was simple for us, whoever sold the drugs to my dad that night, and provided him with with addictive illegal substances to fill his body up with, were to blame. We just needed someone to blame!
My dad’s death marked the beginning of every unrelated bad thing that happened. Johnny’s death, Ronnie and the BS that he put us all through, Briana getting depressed because of Ronnie’s actions, my mom losing the house, and the giant gaping hole that my father’s death left in all of us. We were all falling apart after he died.
So, I blamed the drug dealer for all of it.
Was it healthy? No, but I felt justified in my blame.
Then I came to find out that it was Aubry who was the dealer. The only girl that I have ever loved was the catalyst for everything, and the worst part was, she knew it. The whole time she knew what role she played, and still let me love her.
My whole life was crumbling down around me.
The person who I blamed for the majority of my father’s death turned out to be the first and only girl that I had ever fallen in love with. What kind of sick joke is that?
Walking away from her was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. However, if I stayed with her, it would have ruined me.
I loved her, but she betrayed me.
I needed to give myself time and space to be mad. I needed time to grieve. All this time, I wanted justice for my father. I wanted the drug dealer that sold to him to be caught. However, after everything new that I had learned, I just wanted the hole in my chest to disappear.
All that time, she lied to everyone. She kept everything hidden. She knew that it would have destroyed us, and it did.
I stayed on that cliff for a long time. I wasn’t sure how long, but it was definitely a long while. The sun was beginning to set and shades of pink and purple were dancing across the sky by the time I looked at my phone. I hadn’t wanted to, but I knew that reality had to eventually be set back in.
Brandon texted me twice to see if I was okay, then, he texted a second time to tell me not to worry about Cece.
I completely forgot about Cece with everything that was going on. I was a horrible brother. I always have been. Just look at Bri and everything that I had done to her. I couldn’t save her from Ronnie. I then proceeded to try and protect her from him by ignoring her, thus, making her think that I hated her, then I single-handedly brought a girl into her life that became her best friend, only to find out that she screwed us all over in the end.
I messed everything up.
The phone in my hands began buzzing. I looked at the caller ID.
Trey’s name flashed across the screen in bold letters. I sighed but picked it up.
“Trey . . .” I spoke shortly.
“Ahh Aiden,” he greeted with fake niceness. “As you should know, the tournament begins this weekend. I’m calling to inform you that your first bracket fight is at 10 PM on Saturday. You will be fighting Gregory Shiner,” he informed politely.
“Aubry’s is at nine-thirty PM. I took the liberty of scheduling you two close together. She will be fighting Connor Green. I wish both of you the best of luck. I will keep a close eye on you; both of you. See you Saturday.”
He hung up abruptly and I sighed. Ridding my life of her was going to be a difficult task, obviously.
She was everywhere.
***
Aubry
My eyes shot open as a car horn honked noisily. I looked around alarmed, but relaxed when I realized that I was alone. The car that honked was speeding down the street after the car in front of it realized that the light was green.
I took refuge on the steps of a church during the night. It was still dark outside, but I needed to get up. The concrete of the steps made my body ache, and cars were beginning to frequent the street. I wasn’t sure if anyone could see me from the street, but I also didn’t want to take any chances.
Besides, I needed to find somewhere to clean up at. I took off down the road hastily. After
walking for a while, I found a big grocery store. The clock on the wall when I entered the store read five-thirty in the morning. I sighed at how tired I was.
I felt so gross as I walked into the restroom. I changed my clothes quickly, but I still felt dirty. I used the sink to wash my face, neck, and any other exposed easy-to-reach place, but it just didn’t really feel good.
I wet my hair and semi-tamed it with a comb. I needed to seriously wash it; it was tangly and oily. I pulled it up into a messy bun and told myself that I would take some shampoo off the shelf after I completely dressed. I felt bad for stealing, but I was too desperate not to do it.
Luckily, I had a toothbrush and toothpaste, so I brushed my teeth hastily. I still felt gross, but it was a little bit better. A shower sometime soon would be nice though, and I was going to have to figure something out.
I left the restroom, grabbed some soap and shampoo before I booked it out of the store. I couldn’t risk going all the way to the other side for some food, that would only draw more attention to me, and I’d risk getting busted for shoplifting.
I’ll have to worry about food later at some point. After all, it had only been a day and a half without food, despite the fact that everything seemed like it happened a long time ago.
***
Classes went by far too quickly and lunchtime rolled around. It was the single part of the day that made my heart ache at the mere thought of it. I promised myself that I wouldn’t try talk to Aiden or Bri, which only made intensified the pain in my chest. Everything was hurting, and I could do nothing about it.
I got to the lunchroom and sat at my usual lunch table. It felt so big and lonely with just me sitting there . . . alone. My stomach clenched as I stared at the empty seat next to me. I felt sick.
I was hurt and lonely. I hated everything. I hated myself, but it was all my doing.
I laid my head down to try and get some sleep. My stomach was sending hunger pains throughout my body, but I tried to ignore them.
It sucked; everything sucked.
After a few minutes of me laying there with my eyes closed, I felt a presence next to me. I opened my eyes wide as I looked around, praying that it was Aiden. Brandon stood before me, concern filling his eyes.
“Brandon?” I whispered slowly.
“Hey Aub,” he said softly while looking around, his expression uncomfortable.
“You shouldn’t be talking to me. Aiden and Bri might get upset with you,” I said, looking away as tears filled my eyes.
“Actually, Aiden is the one that sent me over here,” he said, motioning back to the table where they sat. They were back to the popular table—at the very end and ignoring everybody around them.
“Oh?” I whispered, confused. My heart began beating rapidly, and stupidly enough, hope began to fill me.
“Trey called. The tournament starts this weekend. You fight at nine-thirty on Saturday,” he told me as he looked carefully at me.
I simply nodded in response, feeling deflated.
Oh, he just wanted to remind me of the tournament.
“You’re fighting a guy named Connor. It shouldn’t be too hard of a fight, but he might surprise you. Just stay on your toes,” he said, bending down to my level. “Aubry, you’re going to be okay. I believe in you. You can win,” he whispered kindly. He was being so kind, but I didn’t deserve it. “Also . . . “ he began cautiously. “Aiden told me to tell you and Trey not to contact him about you anymore,” he stated solemnly.
“O-Okay,” I said, trying to stop my tears from falling.
His eyes softened as he wiped a tear from my cheek. “Tell him he can contact me. I’ll let you know when your fights are.”
“Brandon . . . you don’t have to do that. If Bri finds out, she’ll be mad,” I said softly and shook my head sadly.
“Aubry, someone has to let you know when your fights are. Just let me do that for you. Bri won’t know. Okay?”
“But . . .” He was right, I needed someone to tell me. I didn’t want to be the cause of a fight between the two of them, but I didn’t have a phone for Trey to contact me on.
“Okay,” I whispered softly and nodded once.
“Okay,” he stated with a nod and walked off. He was being way too nice to me . . . nicer than I deserved.
***
The day went by too quickly, and I hardly got any sleep. The night crept upon me as I aimlessly wandered around town. My stomach was growling with hunger and my body was tired. I almost forgot how shitty being homeless was.
I had thirty-two cents from picking coins up off of the ground . . . thirty-two cents.
What the hell was that going to buy me? Nothing, that’s what.
I sighed as I went into a gas station. I was just going to have to take something.
I went over to the shelves and grabbed the first thing that I saw—a muffin. I stuffed that into my jacket, then turned to head out the door. I was almost out when the clerk stepped in-between the door and me.
“Give it to me,” he said in an authoritative voice.
I stared at him in confusion.
“Give it to me, or I will call the cops!” he said harshly.
I took the muffin out of my pocket and thrusted it into his hands.
“Get out and do not come back!” he yelled.
A small whimper left my mouth as I ran out the door. I immediately burst into tears when I made it across the street.
Well . . . so much for eating, I guess.
The night went by slowly. I slumped against the church steps again as I didn’t know where else to go. I had nowhere to go.
I waited patiently for the sun to begin coming up before I walked to school. My life was becoming too hard on me. I was so hungry and weak. I was tired. I was so tired of living. It had only been a few days back to my old life, and I hated it.
When I got to school, I went directly to the gym. The next day was the beginning of the tournament, so I needed to train. The shitty turn that my life took did nothing for my debt. I still had to win.
I trained for as long as could without being late to class. I took a shower in the girl’s locker room which felt amazing. I had been so gross.
I then went to my locker to get my backpack so that I could go to class. When I opened my locker, something fell out and landed next to my feet. I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me, but no one was.
Who and how the hell did someone get into my locker?
I bent down to pick up whatever it was that fell.
Tears immediately filled my eyes when I saw what it was. It was a bag with three sandwiches in it.
But who would do that? Who would help me? I looked around once again, but almost everyone was in class by that point.
Who would be so nice to me? I didn’t deserve it.
I wiped my tears and put the sandwiches in my bag. Someone was watching out for me, and God, did that feel nice!
Chapter Forty-Four
Numb
Aiden
“It’s done,” Brandon said blankly as he sat back down next to Briana.
I nodded as I tried my best to pry my eyes away from Aubry. It didn’t work though. My eyes stayed trained on her slouched figure across the cafeteria. She looked exhausted and pale. She had her eyes closed tightly with her head on the table.
Was it possible to lose ten whole pounds in a day? Because she looked like she had.
“What did she say?” I asked Brandon about his conversation with her.
“Not much. There was really nothing to say. She’ll tell Trey not to contact you,” he said abruptly and shook his head. He glanced over at her and sighed.
“She doesn’t look good,” he whispered softly.
I didn’t say anything as I stared at her. No, she definitely didn’t look good.
I hastily got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria. I was suddenly no longer hungry.
***
The school day came to an end, and I knew I had to go to the gym.
I couldn’t avoid the place forever, plus, Tommy had been blowing up my phone since Brandon informed him of what was going on. I did have to watch Cece until Briana got home though. Life still went on, even though everything seemed to be falling apart.
I picked Cece up and went to the hospital. I hadn’t been there for a couple of days. I needed to see Pawpaw. I couldn’t put everything on hold just because Aubry and I had combusted.
The reality was, Pawpaw was still probably going to die.
We got to the hospital and made it to his room. He was moved to ICU the night before. Apparently, one of his lungs collapsed during the night. They told us that meant it was probably the beginning of the end. How depressing.
When we got into the room, he looked . . . dead. The only comfort that he was alive was the breathing tube down his throat, and the fact that the lines on the heart rate monitor were not flat. Other than that, he seemed to be gone.
Cece let out a small whimper from beside me. “He really is dying,” she whispered softly.
I kneeled down to look her in the eye. “He’s a fighter, Ce. He’s going to fight this.”
She looked at me with a weird expression as she wiggled out of my grip. She went to him and held his lifeless hand.
“Pawpaw, when you get to heaven, tell my daddy that I love him. I’m so happy that you’ll be with Grammy. I wish that you could stay, but . . . You need to go. You don’t have to fight Aubry said that you’ll be better off if you move on, so move on. I love you, Pawpaw!” Cece said the words softly to him. There were tears on her face, but a small smile was playing on her lips.
She was so smart and selfless. She was acting far beyond her years. It was crazy how a little kid could understand death and dying so clearly.
What had Aubry said to her? How did she explain it to her?
I was there, struggling to come to terms with my grandpa dying while hoping that he would fight. Meanwhile, Cece was accepting his imminent death so openly. I was so selfish and weak.
Fighting For Life Page 53
