“I miss Aubry, when is she coming home?” Cece asked me, bringing me out from my thoughts.
We hadn’t told her what was going on, just that she had to go. I didn’t want to ruin Cece’s vision of her. Of course, Cece didn’t even understand how dad died, so it would be difficult to explain anyways.
I looked at her innocent little face and sighed. “I don’t think she is coming home Ce.”
“I miss her,” she whimpered as the tears began to fall down her face.
“I know, me too Cece.”
***
When I got to the gym, I felt frozen. I got out of my vehicle and walked up to the door. I just stood and stared when I got there. It was the same door that she had been lying in front of the first morning that I went to train her.
She was so fragile back then; so hurt. She almost looked like that at lunch earlier in the day. Maybe not quite as bad, but she looked so flimsy and weak. That was not Aubry. Aubry was strong and fierce. The way she looked at lunch, scared me . . . she so broken.
I shook the thoughts away as I barged into the gym. Visions of Aubry around the gym immediately filled my head. In that moment, I knew that going there was a mistake. It was too much for me to handle.
I didn’t even take the time to put my keys up or anything, I went to a punching bag and began hitting.
Screw this. Screw the feelings. Screw everything. I was over it all.
I abused the bag for a long time. I hadn’t actually been keeping track of how long it had been, but I was completely soaked with sweat while feeling like I was going to pass out by the time I was forced to stop. Tommy had to pull me away from the bag before I could really screw myself up.
“You okay dude?” he asked as he handed me some water.
I didn’t answer. I simply just looked around the training room carefully. I saw her everywhere in there. She was in the chair looking at me with trusting eyes, she was by the door with an eager expression, waiting to go train; she was sitting on the counter with me in between her legs.
We were supposed to be together.
I sighed and clenched my teeth. It was all bullshit.
“I don’t know what hurts worse, not being with her or knowing what she did,” I finally said.
“This is a fucked-up situation,” Tommy said thoughtfully.
“Yeah it is,” Brandon agreed from beside him with a head shake. “Did you see her today, though? She’s deteriorating. She’s withering away to nothing, and she’s doing absolutely nothing about it. It’s like she’s giving up,” he whispered.
“I know. That’s not Aubry. I don’t care how mad I am at her. That is not what I want. I couldn’t live with myself if . . . if . . .” I trailed off. I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word, ‘died’. I didn’t know what I would do if she did die. Yeah, my dad was dead. Maybe it was partially her fault, but I’d never want her dead.
In reality, I loved her. Maybe I couldn’t be with her, but I still loved her.
“What do I do?” I asked, trying to hold back my tears.
Tommy shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll support you with whatever you decide. I have your back.”
“Yeah, that’s your decision dude. Just take this time away from her to think about everything. I know you’re hurt, but Aid, so is she,” Brandon said slowly.
Eventually, we all dismissed ourselves and went home. The whole situation was so messed up. I had no idea what to do.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. The image of Aubry’s frail frame from lunch came back to my mind.
Seriously, was it possible to lose ten pounds in one day?
I sighed heavily. Without really contemplating my actions, I took the rest of the bread that we had and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It made a total of three sandwiches. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing.
I put the sandwiches in my backpack, then went to bed with Aubry on mind. Always Aubry.
***
I woke up early the next morning; I hated waking up. I hated that she wasn’t there with me. I hated everything.
However, every time that I thought of asking her to come back, every time that I thought of talking to her, every time that I wanted to go to her and engulf her in a hug, I just felt like screaming. My head and heart were divided. I had no clue what to do. It was all so confusing and messed up.
I got into my truck and waited for Bri to come out too. I was ahead of schedule, so I was taking Bri to school instead of Brandon. That was a relief because I had a favor to ask her, and honestly, I wasn’t sure if she was going to agree to it or not.
When I pulled up to school, I halted her from getting out of my truck.
“You’re in office aid first period, right?” I asked slowly.
She nodded her head in response.
“Look, I need a favor. I either need you to put something into locker A-40, or I need you to get me the combo for it,” I said slowly while not meeting her eyes.
“That’s Aubry’s locker,” she stated calmly.
I nodded, but kept my mouth shut.
“What do you want to put in it?” she asked after a period of silence.
I sighed and reached into my backpack. I pulled out the sandwiches, showing them to her with no words.
She stayed silent.
I didn’t meet her eyes. “She needs them,” I finally said.
“I know. Give them to me. I’ll put them in there,” Bri said softly. “I’m worried for her, but I can’t bring myself to forgive her. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. B-But when I try to repair it, I just . . . I just can’t. I know that it’s not all her fault. I mean, I even keep telling myself that, but my heart hurts when I see her.”
She was about to cry as she spoke, “I feel like our whole friendship was a lie. I’m glad that you did this for her. She needs someone looking out for her. I know that you love her.”
I sighed at her words.
“I know you’re hurt right now, but maybe, maybe with some time, you can forgive her. I’ve never seen you so happy than when you were with her. It makes me sad to think that you will never be like that again.”
She gave me one last look as she took the sandwiches and left the truck.
I didn’t know if I could forgive her. I mean, I wanted to . . . but my hurt was in the way. I just wanted it all to go away. I needed it to go away. I wasn’t sure how much of it I could take.
***
Aubry
I trekked up the hill slowly. My body and feet were exhausted, but I was almost there. It was just a little way to go. I hadn’t realized it was that far away from school. However, I had nothing better to do anyways.
I finally got to even ground and breathed out a sigh of relief.
Thank God! Walking up hill was awful.
I looked around, and it was just as beautiful as I remembered it. I sat down on the cliff slowly as looked down. The river was way down at the bottom. It had to be at least five-hundred feet up.
It was beautiful.
The sun was going down slowly, and I stared out into the scenery. The place was absolutely breathtaking. Aiden had been right; sunset was certainly the best time to be there.
I pulled a sandwich out of my backpack and smiled. PB&J, nothing fancy, but still so incredibly sweet. I wanted to enjoy one of my sandwiches while looking out at the beauty that was in front of me in that moment. That meant that I only had one more left, I knew that I needed to save it for the next day. I needed all the strength that I could get for my fight.
I didn’t know who exactly put the sandwiches in my locker, but my money (if I had any) was on Brandon. He was being nice to me, so it made sense. I was incredibly grateful for him, but he also needed to cut it out. I didn’t want Bri or Aiden to get mad at him for helping me. They deserved him more than I did.
I looked over at their table during lunch to see if any of them were watching me to see if I had gotten the sandwiches, but they all ignored me.
; Honestly, I didn’t know what hurt worse; their anger or their indifference.
I bit hungrily into the sandwich. I was extremely thankful to whoever did it. I was starving, and I hated stealing from people. It always made me feel awful to do so.
I finished the sandwich as I looked around the beautiful place some more. It reminded me of Aiden. It made me feel closer to him.
I winced at the pain in my chest as I thought of him. However, I wanted to think of him. I didn’t want to lose the precious memories of him. He made my life so much better—happier. I just wanted to remember the amazing times with him before I messed it all up. I wanted to think about the beautiful times that we had together.
I sat there and stared as the last bit of sun disappeared. I felt tears running down my face. I just let them fall freely, not bothering to do anything about them.
I missed Aiden so much. I wished that I could have been normal. I wished I could have loved Aiden correctly, but most of all, I wished that I never hurt him. I wished that I could erase myself from his life to spare him the hurt that I had caused.
I got up after a while and walked the long way down from the cliff in deep thought.
Thoughts about Aiden, always thoughts about Aiden.
***
That night, I stayed in a bar until three in the morning. It was a crappy bar with crappy people and crappy drinks. However, the crappy drinks got me completely and utterly drunk, while the crappy people hadn’t even bothered to ask for my age.
The alcohol helped numb the pain a tiny bit. It was just a tiny bit, but some was better than none.
I then walked around the streets drunkenly until seven in the morning. I was extremely lucky that I wasn’t arrested for public intoxication or taken advantage of. It was an incredibly stupid thing for me to do, but damn, the burning effect of the alcohol helped the sting of the pain.
Alcohol had always been my friend. It helped me forget about my life.
My sister used to keep bottles of liquor stashed in her room. I had never really understood it until I reached twelve and was so beaten that I could hardly move off the ground. I was able to move enough to get my hands on her stash, that was about it.
It was then that I became fully aware. Alcohol helped you slip away and forget. It helped numb the blaring pain, whether it be physical, mental, or both; it helped. And damn, I needed some help. I always needed help.
At seven, after I sobered up a bit, I went into a coffeeshop and continuously hung out for a while. I continuously filled one of their water cups up over and over again until I was told to buy something or leave around nine.
I walked around town with literally no regard as to where I was going. I didn’t care. At that point, wondering into a hole sounded more favorable than my life. I just walked and walked, wondering how much longer on earth I had left.
I could tell it was about noon by the time I was stopped. When I was stopped, I was pretty pissed at myself for not paying at least a little bit of attention to what was going on around me.
I was stopped by running into a hard chest. I wasn’t actually going to look up and acknowledge the person that I ran into. I was simply just going to mutter a muted sorry then walk away. However, it was when I tried to stalk off and the person restrained me that I finally looked up.
My eyes widened when I saw his face. He wasn’t an ugly man. No, neither he nor his brother was ugly. But anytime either one of them stared at me for too long, it made my skin crawl.
He would be quite handsome actually, if I was into older guys . . . His deep brown eyes held mystery and lust in them, his hard jawline made him look daring, his tanned complexion made him look exotic, and his dark hair completed the whole “drug lord” look.
He wasn’t ugly, but his whole demeanor was terrifying to me.
“Hello little girl,” Demetri said with a smirk. “You should keep a better eye on where you’re going, sweetheart. Someone could just come and snatch you right up,” he said with warning in his voice.
“Yes, wouldn’t that be a shame?” Daniel piped from beside us. “Tell me, little girl, how are you enjoying your new-old life on the streets. I’m taking it that Aiden didn’t take the news of you murdering his dad very well . . . ?” Daniel said with fake concern.
Truthfully, the thought of who actually told Aiden my secret hadn’t even crossed my mind yet. Of course, one of them to be the culprits. They were the only two people who even knew of my connection to Jeremy.
“You bastard! You told him!” I yelled at him and tried to lunge for him. Unfortunately, Demetri held me firmly in place.
“Calm down, sweetheart. I don’t want my brother to mess up that pretty face of yours!” he said softly.
I stopped struggling and glared at Daniel. “What do you want? I told you last week, I’ll have the rest of your money by the end of the tournament. I only have thirteen-thousand left to owe,” I said to Demetri as I tried to stay calm.
“Oh, I know, little one, I only wanted to check on you to make sure that you were okay. You seemed very smitten with the Clark boy. My brother here,” he said and gestured to his brother. “Told me what he did. I deeply apologize for his behavior. He can be quite . . . impulsive.”
“No, I’m not okay. My whole life just got ripped out from underneath me. Come to find out its by his doing! What the hell? Can I not have anything?” I spat.
Demetri seemed unfazed by my anger, but Daniel snarled at me.
“That was all your doing! After all, you are the one that killed his dad. We had to come behind you and clean up the mess! I was always cleaning up your mess, and I got nothing in return! At least Kelsey was a good girl and did everything I told her to! She might not have been as pretty as you, but she fucking listened! You’re just a fuck-up! And Aiden knew that! I didn’t even have to convince him. I just fed him some line about you owing Demetri money and that we were looking for you, then I suggested that he ask you about his dad! He did so without even questioning it! He knew there was something wrong with you! Everyone does!” Daniel yelled at me and came forward, trying to grab me.
Demetri calmly stopped his brother from touching me by pulling me closer to his own body. I didn’t want to be near either of them, but Demetri was a hell of a lot more enticing than his brother.
“That’s enough, brother,” Demetri spoke calmly and eloquently.
I stared daggers into Daniel. “What did I do to you? Why do you hate me so much?” I asked coldly.
“That’s actually a very good question,” Demetri said and beckoned his brother to answer.
“You walk around here like you are better than everyone. You like you didn’t deserve everything that’s happened to you. Everyone has to pay their dues, little girl!” Daniel sneered at me. “Kelsey understood that and paid, she did. Even your whore of a mother understood it! I mean, she entranced my brother here so completely that he still talks about her,” he scoffed. “Not you though . . . nope. You think your too good for all of us. You fight and fight. While that may be pretty hot and arousing, it gets annoying after a while.”
I was speechless as he continued. My anger was overwhelming.
“You owe some dues. You are the only girl that Demetri has ever told me not to take. Tell me, what makes you so good? What makes you so special? What makes you better than everyone else?” he finished, and I felt like spitting on him.
“You hate me because I won’t fuck you!” I yelled at him. “I’m not better than anyone, but I refuse to sit by and let grown ass men put their hands on me! I don’t owe anything to anyone. I’ve had so many things taken away from me, and I’ve paid enough!” I said with barely kept fury.
“But you’re damn right! I am not anything like my sister or my mother! They sat by and shut up. They allowed things to be taken from them and said nothing about it! Hell, my mother gave away everything before anyone could take it! So yeah, I’m not like them!” I was breathing hard as Daniel glared at me.
“I’d rather die fighting to get
out of here than sit by and do nothing! I’d rather die fighting than to merely just survive!”
Demetri looked at me with an impressed look as I spoke to his brother with no fear in my eyes.
“I struck a deal up with your brother. If you have a problem with the terms of our agreement, then I suggest you take that up with him!” I yelled furiously while thrashing around in Demetri’s arms, wanting to have a go at Daniel. Who the hell did he think he was?
Demetri held onto me tightly as I thrashed. He shook his head at his brother sadly. “Honestly brother, I’m pretty disappointed in you. You need to learn to see a diamond in the rough rather than assume everyone is the same. Aubry is right. She’s not like her sister or mother, much to my dismay. She’s a fighter, and that, my brother, is beautiful. You need to learn to appreciate that. It will come in handy, and she will thank me a whole lot sooner than you.”
Daniel scoffed at his brother in disgust.
“This is why I’m the boss. Instead of seeing every female as a fuck, you need to see them as business ventures and lovable creatures. Aubry had a lot to offer. She still does, even though she lost me my money, she will fix that, and we will see where the future takes us. Hopefully, at least.” He cut his eyes over to me when he said that.
“Brother, you have to remember to help some people along the way. You never know who you will need help from. Eventually, the fighters are a whole lot more trustworthy than the whores and pushovers. Aubry is a great prize. It’s a shame that you cannot see past wanting to screw her,” Demetri said.
I wasn’t sure what to think of this whole exchange other than I wanted to kill Daniel.
“Anyways, I believe it is time to get going. Aubry, I, once again, apologize for my brother’s idiocy, and I do hope you will be okay. I will see you around, and I hope you have my last thirteen-thousand soon. After all, I am still running a business here. I employ many people, so don’t make me have to chase you down if you fail,” he said warningly as he walked to the SUV and got in.
Fighting For Life Page 54
