Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  I could feel my tears spilling out of my eyes. I wanted the feeling to last, but everything just seemed so screwed up. I was screwed up.

  “Come here,” he said, motioning me to follow him. We walked away from the edge and sat down on a couple of chairs that were sitting there on the roof.

  “Tell me . . . Tell me everything. Let someone inside your dark world, Aubry. Let me help you see the light again. I want to help you.”

  “I-I . . .” I paused, unsure. I wasn’t sure if I could do that. I wasn’t sure if I could let him be taken over by my darkness too. That was what I was, darkness. I brought it everywhere I went.

  “Aubry, I’m right here, and I’m not going to judge you. Think of me like your brother. It doesn’t matter what you tell me, even if you tell me that you physically killed someone, I’m going to still love you. I love you. Let me love you, Aub. Let me take some of the load off of you. Let me in and let me help you.”

  A brother. I had always wanted a brother.

  I took a deep breath as I leaned back into my chair. He was right, I needed someone.

  “I-I don’t know where to start,” I said finally.

  “Start from the beginning. I want to know everything,” he whispered.

  So, I did. I started from the beginning, when my parents first got addicted and then up to when my mom killed herself.

  “My sister had to take care of me when they got addicted. I know that she hated it. She was almost five years older than me, she was just a child. I ruined her childhood.”

  I continued on. I talked about the people who beat the shit out of us as we were growing up. The guys who just felt like hitting a little kid for no good reason, just because they felt like it. That took me up until when I was eleven or so.

  “Then I started to understand the stuff that my sister was handling. There was a guy, his name was Sunny,” I spat his name out viciously. “She was always so terrified of him. Anytime he was around, she would immediately lock up and be helpless. I love my sister, but she was weak. Not that I blamed her for be like that, but she . . . she was scared of everything. Instead of fighting in spite of her fear, she just let things happen to her. She wouldn’t ever fight back. She’d just scream and let them hit her until they were done. She wouldn’t fight them. She just let them touch her and . . . and . . . She just let it go.” I sobbed at those words. I missed my Kelsey.

  “When I was eleven, I finally decided that the least I could do for her, for ruining her childhood, was help her. I’d take a bunch of the hits for her. I tried to make sure that she never had to deal with anyone by herself anymore. I cooked dinner and cleaned the house when she went to work because she had to pay the bills for us to have a place to live. I even went and started getting the drugs for my father instead of her. That’s when I met Demetri, who will be an important part of the story when I get to it . . .”

  I paused and prepared my heart for my next words. “Then she turned eighteen, and . . . and just left. She packed her stuff, got on a bus to California and never looked back. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

  “Wait, after everything you did to protect her and help her. She just left? She never contacted you again?” Brandon asked with a confused look on his face.

  I nodded and wiped some tears that were falling. “Anyways, after that is when shit got really bad. There was no longer two people to split the aggression between anymore. It was just me, and damn . . . I got the snot knocked out of me all the time. That was also when I started to cut. It was the only thing that I could focus on besides the pain of my life.”

  Brandon squeezed my hand tightly.

  “I started to work at fourteen, so I could continue to pay for the bills and stuff. However, as time continued, I got hit more and more. Sometimes, I wasn’t able to show up to work for days because I was so hurt. So . . . eventually, I obviously got fired. That is when it started to get even worse because my dad was getting eviction notices and stuff. I was branded “the bad daughter”, I was the one that didn’t listen. I was the one that didn’t pull her own weight around. I was the one that fought back . . .” I paused and sighed heavily.

  I closed my eyes to stop the tears. “Today was certainly not the first time that I’ve thought about taking my own life . . . hell no. It wasn’t even my first “attempt” if that’s what you want to call it.”

  I took a breath and tried to stop my tears from falling, but they wouldn’t stop.

  “I tried before when I was fifteen. It was actually on my birthday. I was so excited for my birthday. I wasn’t even sure why because I always had crappy birthdays. Anyways, I was so excited, and I made a careless mistake that night.”

  I breathed in deeply as I tried to steel myself to tell the story aloud. “I left my door unlocked. You see, that was a really dumb thing to do with several high and drunk psycho men in the house. However, that was what I did. I left it unlocked like an idiot.”

  “It was close to midnight. I can remember the bright red letters mocking me as I was held down. Eleven twenty-four, they read. I looked around at everything in the room to distract myself, but the numbers from the clock were etched into my vision and mocked me.” I sobbed. “I tried to fight! I did fight! B-But I couldn’t! No matter how hard I fought, no matter how much I screamed or kicked . . . he didn’t stop.”

  Brandon was breathing hard as I spoke.

  “I woke up that night, at eleven twenty-four, with Sunny on top of me. By the time I realized what was going on and woke up all the way, it was too late.” I tried not to whimper.

  “I kicked, I screamed, I punched, I pushed. I tried everything, but he didn’t stop! He . . . he . . . he . . .”

  I suddenly felt the bile rising up my esophagus. I was quickly out of my chair and about six feet away from Brandon. I threw up as I thought about what the bastard had done to me. Brandon came up behind me as he held my hair back away from my face.

  I didn’t think I could do it . . . to say it out loud, but I had to. I had to come to terms with it. Otherwise, it was always going to haunt me, and eat me up from the outside-in.

  The pain from what he did resonated throughout my body. It made me throw up again and again.

  After I was done, Brandon led me back to the chair supporting me. I took a moment to calm my breathing and wrap my head around what I was about to say. It was going to be the first time that I had told anyone besides Demetri. I had to do it.

  “He raped me . . . He stole the one thing that I thought I had control over . . . my virginity.”

  Brandon was kneeling in front of me with his arms around me.

  “He took my family from me, he took my home from me, he took my safety from me, and he took my virginity from me. I tried to make it hard for him. I fought back with so much force, but that seemed to make it better for him.”

  Brandon growled at my words.

  “I’ll always hear his voice in my mind, telling me how much better I was than my sister and how my mother used to . . .” I paused and shivered.

  “She used to do it willingly.” I sobbed loudly. “He stole everything from me. While it was happening, all I could think about were those red numbers flipping the time as I was waiting for it to be over.”

  I sobbed again as Brandon hugged me tighter. He hugged me to his chest and comforted me until I had finally calmed down a bit.

  “After he was done, he promised me that he’d be back. He said that after he had me and knew how “much fun” I was, a simple locked door wasn’t going to stop him from getting me again.”

  Another chill went up my spine.

  “Then he left me in my own blood with his juices all over me.” I tried not to throw up again. “I can still perfectly remember his smell: cigarettes mixed with alcohol and a slight BO.” I shook my head.

  “I couldn’t stand myself after that. I blamed myself for not locking the door. For not fighting back hard enough. What was the point in fighting if I was going to get overpowered anyways?” I sighed. “Y
ou see, I’m not my sister. Even if I knew it was pointless, I couldn’t just take it. I’d always fight. It’s what is in me. However, I was tired of fighting. I didn’t want to do it anymore. After that, I didn’t want to live anymore.” I took another deep breath and choked back a sob.

  “I got a rope and tied it to the top of my closet. I tried to hang myself. Although, my dumbass didn’t tie the rope right, so the knot came undone. That’s how I got this scar.” I showed him the scar that Aiden had asked about. The scar that I only gave half the story to him about. Just like the rest of our relationship . . . only a half truth. “It’s a rope burn. A physical scar to remind me of that night.”

  I sighed as I continued on. “When I was unsuccessful at killing myself, I took it as a sign to continue living. I took it as a sign that I was supposed to be here. I thought that I still had stuff to do or something.” I snorted at that thought. “So, I devised a plan in my head. It was a plan to live.”

  “That morning, I went to Demetri. Demetri is one of the most feared men in town because he’s a drug lord. He has the biggest drug operation in the state. He has many men that work for him, and even has control over most of the gangs around town. He’s pretty big deal. Anyways, he always had a soft spot for me. Well, really, more of a soft spot for my mother, but I supposedly look exactly like her.”

  I looked up at Brandon. “So, I went to him, and told what happened the night before. I played with his heartstrings and asked him for protection. B . . . I needed protection.”

  He nodded vigorously. “Yes, agreed. You needed protection.”

  “That’s why I took his deal when he offered it . . .” I said quietly as I sobbed. “He offered me the protection I needed, as long as I sold the drugs that he supplied me with. He even sweetened the deal with a fifteen percent profit. He was giving me money to pay bills and protection. I needed protection.” I sobbed loudly. “His drugs were the ones that I eventually sold to Jeremy. The ones that killed him . . . I should have just killed myself.”

  Brandon pulled me into his arms instantly. “Aub . . . no!” he said it strongly as he rocked me gently. “You didn’t deserve any of that stuff that happened to you. I’m glad that you got the protection that you so desperately needed. Jeremy chose to buy and shoot up the drugs. You were just trying to survive! Aub, you would have gotten raped daily if you didn’t get protection. I don’t care what anyone says. I’d choose you over Jeremy every time. He chose death. You chose life. I know Aiden would agree if he would just listen for half a second.”

  I tried to argue, but Brandon wouldn’t let me.

  “You are brave. You are amazing. You fought your way through so much. Look at you, you are still here—fighting. You are no longer fighting alone. I love you, and I am fighting with you. You were just trying to survive . . . that isn’t wrong. So, don’t let yourself believe for a single that you did something wrong. You fought, and you survived. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

  I just cried as he soothed me. After a while, my tears slowed down. I steeled myself once again as I had more of the story to tell him.

  “So, I did that for over two years, and it was a good gig. However, in mid-October, right after I re-upped and got new drugs in, my father and Sunny stole the new drugs from me. Everything that I had. All twenty-five thousand dollars worth of the drugs. For some reason, instead of killing my instantly. He gave me until graduation day to give him the money that I owe him.”

  Brandon took in a sharp breath.

  “The next day is when I blackmailed Aiden into training me.”

  Brandon stayed very quiet as he took in the rest of the information. After a while, he looked up at me and wiped some of my tears away. “So . . . how much more do you owe?” he finally asked.

  “Thirteen-thousand,” I answered sheepishly.

  “So the tournament is really the only way,” he stated thoughtfully. “Well that’s not too bad then . . .”

  I looked at him like he was crazy.

  “I mean, the only real competition left is Aiden. He’ll forfeit as soon as we tell him everything. He can’t hold any of this against you after he hears your story. Everything will be okay again!” he said excitedly.

  “No!” I said forcefully. “He doesn’t want to hear it. He shouldn’t be burdened by me once again because all I ever do right is screw up. B, promise me. Don’t say anything to Aiden or Bri. This is my story to tell, and they have no interest in hearing it. I don’t blame them for being like this. I am the problem. It’s always me.”

  “What? But Au—” he began.

  “Brandon promise me!”

  “Fine! I won’t tell, but they deserve to know. Aiden and Bri deserve to understand everything. They deserve to know why it was you and not someone else.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to listen to reasoning. They deserved to have me out of their lives for good. They didn’t need to hear my justifications, they meant nothing.

  “Well, thank you for listening. You were right, it felt good to get everything out. It’s getting late, so you should get home. I will see you tomor—” I was cut off by Brandon dragging me to the elevator with him in a tight grasp.

  “I talked to my mom, then my mom talked to Dana. Dana asked the both of us to keep you safe, and to take care of you. Therefore, you will now be staying at my house. It’s not as big as Aiden’s, and we only have a couch to offer you. However, it can be your home too.”

  “B-But—” I stopped and stared at the boy in front of me as I choked back tears. “But what about Bri and Aiden? Won’t they get mad?” I asked softly and stared at my feet. I didn’t want to cause trouble.

  He shrugged. “If they do, then they can deal with it. You need help, Aub. I’m going to help you.”

  “B-But . . .” I started, but he cut me off when we reached his car outside of the building.

  “No buts. I am helping you, and if I don’t then Dana will kill me. So, you’re stuck with me now.” He put me into the car and shut the door at the end of his statement. “Besides, Aiden and Bri will thank me later for this,” he said when he got into his seat.

  I stared at him as he began driving. He really was like a brother to me. That thought warmed my heart a bit.

  A brother . . . I had a brother who loved me. That felt amazing.

  Chapter Fifty

  Psycho

  Aiden

  It was past ten o’clock at night when I got a call from Brandon to meet him at my house. He said that he needed to talk to my sister and I both. I didn’t know what it was about, but if it was another lecture about Aubry, I knew that I’d probably lose it. I was already losing it.

  I was at the gym when I got the call. I had been spending most of my time there, almost even sleeping there some nights. Training helped me block out a lot of my thoughts. I was able to focus only on my techniques and not delve too deeply into unwanted thoughts . . . thoughts about Aubry.

  My mind was just so jumbled and messed up. I didn’t know what to do or think. She was practically all I ever thought about. Whether it was about missing her, wanting to hate her, my anger at her, or just wanting her back. She was all I could think about.

  I left the gym as soon as I got his call. Brandon sounded so serious that it scared me a little bit. He was never a serious guy, so it was a little unnerving.

  When I got home, I walked into the living room Bri, Brandon, and my mom were all sitting on the couch silently. Brandon was nervously shifting around as he held onto Briana’s hand tightly. Bri looked up at him lovingly with a slight glow in her eyes.

  Suddenly a thought occurred to me.

  “What’s going on?” I asked roughly. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” I asked with a slight amusement.

  However, the amusement disappeared when I remembered Bri asking Aubry that when she first moved in. Due to that memory, I moodily sat on the arm of the couch next to my mother.

  “What? No!” Bri said loudly with a horrified look. All the while, Brandon looked
like he was going to throw up at my statement.

  I laughed shortly at both of their reactions. At least I got her back for doing that to Aubry.

  Ugh Aubry, get out of my head!

  Brandon kissed Bri’s cheek and shakily stood up in front of all of us. He stood there awkwardly as he eyed us nervously. My mom got up after a minute of no talking and grabbed his hand gently, reassuring him.

  What the hell did he do?

  “Okay . . . So, I brought you here because . . .” There was a slight pause as he swallowed. “ . . . because my mom, Dana, and I have decided that it’s best for Aubry to move in with my family,” he said it matter-of-factly with a nod.

  I looked at him wide-eyed as Bri gasped in shock.

  I was stunned into silence. What?! Was that a good idea?

  Suddenly, my mind went back to when he called Aubry hot the first time that he’d seen her. Back before we actually knew her. It wasn’t a good idea.

  “What?” Bri breathed out heavily. “B-But why? After all she did. Why?”

  “She needs someone, baby. She has no one. And I—” he started but Bri cut him off with a scoff.

  “And it just has to be you?” she asked in a raised voice.

  “Well absolutely no one else is doing anything to help her! So yes! I guess it does have to be me!” he raised his voice.

  “Shh you two, Cece is still sleeping!” my mom chastised.

  Brandon took a deep calming breath and rubbed his face. “Look, someone needs to watch out for her. She’s not okay, not even a little bit. What she did was wrong, I get it, but she is falling apart. She needs someone, and I’m not going to let stand around to watch her fall to pieces.”

  He sighed and shook his head. “I know that you’re mad, both of you, but I’m not abandoning her. She’s been through so much shit. She is the toughest person that I know, but she can’t survive all on her own on the streets. I mean we’ve all seen her; she is struggling. She needs help! A-And I’m going to help her! I don’t give a shit if either of you like it or not. I love her.”