The Darkest Canyon

by Roberta Kagan

  Then one night Eva was upstairs having dinner with Gretchen when there was a knock on the door.

  “Who is it? Who’s there?” Gretchen asked in a small voice as she quickly collected the plates off the table. Rebecca ran into the back bedroom and hid in the closet

  “It’s me Gretch. Hilde!”

  Gretchen sighed with relief and opened the door. “Come in! It’s been a while. How did the interview go?” she asked, trying to sound calm.

  “I have wonderful news. I passed the purity test and I got the job! And I just got back from a visit with my boyfriend at his job at Buchenwald.

  “I am so glad you got the job. How was your visit with Axel?”

  “It was good.”

  “What was it like at Ravensbrück?”

  “It’s still not completely finished. But it looks like it’s going to be a good job. And look, I brought a half of a loaf of bread and some real butter for us to share. Are you hungry?”

  CHAPTER 9

  April, Berlin

  Hilde turned the key in the lock of her apartment and opened the door.

  Before she left him at Buchenwald, Axel had given her a small bag of real coffee and two sweet rolls to take home with her. She took them out of her handbag and laid them on the table. Then she put up a pot of water to brew the coffee. Hilde plopped down while she waited for the water to boil and lit a cigarette. The Nazi Party made it clear that they found it unacceptable for women to smoke. However, she had tried to quit and was unable to. Smoking calmed her nerves. As she let the soothing hot smoke fill her lungs, she leaned back in her chair and allowed her mind to drift.

  She thought about the trip she’d just made to see Axel at his job. She had no doubt that Axel was in love with her. The visit with him had more than confirmed that. However, it had also confirmed to her that she was less than in love with him. He was kind and generous and certainly affectionate. And she had to admit he was pretty good in bed. But he wasn’t the kind of man she’d always dreamed she would marry. Hilde had always wanted a man who would make her the envy of every other woman. The kind of man who turned heads just by walking into a room. Perhaps it was because she’d always spent her life in the background, reminded by her mother that she was ugly and should not expect much. Maybe that was why she’d always dreamed of having a man who was movie-star handsome, someone considered too good for her. Still, even though she was not in love with Axel, she was logical and practical enough to accept that marriage to Axel was a good choice. And that ugly, little voice of her mother’s that sometimes came into her head, told her that he was the best a girl like her could do. That voice made her fearful that if she didn’t marry Axel, she would end up alone. So, although she wasn’t ecstatic about the relationship, she would go through with the marriage.

  Taking a deep breath, Hilde let out a sigh. The water was boiling. She stood up and began to brew the coffee.

  Her thoughts turned to Axel’s job. She was surprised how unrestrained the guards were in the camp. Buchenwald was no paradise, by any means. It was a dirty, smelly place, filled with rats, lice, and disease. But Axel was right when he said the guards were treated well, and they had absolute power. The guards had plenty to eat and decent living quarters. The prisoners were controlled through fear and violence. And there were no repercussions for punishing a prisoner with or without reason. She wondered with excitement and awe if she would have the same power at Ravensbrück or if the guards would be required to be softer on the prisoners because they were women. Most her visit with Axel she’d spent in the guards quarters.

  One day she went to work with Axel. She was watching him shuffle the prisoners out to their work details. One male prisoner, who was moving too slowly on his way to work at the quarries, caught the attention of Henry, one of the guards. She’d met Henry the night before at dinner, and he seemed to be a rather nice fellow. He’d told her about his parents and his brother. He even made jokes that made everyone at the table laugh. But this man who was shuffling the prisoners showed her a different side of Henry. There was no trace of the humor she’d seen in his eyes the night before. His face was like a mask, expressionless. But his voice was stern, empty, devoid of human emotion, and merciless. He had taken on the persona of a ruler. She would have enjoyed feeling such power.

  “Move faster,” Henry ordered the prisoner.

  The prisoner was all skin and bones. He looked like a walking skeleton in his gray-striped uniform, which hung off his body. His bald head was half covered with a gray-striped hat, and his back was bent.

  “Didn’t you hear me, Jew pig? I said move faster,” Henry ordered again.

  The prisoner tried to follow Henry’s orders but he couldn’t. His legs were bent up, and his body looked like the figure of a broken marionette.

  Once more, Henry spoke to the prisoner. He did not raise his voice; he did not get angry. But even from where Hilde stood she could see the prisoner shiver. Then Henry glanced over at Axel and shook his head. “Lazy, aren’t they?” Henry said.

  Axel didn’t have a chance to answer before Henry hit the prisoner in the back of his head with the rifle butt. Blood poured out instantly, and the prisoner fell, silent, motionless. Another man in the same gray prison uniform came to help the prisoner who lay on the ground. Henry glared at the man and threatened to hit him too. So he stood up and walked along with the other poor souls in their gray-striped uniforms. The man who’d been hit lay on his belly in a pool of blood.

  “I think he’s dead,” Hilde whispered to Axel. “Will Henry get in trouble?”

  “No, there are no repercussions for killing a prisoner. They’re only subhumans, after all. And it’s one less mouth sucking on the tit of the fatherland.”

  The blood continued to run from the man’s head, covering the ground. Hilde felt excited about the idea of belonging to a group of powerful guards. For the first time in her life people had better show her respect.

  “Let’s go,” she told Axel. “This has made me so hot, that I want you now,” she whispered.

  He smiled.

  The power, the blood, the very idea that soon she could be a controlling force made her feel heady.

  “Henry, Hilde forgot something in my room. We’re going to go back.”

  “Yes, of course. You two go on,” Henry said. “I’ll take care of this. Hilde will only be here a short time. You two lovebirds should enjoy your time together.” He winked.

  “Thank you, my friend,” Axel said to Henry.

  “Of course,” he responded with a broad smile.

  “Come, Hilde,” Axel said. Then he put his arm around her shoulder, leading her back to his bed.

  When they arrived at Axel’s room, Hilde pulled off his pants and mounted him.

  “Does that happen often?” she asked.

  “What?” Axel asked.

  “You know, do the guards kill the prisoners like that very often?”

  “It happens sometimes.”

  “And no one ever gets in trouble?” she asked in awe as she rode him.

  “No one ever gets in trouble. WE are like Nordic gods here. Aryan Gods.”

  “Oh.” She sighed with pleasure.

  “And we get paid. Besides, if you’re good at it there is plenty of potential for promotion. You could end up earning even more money. You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

  She nodded. “Yes, of course. I would love this job.”

  The wonderful fragrance of freshly brewed coffee filled the kitchen in her apartment, bringing Hilde back to the present moment. She got up and poured herself a cup of the steaming black liquid. There was no sugar. She’d used every single drop before she left to visit with Axel. But she did have the sweet buns that she’d brought back with her from Buchenwald. She took them out of the cloth she’d wrapped them in. Slightly stale, she thought. Then she took a bite. It was a little stale, but stale or not it was delicious.

  After Hilde finished both of the sweet rolls she went to the bathroom to take a bath befo
re bed. She undressed as she ran the hot water to fill the bathtub. She thought about Gretchen’s question, What was it like in Ravensbrück? It was empowering and exciting. I wonder if I will be permitted to be as powerful as the guards at Buchenwald. Could there possibly be a job where I would be allowed to make women bow to me, where I could make them do whatever I ask? She smiled. I’ve been at the bottom of the ladder all of my life. It’s my turn to shine now. As she reached up and caressed her breast she caught a glimpse of her naked body in the mirror. At first she was repulsed, but then her own reflection disappeared, and in its place stood a Valkyrie. Hilde was no longer a doughy, fat, and shapeless girl with orange-gold hair. In the mirror she saw her reflection as a tall, slender, silver blonde with striking blue eyes the color of sapphires. The Valkyrie sat upon a white stallion that had a long, full mane.

  I’m very excited for our future, the Valkyrie said.

  “You mean the job?”

  Of course I mean the job. The Valkyrie smiled.

  “Do you think we will be able to command that kind of power? Do you think the prisoners will do what we say? Sometimes I am secretly afraid that I am weak.”

  Alone, you are weak, Hilde. But together we are invincible. After all, when we had to get rid of your mother, we did what we had to do, didn’t we?

  “Yes, we killed her together. But I would not have had the courage without you,” Hilde responded to the imaginary image in the mirror.

  And then I must say, we were brilliant at convincing everyone, the neighbors, the police, even Gretchen, that your bitch of a mother was a prostitute and an alcoholic who committed suicide, leaving you, her poor innocent daughter, to fend for yourself. I must admit I was quite proud of how taken in they all were with our story.

  “You went away for a while. Every time I went to the mirror and called for you, you didn’t come. Promise me you won’t go away again,” Hilde said. “I’ll need you once I start this job.”

  How can I go away, when you and I are one.

  CHAPTER 10

  The following day, Rebecca took a bath and then braided her long, wheat-colored hair. Then she put on one of Gretchen’s dresses.

  “I’m going to find work. I’m determined,” she said, trying to muster a smile.

  “All right, Eva,” Gretchen said, biting her lower lip. “I don’t suppose we can put this off any longer.” The name Eva sounded strange to her. “Don’t forget everything we talked about: the church, the christening, all of it, all right?”

  Rebecca took Gretchen’s hand and squeezed it. “Yes, I’ll remember everything. And I am Eva now.”

  “Yes, Eva. And please, do be careful when you are out today.” Gretchen felt her body tremble with nervousness.

  “I will. Of course I will.” The two women hugged like sisters, then Eva took her Aryan papers and left.

  Gretchen didn’t have to be at work until the afternoon shift, so there was no point in getting ready this early. Her stomach growled with hunger, and she would have truly enjoyed eating a piece of the bread that Hilde had left the night before. But there were only three thick slices in the cupboard, so she decided against it. She would save it for this evening, when she could share it with Eva.

  The teapot let out a shrill whistle. Gretchen got up to pour herself another cup of weak tea to fill her empty stomach, when there was a knock at the door.

  “I have a letter here for Gretchen Schmidt!” a teenage boy called through the door.

  Gretchen quickly grabbed a coin from the kitchen jar. Her hands were trembling. What if this was a letter telling her the news that she dreaded receiving every day. What if this was the letter that told her that her father was dead. There was no one else who would be writing to her. A wave of nausea came over her as she opened the door and handed the boy the coin. Her fingers felt cold and disconnected from her body as she took the envelope.

  The boy left.

  But Gretchen felt a wave of relief come over her, and tears fell from her eyes when she saw her father’s handwriting on the front of the envelope. He’s alive, she thought. No matter what else this letter has to say to me, at least I know he is alive.

  "Dearest Gretchen,

  I hope my letter finds you well. I am sorry I haven’t written very often, but I have been unable to do so. I have not been in one place for very long. They move us around a great deal, and I am forbidden to disclose our location. I’m afraid that as much as I would like to tell you all about how my days are spent, I cannot. However, please know that I am all right. I think of you constantly. And please know that I miss you and love you. I can’t wait until the day when I return home and see your bright smile again. Until then, take care of yourself, my dear daughter. Please, stay safe.

  "Your loving father."

  Gretchen folded the letter. She had a sudden desperate longing to see Eli, to tell him about the letter. Eli knew that she had been terribly worried about her father. But this letter meant she could put some of her fears to rest. Still, in the back of her mind was the constant terror that at any time he might be killed. She was overcome with emotions and desperate to lay in the arms of the man she loved. But he was gone, and she had no idea where he was or even if he was still alive.

  CHAPTER 11

  Eva walked through downtown Berlin. She was both afraid and exhilarated. It had been a long time since she had been outside, alone and free. The sun cast a golden light on the sidewalk. Automobiles honked as they sped by. People rushed to their destinations. She squeezed her handbag, knowing that her Aryan papers were inside. She tried to feel confident about the papers, which looked authentic, but she was still a little uneasy. Everything should be perfect. But there was always a chance of something going wrong.

  Men in business suits and various Nazi uniforms smiled at her flirtatiously. Eva didn’t return their smiles. Instead, she tried to appear poised, as if she knew where she was going. Each time a man whistled at her, it struck terror in her heart, and she walked a little faster. Then she passed a candy store and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. At first, it shocked her. I am not wearing the modest clothing of a Hasidic wife. My head is uncovered, my hair is flowing and blonde. And this dress I’ve borrowed from Gretchen shows off the curve of my collarbone. I am wearing lipstick and rouge. I hardly recognize myself. But, right now, I am very thankful that when Eli and I were first married he didn’t insist that I keep my hair shaved. He was satisfied for me to keep my head covered in public. Anyway, it’s a good thing that I have long, blonde hair; it helps me look like I belong. And I have to admit, I do look like an Aryan German woman. There is no trace of Rebecca, the son of a rebbe’s wife, in my appearance. And even though I am proud to be a Jew, given the circumstances, that’s good.

  Eva stopped in front of the candy store and went inside. The shop smelled of caramel and chocolate. How do they get these things? I haven’t even smelled chocolate since I was a child. I wonder if this is a store that makes candy for Nazi officers and not just regular people. A big-boned woman, with hair the color of blood oranges, was standing behind the counter.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Yes, I am here in search of a job.”

  “We don’t have any openings,” she said curtly.

  “Thank you,” Eva said and then she left.

  For the better part of the afternoon, Eva went from shop to shop, only to be told there was no work available. She was about to give up when she came to a bakery attached to a small coffee shop.

  When she walked inside, Eva was greeted by a man in his midforties. He was of average build, with plain regular features, except for a deep cleft in his chin.

  “Good morning, Fräulein. What can I get for you, today?” he asked with a smile.

  Frustrated, Rebecca said, “Please, I need a job.”

  “Have you ever waited tables? Or done baking?”

  She hung her head. “Only baking at home, Herr Baker.”

  He nodded. “But you need to work?”

&nbs
p; She looked down at the floor holding her breath as she waited for his answer.

  “Well, then. Let’s give you a try. Are you a fast learner?”

  “Yes, I am. A very fast learner,” she quickly assured him.

  “Be here tomorrow morning at five a.m. We start the baking for the day very early. Everything must be ready when we open.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  “And by the way, what is your name?”

  She almost said Rebecca but she bit her lip. “I am Eva Teichmann,” she said. And she thought it sounded strange. Can he tell I am lying? she wondered, but he seemed to accept what she told him without question. I must start to think of myself as Eva, so I never make the mistake of uttering the wrong name.

  “Welcome to my humble café, Eva. My name is Albert Weber. If you can learn fast and keep up with the pace, you will like it here.”

  “Thank you, Herr Weber. Thank you so much,” Eva said, then she left and walked all the way home feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Now, she was certain, things were on an upswing. Soon she would be earning money, and there would more food for both of them.

  CHAPTER 12

  Herr Weber had been a widower for the last two years. His wife had been a childhood friend, a girl who grew up only a few houses away from his own. They’d had a good marriage. His wife was a good cook, an excellent housekeeper, and his best friend. But he knew when they got married that she had a heart condition. And the doctors did not expect her to live a long life. Still, he liked her so much that he was willing to marry her anyway, regardless of the fact that they might have only a short time together. Everything was fine until she was actually gone. Then he was devastated, broken, and lost. He’d never been a very social person and neither was his wife, so he didn’t have many friends. Although he knew all of his regular customers by name, who came into his bakery each week, he never knew them on a personal level. As long as he was busy kneading dough or making jams, he was able to cope with the loss.