The Darkest Canyon

by Roberta Kagan

“I don’t remember,” Hilde said. “All I remember is that Thea was a boyfriend-stealing Jew pig.”

  It doesn’t matter. Thea is gone. Now we have to get rid of Eva.

  “Do you think she feels it’s all right for her to go after Hann because I am married and pregnant?”

  Who cares what she thinks? It isn’t all right because we still love Hann. And we know that deep down he loves us too. The Valkyrie’s face was crimson with rage.

  “You’re right. He does love us,” Hilde said.

  Eva is a whore. Probably a Jew whore. I’ll bet she is manipulating him with sex, the Valkyrie said. You must catch them together, so you can tell Gretchen that Eva is evil, and she is trying to steal your boyfriend. Gretchen knows how much you and Hann love each other, doesn’t she?

  “She knows I love him. But she doesn’t think he loves me.”

  Would he have come over to your table if he didn’t love you? He came over to declare his love for you, and then Eva, that miserable whore, stepped in and stole him before he had a chance to say what was in his heart. The Valkyrie glared at Hilde.

  “Yes, you’re right. So what do I do now?”

  You catch them together. Then you tell Gretchen. It’s that simple.

  “How? How can I ever catch them together?”

  It should be easy. You’ll have to put on a disguise and follow Eva after she leaves work. I am sure she will be on her way to meet Hann somewhere.

  “You’re right. You’re always right,” Hilde said.

  We’re always right, the Valkyrie corrected her, and then she disappeared.

  Hilde went into town and purchased sunglasses and a hat that she was able to tuck all her hair into. She put them all on in the public restroom in the park. Then she walked to the bakery where Eva worked and hid in the alleyway until she saw Eva leaving for the day. Hilde followed Eva. She was waiting for her to go into a café where Hann would appear. Once he did, Hilde would come out of the shadows, take off her hat, and accuse Eva of stealing her boyfriend. She was going to tell Eva that Hann belonged to her, but she could never have imagined what was about to happen. It was more than anything she could ever have hoped for.

  CHAPTER 35

  After Eva finished work she left the bakery and decided to save the bus fare and walk home. As she rounded the corner she heard a voice call out, “Rebecca, is that you?”

  Her head turned instinctively when she heard her name. But she wanted run. Someone from her previous life recognized her. Her heart raced as she walked more quickly.

  “Rebecca,” the woman’s voice called out again. There was a line of people in front of the butcher shop blocking Eva’s way. She couldn’t get through fast enough to escape the woman who came running up to her.

  “I’m sorry,” Eva said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about; my name is Eva.”

  “Rebecca, it is you. Do you remember me? Frau Heidelhoff? I worked as a maid next door to your in-laws before the laws changed, and Aryan’s couldn’t work for Jews anymore. Don’t you remember? You were kind to me several times. You gave me money when my son got hurt at his job at the factory so I could take him to a doctor. You gave me extra food when my daughter got pregnant. Whenever you saw me on your way to the market you always had a kind word to say.” Frau Heidelhoff was speaking loudly.

  It was true, Eva had always been kind to the woman because she knew that Frau Heidelhoff was below average intelligence.

  Eva’s shoulder’s slumped. “Yes, Frau Heidelhoff, I remember,” she whispered, trying to quiet the woman down.

  “I knew you would! I am doing very well now. My son joined the party, and they gave him his own business. My daughter and her husband both have good jobs. I live with my daughter, and I don’t have to clean houses anymore.” She smiled. But what are you doing out on the streets. It’s dangerous for Jews to be out on the streets. You should not be out; you could end up in a prison camp,” she said.

  Eva pulled the woman away from the crowd. “You must go away, and promise me that you will never tell anyone that you saw me. Can you do that for me?” Eva asked.

  “Yes, of course. But you should get off the streets.”

  “I will, but if you see me again, please don’t say hello.”

  “Are you angry with me?”

  “No, just do as I ask.”

  “Are you pretending not be Jewish? Are you pretending to be someone else, Rebecca?” The old woman’s eyes lit up as if she finally understood.

  “Never mind all of that. Please, Frau Heidelhoff, do as I ask.”

  “You are, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” Rebecca finally admitted. “And if you don’t do as I ask you could cost me my life.”

  “Oh! Yes, you’re right. You’re right. I’ll do it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble. Good luck to you,” Mrs. Heidelhoff said as she scurried away.

  Rebecca was unnerved. She was trembling so hard that she could barely stand. Leaning against the building she took several long slow breaths. It’s going to be all right. Even though she is a bit slow, she won’t say anything. She doesn’t want to hurt me.

  “Are you all right?” a handsome young man asked Eva.

  “Yes, thank you,” she answered. Then she did her best to compose herself and started walking toward home.

  CHAPTER 36

  When Hilde heard the old woman call out “Rebecca" and then run up to Eva, she ducked into a doorway where Eva could not see her and listened. She trembled as she heard the woman say the words that she had always known were true. Eva was not Gretchen’s cousin; she was a slippery Jewish imposter. Poor Gretchen had been tricked by the Jew’s lie. This Jewis, Rebecca, probably killed Gretchen’s cousin and stole her papers, and poor Gretchen has no idea. Hilde bit her lip and continued to watch as Rebecca and the woman separated. She felt gratification when she saw Rebecca lean against the building. I’ve caught you in your lie, you Jew bitch, she thought. Then once Rebecca began to head back to the apartment, Hilde took off the hat and glasses and stuffed them into her handbag. Then she began walking in the opposite direction.

  When she arrived at the familiar apartment, she knocked on the door. An older man with thinning, gray hair and a cane answered. “Yes?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

  “Is Hann at home?”

  “I think he’s in his room. Come in,” the old man said. “Who can I tell him is here to see him?”

  “Hilde.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Hilde sat down in the sparsely decorated living room and waited. Her hands were ice cold and trembling. She was so nervous and excited at the same time. Hilde was about to share information with Hann that would change the way he felt about Eva . She was certain that what she was about to tell him would make him realize he’d made a mistake. Perhaps once he sees that he and I are both the same, both pure Aryan, he will finally declare his love for me.

  Hann came out of the back of the apartment. His hair was uncombed, and he was wearing a white, sleeveless T-shirt and a pair of old, loose-fitting, black pants. Hilde had never seen him dressed so casually, and it tugged at her heartstrings. She began to fantasize. This is how he will look once he and I are married. He will be busy working on the house, and I will be cooking and caring for our children. All he has to do is ask, and I will divorce Axel and marry him.

  “Hilde?” Hann’s voice brought her back to the present moment.

  “Yes, I came because I have to tell you something. Can we go somewhere we can talk?”

  “Of course,” he said, looking at her a little skeptically. “Come with me. We’ll go into the kitchen. My mother is at the market, and my father won’t bother us.”

  Hilde followed him.

  “Please, sit down,” he said.

  They sat down at the table.

  For several seconds she didn’t speak. Hilde was sweating with excitement and anticipation. She was savoring the moment. Here I am sitting across from Hann at the kitchen table. This is the way
it will be every night once we are married.

  “Hilde? What is it you want to talk to me about?”

  “Oh!” she stammered. “Yes, I want to tell you something very important. Something you should know. I had some suspicions about Eva. I wasn’t sure she was who she said she was, so today I waited until she got off work, and I followed her. And do you know what I found out? I found out she’s not Eva, Gretchen’s cousin. She’s a Jew. Her real name is Rebecca.”

  Hann glared at her. “Don’t start this stuff again,” he said, getting up and walking away from her. Then he stopped in front of the window and slammed his fist on the countertop. “You did this with Thea. You caused me all sorts of problems with Thea. I didn’t believe you then, and I don’t believe you now.”

  “But Hann, it’s true this time. I swear it. I heard an old woman call Eva by the name Rebecca. The old woman told her that she should not be on the streets because it was dangerous for Jews to be on the streets.” Hilde was begging to be heard, to be believed, to be loved.

  “This time? This time! So you lied last time?”

  “Hann, you don’t understand . . .” Hilde said.

  “Get out of my home,” Hann said, his voice was raised. “Stay out of my life. Stay away from me! Do you hear me?”

  Hilde could hardly speak. She wished she go to the bathroom mirror and consult the Valkyrie, but Hann was throwing her out. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. “You should listen to me. I’m trying to help you. You don’t realize it, but you and I are the same. We are both Aryans. We belong together.”

  “I said, get out,” he growled.

  She stood up and dropped her handbag. He picked it up from the floor and thrust it into her hands. Then he walked to the front door. Hilde followed him. Hann opened the door. “Goodbye, Hilde,” he said.

  She walked out. HIlde held her belly and ran down the street. She ran until she got to the park. Then she sat down on the bench and wept.

  It was then she decided to go to the Gestapo headquarters. I’ll make that Jew bitch pay for stealing Hann from me. She cast a spell on him, and that’s why he has turned on me. But If Hann won’t listen to me, the police certainly will.

  CHAPTER 37

  April, in the Woods

  There had been no sun for two days. The skies were a miserable charcoal gray. Angry bursts of lightening flashed through the air and thunder roared like a hungry beast through the forest. Wild animals let out loud, frightening cries. A cold wind whipped out of the north as torrents of heavy rain fell in sheets, penetrating the trees until the grounds were covered in mud. Moishe and Lila were drenched. Even the blankets that Lila had wrapped around Moishe were soaked. Neither Lila nor her son had eaten anything since the rains began. And every few minutes Moishe began to cry.

  “I’m hungry, and wet, and cold, Mommie,” he cried.

  Lila held him close to her as the raindrops fell off the tip of her nose and chin. He was shivering, and his tiny teeth were chattering. She had to find a way to get him inside. And she had to put something into his belly. The only thing to do was try to walk as close to the clearing as possible and search for a farm with an unlocked barn where they could stay the night, dry off, and hopefully find food.

  Moishe was coughing, a thick phlegmy cough, that scared Lila each time she heard it. But for her child’s sake she reminded herself that she had to remain calm. “Moishe, we have to walk so we can find a farm. All right? We have to get up and start walking.”

  He nodded. She stood up, her dress soaked and muddy sticking to her where she’d been sitting. She took Moishe’s hand and they began to walk. Lila was cautious, staying hidden by the forest but close enough to the clearing to see what was up ahead. A gush of rain came down even heavier than before, blinding her. But Lila held tight to Moishe’s hand, and they kept walking, going forward into the unknown. And then Moishe let out a scream. He grabbed his foot and held it as he sank down to the ground.

  “What is it?”

  “Hurts!” he cried, pointing to his ankle. Lila realized that he’d twisted his foot in the slippery mud.

  “Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” She held him close, kissing him. His shoes and socks were wet and black with mud. But as she held his foot up to look at it, the rain had already started to wash it clean. “Come on, let’s try again.”

  “No,” Moishe said. “No, Mommie.”

  Lila looked at him. She was ready to burst into tears or yell at him and tell him that all of this was hard on her too. But, of course, she realized, he was just a child and that would have done her no good. So she lifted him into her arms. Usually it upset her to see how light he was whenever she held him. But right now, she was glad she was able to carry him comfortably. They walked for over an hour. Lila slipped once and fell. She didn’t drop Moishe, but it scared him and sent him into a fit of weeping. And although she cut her leg on a branch, she made light of it all and laughed.

  “We took a slip, didn’t we?” she said.

  Once Moishe heard his mother laugh, he laughed too. Lila couldn’t sit down and look closely at her leg because she didn’t want Moishe to notice that she was bleeding. The cut was smeared with dirt mixed with blood, but the rain was quickly washing it clean. Careful not to let him see the blood, Lila picked Moishe up and began walking again. Finally, in the distance, she saw the lights of a farmhouse. Behind the house was a big red barn. Never had she been so happy to see anything as she was right now, as she looked at that barn. It was early evening already, and it wouldn’t be long before nightfall. They would have to stay back and wait in the woods until it was dark outside. But once all the lights were extinguished in the house, she would take Moishe and try to get into the barn. Most barns were not locked. She prayed that this one would be no exception. Especially tonight.

  Now that Lila had a plan, she pulled Moishe back farther into the woods to wait. Every few moments he asked her when they could go inside. And every few minutes she answered “soon.” Her patience was wearing thin, but she forced herself to control her temper. Moishe was only a toddler, a frightened, cold, and hungry toddler. He was just a little boy forced to endure conditions no child should ever endure.

  From where they were hiding, Lila could see the light shining inside the house. Once the house was finally dark, she forced herself to wait another half hour or so before taking Moishe and heading to the barn. The darkness was a gift that she relished. They were invisible as she carried Moishe across the open path.

  “Be quiet. Don’t make a sound,” she warned him as they passed the house, realizing after she’d said it that her voice might have been a little harsh.

  “Mommie?” Moishe said, sounding terrified. “Are you angry at me?’

  “Shhhh. I’m not angry, but be quiet,” she warned again. There was no time right now to comfort him. No time to explain. They had to get to the barn.

  Moishe began to weep. Lila, still carrying him, put her hand over his mouth to keep him silent. He wept harder and she began to run. Someone turned on a light in an upstairs room in the house and came to the window. Lila dropped down in the field and lay on top of Moishe. She whispered in his ear, “Please, my love. Please, don’t make a sound.” Her nerves were shattered. She was trembling with fear. If the farmer saw them or heard them, anything could happen. He might be kind and help them, give them food and shelter, or he might not believe they weren’t Jewish and turn them in to the Gestapo for a reward. Her breathing was ragged, and she could hear her own frantic heartbeat.

  “I’m scared, Mommie!”

  “Shhh . . .” Again, she put her hand over Moishe’s mouth. She knew she was adding to his terror. If she could only hold him and talk to him he would calm down. But there must be absolute silence if they were to survive. Little Moishe tried to pull his mother’s hand from his mouth. And when he could not, panic set in. He began to kick his feet and pound his fists. “Shaaa, Shaaa, my child,” she whispered in his ear. “Mommie would never hurt you. Trust me, please.” His little
body seemed to calm down with the softness of her voice and the kindness of her words. “I’m going to take my hand off of your mouth, but you must be quiet. You must not make a sound. All right?”

  He nodded. The rain continued to fall heavily. Lila said a silent prayer then removed her hand. “Mommie, I’m cold,” Moishe said loudly. She knew the farmer had heard something because she saw him open the window upstairs.

  Lila covered her son’s mouth again. “Who’s out there?” the farmer called out into the darkness.

  Lila’s heart was beating so hard that it felt like it might leap right out of her chest and run away on its own. In the moonlight, she could see Moishe’s blue eyes wide with terror. Again, she tried to calm him by whispering in his ear. But because they wandered through the forests alone, they almost never heard the sound of anyone else’s voice. So when the farmer hollered out his window, it petrified the child. He was crying softly but had stopped kicking his feet. The light was still blazing in the second-floor window. Lila knew they had better run. She whispered in Moishe’s ear. “I am going to pick you up, and we are going to head back toward the forest. It’s not safe for us here. Please, Moishe, I am begging you . . . don’t make a sound.”

  They were both soaking wet and covered in mud but Lila lifted her son into her arms and began to run toward the forest. This time, Moishe was silent. She ran, but her feet slipped out from under her, and she fell in the mud, still holding her son close to her breast. Behind her she heard the door of the farmhouse open. There was a severe pain in her leg as she tried to get up, but her feet could not get any traction in the slippery mud. She couldn’t trust that the farmer would be kind. Her inner voice told her that if she and Moishe were to survive they must get away from there quickly. She stood up, but she was too late. The farmer was behind her with a long-barreled gun in his hand, pointed straight at her and Moishe.