Party Hard

by David Petrie

  "But possibly helpful," Farn added. "Granted, it could backfire spectacularly if handled wrong, but we're pretty much dead without you. So it could save the team in a pinch. Plus, the additional stats for five minutes is pretty strong on its own, not to mention the plus six luck. I mean, everyone could use more luck." Farn explained her thinking.

  "So, who's the lucky one that gets to be my hero?" Kira asked.

  "Well, it's my idea, so …" Farn trailed off, holding up a hand like she was volunteering.

  "That's a tough choice." Kira tapped a finger on her chin before dropping her hand back to the counter. "It's up to you I guess." She sounded a little hesitant.

  Farn ignored the voice in her head that warned her that she was coming on too strong and, instead, listened to the one that told her to buy the fairy a friendship ring. She asked the shopkeeper to complete the transaction without thinking on it further and claimed the shield ring as her own. "Anything to give us an edge, right?" she said, not expecting an answer as she offered the small ring to Kira.

  The fairy stood looking at the item but not taking it, a wry smile sneaking across her face. Kira cleared her throat and tilted her head to the floor. "I'm not that easy; you're gonna have to do this right."

  Farn froze for a few seconds as she realized what Kira was hinting at but recovered by feigning annoyance. She glanced around to make sure that no one was in the shop with them before reluctantly dropping to one knee. She sighed her heaviest sigh, holding up the ring for Kira to take.

  Kira continued to ignore the offer. "Well?" She waved her hand in a circular motion as if time was a factor, which it technically was.

  "Would you wear the stupid ring, please," Farn spouted, resisting Kira's influence but also getting a strange feeling of acceptance as she realized that the fairy was antagonizing her the way she did the others.

  "You're gonna have to do better than—" Kira started to say before being cut off.

  Farn raised her other hand up in front of Kira's face to signify that it was time for her to stop talking. Emboldened by the fact that she had been included in the fairy's games, Farn lowered her hand. Then she raised her head to look straight into Kira's eyes, resisting her instinct to look away from the shining pools of blue. She spoke, "My dearest Kirabell, may you accept this token of our meeting in hopes that our new friendship be filled with joy and laughter and not the collapse of the world that we met in?" Farn held a look of smoldering intensity in her eyes that may have been more charming than she realized.

  It delivered a decisive blow that showed on Kira's face, forcing her to look away. She reached out to take the ring to put an end to the scene that she had started, but Farn caught her hand. Kira's face snapped back, a look of panic in her eyes as the joke backfired.

  Farn swallowed but followed with an honest smile that she hoped would hide the fact that her cheeks were beginning to turn a rosier shade of brown. She slipped the ring onto the mage's finger, and the silver band resized itself in an instant to fit. She continued to hold Kira's hand to make her squirm in place until finally, she released her. Farn then rose back to her full height, a foot taller than the fairy, a proud grin on her face.

  "Okay then." Kira cleared her throat, lowering her hand and holding it with the other, running her finger over the ring "Now that the shopping is handled. We should get going. Max will be back online soon." She turned to the door and walked out of the store without looking back.

  Farn made sure to snicker as loudly as she could before Kira disappeared through the door. Her smiled reached from ear to ear as she laughed to herself alone in the shop. At least the mission ahead might be fun. She turned to the store clerk, who she had forgotten was even in the room. He looked like he wanted to say something, although she knew that it was just her imagination. She eyed him for a moment. "Don't judge me."

  Farn and Kira arrived at the large cathedral that housed the city's spawn crystal just as Max and the others were getting logged back in.

  "We took care of the shopping while you guys were sitting on your asses," Kira said with her arms folded.

  "You all rested up and ready to do this?" Farn added as she threw a box of homing rounds that she’d purchased to Max.

  "We're good to go," he replied with his usual attitude, catching the item, "and there was no sitting on our asses."

  "Yeah, mostly Max just ate some Doritos," Kegan chimed in, pointing a thumb in his direction.

  Kira laughed. "That sounds about right. Back when we used mics to talk, he used to crunch nacho cheese flavor in my ear nonstop whenever we played anything."

  "Shut up. I don't do that anymore," Max responded.

  Kira didn't relent. "At least you're not yelling to your mom to bring you snacks anymore."

  "Oh, come on, that was one time." Max held up a finger.

  "HEY, MA! Maaaaaa! Get me some bagel bites!"

  Max’s face grew serious, and he pointed straight at the small mage. "Hey! When pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime!" he shouted back, drawing confused looks from a few nearby adventurers.

  Kira laughed and changed the subject, "Look what Farn bought me." She shoved her hand in his face like a character in a romantic comedy showing off an engagement ring to people who didn't care. Apparently, she had gotten over the embarrassment of how she had received the item.

  "That's very nice." He glanced at Farn, who held up her hand to show the ring's mate, making a point of being less obnoxious about it than Kira. "So I'm gone for all of an hour and you two become BFFs?" Max added.

  "Yup, you've been replaced." Kira danced around him before settling into her place at Farn's side.

  Joining in, Farnsworth gave him a smug look. "Sorry, if you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it."

  Max looked at the two with one eyebrow raised. "I'm sure you two will be very happy together. Now, let's go. We still have a world to save."

  Farn smiled, feeling lighter than she had in a long time. Then she fell in line behind him as he headed back toward the airship dock. She looked back for Kira, finding her place empty. Kira was lagging behind to buy some last-minute snacks for the trip. Farn snickered to herself. "I guess that makes sense."

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kirabell tapped her foot on the floor of the Nostromo’s bridge. The flight to their next destination had consumed a full thirty-five minutes of the mission clock. She just wanted to get on with things already, realizing how spoiled she’d become since getting access to her fast-travel teleports. Part of her wanted to take over for the helms-woman and fly the ship herself, not that she knew how to fly it anyway. But still.

  The ship approached the waypoint. It didn't tell them an exact location, but they found it easily enough, nestled into the lifeless dark stone of the Teln mountain range. This time, Carver had at least placed an airship dock by the dungeon's gates which were set into the side of a massive wall of jagged rock. A smoky river of molten lava flowed below.

  Max leaned against the window as the helms-woman pulled the ship up to the dock. "At least we don't have to climb down that ladder again."

  Kira swallowed and let out a quiet, "Yikes," at the view, regretting her thoughts about wanting to land sooner.

  Alastair stood from his chair and walked the team down to the platform, a worried expression on his face after the close call of the previous dungeon's collapse. "We'll be right here waiting for you, so make sure to come back."

  Max nodded, then turned to the open archway embedded into the rock face beyond. Thin clouds of smoke carried embers up from below as they walked. "Let's go see what horseman we have first. Anyone want to place bets?"

  Kegan's face lit up. "I'll take you up on that," he said as they all passed through the entrance, a chill running down Kira's spine despite the warmth of the air.

  Corvin pulled out a small piece of yellow candy from a pocket in his robes and tossed it to Kira. "I made plenty, so let me know if you need more."

  "Thanks, man." It was nice having him arou
nd. He was always well prepared. She cast a number of support spells on the group in preparation for whatever lay ahead, not wanting to be caught off guard by more creepy angel statues. Or worse. Corvin added on a couple spells of his own while Kira pulled the twisted ends of the foil candy wrapper she had been given, the familiar crinkling sound taking her back to childhood. A memory of grandma candy danced through her mind.

  The bright yellow lemon drop inside would have the effect of regenerating three points of mana every two seconds as long as it remained in her mouth. It also had a light citrus flavor that she liked, or at least it should have. Instead, she didn't know how to describe it. It was like someone had somehow combined the worst possible flavors known to man, like rancid garbage and dirt swimming in warm Moxie cola. No sooner had she popped it in her mouth than she spat it back out to the floor with a surprised, "Ack!" She sputtered, wiping her tongue on the shoulder of her dress. "You might wanna check your crafting recipe next time; that was awful," she said to Corvin, her tongue still hanging out.

  His brow furrowed as he looked at the candy. Then he tossed one into his own mouth. His face contorted immediately, though he held it without spitting it out.

  Kira cringed as his knuckles turned white with effort. Then she felt a little dumb when she realized why he hadn't gotten rid of it like she had. He was forcing himself to hold the evil thing in his mouth long enough to confirm what she now feared. She glanced at her wrist to check his mana. It didn't increase. Not one point.

  He took the lemon drop out of his mouth with his fingers and held it under his nose, sniffing. He licked it and winced.

  "Dude, stop tasting it." Kira looked away, unable to watch him. "You're gonna make me sympathy hurl."

  He tossed the candy to the floor and spat as discreetly as possible to remove the lingering taste in his mouth. "So food items have no effect. I'm guessing the rest of our items are duds, too."

  Kira pulled a silver vial containing a mana tonic from her item bag and poured the sparkling blue liquid into her mouth. Panic flooded through her as she realized her mistake.

  Max burst out laughing.

  She responded by performing an exaggerated spit take in his direction, a fine mist covering his hand and arms as he shielded his face.

  "It tastes like garbage water!" She spat the remaining residue from her mouth. She still had a slight mana regeneration effect attached to an anklet that she wore, but the inability to get a quick boost from her consumable items was going to be a problem. She would have to be conservative.

  Farn rubbed at her chin. "So it's looking like we're up against Famine."

  Ginger erupted with a loud, "Yes! That was my guess. Everybody pay up."

  "Damn it!" Max spouted as he begrudgingly settled the bet.

  Kira laughed at his misfortune, feeling he deserved it for laughing at her a moment before. Plus, she had lost nothing, since she had been too poor to participate in the bet after spending all her credits shopping.

  Max glared at her in response. Afterward, they continued on their way.

  The hallway seemed to go on forever. The walls were smooth, bare stone as far as the eye could see. It was bleak, empty and void of any kind of detail. In short, it was boring. The only thing of interest was the fact that it seemed to bend to one side as if she was walking in one massive circle. Around what, Kira didn't know. Either way, it didn’t take long to hit a dead end, a door blocking the hall, a circle carved into its surface like an open mouth.

  Max shrugged and knocked like he had earlier at the entrance to the last dungeon.

  There was no answer.

  “Pretty sure no one lives here.” Ginger leaned against the wall.

  Max gave her a stupid grin. “But how will we know that if we don’t knock?”

  Corvin cleared his throat, looking at the barrier through his inspector. “Umm, it has a health bar.”

  At that, Kira leapt away from the door and sprinted to the back of the group to hide behind him. The others all stared at her as she peeked out from his side. “What? It might be an enemy.”

  “I don’t think so.” He held the inspector lower so she could see through it as well.

  The door did indeed have a health bar hovering over its carved circle, but it wasn’t full. Instead, it was empty, blinking as if the gateway was in danger of dying. Kira stepped out from behind her teammate and swiped open her spell-craft menu to cast a mid-level heal on the door. She hadn’t really thought about what she was doing, just that the bar was low, and that every instinct she had told her to fill it back up. She looked back over her shoulder at Corvin who was still watching through the window of glass in his hand.

  “It went up but not much. Maybe a percent or two.”

  Kira turned back to the door with a frown and cast another heal, this time, opting for her strongest.

  Corvin’s furry ears drooped like a dog being left home alone. “That only got it to five percent.”

  Kira dropped her arms limply by her sides. “Okay, this is gonna take a while.”

  A few minutes of casting later, the door’s bar reached its limit, and it slid open to reveal another hallway complete with another door further down.

  As soon as they reached the next gate, Max stepped to the side and gestured for Kira to get to work.

  She grimaced as she opened her menu. “I hate this place already.” She set up another heal but stopped before activating it. Kira let a grin creep across her face and cleared her selection column. She turned and looked around the empty hall, then spun a glyph into place that she almost never used. It would at least be fun to see Max’s reaction.

  Max’s eyes widened as soon as he saw what she’d picked. “Wait, don’t—”

  She swiped down before he could get another word out. The spell flooded the hallway with power and the door opened instantly. At the same time, Max drew his pistols and aimed them in both directions down the empty hall. His eyes narrowed with an intensity that looked ready for anything. He stood in silence like that for several long seconds.

  Finally, Kegan spoke up, “Hey, ah, Max?”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t take his eyes off the hall.

  “What are we looking at?”

  He didn’t answer for a long beat. Then finally, Max relaxed and shoved his pistols back into his holsters. “What the hell, Kira? I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t use that contract.”

  She waved a hand at him dismissively. “It’s fine. There are no enemies here. And if there were, we have a solid bottleneck to work with.”

  Max rolled his eyes. “I know but still.”

  Farn’s eyes shifted between him and Kira. “I’m sorry, what’s the problem here?”

  He raised his arm to show her his stat-sleeve. “See for yourself.”

  She looked closer, then snapped her eyes to her own party read out where a dozen tiny icons now appeared surrounding her own name. “Holy crap, I’ve never seen so many active buffs.”

  Kira’s chest swelled with pride. “I know. It’s every buff in the game plus a full heal and regeneration effect that lasts for five minutes.”

  Max scoffed. “Yeah, and why don’t we use it?”

  She let her shoulders fall a little. “Because it aggros every monster in range.”

  Max held out his hand as if he didn’t need to say more.

  “Got the door open fast though,” Kira grumbled under her breath, making sure it was loud enough for him to hear.

  Max dropped his hand to rest on one of his guns and shook his head before cracking a smile. “True.”

  “Knew you’d see it my way.” Kira nudged him in the ribs with her elbow and marched forward, looking back to give him her most annoying smile. She didn’t get far before running into another door. She could almost sense an aura of smugness as he approached behind her.

  “Too bad you’re out of mana. Now we have to wait for it to refill.” He folded his arms and grinned.

  Kira let out a groan and plopped herself down in front of the
door to let her mana regenerate faster by holding still. She sunk her cheek into one hand. "I still hate this place."

  Chapter Fifteen

  After walking and opening doors for longer than Max would have liked, he came across a large opening on the inner wall of the hallway. “Finally, I was starting to feel like this dungeon was designed just to waste time.”

  The others followed him through the gateway and into a massive chamber. Actually, massive was an understatement. It was more like someone had hollowed out the entire mountain.

  Max looked around the space. “At least, now we know what we've been circling.”

  The hallway outside must have wrapped around the chamber’s edge. Other than its size, though, it was quite plain. The only thing worthy of note was a giant bell hanging from the center of the ceiling. From a distance, he couldn't really make out any details, just that it was a large cylinder the size of a five-story building with a dome at the top connected to a ring and anchored to the ceiling with several thick chains.

  I hope that isn’t a dinner bell.

  He turned back for a moment to make sure everyone was inside the chamber just as Corvin, the last of their group, passed through the entryway. The moment he did, a slab of solid rock slid down from a pocket above the door to seal them inside. It hit the floor with a loud bang that sent the Venom mage leaping. Max drew his guns just in case, then stood in the stillness of the room for what felt like an eternity.

  Kira interrupted the silence with an uncomfortable whine that drew Max's attention behind him, where he found her fidgeting, repeatedly lifting up one foot after the other like she was standing on a hot beach. He raised an eyebrow at her in question, then he knelt down and touched the floor. It was hot. "That's not a good sign."

  "Kind of smells like sulfur, too," Kegan added.

  Ginger took a step away from him. "Really? I thought that was you."

  Kira and Farn laughed as Kegan glowered at them both.

  Max shook his head before moving things along, "Hey, Famine, we're here to wreck you!" he shouted into the chamber. His voice echoed off into the distance and faded away. Silence answered back. "Maybe we have to ring that bell.”