Fire

by McAdams, Molly

  “Oh.” The word was a soft exhale as the memory tugged at my mind. My chest aching when I remembered sitting by a tree with a mud-covered Beau. “Because they both made us sad.” When Beau slanted his head in a nod, I added, “But they’re both just parts of us.”

  Eyes bluer than the ocean searched my face again as he said, “I hope Quinn has them.”

  “I hope she has your heart.”

  Beau looked as if I’d said the most horrific thing imaginable. For a while, he watched me as if waiting for something. When I didn’t offer anything else, he asked, “Why would you want her to have anything of me?”

  That ache in my chest grew and grew for the man I loved. The one who, even after years of controlling that darkness and rage inside him, still couldn’t see himself as anything else.

  “Well, there are a lot of things to want,” I said softly, lifting one of my shoulders in a shrug. “Your eyes. Your dimples and your smile.”

  “I don’t smile.”

  “You do,” I argued as a smile of my own broke across my face. “And, oh man, if you ever showed it to anyone else, it’d be enough to stop people where they are. It still stops me.”

  “You’re different.”

  I lifted a brow, silently challenging him. When he just dipped his head, letting me have that one, I went on. “But those are just physical. Your inner strength is unmatched. And your heart? Beau, you feel everything so deeply, and it’s so beautiful. Why wouldn’t I want her to have that?”

  Long moments passed in silence as he seemed to consider my words. After a while, he spoke. Voice soft and haunted. “Feeling that much can be damaging. I wouldn’t want any of our kids to experience that.”

  I lifted my hand to his face, brushing my fingers across the hard set of his brow and jaw as my pain for him flared. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I hate that it feels that way to you—wait, did you say kids?”

  “Yeah,” he responded unapologetically.

  “As in, more than just Quinn?”

  Confusion creased his features. “I thought you wanted multiple kids.”

  “Yeah, but that was before I realized how hard fixing up a mansion would be.”

  “Already done,” he said with an easy shrug.

  “Or having one baby.”

  “She’s a pretty great baby,” he added, amusement dancing in his eyes.

  “Or looking like a freaking whale for months.”

  A wicked grin slowly crossed his face. “Babe, do you have any idea how sexy you are when you’re pregnant?”

  “But I just got my body back,” I cried out . . . only to realize I was actually crying.

  Beau sat up, looking confused and terrified and so, so lost as he reached for me. “Savannah, what—” His head moved. Just these quick, faint shakes as his eyes searched me. “Why are you crying? We don’t have to have any more kids if you don’t want,” he tried to assure me.

  “I don’t know, I feel so stupid right now,” I said as I struggled to sit up beside him. “I cried in the tub because it felt so good to relax in there—like so good. I cried when I added a whole mess of salt instead of sugar to my cake batter today. I can’t stop crying, and my—” My hands moved to my breasts. To gesture to them . . .

  Because they ached.

  Oh God.

  A gasp ripped through me as I met Beau’s worried stare. “Oh . . . oh my God.” I covered my mouth with my hands, denial weaving through me.

  I saw the moment it hit Beau.

  His brows lifting in understanding and shock before his gaze fell to my bare stomach. “Are you—” His eyes met mine again before a gravelly laugh broke free as he fell back to the bed, pulling me with him. “Babe,” he murmured when a sob wrenched from my chest. “It’s gonna be okay. If you are, we’ll figure it out.”

  My head shook wildly against his chest as I tried to speak, choking and stumbling over my words. “No, I—oh my God, I—I’m so excited.”

  His next laugh was louder, fuller as he tightened his strong arms around me. Passing his mouth across my forehead, his voice was all love and joy as he whispered, “Crazy girl.”

  Leaving Savannah and our bed had never been so difficult.

  I must’ve thought up a dozen different reasons to call in these last few days of school so I could spend every minute wrapped up in her, but I’d known I couldn’t. Not only did I have to be there, I knew disappearing in the middle of the bullshit with Stephanie would only fuel the gossip, making things worse for me. And, in turn, for Savannah.

  So, I’d pulled myself from where she’d slept and gotten everything in the house ready for when Savannah woke before heading out.

  My office had been free of naked women, but the looks that ranged from disgusted glares to fuck-me eyes from every female staff member I’d passed on the way there had me rethinking that whole needing-to-be-there shit.

  At least when Kevin came in halfway through the day, he’d given me an apologetic look as he’d crossed the room to sit in one of the chairs.

  “I wanna say I’m sorry,” he began, leaning forward and clasping his hands. “Shoulda known you wouldn’t do something like that to Savannah. Just a little shocking when what I saw, well . . . when it was right in front of me.”

  I nodded, my stare dragging to my phone when it went off for the third time since he’d walked in. “If only the rest of the town knew that.”

  “Go on and get that,” he said, sitting back in the chair when another chime sounded from my phone.

  Picking it up, I held down the lock button until I could shut down my phone. “It’s been going off since before I even got home yesterday,” I murmured as I dropped the cell to my desk, feeling relief wash over me at the simple act.

  When I’d found my phone that morning, I’d had hundreds of messages waiting for me.

  Hundreds.

  People pissed that I would hurt Savannah. Disgusted that I would cheat on her. Calling me a coward for not responding. Letting me know Savannah deserved better. Others asking if this thing with Stephanie was serious or just a one-time thing . . . because they were free.

  I’d only glanced at a few before deleting them all, but more came in. My blood crawled with anger that burned hotter and darker each time my phone went off.

  “Town sure can talk,” Kevin mumbled in agreement.

  I grunted as I bent back over the summer football training I’d been working on. “One thing I always hated.” I glanced up when the door opened again, jaw aching something fierce when one of the math teachers poked her head in, lip caught between her teeth and eyes all dark with want. “No.”

  “I was just—”

  “Whatever it is, the answer’s ‘no.’ Get out.”

  “Lunch?” she still asked.

  My grip tightened on my pen as I stared at her. “I love my wife,” I said slowly, voice dark and cold. “Get the fuck out of my office and away from me.”

  Kevin tsked when she shut the door, looking confused and put off, then huffed out a sigh. “Looks like you might have a problem.”

  “It’s bullshit,” I muttered as my office phone rang. Tapping the line, I let the call go through speaker. “Dixon.”

  “Mr. Dixon, it’s Principal Warin. Am I interrupting anything?”

  My stare drifted to Kevin at the principal’s all-business tone when she usually treated everyone like family. I swallowed past the knot building in my throat and said, “No, ma’am.”

  “I need to see you in my office. Immediately, if you could.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Be right there.” Tapping off the call, I hissed out a curse and pushed from my chair.

  Kevin stood with me, stepping forward and reaching out to grab the door for me. “It’s a shame you’ve had to go through this,” he murmured as I neared him. “I’m sorry again for doubting you—even for a minute. You’re a good man.”

  I hesitated near the door, then dipped my head in thanks. “Appreciate that.”

  I stalked across the campus, my agitatio
n and worry growing with each step. The darkness in my blood roaring to life with each pair of eyes I met as staff left for lunch and mingled in the halls.

  It was like being a kid all over again. People judging and whispering about whatever I’d done or might’ve done. Except this was different.

  I hadn’t been prepared for this.

  There had been women who expressed unreciprocated interest throughout the years, but where girls fell over themselves to get to my brothers, I’d never had to deal with that headache.

  A few during college and after had been brave enough to flirt, but nearly all had kept it to a suggestive look. One that was paired with as much fear of me as there was interest. And that fear had always kept them back.

  Until Stephanie-fucking-Webb.

  I rapped my knuckles on the principal’s door, hand already reaching for the knob when she called out for me to come in.

  “Mr. Dixon,” she said, looking and sounding all kinds of stressed out as she gestured to a seat . . . right next to Stephanie. Looking every bit the high school vice principal and not like the woman who’d been waiting for me on my desk the day before. “Thank you for getting here so quickly.”

  “Ma’am,” I muttered as I shut the door behind me and stepped deeper into the office. I cut a cold look Stephanie’s way as I sat and stilled when I noticed the man standing in the corner—the same school board member from the day before.

  Fucking hell.

  “It seems,” Principal Warin began, sitting on the corner of her desk, “some of the reprimands given yesterday were too severe while others weren’t severe enough.”

  I went still.

  Replaying her words and worrying about the next.

  Heart pounding a hard, terrifying beat as that poison stretched through my veins. As that darkness waited, begging to be unleashed.

  She cleared her throat, her gaze darting to my side. “Ms. Webb, you may go.”

  My hand twitched.

  Mind fucking racing as I thought of what she might’ve said.

  Once the door shut behind her, the board member moved so he was in my line of sight, and the principal sighed. “You said nothing yesterday, Mr. Dixon,” she said questioningly.

  “Ma’am?”

  She pushed from the desk, hands folded in front of her. “It has been brought to our attention that there might be some fabrications to the allegations against you.” She hesitated, brow lifting slowly as if waiting for me to speak. “You were given every opportunity to share your side, but you said nothing.”

  Irritation escaped me on a breath.

  “And you’re saying nothing now,” she added meaningfully when silence filled the room.

  “I’m not sure what you expect me to say, ma’am,” I roughed out as all that darkness started receding. “I was brought in here yesterday and accused of cheating on my wife and having a recurring affair with someone. Immediately after that, I was told what I was being written up for and warned about my future here. I was never asked my side.” I shrugged. “Besides, y’all already had your minds made up. There was nothing to say.”

  Understanding and shame passed across her face as her head fell to the side.

  Of anyone, I knew she understood.

  When Savannah and I were in high school, Mrs. Warin had been sure I was beating Savannah or had some kind of twisted relationship with her. When I first got the job as assistant coach, she’d been one of the loudest to rally against me. But over the years, Mrs. Warin and I had come to understand and respect each other.

  She’d apologized for past judgments, and I’d been happy when she’d gone from our guidance counselor to our principal, knowing she was what the school needed. So, for her to fall so easily to the side of believing the worst in me again, it had pissed me off.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “Teachers heard kids talking about it, and then Vice Principal Webb confirmed it and elaborated . . . but you’re right. We should’ve gathered both sides before making accusations and taking action.”

  When she gestured to the board member, he cleared his throat and said, “I second everything Principal Warin said, and please accept my apologies as well as the rest of the boards’.” He waved his hands before putting them back in his pockets. “The penalties and warnings against you have been withdrawn, and Ms. Webb is stepping down as an educator for this district.”

  Surprise wove through me, but I just waited.

  “There were eye-witnesses to yesterday’s events in your office,” Principal Warin took over. Her eyebrows lifted significantly when she continued. “Among other witnesses elsewhere.”

  One of my shoulders lifted. “Finding her in my office is the only place there’s ever been anything.”

  “We were informed she’d been trying to gather information on you in town recently, and those claims contradicted the details Ms. Webb gave us yesterday. When confronted, she admitted the story of your ‘relationship’ was fabricated,” Mrs. Warin said. “Taking yesterday’s events into consideration, as well as the career- and character-destroying story she told to bring you down with her . . . well.” She lifted her hands in a way that said there wasn’t much left to do, the corners of her eyes creasing with apology.

  Except, I still had nearly all of Amber wanting me to pay for something I hadn’t done, or just wanting something I refused to give them.

  “Is there anything you’d like to say now that we’re listening, Mr. Dixon?” she asked, her words slowing and trailing off when someone began yelling out in the front office.

  She took a hesitant step toward the door, and I slanted my head in that direction as my blood began buzzing. Reacting to that voice.

  “. . . ever had a chance with him? Bitch, he’s married. And despite what you deluded yourself into thinking, I know how to keep my man satisfied and keep him from straying to whores like you.”

  Fuck.

  “That’s mine,” I ground out, pushing from the chair and hurrying for the door with Mrs. Warin behind me.

  “It’s time you leave,” someone shouted back just as we stepped into the hall. “This is incredibly inappropriate behavior for a school.”

  I looked over at the sound of Savannah’s scoffing laugh to see every person in the office watching the encounter with wide eyes and trying to hide their shocked amusement before landing on where my wife was looking down at Stephanie Webb even though she towered over Savannah.

  “Says the woman who stripped naked and waited for my husband to find her in his school office,” Savannah bit out, expression pure challenge and looking ready to throw down.

  And, fuck me, it was so damn sexy.

  “I got her,” I said quickly, holding up a hand when Mrs. Warin began stepping forward.

  “Highly inappropriate, Mr. Dixon,” she said under her breath, but even she was fighting a smile as she turned back to her office. “We’ll be waiting for your return.”

  “Ma’am,” I muttered as I started for my wife.

  My world.

  The girl who set my goddamn blood on fire.

  I really hadn’t planned on going to the school. I’d been driving somewhere else, and the next thing I knew, I made another turn and was continuing on until I was parked in front of the high school and stalking up to the doors.

  But in all fairness, I’d been going through absolute hell the past few weeks. My emotions were all over the place from Baby-Number-Four. And even though I’d had every intention of only going to settle things with the other half of why my life had imploded, I needed to take care of the person attempting to ruin it just as Beau and I were fixing it.

  When I’d woken that morning, everything had felt surreal.

  Too perfect. Too dreamlike.

  I’d gotten ready for the day and gone downstairs, finding coffee already brewed and a few peony heads from our garden on the edge of one of the islands beside a note in Beau’s masculine scrawl.

  Every last breath

  But after breakfast and talking with the ki
ds to hear all about the fun they were having, I’d finally started going through my phone. All the calls and texts from people I knew but hardly ever spoke to, asking if I was okay. If I needed anything. Everyone claiming they’d always known Beau would do something like this. Calling him disgusting and worthless. Telling me I should’ve kicked him to the curb long ago.

  And my perfect morning had shattered as my heart broke for that man. Feeling like we were thrown back in high school, where he was constantly under the town’s judgmental scrutiny, and I was begging them to see him a certain way.

  Except this directly affected my marriage and pissed me off.

  Which is why I was pushing through the main doors of the school and turning into the front office, staring down each set of eyes that flashed my way. Challenging them to say one word about Beau or our marriage.

  If someone so much as hinted at any number of the things that had been texted to me, I would lose my mind.

  “Hey,” I snapped when the source of all this ridiculousness crossed into the hall from one of the side rooms.

  Anger and a strange sense of satisfaction flooded me when Stephanie Webb turned at the sound, shame and embarrassment flashing across her features before she settled on unease.

  “You can’t be here without a visitor’s pass,” she said, lifting her chin and trying to put as much strength behind her words as her worry allowed.

  “You shouldn’t shove your fake tits in my husband’s face, but here we are.”

  Her eyes widened and darted everywhere, as if the entire town didn’t already know some version of the truth, and landed on me when I stopped a few feet in front of her.

  “As much as I love your version of what took place, you really think he wouldn’t come home and tell me what actually happened?” I asked, voice edged with steel. “But beyond that, you think you would’ve ever had a chance with him? Bitch, he’s married. And despite what you deluded yourself into thinking, I know how to keep my man satisfied and keep him from straying to whores like you.”