Awaken, Shadows of a Forgotten Past

by Marcia Maidana

  “Of course not.” His face lit up at my words. “I just can’t imagine you surrounded by so much quietness.”

  I laughed again. “It wasn’t always like this you know—on the contrary, it used to be pretty chaotic.”

  “I know. But the girls are all gone now.”

  “Yes, but I’m not a girl anymore. I can take care of myself.” I pushed the doors open and we stepped into the supposedly peaceful chapel, only to be ambushed by Sister Callahan.

  “There is the happy couple! When is the date? Please, do tell me,” Sister Callahan said excitedly.

  “We haven’t talked about a specific date yet,” I responded quickly, hoping to halt her investigation, but it seemed to excite her curiosity instead.

  “Well then, what are you waiting for? Obviously, you two can’t stay apart for more than a few hours,” she exaggerated, throwing a quick glance at Alex. He looked down, aware of the meaning in her words; he had left after midnight last night and had returned before the sun had risen this morning—maybe she wasn’t exaggerating after all. “I suggest you tie the knot before you get in trouble.” Her comment made me feel hot all over. I was the one to look down now, and avoid Alex’s eyes.

  “I assure you that two months won’t go by before our wedding,” Alex said. His announcement surprised me. We hadn’t even discussed a date, and I hadn’t thought that it would be in such a short period of time.

  Obviously, Sister Callahan didn’t think the same. “Two months! That’s too long! Can’t it be a little sooner?” she protested, loudly. “We are leaving in a couple of weeks, and I don’t want to miss it.”

  I saw Alex suppress a laugh. “How about next week?” he joked. I shook my head, and squeezed his hand at his audacity.

  Sister Callahan squinted at us suspiciously as she tried to decide what to believe. When Alex smiled, she finally realized he’d been teasing. “Young people now days! For goodness’ sake! There is no more civility, they take nothing seriously!”

  I was both surprised and embarrassed that Sister Callahan had caught Alex’s sarcasm.

  “I smelled trouble from a mile away,” Granny interrupted, appearing through the side door. “What’s all the commotion about?”

  “We were talking about their wedding—but they don’t seem to know what they want yet,” Sister Callahan abruptly briefed Granny. “Classic of the younger generation.”

  Granny adjusted her glasses, a suspicious look on her face, and softly said, “I see.”

  “Well, all I know is that I don’t want to miss it!” Sister Callahan emphasized, her voice echoed through the large room.

  I couldn’t tell if Granny was bothered by the idea of our wedding or didn’t like the loudness that had prevailed in the chapel.

  “Maybe we should go somewhere else. I’m sorry to have disturbed the harmony that exists here,” I said, trying to smooth the situation.

  Sister Callahan was swift to interrupt my apologies. “I better go speak to the sisters.”

  “Why? What’s wrong, Sister Callahan?” Granny asked her, setting a small box of cleaning supplies on top of the front pew.

  “We need to rearrange our travel plans—there is no way I’m going to miss Fannie’s wedding.” Her stocky figure rapidly disappeared behind the double doors at the end of the center aisle.

  “If you are serious about this, you better decide on a date, and the sooner, the better. It will save all of us a lot of trouble,” Granny suggested.

  “I agree,” Alex replied.

  “Oh my, I forgot the feather duster.” Granny crossed herself in front of the Virgin’s statue, and quickly headed towards the door, her habit flopping against her legs.

  Alex turned to face me and pulled me into his arms. He lowered his head to whisper in my ear, “I wouldn’t mind it at all if we do marry in a week.”

  “Don’t ask me again or I’ll do it,” I responded, playfully.

  “Florence, marry me next week,” he whispered again, and it was then that I knew he was dead serious. “Marry me next week,” he repeated, kissing my cheek.

  The touch of his lips on my skin almost convinced me to say yes, but coherency kicked in and I replied, “No, it’s too soon…there is much to be done…it’s too soon, Mr. Sterling.”

  “Two weeks then.”

  “Two weeks is still too soon.”

  “But it’s better than one,” he argued.

  “Yes, better than one,” I agreed, reluctantly. He gently kissed my lips muffling my protesting.

  On Sunday afternoon, I was lost in pleasant daydreams of how life would be as Mrs. Sterling when my reverie was jarred by Sister Callahan’s voice resounding through the corridors of the monastery. At her rushed entrance into the room, I put down the book that I had been pretending to read on the armchair next to mine, and leaped to my feet. All the sisters had gone to town, with the exception of Sister Callahan who had wanted to rest.

  “In earnest, Fannie,” she said, all alarmed and breathless. “What have you done to that poor fellow?”

  “Sister Callahan, calm down, please! Catch your breath, and tell me what the matter is.”

  “Calm down—calm down! It’s easy for you to say. I’ve been looking all over for you. Didn’t you hear me calling?”

  “Not until you entered the room—what is the matter?”

  “Give me a second…oh, this is much better…” She exhaled, plopping down on a chair. She adjusted her veil with one hand and pointed towards the window with the other. “That poor fellow has been waiting for you out there for an eternity.”

  I drew near the window and saw Alex pacing on the garden’s path down below.

  “It’s Alex!”

  “Oh good, he is still there,” she replied in relief, and proceeded to speak her mind. “He has been waiting for a long time. I can’t believe he is back again. What have you done to him? He can’t live without you.”

  Her observations made me smile inside, pleased that Alex had come again. “Thanks Sister Callahan,” I said over my shoulder as I hurried out of the room. Sister Callahan stayed put on the chair, murmuring something about young people and foolishness.

  Once I stepped out of the side door onto the grounds, the afternoon sun hit me with an unexpected feeling of joy. My heart seemed to emulate the sun’s warmth, filled with a burning intensity in anticipation to see Alex.

  Alex…my love for him, undeniably, had contained all the negative things that affected my life. Yes, it was true that the poverty and suffering all around us due to our crippled economy, the emptiness and insecurity that came with being an orphan, and even all the daunting mysteries surrounding Alex were still very real, but strengthened by his affection, I could rise above it all. His love was a healing balm suppressing all dark, depressing emotions. Just like the sunlight, it made me feel content, peaceful—alive.

  I found Alex at the same spot where he had proposed. He was dressed in dark trousers and a light blue button up shirt. I wished I had been better prepared; my well-worn red dress looked like rags compared to his elegant clothing.

  “Good afternoon, Alex. I didn’t expect to see you here today.” I smiled, unable to hide my pleasure at seeing him.

  He smiled back and the bright sunlight seemed to turn even brighter. “Good afternoon, Florence.” He took my hands into his. “I’m sorry I’m here again. You must think me overbearing.”

  I laughed at his sincerity. “No, not by a long shot. I’m glad you came.”

  His strong gaze fell upon me with a profound love. A love strong and pure, a bond between us that was much older than I could remember.

  He lowered his head until his face touched mine and whispered, “I had to come. I needed to see you, to hold you in my arms. I needed to make sure that you are still here. That you are real.”

  “I’m real, and I’m here to stay.”

  “Florence, I know you don’t understand, but for me this reality is challenging to believe. It’s just surreal…but it is you…” His voice was s
oft and distant now.

  I turned my face a fraction, and my lips lightly touched his. “Yes, Alex, it’s me.” It was good that he couldn’t contemplate the agony that his words had inflected in me; certainly, his words were deep in meaning, deep in a reality that, exactly like he had just acknowledged, I didn’t understand. Who are you seeing in me? Who do you wish me to be? Or perhaps not to be? It pained me to wonder all those things because his love was all I wanted. Without it, my life wouldn’t make sense. I wanted to feel that he truly loved me for who I really was.

  The heavy footsteps of someone quickly approaching startled us, bringing us to step apart from each other.

  To our right I saw Jim trudging along the pebble path. His appearance was a complete surprise, and instinctively, two things I knew: his visit was poorly timed, and I would not know how to handle it.

  “Hello, Florence,” he greeted, purposefully ignoring Alex.

  I should’ve seen it coming, but as unpredictable as Jim was, I hoped he would show some civility around others, especially when he didn’t know Alex. I was wrong. He had become bolder and daring in his affection toward me in recent weeks. Swiftly, Jim kissed both of my cheeks and hugged me extremely tight; I felt every part of my body touch his. Inside, I recoiled. He knew I hated it when he did that, and I had asked many times that he kept his distance, but with Jim, it was as if speaking to a wall. Thankfully, he let go of me rather quickly. However, to make sure I felt uncomfortable he said, “You look stunning today.”

  Alex placed his hands in his pockets and observed my discomfort quietly.

  “I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “I told you last week to look for me on Sunday,” he replied edgily.

  “I’m sorry I don’t remember. I must’ve forgotten,” I answered, a bit too hastily.

  “I was just about to leave. The monastery is deserted. Luckily, a sister saw me through one of the upper windows wondering in the courtyard, and told me where you were.”

  “Sister Callahan…” I murmured.

  “She said I would find you here, but I didn’t think you were with company,” Jim said, unceremoniously. “Although, I should’ve known—I saw a car parked out front.” He threw a cold glance at Alex.

  Promptly using the opportunity, I introduced Alex, “Jim, this is Mr. Sterling.”

  “I figured that much,” retorted Jim, not making the effort to offer a handshake.

  Alex was only happy to reciprocate Jim’s politeness; he kept his hands safely hidden in his pockets. He nodded once acknowledging Jim but didn’t speak.

  “I came to take you to the movies,” Jim informed me.

  “The movies?”

  “Yes, the movies, Florence. You look a bit lost today—the movies, downtown—a motion picture—you know, at the cinema.”

  “I’m sorry, Jim, I wasn’t planning on going today,” I answered, guarding my tone, not wanting to offend Jim.

  “What do you mean you weren’t planning on going? You said yes when I called the other night.”

  “I did?” I tried to remember, but I was sure I hadn’t accepted his invitation. More so, I was certain that he had mentioned the movies but had not extended an official invitation.

  “Yeah, you did all right,” he affirmed.

  “I think you are mistaken but please don’t let me hold you back. Go enjoy the picture.”

  “Not by myself—”

  “I’m sorry, James. Perhaps another time.” I called him by his full name to bring him back to reality; he was a grown man behaving like a spoiled child, without regards for other’s feelings, and my patience had its limits.

  “Come on, Florence, I’m sure Mr. Sterling here wouldn’t mind at all,” Jim dared to put Alex on the spot. “Would you?” He looked at Alex in a provocative way.

  Alex took his hands out of his pocket letting them rest by his sides. I observed Alex’s strong build in contrast to Jim’s frailer frame and shorter stature and hoped that Jim would be wise enough not to start a fight—one that he would surely lose. The memory of Alex punching the tree in the forest swiftly ran across my mind, and I knew he could break Jim like a twig.

  “Actually, young man, I would mind it very much. I came to visit Ms. Contini, and I have no intentions of leaving any time soon.” Alex’s voice was strong but serene.

  Jim’s face went blank. Not in a million years had he expected that answer. Tension prevailed during the silent minute that followed. Jim was young, strong-headed, and rushed into things without giving it much thought. On the other hand, Alex was mature enough to handle things calmly but fairly. He knew his place and would not let others push him out of the way.

  I racked my brain for something to say, and suddenly realized that Jim was totally oblivious to the fact that I was engaged to Alex, and because of that I couldn’t go with him to the cinema, not now, not ever. It just wouldn’t be proper. Of course, it wouldn’t be wise to break the news to him now under an already high-strung situation.

  “Perhaps you’d like to come along—the three of us can enjoy the evening together,” Jim mocked.

  “I highly doubt I would enjoy that,” Alex replied.

  “You don’t have to enjoy it—Florence and I can do that.”

  Alex clenched his jaw and his hand turned into a fist, yet, he remained in control of himself, but his gaze said it all; in his mind, he already had broken Jim like a twig.

  “Jim, it’s all right, really—I’ll be home tomorrow after work, do stop by then,” I encouraged, trying to get him to leave. “Please, Jim.”

  “You work tomorrow?” Jim asked sarcastically. “One would think you were on vacation—it would explain why he can’t wait to speak to you tomorrow. After all, you do spend all day, every day of the week at his house.” Jim’s statement was filled with jealousy and innuendo. “I hardly see you anymore.”

  “Jim, please come back tomorrow.”

  Alex inched closer to Jim. “I suggest you do what the lady said, or would you rather that I show you out?”

  “Good day, Jim, until tomorrow,” I dismissed him while reaching for Alex’s arm to hold him in place. There had been enough hostility, both spoken and unspoken.

  “I’ll definitely come back. You are not like this, Florence.” Jim left in rage.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over him,” I apologized to Alex.

  “I do. He is infatuated with you,” Alex affirmed.

  “He might be, but I’m sure it’s a passing emotion.” I took a deep breath hoping that the distaste in the air caused by Jim’s visit would quickly vanish. “We have been friends since grade school. He will get over it.”

  “He is possessive and easily offended—I wouldn’t trust him.”

  I smiled, flattered by his concern. “It’s all right, don’t worry.”

  “You are so young and…” he hesitated, “trusting.”

  “Trusting? You wanted to say naive! Didn’t you?” I accused.

  He chuckled. “No. I said what I wanted to say—trusting.”

  “Hmm, I’m not convinced.”

  Alex took my hand and pulled me into him. “What can I do to convince you, Ms. Contini?”

  The heat of his body made me dizzy; I had lost already. “Nothing, I’ll forgive you this time.”

  He shook his head in disbelief and gave up the argument. “Thank you.”

  “I’m happy you came. I was missing you. I wanted to call Oak’s Place but…”

  “But what?” I intertwined my arm in his and we strolled down the path towards the old bell tower. “But what?” Alex pressed again.

  “I didn’t want to be the source of unnecessary problems.” My answer came out rapidly, honestly, without premeditation.

  “Problems? You can never cause problems.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.”

  “What is troubling you, Florence?”

  “There is no use in trying to hide it. I do worry about her reaction. How did she take the news?” I bit my tongue
. I had said too much. I was openly admitting that she was a thorn in my flesh, but tomorrow and every day after that I would have to face her. Facing her wouldn’t be so bad if she left Alex alone, but something deep inside told me that that wasn’t possible. She would continue to torture him.

  “Are you referring to Mrs. White?”

  “Yes.”

  “She can be a bit disagreeable but she means well.”

  “Who is the trusting one now?” I murmured.

  “I heard that.” He gave me a crooked smile.

  We had reached the ancient wooden tower. It stood high up into the sky. At the very top, the massive iron bell quietly waited to be awakened someday. Alex leaned his back on the side of the tower; the boards creaked under the pressure of his weight.

  “Do you ever use the bell?” inquired Alex.

  “No, the tower is too damaged. It’s been condemned. The steps are rotten, climbing them would be suicidal.”

  “That’s too bad. I imagine it has a wonderful sound,” he said, in all seriousness.

  “No, it’s horrid.”

  He looked at me curiously. “How do you know?”

  “Sister Callahan.”

  His eyes grew bigger in incredulity. “She went up there?”

  “She sure did.” I smiled, remembering the crazy morning when she rung the bell.

  “Tell me.” Alex folded his arms across his chest, his eyes shined with curiosity.

  “A few years back, when Higher Grounds was still open, she came to visit. One morning, we were abruptly awoken by a terrifying, loud sound. The girls and I ran out in confusion, not knowing what it was. We followed some of the nuns out here and saw Sister Callahan on top of the tower. I was in shock at her audacity but mostly scared. I couldn’t believe that the tower didn’t topple over. You should’ve seen the commotion. The nuns were in total panic, yelling and signaling with their hands for her to come down. Some were praying. Now that I think about it, it was funny, but it was truly terrifying when it happened.

  “In the end, we had to wait until Sister Callahan was done ringing the bell and decided to come down on her own. We held our breath as we watched her large figure slowly climb down the steps. All of us let out a sigh of relief once she finally stood on solid ground.