Awaken, Shadows of a Forgotten Past

by Marcia Maidana

“Shhh, listen.” Thomas signaled toward some bushes behind the horses. Sunny turned her head, sniffing straight into the grass where the noise came from. Suddenly, a small, white rabbit dashed between Sunny’s legs before vanishing under a bush. Startled, Sunny neighed and bolted towards home.

  Thomas’s instincts got him faster to his feet than I could raise myself on my knees. “Would she come back if I whistled for her?” Thomas asked, in alarm.

  “Not a chance. She is probably half way back to the manor by now,” I said in resignation.

  “Seriously?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Well, it won’t be a problem. I can walk back and you can ride my mount,” Thomas politely offered. I smiled, remembering the different way that Alex had approached the same situation.

  “Well, shall we?” We sat back down to enjoy our lunch.

  Thomas was a pleasant conversationalist, if somewhat bland. His stories were interesting and well related, but soon his military tales turned into jokes. “There was a new soldier,” Thomas began, “guarding the entrance of a military base. He had been given strict orders not to let anyone pass without proper identification. Then a weary general on horseback tried to get into the base,” he paused, suppressing a laugh.

  “Go on,” I encouraged, convinced that he would make fun of General Sterling.

  “The guard said that unless he was shown identification, he wouldn’t let the general in. The general ignored the soldier and nudged the horse on. ‘Halt!’ said the soldier. ‘I’ve strict orders to shoot anyone who goes in without identification.’ ‘Come on, Black, move on,’ the general ordered his horse. As the horse started to cross the line into the base, the soldier spoke to the general, ‘I’m new at this, sir. Would you please tell me—do I shoot you or the horse?’”

  Even though, and maybe because, it was one of the silliest jokes I’ve ever heard, I burst out laughing uncontrollably. Suddenly, Thomas’s face drained of all color, his smile disappeared. I turned to look what the cause of his distress was. My smile vanished as well.

  At the edge of the trees sat Alexander on his horse, his eyes cold and calculating.

  “Alex.” I quickly got up to meet him.

  “Captain Frankfort, what are you doing here?” he asked flatly, dismounting his horse.

  “I came to visit Miss Contini,” Thomas said in an almost apologetic tone.

  “I’ve invited Thomas to stay at the manor for a few days,” I purposely informed Alex. Thomas threw a reproachful look at me.

  “I see,” Alex replied, staring at us.

  “I thought you wouldn’t come today.”

  “I can see that. Are you disappointed that I did?” Alex sounded irritated.

  “No, I didn’t expect you, that’s all.”

  “I’ll get my horse a drink.” Thomas walked his horse over to the stream, away from us.

  “How did you know where to find me?”

  “Mrs. Allerton said you were off to a picnic, and I guessed it would be here,” Alex spoke a little softer. “I don’t have much time. I have to catch the train. I just wanted to see you before I left.”

  “Well, now you have.” Childish though it was, I found I was still unforgiving of his insecurities.

  “I’ll miss you more than you think.” Alex put his hands on either side of my face and brought his lips closer to mine. “I love you,” he whispered, his lips pressed against mine. I felt my entire body burn with passion for him, but I suppressed it. My kiss remained cool and detached.

  General Sterling mounted his horse. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, but I had a lump in my throat, and pride instructed me otherwise. Let him suffer a little. It’s good for him, it said.

  “Florence, where is your horse?” Alex asked, his eyes searching for Sunny.

  “I didn’t bring her,” I lied.

  “How are you going to get back?”

  “The same way I got here, of course.”

  “How?” he asked glancing at Thomas.

  “I rode with Thomas.” Thomas would kill me if he heard.

  It pained me to hurt Alex, but he didn’t have the right to question me like that—there wasn’t a serious commitment between us, at least not on his part. Alex had no words for me; I looked at him defiantly. With anger apparent in every move, he tapped his heel on his horse, making it break into a run.

  “He left in a rage, didn’t he?” Thomas appeared at my side.

  “That’s his problem.” I tried to sound uncaring, but my eyes were still fixed on the spot where Alex had disappeared among the trees.

  “It could become mine, too. I don’t want to be on his bad side.” Thomas started to pack up. “General Sterling wasn’t pleased to find me here.”

  “It’s all right. He’ll get over it. After all, he is not my owner.”

  “Not yet,” Thomas mumbled. I narrowed my eyes, but held my tongue. “We better head back.”

  “Yes, I suppose we must.”

  Alex had ruined my day after all.

  18

  ~ An Unbreakable Link ~

  The book I had intended to read lay on the table in front of me, unopened. My gaze pierced through the clear glass of the kitchen window into the gardens. The morning was bright with sunshine, yet my frame of mind was somber.

  I was aware of Mrs. Allerton’s entrance and subsequent bustling around the kitchen, but I continued to be submersed in my thoughts.

  Without news from Alex, I was left to pay the price of my haughtiness, to wonder and regret what I should have done differently. Insecurity was slowly daunting the confidence within me.

  He had called once before embarking for France. Mrs. Allerton took his call—I was out riding with Thomas. There were no more calls.

  What was he doing in France besides his military duties? Would he go out like the rest of the soldiers to find amusement during their free time? Would he find another girl there? Perhaps not, but girls would surely find him.

  “Florence, why don’t you call Margaret Sterling? She might know something,” Mrs. Allerton suggested and sat down on the chair beside me to write the week’s menu. She knew me well; I was grieving his absence more than ever.

  “My father hasn’t called?”

  “No, he said he’ll be in meetings the next couple of days. I wouldn’t expect him to call anytime soon.”

  “If I can’t reach my father—it won’t hurt to try. I’ll call Margaret from the library.” I checked my watch. “Do you think it’s too early?”

  “Nine o’clock? For goodness’ sake, Florence! Country folks wake up at dawn, unlike…”

  I waved a hand up in the air dismissing her comment. “Thank you, Mrs. Allerton, you’re most helpful.” She smiled but murmured something as I walked out of the room.

  I had met Margaret, a slender, dark-haired woman with big blue eyes just like her son, and her husband, William, a tall, sturdy man from whom Alex had inherited his height and straight posture, last week. Due to some of Alex’s personal documents that my father needed, he had called the Sterlings over the telephone, and they invited us to their home in Landford to dine with them. It was a shame that I had to meet them this way—Alex had never taken me to his house.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Sterling. This is Florence.”

  “Oh dear, it’s so nice to hear from you!”

  “Thank you. I was hoping you might have news from Alex?”

  “Alexander?” She paused for a moment. “Well, yes. Hasn’t he gone to visit you?”

  “No. He is home?” I asked in dismay.

  “Well, yes, he came back on Wednesday,” she answered in a doubtful tone realizing that something wasn’t quite right.

  “Wednesday? Two days ago…” I muttered.

  “He was gone all day yesterday. I thought he was with you.”

  “No, I haven’t seen him since he departed for France, three weeks ago.” I tried to keep my voice calm, but I was angry now. “Is he home now? Can I speak to him?”

  “He
’s out riding. I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets back,” said Margaret. “I’m sorry, dear, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

  “Yes, I’m sure it is. Thank you, Margaret. Good day.”

  I hung up the receiver and stormed out of the library, my feet stomped on the stone floor in rage, out to the front steps.

  “Mr. Lewis! Mr. Lewis! Prepare the car. We are leaving for Landford immediately!” I shouted.

  Mr. Lewis, who had been on his knees shining the Silver Ghost, stood up, a little startled by my sudden demand. “Yes, Miss Contini.” His disconcerted eyes said it all; I was beside myself. I returned to the house to retrieve my hat and gloves, my slim, pink dress slapping against my furious, long strides.

  “Mrs. Allerton! Come at once!” I called from the foyer, squeezing my hands inside the white gloves. How could he! Just how could he be so thoughtless?

  “What is all the shouting about?” Mrs. Allerton burst into the foyer.

  “I’m going to the Sterlings’ house to see the lieutenant. Are you coming with me?”

  “General Sterling is back? Why doesn’t he come to see you?” Mrs. Allerton placed her hands on her hips, her eyes full of curiosity.

  “That’s exactly what I want to know. The pigheaded soldier has been back for two days!”

  “He has?” She was stunned, but managed to pretend otherwise. “I’m sure there is a perfectly good explanation why he hasn’t come. You mustn’t jump to conclusions. Calm down, Florence. You’ll give him a fright if he sees you like this.”

  I knew what she meant; I felt the anger in every part of my body, my skin had turned crimson with it. I had waited for so long, I had missed him so much, and there he was avoiding me, hiding in his house—less than twenty miles away from me.

  “That’s exactly what I want! Are you coming?!”

  “Well, of course, I have no choice. You can’t go alone.”

  The ride to Landford felt like forever, encouraging my anger towards Alexander to keep escalating, even though Mrs. Allerton had done her best to intercede on his behalf.

  Mr. Lewis waited for us in the Silver Ghost in front of the large, white farmhouse, while Mrs. Allerton and I rang at the door.

  Margaret was home alone. If she was surprised to see us, she did a good job concealing it. We stepped into the drawing room, and in the fine state of anger I was in, I even forgot to take off my hat and gloves until Mrs. Allerton cleared her throat and pointed to her own hat, now lying on the lamp table.

  “Please, do sit down.” Margaret gestured towards a delicate, red sofa. “Alexander isn’t back yet. Would you like some tea while you wait?” she offered.

  I wondered if he was hiding somewhere in the house—I would search every room if I had to. But my suspicions were instantly dismissed at the sound of a horse’s trot coming from the side of the garden. Margaret strolled to the window and moved the curtain to the side. “Never mind, he is here.” She smiled; a tone of relief rang in her voice. “Mrs. Allerton, would you like to see the rose garden?” Margaret quickly invented an excuse to remove them from the imminent awkward situation.

  “Oh, yes! What a splendid idea!”

  The women disappeared down the back corridor. I waited for Alex to enter the house. My stomach turned and my knees shook a little in anticipation to see him. But I quickly regained focus, and stood in the center of the room, hands intertwined in front of me, my eyes fixed on the doorway.

  A short while later I heard the front door, followed by footsteps, and then Alex stood dumfounded in the drawing room doorway, staring back at me. All color had gone from his face, as if he had seen another ghost; surely he hadn’t missed the Silver Ghost parked outside.

  For a moment, I hesitated to speak. Observing him, dressed in a white shirt, brown trousers, and military boots, I was struck once more by how devastatingly handsome he was.

  But when I did speak my voice came out strong and defiant. “Good morning, lieutenant.”

  “Florence, it’s wonderful to see you.” He took a hesitant step into the room, guilt written all over his countenance.

  “Is it, lieutenant?”

  He took another step, towards me this time. My hand flew up in the air, warning him to not come any closer, and just in case my message wasn’t clear, my gaze gave him an undeniable order to stay away.

  “It’s not what you think. I—”

  “You what? Were you going to tell me that you understand how lonely these past three weeks have been for me without you? And that you felt the same way about me, so, when you came back to England, the first thing you would do was visit me? Obviously, that’s not the case. But in all seriousness, lieutenant, if stopping by to see me was such a sacrifice, the least you could’ve done was to ring me on the telephone.”

  Perhaps my escalating voice made him frown and take a defensive stand. “I didn’t think you were so lonely when you had Frankfort to drag around.”

  “Don’t you dare bring Thomas into this. You are the one dragging me around. It’s been eight months since we started dating. Eight months of insecurities and evasions. Eight months that have finally proven how shallow your commitment to me is.”

  “If that’s how you think of me, you know me very little,” he replied, angrily.

  “No, the problem is that I know you too well. You know I love you, and that’s why I can’t play this game any longer. We are through. Goodbye, lieutenant.”

  He stood there, silent, unmoving, unreachable.

  I felt hot tears burning behind my eyes, trying to break free. I had to leave his presence before he saw them. Walking past him and out to the car, I didn’t look back. My footsteps were determined. I wouldn’t come back to him. I was relieved that Mr. Lewis was swift to collect Mrs. Allerton and get on our way.

  With thick trees on both sides of the road, I felt encroached, suffocated—the drive back would be excruciating. I wanted to be home, to find the solitude of my bedroom. I wanted to disappear.

  Reading my countenance, Mrs. Allerton was wise enough not to ask any questions. I knew they would come, but thankfully, not now, when the wound was fresh. To disconnect my mind from my heart, I placed my head on Mrs. Allerton’s shoulder and closed my eyes.

  When I finally repressed my consciousness enough to relax my nerves, Mr. Lewis cried out, “What the—”

  Mrs. Allerton abruptly moved her body to face the back window, forcing me to raise my head. “For heaven’s sake! It’s not a racing track!” she shouted.

  “For goodness’ sake! What is it, Mrs. Allerton?” I asked, in shock.

  “An idiot on horseback,” Mrs. Allerton hissed. I turned and squinted, trying to focus on the narrow forest road, almost invisible under a cloud of heavy dust.

  “Mrs. Allerton!” Mr. Lewis objected.

  “Sorry, Mr. Lewis—but people these days! There is no civility.”

  “He is in a real rush. Must be an emergency,” Mr. Lewis noted. The horse galloped towards us at full speed. “We’ll have to let him pass or he’ll run right through us.”

  “Oh my, look at the wicked dust he’s storming up!” Mrs. Allerton exclaimed in panic. I kept looking back as the rider rapidly closed the distance between us.

  “It’s Alex!” I shouted as I got a better look at the rider.

  “Nonsense—he wouldn’t ride like that!” Mrs. Allerton cried out, her eyes popping out of her face. “Would he?”

  “After the way I left him, he better.” I smiled.

  “Are you sure it’s General Sterling?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Allerton, the idiot is General Sterling,” I affirmed happily.

  Mr. Lewis chuckled. Mrs. Allerton was too stunned to reply.

  “Should I stop then, miss?” Mr. Lewis inquired.

  “No! Go faster,” I urged. “As fast as this thing can go—”

  “Florence, it’s not a good idea.” Mrs. Allerton sounded quite alarmed.

  “Nonsense! Press on the pedal, go faster!” I encouraged. To Mrs. Allerton�
�s chagrin, Mr. Lewis obeyed me. The car gained speed, bouncing off every small and large bump, crevice and rock on the road.

  “Oh my, slow down!” Mrs. Allerton shouted hysterically, her hands holding on to the back of the front seat. “We are going to crash!”

  “No, keep going! He’s gaining on us!” I looked back. Alex had almost caught up with Silver.

  Euphoria filled Mr. Lewis’s face as his hands tightened on the steering wheel and his foot floored the gas pedal. He was more than thrilled to find out how fast Silver could actually go; so thrilled that when Alex passed us and stopped a ways in front of the car, blocking the road, Mr. Lewis was taken by surprise.

  “Goodness gracious, Mr. Lewis! Stop the car. We are going to crash into him!” Mrs. Allerton yelled.

  Mr. Lewis slammed his foot on the brake, the car squealed as it struggled to slow down. “He’s too close! He’s too close, Miss Contini!” Mr. Lewis said loudly. His face suddenly turned white, and I saw his whole body go rigid.

  Mrs. Allerton and I screamed in sheer terror. I covered my face with my hands and prepared for the impact.

  The impact never came. Silver came to a stop.

  “What a nightmare—no, more than a nightmare, insanity,” said Mrs. Allerton, quite out of breath. “Well, I hope you’re happy,” she reproached me. “We’ll see what your father has to say about this.”

  Mr. Lewis, who was in shock or in a state of total exhilaration—I couldn’t tell which—said, “General Sterling moved out of the road in the nick of time.”

  Just then, Alex opened my door, grabbed my wrist, and hauled me unceremoniously out of the car.

  “Ouch, you’re hurting me—let me go!” I complained. His grip tightened around my arm, and for the first time, I was a little alarmed at the fierce gleam in his eye.

  “Don’t worry, Mrs. Allerton. I’ll take good care of her. Go ahead. I’ll bring her home,” Alex prompted.

  “No, you can’t do that—don’t leave me,” I begged Mrs. Allerton.

  “I trust that you will, general. Don’t linger in the forest too long,” Mrs. Allerton said to Alex.

  “No, you can’t. Mr. Lewis, stop, don’t—wait for me!” I yelled in vain.