The Day I Was Erased

by Lisa Thompson

  “I … I’m so sorry, Reg. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry,” I said.

  Reg stared ahead.

  “Alice and Jack were absolutely devastated too. We all tried to be positive but Emily was so poorly, Maxwell, so very poorly,” he said. “I slept in a chair beside her hospital bed every night. One evening she smiled at me then closed her eyes and the next morning she just didn’t wake up.”

  I felt a large lump in my throat as I tried not to cry. I stared at Reg as he wiped the tears from his eyes with his fingers.

  “I haven’t thought about all of this for so long,” he said. “I thought I’d forgotten.” He began to cry properly then: quiet, deep sobs. I sat on the floor beside him and I held his hand and I didn’t say a word.

  I didn’t get much sleep that night. I kept thinking about Emily not waking up while Reg was sitting in a chair beside her. That thought went over and over and over in my head and every time I tried to forget about it, it came back and made my brain hurt. The next morning I was exhausted. I lay on Reg’s sofa and looked at the mantlepiece where my portrait of him should have been on display. All that was there was an empty space. I was a nobody now. I didn’t exist and I’d never felt so alone.

  The only place I could think of where I might feel less lonely was school. I risked being spotted, but then it would be worth it to see everyone going about their lives. There was something strangely comforting about that, just seeing everyone else carrying on as normal.

  I got to school early and the bell for registration had just gone. I stood by the tree as everyone piled towards the doors, chatting and laughing.

  “Oi, Callum! Can I borrow your shin pads?” a boy shouted across the crowd. Another boy took his rucksack off his back, unzipped it and pulled out some muddy shin pads and passed them to him.

  Two girls were walking arm in arm, giggling about something and whispering in each other’s ears. Behind them was a boy who was walking and reading a book at the same time. He held the book up high and it was only when he went in through the door that he closed it.

  I stood by the tree and watched all these real people with their real lives having their normal day. I would have given anything to have joined them. I would have given anything to be the old Maxwell Beckett again.

  The school door closed behind the last person and then there was silence. It was just as if someone had suddenly turned a giant volume dial down.

  I stood there for a moment and watched a few students through the window of a classroom as they found their seats. I could see their lips moving as they chatted to each other. The teacher came in and everyone turned to face the front.

  I watched as everyone got their books out of their bags and then it started to rain. I was quite sheltered under the tree, but after a few minutes it got heavier and I could feel the cold rain hitting my head. I looked around for somewhere better to shelter. The gate to the car park was open so I quickly ran across the grass.

  Mr Howard’s car was in the usual parking space. I tried the passenger door and it opened, so I got in.

  My foot crunched on to a plastic cup. The floor was littered with them, along with empty cardboard sandwich boxes and sweet wrappers. On the back seat there was a pile of clothes. It smelled bad too. I didn’t think Mr Howard was in a good place right now and I suspected he spent a lot more time at school in his car than he should.

  I sunk down low in the seat and folded my arms as I listened to the rain drumming on the car roof. It was nice to feel warm and dry when it was cold and wet outside, even if Mr Howard’s car wasn’t exactly cosy. I yawned and closed my eyes for a bit. It was probably a good time to have a little nap to make up for the bad night’s sleep I’d had. I’d hear the bell go for break and I could get out of the car and back to the tree before anyone was out. I’d see if I could spot Charlie and get his attention.

  I folded my arms and tucked my chin in and settled down.

  The next thing I knew I could hear a banging noise. It was like someone was hammering on the inside of my brain. I slowly opened my eyes. My head was pressed against the window and someone was hitting the glass.

  “What are you doing in my car?!”

  It was Mr Howard.

  “Get out!” he said. I didn’t know what to do so I just pressed the lock down. His mouth gaped at me, and then he stormed around to the other side. I reached across to lock that side as well but he opened it before I had a chance and he got into the driver’s seat.

  “Well?!” he said, his eyes bulging.

  I opened my mouth but it hadn’t woken up yet – not that I knew what to say. I looked out of the window. It had stopped raining and everyone was outside. It must be break time and I hadn’t heard the bell go.

  “And why are you not in school uniform? Who is your form tutor? I think we need to have a word with them, don’t you?”

  I took a deep breath. I was too tired to lie any more.

  “I don’t go to this school. I don’t go to any school,” I said.

  Mr Howard frowned, studying my face.

  “You were here the other day, weren’t you?” he said.

  I nodded. He glanced down and seemed to notice the state that his car was in. He quickly grabbed a few bits of rubbish off of the floor and threw them on to the backseat.

  “Come to the office with me and we’ll make a few phone calls, OK? It’s not right to just go climbing into a stranger’s car,” he said. He reached for his door handle.

  “But you’re not a stranger!” I said. “You’re Mr Howard.”

  My teacher turned back, frowning.

  “You’re the nicest teacher in the school. Everybody likes you. Especially Miss Huxley.”

  Mr Howard’s jaw dropped.

  “I’m sorry?” he said.

  “Miss Huxley! The Spanish teacher? The one that went to Australia because you were too chicken to tell her how you felt? Remember her?”

  Mr Howard flushed pink.

  “I–I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

  I looked back at the playground and spotted Charlie standing with Marcus. Marcus was dancing around on his toes like boxers do when they’re in a fight. Suddenly he started throwing pretend punches and one hit Charlie on the shoulder. He fell backwards into the fence.

  “What is wrong with everybody?!” I said, turning back to Mr Howard. “Why can’t any of you make good decisions without me being involved? Why didn’t you talk to Miss Huxley before she went to Australia? You didn’t call her, did you?!”

  Mr Howard stared at me.

  “I really don’t think you know what you’re talking about,” he said.

  I shouted over the top of him.

  “Miss Huxley asked you to tell her how you felt about her just before she went to Australia. But you didn’t. You let her go. But in my world you did tell her because I said you should.”

  Mr Howard looked back at me and blinked.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell her, sir! And now look at you! It looks to me like you’ve just been moping about acting sorry for yourself, when really you should get straight on the phone and tell her exactly how you feel.”

  I sat back and folded my arms. I knew I’d have to make a run for it in a minute but I needed to catch my breath.

  “B-but … how? How do you know all of this?” he started.

  “I can’t explain that bit,” I said, fighting tears of anger. “I know you, Mr Howard, trust me. And I’m having a really bad week. I didn’t sleep much last night and … and … I just needed a little nap and time to think. I got in your car because I know how nice you are and that you probably wouldn’t mind.”

  Mr Howard opened his mouth and closed it again.

  “You should call Miss Huxley and tell her you’ve made a big mistake and that you love her. OK? Will you do that? Will you promise me?”

  I watched Mr Howard’s chin slowly move up and down as he nodded. I did a big huff and then I got out of the car and I ran.

  When I
ran past the playground Charlie Geek had his face pressed against the fence. I stopped and stared. Marcus Grundy was behind him holding his arm up around his back. Charlie stared at me with his cheek all squished against the wire. I was about to shout at Marcus to let him go when I remembered how certain Charlie had been that he and Marcus were mates.

  Fine.

  If he wanted a friendship like that then that was up to him.

  “Maxwell! Wait up!” shouted Charlie through his squashed mouth. I ignored him and kept running.

  I ran to the high street and headed to the library. Mr Howard would have spoken to Mrs Lloyd by now. They were probably already making phone calls to the authorities about a strange boy who appeared to have nowhere to go. It would only be a matter of time until they asked the pupils if anyone knew me, and Charlie and Bex knew exactly where I was staying.

  I walked into the library and headed to the back behind the big bookcases. My heart sank. Bex was there. She was wearing school uniform and sitting at a desk staring at a book. I marched straight up to her and she looked up.

  “Didn’t fancy school today then?” she said. I shook my head. “Me neither.” She wasn’t smiling. “I rang the absence line and pretended to be my mum. It’s so easy. How did you do it?”

  I just shrugged.

  “Have a seat if you like,” she said, nodding to a chair beside her.

  I sat down in silence, staring at her. I would have to play this right to get the button. It was my last chance to get home.

  “You go to Green Mills High too, don’t you?” she said.

  I nodded.

  “I hate it there. It’s so boring.”

  “Ah, it’s not so bad,” I said quietly. “It depends who your mates are I guess.”

  She glared at me then looked back down at her book.

  “Why did you take the button, Bex?” I said, watching her. She kept her eyes on the pages.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

  “A rubbish thief and a rubbish liar,” I said. I knew that the first sign of lying was being unable to meet a person’s eyes and she was certainly doing that right now. She looked up at me. Her face really, really didn’t care but her eyes did. She was blinking a lot for a start. And I knew she only did that when she was upset.

  “Are you stealing for someone, Bex? The nail polish, the phone case and now the button…”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “What’s it to you?” she said, dropping her head to one side. All this showing off was driving me mad. I felt my anger coming back again. Just like it had when I was in Mr Howard’s car. I leaned in towards her.

  “OK, I’m going to tell you something now, Bex, and it’s going to sound so crazy, so utterly incredible, that it’s going to be hard to understand. OK? It’ll properly blow your mind. Are you listening?”

  She slumped in her chair.

  “Don’t talk to me like that,” she said. I gritted my teeth together.

  “Just shut up and listen to me, all right?” I said. My nose flared as I pointed my finger at her. She nodded slowly.

  “OK. Now, pay close attention,” I said. “I know you, Bex Beckett. I can’t explain how, but I do. I know you very well indeed. I know that you don’t like mushrooms but you will eat them if they’re on a pizza. I know that you find swimming underwater easier than on the surface. And I know that you memorized all the Kings and Queens of England when you were just six years old.”

  Her jaw dropped and she began to say something but I put my hand up.

  “Hold on, I haven’t finished,” I said. “I know you once had a spider in the corner of your bedroom that you used to call Malcolm and I know that your mum and dad used to hate each other so much that they’d put sticky notes on their food so that the other one didn’t eat it.”

  I took a breath.

  “What?” she said.

  “Bex, your parents hated each other so much that they couldn’t even share a carton of milk.”

  I waited for a moment as she stared back at me.

  “B-but … how did you…?”

  “Don’t worry about that now … the thing is, the Bex I know is really, really clever. She does history projects when she doesn’t actually have to and she loves school and learning. She’s had a tough time from a girl called Claudia, but rather than just becoming one of her ‘gang’ she became her own person.”

  A tear escaped from the corner of Bex’s eye and slowly trickled down her cheek.

  “The Bex I know wouldn’t steal make-up or phone cases or a silver button from an old man. The Bex I know would be comfortable in her own skin, even if it meant taking the odd dig from those around her who felt afraid of her. That’s why Claudia is mean to you, Bex, because she’s afraid of you. Not this mean version of yourself, the other one. The clever one who lives a real life and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.”

  I leaned back on the chair. I suddenly felt really, really tired.

  “Who are you, Maxwell?” she said, her forehead creased as she studied my face. “You look kind of familiar now I think about it. Like you could be my … cousin or something.”

  I pushed my chair back and stood up.

  “Just call me your guardian angel,” I said. Bex blinked at me. Her mouth opened and closed again, and then I left.

  When I got back to Reg’s I sat on the sofa with the egg in my lap. It was pointless trying again without the button. Bex had probably sold it by now. There was no hope. I was trapped here. I stared at the gas fire as Reg appeared from the kitchen carrying a tray of tea and biscuits. I decided to try Reg’s memory one more time.

  “Where did your grandfather get this egg from again, Reg?” I asked.

  He placed the tray on the little coffee table.

  “Vietnam. He travelled the world three times and was always getting himself into scrapes. The story goes that he was challenged to a card game in a café in the back streets of Ho Chi Minh City. Somehow he ended up winning but the locals accused him of cheating and they wouldn’t pay up. He started getting into an argument with them but decided to make a run for it, grabbing that egg from a shelf as he went. He said that was his payment.”

  “Isn’t that stealing?” I said.

  “I don’t know if it’s really stealing,” said Reg. “They refused to pay him what they owed so I guess he felt like he’d earned it. He always said that box ruined his life so maybe he got his comeuppance anyway.”

  I held on to the egg and stared at him.

  “What do you mean it ruined his life?” I said.

  Reg thought about it for a bit.

  “Oh, I don’t know. He lost friends, I think. I don’t really remember the details.”

  My throat tightened as I leaned forward on the sofa.

  “What do you mean, he lost friends? Where did they go?” I said, almost whispering to him.

  “Did I say lost? I don’t know. I guess he fell out with them,” he said cheerfully. “Like I said, he was a bit of a character…”

  “But … did they disappear? The lost friends?” I said, my heart pounding. “Where did they go? Did they come back? Why haven’t you told me about this before?!” I was shouting now. Reg stared back at me.

  “I … I don’t know, Maxwell. I guess I didn’t think it was important.”

  My stomach was churning. I didn’t say anything as I watched the old man sipping his mug of tea. He didn’t seem to understand what I was asking.

  “I’ve lost everyone, Reg,” I said, feeling the tears coming. “Everyone … and my dog is dead. Monster is dead and it’s all down to that stupid, stupid thing.”

  He looked over at me.

  “I’m sorry you feel so upset, Maxwell. I know exactly how it feels,” said Reg. “You see, when I lost my wife I—”

  “I know,” I said sharply. “You’ve told me that story already. It’s very sad and I’m very sorry you went through that. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve got a lot going on myself at the momen
t.”

  I didn’t want to hear about Emily again. It was too upsetting. And besides, my mind was still trying to process what he had just told me about his grandfather’s lost friends. Did that mean something? Had they disappeared as well?

  “She died, you see. My wife Emily…” said Reg, again.

  “Reg, I know,” I said. “You’ve already told me.” I looked at the carved egg in my lap. If I could just work out how to make it work without the button, then I could go home. But what if it wouldn’t? What if I was trapped here, for ever?

  “I couldn’t bear my life without her, you see,” said Reg, his voice trembling.

  I sighed and put my head in my hands as Reg carried on.

  “After a while of being on my own I made a big decision. A very big decision indeed.”

  I stared at the egg in my lap as I listened.

  “I decided,” said Reg. “I decided that I didn’t want to stay in a life where Emily wasn’t around any more. I wanted to … escape…”

  I peered at him through my fingers.

  “I wanted a new life,” he said. “I was looking to go to a place where there were no memories of Emily. To a place where nobody knew who I was.”

  I slowly took my hands away from my face and stared at Reg.

  “That’s when I did it, Maxwell,” he said, staring straight at me. The whites of his eyes all shiny.

  “Did what, Reg?” I said, almost as a whisper. He breathed in and out: once, twice, three times before he finally answered me.

  “That’s when I erased myself,” he said.

  Reg blinked at me as I stared back at him. My mind raced as I tried to process what he’d just told me.

  Reg?

  Reg had been erased?

  The old man sitting in his armchair had been erased? Just like me?

  He had no friends, no family and no visitors. There were no photographs of his family on the mantelpiece, nothing. Surely, he would at least have had a picture of his wife somewhere? But there was nothing. There was nothing here that showed a man’s past. His history. His life.