by Jessica Ames
He’s a surprising find, though. And if it wasn’t for Match Me Perfect I would never have approached him at all because on paper I’m not sure we fit. Callum is nothing like the type I usually go for. He’s hilarious, and he’s not obsessed with status or appearance. It makes me realise how unattractive I find those two traits—traits that were rampant in Richard. I love that he’ll video chat with me with messy hair and a couple of days’ worth of scruff covering his face. Previously, I might have said it showed he didn’t care about impressing me, but I know that is not the case. Callum does want to impress me, but he does it with words and actions. He didn’t go the route of having flowers delivered to my office. On a day he knew I was particularly busy arranging the gala, he had lunch sent to me. It was so thoughtful I nearly cried in the middle of the office. Mel had to ply me with several cups of coffee before I managed to get my shit together.
I love talking to him, but the distance means our physical time together is limited. Three weeks after our London trip, we manage to meet up again in Bristol and have a full morning together, but he can’t stay longer than that because it’s his cousin’s birthday and he has to be back for the celebrations. He asks me to come with him, but I can see he’s hesitant so I decline, coming up with some bullshit excuse about meeting with Emily. I don’t think he’s embarrassed about me, but I suspect he is a little worried about his family’s reaction to him moving on after the death of his wife. I think he’s concerned there might be a blow out and he didn’t want that to occur at his cousin’s birthday. I can’t really say I blame him for that; I’d feel the same about bringing my drama to someone else’s day.
For the next few weekends we manage to meet at the midway point between us and that little pub in Bristol slowly but surely becomes my favourite destination. In fact, anywhere Callum is becomes my favourite destination.
I wish I could see him every night, but it’s not feasible—especially given the amount of overtime I’m putting in. I didn’t get home tonight until past eight. I grabbed takeaway on the way in and have been fermenting in front of the television, picking at the food while I watch.
When my phone pings, I make a swipe for it, the most energy I’ve expended all night. I can’t quite describe the disappointment of seeing Emily’s name flash up, rather than Cal’s. And I don’t even want to think about how much of a bitch that makes me. I try not to think about how reliant I already am on him, how much I need—no want—him in my life. In such a short time he has become part of my routine.
EMILY: You up for a drinking session this evening?
ME: I wish. I barely got home and I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to be very rock and roll and get an early night.
I hit send and continue nibbling on my food.
EMILY: Rain check then. Maybe the weekend. How’s your online fancy man?
I snort at her words. Online fancy man?
ME: He’s not my fancy anything.
EMILY: Whatever. Give me the gossip.
ME: There’s nothing to tell. At the moment we’re just taking it slow, seeing how things go. Neither of us wants any pressure.
EMILY: But you like him?
I pause. I’m not sure how to answer this because I do like him—well, I like him as much as I can like someone I’ve been speaking to for just over two months—but admitting that feels dangerous, like it would put bad vibes on the situation.
EMILY: You’re taking too long to reply. It’s a simple question, Sadie. Yes or no.
But it’s not a simple question. Even if I did like him, even if I was head over heels in love with him nothing could ever come of it because of the distance thing. I’m trying not to think about that though and just do what Lil said: go with the flow and enjoy it.
ME: I barely know him. But what I know of him I like, yes.
Although that isn’t strictly true. I’d say I know him a lot more than barely.
EMILY: Holy shit! I love this. You need to keep me updated. I’m living completely vicariously through you at the moment.
This makes me laugh. Emily is not short of her own pool of men. Hardly surprising, given she looks like a catwalk model and has a trust fund that makes even my eyes water, but she seems content to indulge in partying rather than settling down. Me? I’m not that adventurous. I like routine, I like knowing what I’m getting. It’s probably because my working life is so chaotic that I need home to be calm.
ME: You need to get out more if I’m your source of entertainment.
My phone rings in my hand as I barely finish hitting send. It’s a video call from Cal. I can’t stop my grin as I swipe to accept it and there’s a moment of lag where my phone and his try to connect and all I see is blackness. Then his face pops into view on my screen.
“Hey!” I can’t keep the pleasure out of my voice. “How are you?”
He’s sitting on the sofa in what I’ve come to learn is his living room. Behind him, I can see his kitchen and the lights are dim in there, casting a strange milky glow over the space. He only seems to have a lamp on in the living area because the light is not that bright.
“Exhausted. We got back into port three hours ago but there was a hold up at the market, meaning we didn’t actually offload the fish for an hour. I’m ready for bed.”
“You should have gone rather than calling me.”
His lips tug into a sexy smile that makes between my legs tingle with anticipation.
“And miss saying goodnight to my girl? No way.”
I love that he calls me that.
It’s weird. We’ve only met in person six or seven times over the past few months, but we talk so much that it feels as if I know him intimately. I start my days with him and I end my days with him. It doesn’t matter that we don’t do it in the same postcode or hell, even the same county. This is by far the strangest relationship I’ve ever had but I have no doubts in my mind that what we do have is a relationship. It may be unconventional but I don’t think that matters. In this day and age, with technology as it is, things are more fluid. Does the distance bother me? Well, yes. It stops me seeing him when I want—which, at the moment, is all the time—but it doesn’t diminish my feelings towards him.
“Well, I’m glad you called. I’ve missed you today,” I admit. And this is the other thing. I find myself being a lot more open and honest with Callum. It’s easier almost to communicate when you’re at a distance from the other person.
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. Which brings me to the other reason I’m calling. I need to see you again. The crew are due a day off so if you’re not busy, can we meet over the weekend?”
“That sounds amazing and I can absolutely one hundred percent be free.” And I can. I had made some arrangements to meet up with Emily but she won’t mind me cancelling for this. “Are you thinking Saturday or Sunday?”
“Saturday.” He pauses a second, then adds, “How are your sea legs?”
31
Callum
I didn’t expect her to say yes to a day out on the boat. I don’t know why, because Sadie is a person I’m coming to realise thrives on trying new things and finding adventure. I like that about her. It’s just one of many things I like about her, in fact.
I’m starting to think her ex is tapped in the head. How in the fuck did he walk away from this woman? She’s amazing. She’s everything I could ever hope for in a partner and more. I feel terrible even thinking it, like it somehow shits all over my relationship with Mara, but it’s true. I’ll always, on some level, love Mara. She was my wife for over a decade, she was my friend for even longer than that, but with Sadie I’m beginning to realise it’s okay to love her as well. I’m beginning to realise that love is not something that can’t be reclaimed and found again. You don’t get just one great love in your life; you have the capacity to open your heart to as many people as you can fit in it. My feelings for Sadie are different to my feelings for Mara but they are no less strong; they’re just different.
And I am coming
to love Sadie. The more I talk to her, the stronger those feelings become. I’m literally crawling out of my skin with anticipation at meeting her over the next few days. I drive Mace and Tanner insane, I’m sure. I would probably be doing Alex’s head in as well, except he knows why I’m so chipper. He’s the only person who does. I don’t know why but I haven’t told anyone else I’m dating yet. I need to; I know this. At some point I want to bring Sadie to Kildirk and show her the island. I want to take her to Pebble’s Bay beach and sit on the sand with her; I want to show her the view from the cliffs on the far side of the island; I want to show her my home and my life here. But I know doing that, bringing her here, is going to cause some ill feelings from Mara’s family—potentially even my own, I’m not sure. I don’t want to upset anyone. That really is not my intention, but I’m also not going to feel bad for the joy I have at being with a woman again. Even if this thing with Sadie goes nowhere—and I hope like fuck it does go somewhere—I am grateful to her for helping me to open up again, for showing me that I can have two people in my heart concurrently and that I don’t need to feel bad for living my life.
I meet her at the train station in Exeter. I’m filled with edgy nervous energy as I wait for her train to arrive and for her to disembark. It feels like it takes an age, but truthfully, it can’t take more than a matter of minutes from the train pulling into the station to her climbing down from the carriage.
As soon as I spot her my entire body feels warm all over. I want to run to her, to wrap my arms around her and pepper kisses all over her face, but I resist the urge. Barely. Instead, I push up from the wall where I’m leaning and I slowly make my way towards her.
She doesn’t notice me at first. She’s too busy scanning the other end of the platform, the end that would make more sense for me to be waiting, but I’ve never been much for logic. I’m glad she doesn’t notice me because it gives me a moment to just watch her and she’s adorable. Today, she’s wearing jeans and a heavy pair of leather boots that hit just beneath her knee. She has on a thick jumper, a dark top peeking out from beneath, telling me she took my advice about layering up. She’s also carrying a thick coat, draped over her arm, which is also good because it can get seriously chilly out on the water. It should be okay today though; the forecast is good weather. In truth, it’s perfect fishing weather and if I didn’t have other objectives on my mind I would have pulled the crew out onto the water. Despite being their day off they would have come too because the earning potential when the weather is good far outweighs the loss of a day of rest. However, I’m not even thinking about money today. All my focus is on the stunning little blonde in front of me.
I tap her shoulder and she spins towards me. The moment recognition dawns on her face she loses the surprise and gains a look of pure delight. And I love that it is there. I love that she is so open about her feelings; it makes this dating thing a lot easier because I don’t have to second guess what she’s thinking or feeling. I did think it would be the other way around, that the distance would make it harder, but it hasn’t—not really. If anything, I think we’re both far more open and honest about our feelings because we are having to do this thing long distance. There’s no room for ego when time is limited and I think the lack of proximity means we both feel safe to say it as it is. It’s refreshing, to be honest.
“Hello,” I say to her.
She grins. “Hello to you too.”
And then my hands go to her face, pulling her towards me for a kiss. And it is a kiss to rival all kisses. I didn’t think I could be knocked on my arse by something as simple as a kiss but by the time we force ourselves apart my legs are shaky—and I will never admit that out loud. She makes my world turn on its head. I’ve never known a person like her. Maybe science does know what it’s talking about after all.
Her hands cover mine, which are cupping her cheeks and she nuzzles into one of my palms.
“I guess that means you’ve missed me.”
I kiss her forehead. “Fuck yeah I’ve missed you, Sadie.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
Her words make my stomach flip and I lean into her again to capture her mouth. I want this woman so much I ache. I don’t know how I can keep my hands off her, but I have to try—at least for the next few hours until we’re at the boat.
“How was your journey?” I reluctantly let her free of my grasp and hold a hand out for her handbag which looks bigger than most of my overnight bags.
She hesitates for a moment, then hands it to me and I take it with my left hand while seizing her hand in my right. Together, we walk down the platform and into the station concourse.
“It was fine. Boring really. I caught up on some reading and answered a few work emails though so at least I got to do something productive other than just sitting and staring out the window.”
I run my thumb back and forth over her hand, my calloused fingers a contrast to her soft skin.
“That does sound productive, although it’s nice sometimes to just do nothing.”
“This is also true, although I’ve been so busy for such a long time I’m not sure I know how to do nothing anymore.”
We step out of the station’s main entrance into brilliant sunshine. It seems the weather will be on our side today, which is good because while Sadie assures me she doesn’t get seasick, she might if the boat is thrashing around in forty knot winds. I’m glad, therefore, the weather looks calm.
We head to the car park around the side of the station building and climb into the hire vehicle I got to drive us from Exeter to the port at Ilfracombe, where I docked the boat before driving to the station to meet her.
Once we’re on the road, I slip my hand over the seat and rest it on her thigh.
“How’s work?” I ask, splitting my gaze between the road and her.
“Busy. This bloody gala will be the death of me.”
I hate that she sounds stressed about it and I wish I hadn’t brought it up now. I squeeze her thigh and mutter, “I’m sorry.”
She waves a hand at me. “Don’t be. It’ll be over soon and I can go back to worrying about normal things.”
Her hand moves to cover mine on her thigh and I love the warmth of her beneath and above me.
“It’s four weeks away, right?”
She nods. “It can’t come soon enough. I’ll be glad when the bloody thing is done.”
So will I, to be honest. I hate seeing her so tense about the whole thing.
“Not long now, sweetheart. It’ll be done before you know it.”
She sighs dramatically and it’s kind of cute the way she does. “I know. It just feels like it’s never ending.”
I squeeze her leg again, offering support as best I can while driving. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You’re already doing it by being here and taking my mind off work.”
32
Sadie
When he said a boat I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. I’ve seen photographs of the vessel—at least, I’ve seen it in the background from pictures he takes to send to me, but I haven’t seen the whole thing and fuck me…
First thing is it’s a big bloody thing. I kind of expected a little rowing boat with fishing lines but this is not what I get. It’s painted red along the bottom half and the cabin at the front is white. It has a number of pulleys and lines coming out from the sides of the vessel and there is a large antenna looking thing on the top of the cabin. My eyes are drawn instantly to the name painted in cursive text on the front: Scarlet Rose.
“Who’s the boat named for?”
“My grandmother.” He leans in behind me, his chest pressed against my back as his arms slides around my front and his mouth comes to my ear. His breath is warm against the shell as he says, “My grandfather was a romantic at heart, so he named his first boat after his wife.”
I turn in his arms, which puts us inches apart. “And what about you, Callum Vanstone? Are you a romantic?”
He stare
s at my mouth as though he’s thinking about attacking it and I swallow hard. I want his touch, I want it so much.
“I guess you’ll have to wait and see, won’t you?”
I roll my eyes at him, even though I’m secretly amused by his words. “Mr Smooth strikes again.”
He chuckles and brushes a stray piece of hair back from my face. “Admit it; you love it.”
I do. I really do. It makes me laugh, which is something I haven’t had in a long time. Thinking back, there was never a lot of laughter in mine and Richard’s relationship. Thinking back, there was never a lot of anything in our relationship.
“I think you love it more.”
He tickles my side and I squeal, pulling away but he keeps hold and tugs me against him. He’s all hard edges and solid muscle beneath the shirt and tee he’s wearing and I like that too. I have yet to see what lies beneath the clothes, but I can imagine he has a body that has been built from working on boats his entire life—from lifting and carrying, from the physical demands the job places on the body. I also like that.
Callum brings me close and kisses me deep, wet and warm. I sag into his arms as my body is overwhelmed by his mouth and when he finishes I’m a panting mess.
“This is actually the third version of the Scarlet Rose,” he tells me, “but it makes my story sound naff if I admit that.”
I laugh. “It does. Better to go with your story.”
“Shall we get aboard, Milady?”
I snort at his words. The last thing I am is a lady, but I play along and take his offered hand as he gives it to me as a prince might a princess.
“Why thank you, kind sir.”
He helps me onto the boat which does not involve any airs and graces. He climbs up the ladder on the side of the boat and then holds out his hands for me.
