Learning to Love

by Trinity Wood

  I reach for him and open my mouth to speak.

  His gaze pins me again, before I get a chance to say anything. “I’ve always wanted to do that race, probably since I first heard of it …”

  His words leave me breathless, like the air I’m inhaling is made out of shards of glass.

  “But it was just another thing to win, to conquer. Winning, that race or any other, won’t bring Thea back.” Sam rubs the back of his head with a thoughtful look. “Not only will it not bring her back, but I’ll lose much more. I’ll still have to be away from time to time, like for the Olympics … But I want this life. You, me, Daisy. Walks in the park. A home. I want a chance to make things right.”

  In the twilight, the end of a summer breeze gently caresses the trees. It feels like a moment trapped in time—Daisy chasing Monarch butterflies, the sound of the leaves, the scent of Wisteria, and Sam’s full attention on me. There’s a lot at stake.

  “What do you want, Ellie?”

  His soft voice hits a note within me. My heart swells, and I’m ready to cry. I want Sam. I cup his face and lean in for a kiss. Hot tears streak my face as he moves closer still, wraps his arms around me, and sends my senses spinning. I haven’t felt him this close for over four weeks now, and the nearness of him overwhelms me. He smells and tastes like the ocean, and I’m powerless to resist.

  We kiss for what feels like forever, rediscovering each other, hands exploring with a lazy urgency. He pulls me onto his lap, and my long dress catches on a loose screw on the bench. Sam sighs in frustration and helps me untangle it, but his hands are shaking so he’s making a hash job of it. I try and fail to contain my laughter of relief.

  His gaze is hooded with want. “I missed you.” As he frees my dress, he slips a hand underneath and cups my ass. I gasp at his touch on my bare skin.

  “Shh …” He silences me with a kiss. His hand moves to my hip then trails lazily upwards, settling on my thigh. All my senses are on edge, but I want more. I wiggle on his lap, feeling his hardness through the layers of fabric. We’re both wearing too many clothes.

  I’m so tightly strung by his touch, I’m practically panting now. “Someone may see us.”

  Sam kisses my neck and his hand reaches further between my thighs. “I don’t think so.” His fingers move gently, first over my panties, then full on stroking my clit in a rhythm that makes me slowly lose my mind. I’m about to come hard, so I grasp his shirt and kiss him to stop myself from screaming out loud as I ride the waves of sensation.

  I’m sure I have a satisfied smile on my face, and I couldn’t care less. “Now it’s your turn.”

  Sam kisses my nose, my cheeks and forehead, then holds me close. “I’m very uncomfortable, but the others will be wondering where we are. We should head back.” Regret drenches every one of his words.

  “How about … you sit down for dinner with everyone—sausage, bread and tomato ketchup …”

  Sam laughs. “The food of champions.”

  “And then … you stay the night.”

  His gray eyes darken again. “Are you sure it’s a good idea? Small house. Tayla and Corinne there as well.” He shrugs his shoulders.

  “As long as we’re quiet.” I kiss his jaw.

  He laughs wholeheartedly. “I’m quiet. Are you?”

  I get up off his lap, straighten my dress and my hair, pick up the lead, and call for Daisy. “My lips are sealed.” A walk back home from the park. Just another ordinary day. But it feels like the beginning of our story.

  ***

  Sam

  I’m aching for Ellie. I've never wanted anything or anyone as much as I want her at this moment. You could dangle the Sanders Cup in front of me, and I’d let it fall to the ground if it meant I get to be with Ellie.

  What happened in the park was definitely unplanned. I’m thirty-two but around her I’m like a hormonal teenager. As we walk towards her house, it dawns on me that the others will have a field day with this.

  While we’ve straightened up our clothes, I’m missing a button off my now VERY rumpled shirt, and Ellie looks deliciously tousled, like she was thoroughly kissed or maybe more. At least we haven’t tumbled around and got grass stains.

  This is one I’m going to have to take on the chin. But it may give that other dude some pause. We get back before I get a chance to ask Ellie who he is and how he came to be at the dinner.

  We go through the gate, and when they see the state of us, Paddy and Gracie burst out laughing. Tayla, Corinne, and the other guy raise their eyebrows.

  I quickly sit at the table. “I’m starving. Do you guys have any food left?”

  Paddy wheezes from so much glee. “He’s starving! Love it.”

  Ellie looks puzzled. I guess she hasn’t noticed my shirt or hadn’t thought it was a big deal. She sits next to me, and I immediately place a hand on her leg.

  Gracie adds fuel to the fire. “We’ve never seen him like this. It’s cute. We’re enjoying it.”

  The new guy stands up to make a hasty retreat. “Guys, I have to be up early tomorrow morning to open up the clinic. It was fun, let’s do it again sometime soon.”

  “Don’t go, Alex! We haven’t even introduced you to Sam, though I think you’ve probably met before.” Ellie’s words make me do a double take. How could I have met him, where? Clinic? What clinic?

  “Sam, this is Alex, Sophie’s brother. He’s a veterinarian up here on The Shore.” The penny drops loud and clear. I stand up and shake his hand.

  “Sorry man, I didn’t recognize you. You were at my brother’s wedding three years ago. Let’s catch up over a drink sometime.”

  He shakes my hand, nods, and waves. Well, there’s nothing to say he wasn’t interested in Ellie. I reserve judgement.

  Gracie winks at us. “We’re heading off as well, leaving you lovebirds behind. Come to dinner sometime soon.”

  Gracie hugs each and every one of us, and I whisper in her ear. “Thanks Gracie, appreciate it. I mean it.”

  Paddy winks at me and flicks my missing shirt buttonhole. “Until next time, champ.” He’s not going to let me live this one down.

  They leave, and I find myself stared down by Tayla and Corinne.

  Tayla doesn’t mince words. “‘Spose you’re going to stay the night.”

  “Yes, I am, if Ellie will have me.”

  Ellie covers my hand with her hand and smiles.

  Corinne pokes my chest. “Pull a nasty trick like that again, and we’ll cut your ball sack and serve it back to you on a silver plate. Understood?”

  I laugh, but I’m definitely a little bit nervous. “Understood.”

  Tayla turns back before leaving the room. “How was Corey?” She tries to be nonchalant about it.

  Ellie and Corinne look at her with their eyebrows raised.

  I’ve got interesting information for her. “He was well. Will be back next year. Last time I saw him he was checking out your Instagram.” Not exactly true, but I did catch him once checking her profile out. Maybe he did it more often than I thought.

  Tayla laughs. “That ratbag. Ok folks, I’m going to bed. Sam and Ellie can do the washing up since they fucked off for most of the dinner.” Corinne joins her and they head into the house.

  Ellie and I are left behind in the garden with twinkling lights. Daisy is asleep, tired after her long evening walk.

  Ellie’s looking down, long eyelashes casting shadows on her face in the fading sunlight. “Are you going to regret staying behind?” Her voice comes from far away, though she’s sitting right next to me.

  “Regret? No way. For once, staying out of a race is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  Ellie turns towards me, a smile blossoming on her face, and I feel like I won the biggest prize of all.

  Chapter 20

  Sam

  From March until September when Corey comes back, I just want to take it easy. For me taking it easy means juggling less balls, but still juggling.

  I try out a new sai
ling boat class for competing, see how I get on by myself. I speak at various sailing and marine conservation events. I go to physio for old injuries. I visit my parents and Ellie’s parents.

  More importantly, there isn’t a single day or night Ellie and I aren’t together. I’m relishing this time. It will soon be interrupted. The Sanders Cup events are coming up this December, and the Olympics are next year, which means we won’t be able to spend as much time together. Though the schedule isn’t as grueling as the Round the World Race, and Ellie promised to join me for the Olympics.

  In April I sold my Bella Vista home; it just didn’t feel right anymore. Ellie and I looked together for somewhere to buy on the North Shore until we found a gem with direct beach access. In the mornings, I take my kayak and paddle around the gulf, for calm and perspective. When I’m at the mercy of the ocean, it’s easier to think. To breathe.

  From our new home, Ellie’s able to walk to work. She’s progressed to become Team Lead, and I’m very proud of her. Bonus, we’re about fifteen minutes away from Tayla and Corinne or Paddy and Gracie. I enjoy the quieter pace, and Ellie shines with happiness.

  After Ellie left for work this morning, I made a couple of important calls, and now I’m on my way for my 10:30 a.m. appointment, one I wouldn’t miss for the world.

  ***

  Ellie

  I’m at Corinne and Tayla’s, sipping a chai latte. “I’m not a psychic, but sometimes I just know, okay. Sam’s got something to hide.”

  Corinne and Tayla share knowing smiles.

  “Out with it, you two. What’s going on?”

  Tayla shrugs, but her smile doesn’t change. “Don’t know. Haven’t seen anything. Haven’t heard anything. As far as I’m concerned, it’s nothing.”

  Corinne examines her purple and gold nails.

  I don’t think I’ll be able to extract anything out of these two, though it’s clear they know something. I get an idea. “Have you heard from Corey?” Now I’ve got Tayla’s attention.

  She glances at me then looks away.

  “Of course you have. What’s he up to? All well up there on the high seas?”

  Tayla blows hair out of her rolling eyes. “None of your fucking business, babe.”

  I stand. I’ve got to get going, but I’m not letting this bone go yet. I smile as I slip toward the garden gate. “Not long now. A few months?”

  Tayla sighs, and I don’t pursue this. It’s obvious something’s going on in that tennis court.

  Corinne laughs.

  I waggle my eyebrows. “I’m off. Speak to you soon. Let’s do something girly together. Instagram friendly.”

  Tayla waves me off.

  * * *

  * * *

  When I get back to our new place, it dawns on me what’s changed. Sam is more secretive. With his phone, his things, his appointments. Neither of us are the jealous type, and it’s never occurred to me to check his phone, nor has he given me any reasons. Until now that is.

  I turn the key in the lock. “I’m baaack.” Daisy greets me, aquiver with excitement. To her, it doesn’t matter whether I’ve been gone an hour, five hours, or five days. She’s always happy to see me. I give her a few pats then go through to the main living area.

  “I’m in here." Sam's voice echoes through the hallways.

  Something smells delicious. There's Sam, cooking something following a recipe on YouTube. His cooking has definitely improved in the time we've been living together again.

  I embrace him from behind. "What’cha cookin'?"

  He turns around and lifts me up for a kiss. "Crayfish risotto."

  "Judging by the smell, it's going to be divine. How was your day?" I look at him closely to see if I can glean any behavior change.

  He lets me go and turns away. "It was good. Lots of things ticked off the list. What about yours?"

  Has he always been this evasive? It must be a new thing. Maybe I'm right that something's changed. Another woman perhaps? I give myself a mental shake and try firmly not to go down that route.

  I change tack. "Have you heard from Corey at all in the past few weeks?"

  He turns in surprise. "Strange you should mention it, but I spoke with him this morning. He's docking in Hong Kong, nearly halfway on the race."

  "Is he well? Turns out Tayla heard from him as well. She didn't want to say anything, and I was just being nosy as usual."

  Sam laughs and stirs some more white wine into the risotto. "He's well. Something happened though. On one of the boats. The race has been cut short, and he's due back the second of September. Interesting about Tayla, though."

  I shrug my shoulders then turn on the TV to check out the news, still pondering Sam's change in attitude.

  * * *

  * * *

  I slept very badly last night, tossed and turned, and disturbed Sam a lot. He held me close for part of the night, but I pushed him away. Either too hot or too cold, or just simply worrying about what's brought these feelings on. By sunrise, I'm resolute that I need to confront him, to put this idea to rest, or at least give him a chance to come clean if something's truly up.

  I put a hoodie over my short pajamas, put some flip flops on, and prepare to take Daisy for an early walk on the beach.

  I thought Sam was still asleep, but he springs out of bed, and puts on a t-shirt, shorts and hoodie. He’s headed my direction, but I’m out the gate and on the beach, Daisy sprinting off, before he can reach me.

  Sam trots after me. "Wait up! I'm coming with you." He's unshaven and looks a bit rough around the edges. His auburn hair is aglow as the sun rises above the sea.

  "Only you could look this good at sunrise, Sam. I haven't had coffee and I feel zombified." We laugh. "What's your secret?"

  He stops dead in his tracks, and I stop as well. Oh no. Is this where he tells me …

  "Ah, Ellie, I … want to ask you something." Sam kneels on the beach and takes a ring out of his pocket. I think I'm going to faint.

  "Uh … will you marry me?"

  I cover my mouth so I don't scream.

  He rubs the back of his head, his face a mix of concern and anxiety. "If it's too soon … I can wait."

  "No, no, no, don't wait. Absolutely not. YES. Of course, as if there would be any other answer in this whole world."

  He stands, and I throw myself at him. We kiss under the blazing sunrise with Daisy circling us in a happy dance.

  I try the ring on, and it fits perfectly. It's a gorgeous antique, just like the bracelet he got me for Christmas. He seems to have his sources, and they're very good. I file away a mental note to find out who this mysterious jeweler is.

  We walk back towards the house, and I can't wait to let my parents know, and the girls, but a thought is nagging me. "Is this why you were being so secretive lately? I thought you'd found someone else."

  His laughter silences my doubts. "As if I'd ever want anyone else."

  Epilogue

  Sam

  "I must say, if anyone had told me this time last year that I'd be Best Man at your wedding, I would have told them to lay off the booze."

  Everybody laughs at Corey's remarks, particularly my side of friends and family. He's dressed to the nines in navy suit trousers, white shirt, and beige waistcoat, with his sleeves rolled up.

  "Ellie, now put your hand on the table please." Corey gestures to us. "Now, Sam, put your hand over hers." Ellie has small, delicate hands. Mine are big, full of calluses and generally unappealing. Where's Corey going with this?

  "Enjoy this moment,” he says, “because this will be the last time you have the upper hand, my friend."

  Guffaws ensue, and even Ellie finds this funny.

  Good ol' Corey, eh, working the room. It was obvious from the beginning I'd ask him to be my Best Man, even after what happened two weeks ago, right after he came back from the Round the World Ocean Race early.

  Corey motions for the crowd to settle down, and they do. "I'm ending my speech on a serious note to say I'm very happ
y you've found your soulmate in Ellie. She's a rare one, and you've got to treasure her. Parteeeey on now, people.” He rounds the table towards us and gives me a hug.

  "I'm going to miss you, man." Corey's being surprisingly emotional.

  "I'm not leaving anywhere. Glad you’re back, bro. We're still doing the Sanders Cup in three months' time and the Olympics in nine months." We have a tight schedule, which means I won't be able to take Ellie on honeymoon until after the Olympics.

  "You know what I mean. You've said goodbye to the single life."

  Is he drunk? Again? He doesn’t stumble but his eyes look feverish. I can feel myself getting angry. On my wedding day. "No more drinking today, okay. I don't want a repeat of what happened two weeks ago." His eyes look hurt for a moment, but he shakes it off.

  "Nah, bro, all good." Corey pats me on the back, signs peace out, and goes to mingle with guests. He stops to say hi to his two brothers.

  I scan the outdoor area for Ellie. She should be easy to spot. She’s the only one in a white dress, but with these lights flashing, and constant noise, it’s hard to keep my brain in check. I take a deep breath and tap my wrist, like Ellie taught me, and I spot her by the bar. She’s my lighthouse in a storm, so I make my way towards her. As always.

  ***