by Hannah Gray
“You’re far from a nun, babe.” I snort. “Pretty sure any church would collapse if you walked inside.”
“Har-har. So funny.” She rolls her eyes. “Why do I need to be held to a higher standard than all the other kids back at that party?”
“Because they don’t take it as far as you do,” I snap, stepping toward her. “They aren’t on their way down a fucking road that they might never come back from. That’s the fucking difference, Henley. You are headed somewhere even I can’t save you from.” My jaw clenches.
“Oh, am I now?” she bites back, tilting her head to the side. “And how do you figure?”
“Sweetheart, you’re already halfway down that fucking road. Keep going, see where it leads. I dare you. Lose everything you have.”
Her eyes go back to that look where they seem to hold nothing in them. When any ounce of the Henley I knew disappears. And it’s so fucking frustrating. It’s like talking to a wall. Only at least, the wall isn’t mouthy. And the wall doesn’t keep me up at night either.
I wish I knew where her mind travels to when she looks like that. Where does she go? And how do I get her back?
Henley
I take off walking, him trailing close behind.
His words echo in my brain. “Lose everything you have.”
I want to scream, Hey, dipshit, maybe I already have. But then he’d turn into good Weston and need to ask one million questions and try to fix me. Because as big as a dicksicle as he can be, he can also be kind and caring. Which, in my case, is worse.
“Did you just call me a dicksicle?” Weston’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “What the fuck is a dicksicle?”
Dang, I guess I thought that out loud.
“Like a dick popsicle.” When I see his eyes glimmer with humor, I point my finger. “Not in a good way either. Jerk.”
“I’ll give you a dick popsicle to suck on.” He chuckles quietly.
“Shut up,” I mutter and keep walking.
I don’t get why he is following me right now. He shouldn’t even care if I make it home safely at all. Well … then again, he doesn’t know that he should actually hate me for other reasons other than the fact that I’m a bitch.
You see, I lost him when I made the decision to try to get even for something that I’d heard about the day he left for football camp. I lost him when he went away for an entire summer and I jumped into bed with his brother. That’s when I lost him. And he doesn’t even know any of this. But would it matter if he did? He isn’t going to forgive me.
We were just friends, but I always wanted more. He made me feel like he did too. Sent mixed signals, like always being around, never letting me date anybody else. But he never made a move before he left. And then I heard he had been with other girls. Also, I found out that he thought of me as a sister. Nothing more. He never felt the way that I did. And that hurt. So, what did I do? I did the one thing he’d never forgive me for. I slept with Dane. And now, I can never have him as mine. I certainly don’t deserve him as mine.
He might not have loved me the way I loved him. But I’m certain he wouldn’t have wanted his brother and best friend to jump into bed together.
I reach the steps to the porch of the sorority house and turn to face him. “Look.” I chew my bottom lip. “I don’t know why you’re here. My guess is, my parents thought I needed a babysitter, and you drew the short straw.”
His face remains stoic. Giving me nothing, yet I know I’m right.
“I will try to be better. But I’m a freshman in college. I want to have fun. So, I can’t promise you I’ll be perfect. But I’ll try if you just back off. Deal?”
He moves toward me, crowding me against the railing on the stairs. “As long as you continue to fuck up, Henley, I’m not going anywhere.” Even in the darkness, I can see his eyes glaring down at me. “Trust me, sweetheart, I could be getting my dick sucked right now back at that party. Or be fucking someone in the bathroom. Instead, I’m babysitting you.” His words have me clenching my thighs. His hand moves to my hip, and he grips it slightly. “You don’t want me around? Then, stop acting reckless.”
“The night’s still young to go find some random chick to take care of that for you.” I try to say the words strongly, but they cause a pain in my heart as I imagine someone else doing that to him. Especially when I wish I could be that person.
His grip intensifies, and he leans forward, grasping his other hand on the railing. “You volunteering, Henley?”
My mouth waters, but I shake my head and look down. “No.”
“That’s too bad,” he says and releases me. “Could have made me hate you less to see your lips wrapped around my cock.” His voice, gritty and unforgiving, has my heart racing a million miles a second.
Stepping backward, he waits for me to go inside. Making sure I get home safely.
This is what I do. I push, and I pull. Hoping one day, he’ll give up. That would make it easier if he ever did learn the truth that his best friend and brother betrayed him. It’d be easier for him if he already hated me. Only hate isn’t following someone to college. And it sure as hell isn’t making sure they get home safely either.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get him to give up on me. But his feelings are friendship. And I know his dirty words are just to get under my skin. He doesn’t want me. Not in that way.
I finish walking up the stairs and turn slightly. Seeing him still at the bottom of the steps. We don’t say good night. I don’t thank him, and he doesn’t scold me again. I simply open the door and walk into my house and go to my bedroom.
He gripped my chin. He grabbed my ass. He threatened to spank me. And I instantly wanted more.
But I can’t have more. Even if my body thinks differently.
As I brush my teeth, I can still feel his fingers digging into my flesh. And I can still hear his angry voice telling me not to cause a scene. I listened to him. I can’t believe I listened to him.
Once I walk back into my room, I take out my trusty Unisom to help me sleep. Which honestly hasn’t been that trusty lately at all. I’m not overly drunk tonight so that the room is spinning, which is good. I was on my way to a delicious buzz when Weston showed up and tried to be my Superman. But everyone knows that Superman doesn’t rescue the villain.
I curl up, praying for a good night’s rest. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from hating myself, and I’m exhausted from pretending to hate the person I love most on this planet.
I think of dandelions. I imagine blowing one, making a wish. I’d wish for a time machine to take me back to that day. The day before he left for the summer. I’d tell Weston how I felt. I’d beg him not to leave for football camp. If he hadn’t left, none of the other things would have happened. Maybe we’d even be together right now. Everything would be okay. Not this big old mess that it is right now.
I long for his touch, but I’ll never allow myself to have it. I’ll hurt him. And he’ll hurt me too. Because I couldn’t stop at one touch. I’d want all of his touches. I’d want all of him.
My eyes grow heavy, and I imagine Weston’s face as he smiles at me. Looking at me like I am the only girl in the world.
Maybe the fact that he is the last person I saw will keep my dreams sweet tonight.
Or … it’ll make me have a nightmare. The jury’s still out on that one.
six
Weston
“You never said where you were going the other night.” Knox narrows his eyes at me. “You just … took off.”
“He does that a lot,” Cole says, lifting the bar back up. “It’s strange.”
I continue spotting for Cole, ignoring them both. “You guys ready for the game this weekend?”
“Fuck yes,” Knox says. “But stop changing the mothafuckin’ subject, would you?”
“I just have some shit I need to take care of,” I say vaguely. “Sometimes, I have places to be and things I need to do. Don’t make it a big deal.”
“Storm and I we
re worried when you disappeared,” Knox says, looking at Cole. “Weren’t we?”
Finishing his last rep, Cole pushes the bar up and sits, wiping his face with his shirt. “No. He’s a grown-ass man. Try living in a fucking foster home, dipshit.” He looks at me. “He’s just nosy. I don’t give a fuck what you do.”
“Yeah, but if he’s gone for more than twelve hours, we’re reporting him next time,” Knox says dramatically. “You fuckers ever watch Dateline? There’s some scary shit in this world.”
“I was gone for an hour, tops,” I say and reach out and twist his nipple, causing him to squeal like a little bitch. “And I texted you both. Lay off of me, would you?”
“Fine,” he groans. “No fucking titty twisters. Are you twelve years old?”
Cole and I burst out laughing as Knox rubs his chest. He might be a pain in my ass—a nosy pain in my ass at that—but fuck, he’s entertaining.
“Hey, how was your movie date?” I nod my chin at them. “Good time?”
“Back to the game,” Cole grunts. “Not talking about the fucking movie date.”
I give Knox a questioning look, and he shrugs. It’s not hard to tell I’m missing something. But with Cole, he isn’t the type you press for information. You let him come to you when he’s ready.
“As I was saying, back to the game coming up. We need to be ready. I’m worried the guys won’t fall in line. They respected Ricky.”
Ricky was the quarterback until Cole showed up and took his place. Cole’s the better player. He deserves the spot. Still, it’s hard for Ricky’s teammates who have played with him since day one to see that.
“They’ll fall in line,” I say, taking a seat on the bench. I try to sound confident, but truthfully, I think it’ll be a bloodbath. “Least if they want to win, they will.”
Cole looks worried. He has a lot riding on his shoulders this year. A freshman as the captain and quarterback is a lot. I don’t envy him right now.
Knox and I didn’t replace anyone. The positions we took were already open. So, fortunately for us, the other guys don’t hate us. But Storm? He’s already got a major target on his back, and we’ve only just begun.
Holding my fist out, I hit it against his. “We got your back, brother.”
“Thanks,” he mutters. “Think I’m going to need it.”
“You can count on us, buddy ol’ pal.” Knox grins, hitting his hand against ours. “The three of us? We’re basically a mothafucking dream team.”
“Oh yeah …” I mumble and shake my head. “Dream team all right.”
The door to the workout room opens, and Coach strolls in. “Hey, fellas, getting it done, I see.”
“You know it, boss.” Knox grins. “Showing these two lightweights how it’s done.”
“I’m sure,” Coach says, unconvinced. “Need to ask you boys for a favor.”
“What’s that?” Cole says, leaning against the wall.
Messing with the billfold of his hat, he looks between all of us. “There’s a sorority house, and they want to do some sort of fundraising event this Sunday. It’s for a good cause, kids who suffer from blindness.”
“What’s this have to do with us?” Cole says, confused.
“They’ve asked for three football players to do a meet and greet with the kids.” He smirks. “They asked specifically for the three of you.”
Knox grins and rubs his hands together. “Told you, boys. Mothafucking dream team right here. Even the babes know it.”
“Fuck,” Cole hisses. “Meet and greet?”
“Yep.” He nods. “You and some guys from the hockey team too.”
“Just out of curiosity, what sorority is putting this event on?” I ask.
“Delta Gamma,” he says. “Look on the bright side, boys. Lots of pretty girls. And from what I hear, lots of good food too.”
Delta fucking Gamma. What are the chances I’m getting roped into an event with Henley’s sorority? At least things just got more interesting. That’s for sure.
“And if we’re busy that day?” Cole mumbles.
“You aren’t,” he says curtly. “Your schedules are cleared the morning of it—I made sure of that.”
“Awesome …” Cole says sarcastically. “Can’t wait.”
“Why the long face, my man?” Knox slaps his arm. “Did you not hear Coach? Pretty girls and good food. Sounds fucking bomb to me.” His eyes widen slightly. “They might even have a snow cone machine. Who knows?”
“I don’t like snow cones,” Cole grumbles.
“Cotton candy?” Knox says in complete seriousness.
Ignoring them, I nod. “We’ll be there,” I assure Coach. “Sounds like a good time.”
“I knew you boys wouldn’t let me down.” He slaps me on the back and walks off. “No hitting on the ladies either, you hear?”
“Yes, sir,” we all say in agreement.
Knox seems to like the girl from the movies. Cole … I don’t know what the hell that fucker likes. And me? I can’t get my mind off of bitchy Henley Hayes. So, hitting on the ladies doesn’t appeal much to any of us.
I can’t wait to see the look on Henley’s face when she spots me. This campus isn’t small by any means. In fact, it’s really fucking big. But even a large campus isn’t enough space for Henley to hide from me.
And honestly, I’m enjoying the shit out of it.
seven
Henley
“Okay, so … the next order of business is the fundraiser this weekend in the arena.” Claire, our sorority’s president, looks up from her laptop. “Sunday morning at ten sharp is when it begins. So, I want everyone there at least an hour beforehand to set up.”
Bree raises her hand, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. “Did we hear back from the football players yet? What about hockey?”
Claire smiles, showing her perfect white teeth against her overly glossed pink lips. “It was a last-ditch effort, but … both can make it. For hockey, we have Cam Hardy, Link Sterns, and Brody O’Brien.” Her smile intensifies. “And I really hit the gold with football. I got Brooks’s newest football stars—Cole Storms, Knox Carter, and of course, Weston Wade.”
I quiet a grumble that threatens to come from my throat. Weston motherfucking Wade. I can’t escape this guy. It’s a cruel trick from the universe. It’d be like if I was trying to cut out candy and the world kept having Kit Kats fall from the sky. Kit Kats are my favorite. And I’d only be able to put off eating one for so long. With Weston, it’s no different. He’s everywhere, and that makes it even more impossible to pretend I hate him. If he mentions putting his … man parts in my mouth again, I might just drop to my knees and open my mouth. That’s how much his words affect me.
“Because we’re just a few short days away, I will be putting a sheet next to our calendar with a list of everyone’s jobs at the event.” She looks around, raising her eyebrows. “I know everyone is going to be fighting over running the meet and greets with the hockey and football boys. Therefore, Abigail and I have decided to draw from a hat for those positions. Check back in a few days to see where you will be needed.” Shutting her laptop, she smooths her hair down and smiles. “Meeting adjourned. I think we covered a lot today.”
A yawn rips through me. Thanking the good Lord that this crapshoot is over. Claire is long-winded. And extremely type A. She’s perfect for the job of president … but she’s a lot. Her meetings and speeches leave me downright exhausted.
“There’s a football game tomorrow. Are you going to go?” Layla scootches closer to me. “We should go together. Mary wants to go too.”
I haven’t watched Weston play since junior year. If I’m having a hard time being cold to him now, watching him play a game he was made for will make it worse. He’s mesmerizing on a field. But … Layla seems nice. And she’s on the swim team. Maybe I should try to become friends and live vicariously through her when it comes to her swimming.
“Sure.” I smile. “I’ll go.”
“Sweet
! I’m so excited. I love football games.” She makes an odd face. “There’s a party after. At the hockey house. But if I were you, I’d try not to get drunk and have someone carry you home.” She leans closer to me, glancing around to make sure no one is listening. “Claire got word, and I overheard her and Bree talking. They weren’t thrilled with the behavior.”
“It’s a party though.” My eyebrows crease. “People drink at parties.”
“Not really us though. We’re underage, and there are rules.” She pats my knee. “I just don’t want you to get into trouble. I can tell we’re going to be the best of friends, and I don’t want to get kicked out.”
“Thanks,” I say and glance at Claire. Wondering what it’s like to be that perfect. To be someone who knows what the right thing is and never messes up. I think I used to be that girl though. I used to make my family proud. “Hey, when would one go to the pool if they didn’t want to have any company?”
Her eyes widen, and her lips turn up in a smile.
Holding my hand up, I shake my head. “Wipe that smile off. I’m not joining the team. I just miss the water.”
Her smile remains on her face. “Five a.m. on Mondays and Fridays.” She nods. “If I wanted to go and not be seen, I’d go during those times.”
“Good to know,” I say quietly. “Thanks.”
Tomorrow is Friday. So, that means, tomorrow morning, I’m going to go to the pool and swim until I can hardly move. Even if it hurts my heart when I peel myself out of the water.
eight
Henley
How could waking up at five a.m. give me some sort of an edge the rest of the day? I have no idea. But it did.
I feel as sharp as a dang knife. Not a butter knife either. I’m talking about a straight-up, sharp AF steak knife with a pointy end that flawlessly cuts through meat.
I. Am. In. The. Zone.
