by M. Robinson
The look on her face.
The sound of her voice.
The way she was rejecting me.
It was all too much to take, too much to handle, too much to live through. Because in the back of my mind, all I could think, all I could see, all I could feel, was her not remembering me.
Out of everyone in her life...
She forgot me first.
And all I could think about was...
How much time, how many years, how much longer did I have...
Until I lost my mind too.
Chapter 9
<>Harley<>
“Jackson doesn’t look like he’s in the best mood right now, Harley. Maybe it’s not a good time to bring this up,” Shiloh stated while we were at my daddy’s Sunday MC barbeque.
Cash, Shiloh, and I were hangin’ in the shed away from everyone else. I needed to be alone with my best friends at a time like this. We needed to talk about the atomic bomb that was dropped on me two days ago by Memaw when she picked us up from school.
I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t surprised Jackson and Jagger were there in the first place. Especially after the stunt Jackson pulled in class. They’d come with Uncle Noah and Aunt Skyler, and it was the first time in what felt like months since they stepped foot on the compound.
Though Shiloh was right, Jackson looked like he’d seen better days. I’d spent the entire weekend thinkin’ about what Memaw said. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to rub it in Pierce’s ugly face. I finally knew the truth behind his wicked ways.
He liked me.
Maybe even loved me.
“It’s ridiculous you’re even feedin’ into that gibberish,” Cash chimed in, pullin’ my attention over to his eyes. “Is this why you’re all gussied up? For him?”
“What?” I replied, taken back. “I ain’t gussied up.”
“You’re as pretty as a peach today, Harley.”
I smiled. “Really?”
“I knew it!”
I rolled my eyes, shakin’ my head. “Cash, I always look good. It’s just how I roll.”
“You never wear makeup.”
“I ain’t wearin’ makeup.”
He stepped toward me and swiped his thumb over my lips, showin’ me the pink residue left on his skin.
“That ain’t lipstick. I ate a cherry popsicle earlier.”
“Harley, you ain’t foolin’ anyone but yourself.”
“I just wanna embarrass him like he embarrassed me.”
“I think there’s more to it than that.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, Harley. You tell me.”
“I did tell you. What more do ya want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know, Harley. You tell me,” he repeated in a much different tone.
“What’s with the ‘tude?”
“I don’t like seein’ you fussin’ over a jackass. He ain’t worth it.”
“I ain’t fussin’ over him.”
“He’s all you’ve talked ‘bout all weekend.”
“That’s only cuz he pissed me off.”
“He always pisses you off, but you never talk ‘bout him this much.”
“Cash, my whole literature class thinks I got my period Friday. It’s a little traumatizin’, don’t ya think?”
“Since when do ya care what people think ‘bout you?”
“Since they think I was bleedin’ out of my fruity tooty!”
Shiloh started laughin’.
“It ain’t funny, girl.”
“You’re right. It wasn’t funny then, but it’s kinda funny now.”
“Oh really? Was it funny when Trigger was sniffin’ around your fruity tooty?”
“Ugh, gross. I can’t stand him.”
I looked over at Cash who was now strummin’ on his guitar.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, catchin’ my dumbfounded gaze. “I stopped listenin’ when you started talkin’ ‘bout bleedin’.”
Shiloh and I laughed.
Boys.
They can kill spiders, but the second you talk about girly things, they’re out like a trout.
“If you’re worried I now love Jackson back or somethin’, you’re wrong. I don’t even like him, Cash. You should know that more than anyone.”
“Girls are weird.” He shrugged. “Remember, I got three older sisters. Giselle is the weirdest of ‘em all. How many years have her and your Uncle Mason been playin’ games wit’ each other?”
“Forever.”
“See,” he shrugged again. “Girls are weird.”
“Boys are way weirder than girls, Cash.”
“Facts,” Shiloh agreed, noddin’ with me.
“How do ya figure?”
“Cuz look at Jackson. Do you see this scar?” I pointed to my elbow. “I got this when he told me I couldn’t climb the tallest tree right outside this shed. Turned out, I could. I just couldn’t get down. Now these,” I pointed to my knees, “I got them cuz he said I couldn’t skateboard as fast as he could. Turned out, I totally can. I just don’t know how to stop.” I pointed to the scar on my hairline. “Now this one. You remember this one, right?”
“Yeah, we all got grounded for that one,” Cash answered, shakin’ his head. “I spent twenty minutes tryin’ to talk you out of doin’ it, and I still got in trouble.”
I put my hands on my hips. “I landed it, didn’t I?”
“Harley, you weren’t supposed to land it. When you BMX off a ramp into a lake, the bike stays out in front of you.”
“I know. I just forgot that part.”
“It cost ya four stitches and a month of us all bein’ grounded cuz that dickweed dared you.”
“Exactly!”
He squinted his eyes at me, confused.
“You’re provin’ my point.”
“How?”
“I have tons of scars from Jackson darin’ me to do somethin’. They’re all over my body, and every time I look at any of them, I remember how I got it in the first place. Don’t ya see? Do ya get it now? Scars are permanent, Cash. They don’t just go away.”
“You’re reachin’, Harley.”
“Naw uh.”
“Come on, Cash, you gotta admit. It kinda makes sense,” Shiloh chimed in. “He’s been obsessed with Harley since we were babies. How many times has your mom told us the story about Jackson tripping Harley when she took her first step? They even have a picture of him laughing about it.”
“More facts.” I nodded.
“You’re right about one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Jackson does love you,” Cash agreed. “He just loves to hate you.”
“Maybe he thinks she’s his lobster,” Shiloh added, repeatin’ what her mom always said about lobsters. A lobster was your soulmate, cuz they mate for life. The thought of Jackson thinkin’ I was his lobster.
Well that...
I wasn’t prepared for.
“Oh wow,” I breathed out with wide eyes. “Jackson wants me to think about him forever cuz he wants me to be his lobster. Guys! Jackson is totally in love with me!”
Everythin’ was good for about a second until that sentence came flyin’ out of my mouth. I never wanted to eat my words as much as I did in that moment.
The person I least expected decided to walk right in and humiliate me even more.
Shoutin’, “You think I love you, Gremlin?!”
<>Jackson<>
“You think I love you, Gremlin?!” I called her out, stalking into the shed.
Harley instantly turned when she heard my voice, not backing down.
“How long have you been listenin’ to us?” she replied, locking eyes with me.
“Long enough to hear your fairytale story. So what, baby girl? I’m your Prince Charming now?”
“Don’t call me that.”
I never expected this turn in events when I walked over here to just be alone. I didn’t ev
en want to come today, but Noah made me. This was the last place I wanted to be.
Around so much happiness, so much laughter, so much love...
When my life was none of those things.
I wanted to shut down, to run away, to just stop thinking about tomorrow. It was like a ticking time bomb in my mind.
Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
Boom!
How much time did I have?
With my mom?
My dad?
My family?
My mind?
My memories?
My future?
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years...
My life came down to nothing but time. Grieving the loss of a person who was still alive. Knowing it didn’t end with her.
It had only just started.
Thinking solely of that, I zeroed in on Harley. Eyeing her up and down as I made my way over to her.
Rasping, “What if I do love you, Harley? What then?”
She jerked back, caught off guard by my question. Unexpectedly waiting for my next move. I’d beat her at her own game, I always did. But like anything with Harley, she would never surrender. It was what made fighting with her so amusing and addicting. She always stuck up for herself, no matter what.
Even if I embarrassed her.
Even if I tried to make her cry.
Even if I hurt her.
Even if...
Even if...
Even if...
She stayed strong.
She was a little shit like that.
But I was undeterred. I’d keep trying to make her fall apart, in hopes it would keep me together.
“You were talking up a storm before I walked in. Chatting a mile a minute, and now what? You got nothing to say? Easier to talk behind my back than to my face?” I arched an eyebrow at her, mocking her fruity tooty comment, “Right, Toots?”
“Whatever I say when you’re not around, I’ll say to your face,” she sassed, stepping toward me. Exactly how I knew she would. “I know the truth now.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, that’s so. I know you like me. The secret is outta the bag. Memaw explained it to Shiloh and me. You don’t gotta hide it or pretend anymore.”
“I don’t?”
“Nope, but I’d love to tell ya, Jackson Pierce, that I, Harley Jameson, don’t love you back. At all. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever, will I love you back.”
I put my hand over my chest. “Way to crush a guy’s heart, baby girl.”
“I said don’t call me that.”
“What am I supposed to do now that you know the truth, Harley? You know I like you. I’ve always liked you.” I leaned in close to her face. “But what if I even love you?”
“Jackson, stop messin’ around,” Cash interrupted, making my eyes snap to his.
“Mind your business, boy toy.”
“Don’t talk to him that way.”
“Harley! Don’t need ya to defend me against this tool. He’s just playin’ wit’ ya.”
“You jealous, Cash? That I got what you want?”
“What?” Harley blurted out. “Cash don’t want me. We’re just best friends.”
“Keep telling yourself that. He’s your little bitch for a reason.”
“The only bitch I see in front of me is you, Pierce,” he challenged, his hands fisting at his sides.
“What, Cash? You going to hit me?”
He shook his head no. “I don’t gotta.” Nodding to Harley, he added, “Cuz she will.”
And she did just that. She shoved me, but I didn’t budge.
“Back off! Cash is right, you are messin’ with me.”
“I’ll just have to prove it to you then.”
Shiloh coaxed, “Jackson, that’s enough. You’re getting everyone’s feathers ruffled up over nothing.”
“I thought Harley was my lobster? Isn’t that what you said?”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Isn’t this what every girl wants? To be seen? To be heard? Noticed by me? Well, I’m standing right in front of you, Toots, telling you that I see you. You’ve got my attention now, Harley. What are you going to do with it?”
“I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. Especially right now. You’re actin’ weird.”
“Guys are weird, right?” I parroted her earlier comment.
“Holy crap! How long were you listenin’? What game are you playin’, Jackson?”
“The game we’ve always played. Get Harley to pay attention to me. I dare you to scar you. That’s all I want. You, forever. I pick on you, I bully you, I tease you cuz I want you. Well, guess what, baby girl? You want me too.”
“You’re takin’ this too far, dickweed! Stop!”
I didn’t hesitate, jolting my stare to Cash. “Make me, pussy boy!”
He stepped forward, stopped by Shiloh’s grip on his arm. “You said it earlier, Cash. He ain’t worth it.”
“I been wantin’ to give him an ass whoopin’ since preschool.”
“I’m standing right here, boy toy. Let’s see what ya got.”
“Stop!” Harley ordered, putting her hands on my chest. “This is between you and me, so leave him out of it.”
“Fine.” I got right in her face, our noses almost touching. “I’ll just show you how much I love you then.”
Snapping, “Let me kiss you, Harley. That’s what you want, right? Since I love you so much.”
Chapter 10
<>Jackson<>
“You can kiss my grits, Jackson.”
“Baby girl, I just want to show you how much I’ve always loved you. I don’t care if your friends see...”
She stepped back as I went forward four steps. Backing her into the wall, I caged her in with my arms.
She held her head up higher, not folding. Always too stubborn for her own damn good. I could see it in her eyes, no one knew Harley like I did.
Bottom line, I was getting to her.
Which was why I spoke the magic words, “I dare you to let me kiss you.”
She jerked back, caught off guard again. Suddenly realizing she had nowhere to go.
All mine.
“The Harley I know and love never backs down from a dare.” My eyes shifted to her lips, baiting, “I promise you’ll like it.”
Her stare landed on her friends, who were both about to blow a gasket in the corner. Watching us.
Especially Cash McGraw.
Two birds with one stone.
My lucky day.
“Come on, Harley. I. Dare. You.”
She sucked in a breath before biting her bottom lip.
“You ready?” I taunted.
“No.”
“Good. I like taking things from you anyway.”
“You’re the reason I can’t have nice things.”
I scoffed out a chuckle. “Shut up and close your eyes.”
“Harley! You can’t be serio—” Cash interjected.
“Screw off, McGraw!”
“Fine. I’ll let you kiss me.”
“What?!” Shiloh and Cash shouted simultaneously.
“But if you stick your tongue in my mouth, I’ll bite it off.”
“Harley! Don’t let him steal your first kiss!” Shiloh shared.
I cocked my head to the side. “You’ve never been kissed?”
She blushed, shrugging. “So.”
I already knew that, but it was still shocking to hear the words fall from her lips.
“I ain’t like those brainless cheerleaders that will let anyone kiss them. Includin’ you.”
“Says the girl who just said I could kiss her.”
“Only cuz you dared me. You know I can’t turn down any of your dares. Even if they get me in trouble. I don’t back down for anyone. I’m a Jameson. I’m a badass mothafucka. I ain’t made that way.”
I grinned. Her feisty personality always got to me. She was the perfect enemy, up for anything. The
challenge of our dares, pranks, the ongoing war between us was as addicting to her as it was for me.
“So, I’ll let you steal my first kiss.”
“Harley! It’s your first kiss! Don’t do this!” Shiloh countered, further pissing me off. “It’s too important to you. He just wants to hurt your heart. Don’t let him take something that means so much away from you. He ain’t worth it!”
Knowing this meant something to her.
That it was significant.
Cherished.
Guarded.
Only made me want to steal it even more.
Needing to show her who was boss.
Me.
Forever.
I owned her. She belonged to me, and she proved it every single time she said yes, because Harley never said no.
“Shiloh, why don’t you learn how to shut your mouth?”
Harley pushed me. “Don’t talk to her like that. She’s just lookin’ out for me, you kiss stealer!”
Cash’s hands were still fisted at his sides, getting tighter and tighter the longer this went on. Only fueling my hatred for him. This was going to hurt him, and that fact alone made kissing Harley much more satisfying.
“Leave her alone!” he roared.
“Hey, tough guy! Which one? Harley or Shiloh?”
“I said leave her alone!”
“Oh, so it’s Harley again? Why? Are you going to take her place? You want me to bully you? You never learn, do you, Cash?”
“What was that?”
“You heard me. Grow some balls already, bro. Unless you don’t have any cuz you’re really a girl . Always being Harley’s protector, but news flash... I’ll always be in her life too.”
“That’s funny comin’ from you, Jackson. The only thing you want is attention. You’re a jock who walks around school thinkin’ you’re untouchable. That every girl wants you and every guy wants to be ya. You treat everyone like shit and just expect them to fall at your feet. You can’t stand the fact Harley doesn’t want ya. So you have these pranks, these dares, all this bullshit just to get her attention. Newsflash, Jackson... I will always be in Harley’s life when you have nothin’. No one other than your dumbass jock friends, who only like you cuz you’re popular. I have somethin’ you will never have and you can’t stand it. Who has the bigger balls now, bro?”
“I’ll show all y’all who has bigger balls...” Shifting my glare back to Harley, I asked her, “You ready?”
