Hated You Then (Book One: Love Hurts Duet)

by M. Robinson

We’d spent the rest of the day at their home, surrounded by family. Tryin’ to be there for them anyway we could.

  Although, from the second Jackson stepped foot in his house, he went straight to his bedroom and didn’t come out. Even when Uncle Noah went in there to check on him. He was also havin’ a hard time with Bailey’s death, seein’ as she was like a second mother to him.

  This wasn’t easy on anyone.

  She was a pivotal person to so many people.

  The expression on Momma’s face didn’t reassure me in the least.

  “He will be, baby, with time.”

  “The funeral was beautiful today. I think Aunt Bailey would have loved it. Especially all the sunflowers we laid her to rest with at the cemetery.”

  Aunt Skyler agreed, “I think so too, Harley.” She gleamed at me. “You did a great job on your eulogy, honey. Uncle Noah was very proud of you.”

  “I tried to say what I was feelin’.”

  “Those always make for the best speeches.”

  Out of nowhere, I saw somethin’ fall from the roof.

  Was that a cup?

  I backed away, unnoticed. Before I knew what I was doin’ or where I was standin’, I was at Jackson’s bedroom door.

  “Jackson?” I called out, knockin’ softly.

  No answer.

  “Jackson, you in there?”

  Still, no answer.

  My hand turned the knob and I peeked one eye into his space, in case he was...

  I don’t know, naked.

  Ain’t nobody wanna see that.

  “Where are you?” I said to myself, findin’ his bedroom empty.

  It smelled like a giant butthole.

  How do boys live like this?

  There was a mess everywhere—shoes, clothes, football equipment, even the suit jacket he was wearin’ today—on his unmade bed.

  I walked around as though a bomb was about to go off, keepin’ my eyes peeled for booby traps along the way. Trust me, if he found me in his room, he’d explode in my face.

  Lookin’ out the window next, I searched for him through the darkness.

  “Jackson?”

  “Holy shit, you really are Nancy Drew.”

  I jumped out of my skin, hittin’ my head on the window rail. “Ow!”

  “Serves you right for snooping.”

  Followin’ the sound of his voice, I found him sittin’ on the roof. His collared shirt was halfway unbuttoned, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. His hair was ruffled up like he’d been pullin’ at it, yet it was his eyes that shocked me the most.

  He’d been cryin’.

  Was that why he was up there by himself?

  “You’ve been cryin’,” I blurted what I was thinkin’.

  “No shit, Captain Obvious.”

  “Umm... should I... I mean... do you—”

  “No, nosey ass, you’re already standin’ there. Just come up here.”

  “How?”

  “I thought Harley could do anything I could do.”

  I glared at him, and he nodded toward the tree branch above my head.

  “I’m wearin’ a dress.”

  “It isn’t anything I haven’t seen before. Remember? Bath time?”

  “We were like two.”

  “And there’s photographic evidence.”

  “You’re a creeper.”

  “Considering your body still hasn’t changed since then, there isn’t much to see.”

  I glared at him again, and he rolled his eyes at me, reachin’ for my hand.

  I bit my lip, debatin’.

  “What’s wrong, baby girl? Don’t trust me?”

  I sighed, givin’ in. “If you let go of my hand, Jackson Pierce, I will forever hate you.”

  He grinned. “Harley, don’t tempt me.” Further leanin’ toward me, he instructed, “Step on the windowsill and grab my hand. I’ll take care of the rest.”

  “You can’t carry me up there.”

  “I carry guys four times your weight in football. Now are you gonna listen, or just continue being a pain in my ass?”

  “Fine, but I swear—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah... I got it. Come on.”

  I did as I was told, and he kept up his end of the bargain. In less than a few seconds, he was draggin’ me up on the roof as if I weighed nothin’.

  “Huh, you are strong. Who woulda thought?” I peered around. “Wow. It’s beautiful up here.”

  “I’ve been coming up here since I could walk.”

  “I always knew you were adopted from the zoo.”

  “I used to come up here so much, my mom had to install a security lock so I couldn’t climb out here anymore.”

  “Maybe your real family is a pack of gorillas?” I nodded. “It makes sense.”

  “Sit down before I throw you off, Gremlin,” he ordered in a teasin’ tone.

  I nodded again, sittin’ right beside him.

  “So... whataya doin’ up here?”

  “Thinking.”

  “About?”

  He didn’t think twice about it, spewin’

  “How much I hate you.”

  Chapter 15

  <>Harley<>

  “Nothin’ new. What else?” I retorted, unfazed by his words.

  “Life.”

  “What about it?”

  “Did you come up here to be Chatty Kathy?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe you need someone to talk to.”

  “Someone? Or you?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Not right now.”

  “Jackson, I know we hate each other, but that don’t change the fact I’m a good listener. I don’t need to talk.”

  “What do you want me to say, Harley?”

  “I don’t know. You’re up here cryin’ by yourself, so you obviously got a lot to say.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me, archin’ an eyebrow. “The night you ran to my mom’s room, the voices you thought you heard, was me. I put a walkie talkie under the mattress.”

  My mouth dropped open and I punched him in the arm.

  “You hit like a girl.”

  I punched him again. “You dick! I haven’t been able to sleep in that room since.”

  “I didn’t want you to sleep here in the first place.”

  “Whatever. You were sleepin’ next to me when I woke up.”

  “That’s cuz you’re a bed hog. There was nowhere else to go.”

  “Then why were you in there, if you didn’t want me here?”

  Not answerin’ my question, his gaze shifted upward as he leaned back. Layin’ completely down on the roof. I didn’t wait long to join him.

  We stared up at the star-speckled sky, the moon shinin’ down on us, for I don’t know how long. I was surprised it wasn’t awkward between us like I thought it would be. Not that I was thinkin’ about bein’ alone with him or anythin’. The silence was comfortin’, probably cuz Jackson wasn’t openin’ his loud ass mouth and bein’ the bully he always was to me.

  It felt... natural.

  I lightly gasped when I felt his rough fingers press against mine, ever so slightly.

  “School was one of the most important things to her, and she’s not even going to see me graduate. Take me to college like all the other annoying parents dropping off their kids. Crying that their babies are all grown up. I can picture it in my head, her standing there, waving goodbye with tears in her eyes, but it won’t ever happen for me. She’s gone and she’s not coming back,” he paused, collectin’ his thoughts. “Journey won’t remember her at all. Not her smell, not her touch, not the sound of her laughter or voice. She won’t even know her smile.”

  “It always lit up a room,” I chimed in, tryin’ to ignore his calloused fingers startin’ to caress the back of my hand.

  What was happenin’?

  “I guess I should feel lucky I got the time I did with her, but I’m not. I’m fuckin’ pissed. I feel like I’ve been cheated. Like God’s playing some cruel joke on me for being so
bad. What’s that saying? Karma’s a bitch? It’s not fair. None of this is fuckin’ fair.”

  “You’re right. It’s not fuckin’ fair. No one deserves this. Not even you, Jackson.”

  His fingers entwined with mine, and before I knew it, he was holdin’ my hand. I swallowed hard, pretendin’ like his touch wasn’t affectin’ me.

  Why was he holdin’ my hand?

  “You didn’t have to go up there today and share that memory, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad you did. I’d forgotten about that night. Over the last five years, I feel like I’ve forgotten about a lot of things and it makes me think I’m losing my mind too.”

  My eyes widened. His words stunned me in ways I never expected. This was the most he’d ever spoken to me about anythin’ personal. A huge part of me wanted him to continue lettin’ me in. I laid there in awe, just waitin’ for him to say more.

  Why did I want him to let me in? I hated him.

  “I don’t want to lose my mind, Harley. I don’t want to be like her,” he whispered, so low I could barely hear him. “She’s my mother, the woman who gave me life, and I want to be nothing like her. Do you have any idea how hard that is?”

  “You can take the test—”

  He squeezed my hand. “Don’t.”

  Turnin’ my head, I peered at the side of his face. Changin’ the subject, I asked him, “Jackson, why are ya holdin’ my hand?”

  Our eyes locked when he turned his head, grinnin’, “You’re holding my hand.”

  “You held mine first.”

  “I like takin’ your firsts, Harley.”

  “Why?”

  “Why not?”

  My eyebrows lowered, starin’ at him intensely. “Do you like me?”

  “Do you want me to like you?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “Are you messin’ with me right now?”

  “Does it feel like I am?”

  “You ain’t answerin’ any of my questions.”

  “You aren’t answering any of mine.”

  Why are boys so weird?

  “What’s that?”

  “What’s what?”

  “That.” He nodded to the pin on my dress.

  “Oh. Umm... your mom gave it to me.”

  He hastily sat up, lettin’ go of my hand in the process, and I instantly felt the loss of his warmth.

  I jerked back when his hands went for my chest. “What are you doin’?”

  “Relax, Gremlin. I’m not trying to touch your boobies. You don’t have any.”

  “I hate y—”

  He was goin’ for the pin, fumblin’ around. He unlocked it and took it off me.

  “Hey! That’s mine!”

  “No, actually it’s mine.”

  “Nuh uh, your mom gave it to me.”

  “It wasn’t hers to give.”

  “Jackson, it’s a Harley with a sunflower on it. I’m the Harley, and she’s the sunflower.”

  “No, the Harley signifies adventure with the sunflower being my mom. Meaning my mom would be along for the ride with me. She gave this to me years ago.”

  “Well, she gave it to me last year.”

  “What else has she given you?”

  I frowned at his question, but immediately tried to hide it.

  “What was that?”

  “What?” I reached for the pin, ignornin’ his question to the sudden change in my expression. He lifted his arm up higher and away from me. “Give it back.”

  “Not a chance.”

  “It’s mine!”

  “Not anymore.”

  “Jacks—”

  “What else has my mom given you?”

  “Ugh! Fine! I’ll just take it!” With that, I tackled him, but it only lasted for a second. He effortlessly flipped us, and my back hit the shingles with a hard thud.

  Ouch.

  Now, he was layin’ on top of me.

  Holdin’ me completely captive.

  <>Jackson<>

  Why wouldn’t she answer my question? What was she hiding?

  I’ve always been impulsive.

  Never thinking about the consequences to my actions.

  I went with what I was feeling, always.

  Going straight to what would drive her wild, I tickled her ribs. She thrashed around, screaming and laughing all at the same time.

  “Shhh...” I ordered. “Hush up, or people are going to hear you.”

  “Then stop torturin’ me!”

  “I said, shhh...”

  I sat on her thighs and gripped her wrists, placing them above her head. She whipped around a few more times to no avail before finally giving up, laughing too hard to fight.

  I laughed too.

  The sound was contagious.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed, and that thought alone made me think I was losing my mind all over again.

  We both found our bearings, and it was then I realized our current position. By the look in her eyes, she did too.

  I peered down at her while she was gazing up at me with a look I couldn’t quite read. I knew everything about Harley, from what pissed her off, to what made her happy. I didn’t recognize the emotion behind her eyes, and it was the first time I witnessed her guard toward me wholeheartedly crumbling down.

  Like an avalanche, fast and furious.

  My hand slid toward her cheek, brushing her hair away so I could see her face.

  I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. What was going on with me, but in that moment, in that second, I wanted to steal her happiness away. I wanted it to be mine.

  It was just another thing that belonged to me.

  All of her. Mine.

  Allowing my sudden urges to take control, overpowering all rationality, my fingers started caressing the side of her face. I had no idea what message this was sending, other than she was mine to play with.

  I couldn’t help myself.

  I grabbed the back of her neck, bringing her up to me. Her bright blue eyes were wide as saucers as my lips touched hers. They were just as I remembered, and for that reason alone, it made me feel beyond thankful I memorized the feel of her mouth against mine.

  I wasn’t losing my mind, at least not when it came to her.

  This kiss was much different than our last.

  I wanted to feel her lips in a much different way than I had when we were younger. Slowly, I opened my mouth as she sucked in a breath, caught off guard as much as I was from me taking it this far.

  Her lips were so soft, and it was the craziest sensation I’d ever felt. I hadn’t kissed anyone else since her. The rumors at school were only that—rumors. With everything that was going on in my life, girls were the last thing on my mind.

  She was so tense beneath me that I found myself murmuring, “Relax, baby girl, and open your mouth for me.”

  She hesitated with a confused expression on her face.

  “Please, Harley...”

  Acknowledging the desperation in my voice, her lips parted in the same rhythm as mine. It was the most overwhelming feeling I’d ever experienced. When my tongue slid into her mouth, I tasted chocolate cake and vanilla coke.

  If I thought I’d hated her before, well this just added a whole new element and spin on it.

  In those minutes, I didn’t care because...

  She was making me feel something other than the sadness that had consumed my whole life these last few years.

  I didn’t know it then, but this was when I began to rely on her for more than just pranks and fights. This was when things took an unexpected turn for the future.

  This was when...

  She went from the girl I hated the most, to the one I needed more than anything in this world.

  I sought out her tongue again, tangling it with mine.

  This kiss was slow and sloppy.

  Hot and cold.

  Familiar yet unknown.

  Both my hands found the sides of her face, and I kissed her ha
rder, deeper. Enjoying every second of it before I pecked her puffy lips one last time.

  Leaning my forehead against hers, inches away from her mouth, I opened my eyes to find hers already open. Like she never closed them to begin with. They were dark and dilated, luring me into her heated gaze.

  Neither one of us said anything, not a word, but I was the first to break the silence.

  Throwing her words back in her face, I rasped, “Still want to bite off my tongue, Harley?”

  She didn’t respond, which was very unlike her.

  “I didn’t steal anything this time, you gave it to me. This pin though.” I showed it to her. “This, I’m taking back.”

  Still, she said nothing.

  I should have known better.

  I should have seen it coming.

  Nope.

  Her leg flew up and kneed me in the balls so hard, I toppled over while she shoved me off her.

  “That’s fucking cheating, Harley!”

  “I didn’t give you anythin’! Real kiss stealer!”

  “Who were you gonna kiss anyway? I just did you a favor.”

  “I told you not to mess with me. See what happens when you don’t listen.”

  “Gremlin, I can’t even see straight right now,” I groaned, rolling onto my back.

  “Good, then maybe you’ll leave me alone. Serves you right for not only stealin’ my first kiss, but my real first kiss too. You’re a thief. It didn’t belong to you!”

  “Don’t act like you didn’t want it.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, Rudolph.”

  “I’m just speaking the truth.”

  She snatched the pin out of my hand. “This is mine. Not yours. Mine!”

  “You better run and hide, Harley Jameson. ‘Cuz the second I can stand, I’m coming for you.”

  “Good, I’ll be waitin’. Oh, you know what?” She tried to kick me again, but I blocked her. Taking her down to the shingles with me.

  “Didn’t see that coming, did you?”

  She shook off the haze, spewing, “I hate you, Jackson Pierce.”

  I didn’t waver in replying, “Not as much as I hate you.”

  Meaning every last word...

  Or so, I thought.

  Chapter 16

  <>Jackson<>

  Then: Almost thirteen years old

  Twenty-six weeks.

  A hundred and eighty-two days.

  Four thousand, three hundred and eighty hours.