by M. Robinson
Truth was, I had no clue.
The older we became, the more our relationship evolved into something more intense, something unexpected. We both played games, pranks, and fought.
It was our dynamic.
Our understandin’.
Our hate.
It was simple.
Until... it wasn’t.
“Jackson?” I knocked on his door.
Silence.
“I’m comin’ in.”
Nothin’.
Openin’ the door, I was careful not to startle him in case he was in his own little world. A place I’d caught him lost in more times than I could remember. The unknown land that I knew tormented him.
The list was endless.
His mom.
His dad.
His mind.
This time, I didn’t have to wonder where he was. The window was open, allowing the night breeze to softly blow the sheer curtains aside.
In three steps, I was standin’ in front of the windowsill, ready for the battle that was Jackson Pierce. He wouldn’t like me bein’ here for him, probably thinkin’ I would hang it over his head later.
Use it as a weapon, instead of him realizin’ I was just tryin’ to be his friend.
I’d never personally experienced what he was goin’ through. There were things I wouldn’t be able to comprehend, emotions I couldn’t relate to, fears no one should have to live with.
But in the end, it didn’t matter.
I was here for him, nonetheless.
Takin’ off my heels, I stepped onto the threshold like he showed me before. Reachin’ for the branch to grab to pull myself up. Makin’ sure I held on really tight. The last thing I wanted was to plummet to my death, or even worse, rip my new dress.
As if readin’ my mind, Jackson hissed, “The fuck, Gremlin?”
“Well, why don’t you help me, so I don’t fall?”
“What other choice did you leave me, you brat?” He reached for my arm and I gripped onto his hand. In less than a second, I was standin’ in front of him, unprepared with what to say or do.
I didn’t really think about this part. I went with what felt right, hopin’ he would think it was too.
“What are you doing here?” he snapped in the same vicious attitude. Nothin’ new.
“I’m here for you.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, just as confused as I was with what I said.
“I didn’t ask you to come up here.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Jerking back at my response, he followed it up with, “I don’t want you here, Harley.”
I didn’t hesitate in replyin’, “Yes you do, Jackson.”
“The only thing I have to say to you, Gremlin, is you need to learn how to mind your own fuckin’ business. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m sick of this bullshit.”
“Why do you do that?” I muttered under my breath. “Why do you always push me away when you’re hurtin’?”
“Fuck you, Harley.”
“I ain’t leavin’. You can use me as your punchin’ bag, be mean to me, scream at me. I’ll take it all, but after you’re done takin’ your anger out on me, I’ll still be here, cuz I care about you.”
His eyes glazed over. It was quick, but I saw it.
“Are you okay, Jackson? Did your father hit you? Your cheek is all red.”
“How do you know he’s here?”
“He called Skyler, sayin’ he fucked up. Is that what he did? Is that why you’re up here hidin’?”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Alone then.”
“I’m not alone anymore. You’re here, being a pain in my ass.” He abruptly turned, sittin’ back down on the middle of the roof.
Followin’ his lead, I quickly sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry your dad hit you, but you know he didn’t mean it. He loves you. He’s just hurtin’ cuz of your mom.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Harley.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “We can just sit here and look at the sky.”
To say I was shocked when he stated, “I’d like that,” and leaned into my embrace would be an understatement.
We stayed there for I don’t know how long.
Waitin’ for I don’t know what.
<>Jackson<>
Fuckin’ Gremlin.
This day, this night... it went from one thing to another. I couldn’t keep up with it anymore. I never expected him to be here, let alone her.
Why was she here?
Why did it feel right?
Why was she dancing with Cash?
My head was pounding, a splitting headache wreaking so much havoc on my mind I could barely see straight. The sting on my cheek didn’t help the throbbing in my brain.
I could smell Harley’s strawberry hair, her vanilla-scented skin, and cherry lip shit.
She was a beacon of smells, only fuckin’ with my other head.
“Did you like dancing with Cash, baby girl?”
It was her turn to jerk back, stunned I went there. “What does he gotta do with anythin’?”
“Everything. He clearly wants to fuck you.”
She gasped, glaring at me. “Take that back!”
“Fuck no.”
“Why do you do this?”
“Do what exactly? Tell you the truth. Like how ugly your dress is. I don’t know what surprises me more—the fact you think your body can actually fill it out, or your daddy letting you leave the house wearing it.”
“You’re just bein’ an asshole to get me to leave.”
“Is it working?”
“I saw you starin’ at me. I saw where your eyes went. You like my dress, you dick!”
“Staring at what? There’s nothing to look at. Try again once you grow some tits.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“What, baby girl? Want me to stick my tongue in there again?”
“Jackson... don’t do this.” She tried to hug me, but I couldn’t take the emotional turmoil anymore. I lost my shit on her. “I told you I didn’t want you here.”
“It’s too late for that! I’m here, and I wanna be.”
“Then what do I have to say to make you go away?”
“I left Cash to come here, didn’t I? For you.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“Will anythin’ ever be good enough for you?”
“Not when it comes to you.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Harley, if you want me to kiss you, touch you, all you gotta do is ask. Putting on a slutty dress won’t make me want you.”
“It’s not a slutty dress! Trust me, I would know. You must have me confused with one of your cheerleadin’ brainless groupies.”
“There’s no confusion, Gremlin. They all have tits and an ass.” I looked her up and down. “We both know you don’t have either.”
“You know what? Be alone. But know this, Rudolph... you did this. You pushed me away. You treated me like shit when I was just tryin’ to be here for you. You want to live by yourself? Never let anyone in? Why? Huh? Ever ask yourself that, tough guy?!”
“Harley, don’t.”
“Don’t what? Huh? Tell you the truth? You think I’m so stupid and naive, your perfect little play toy... you think I don’t know you’re scared, that you live life in fear of the unknown.”
“Harley, I’m warning you. Don’t fuck with me.”
She stood, hovering. “You think I don’t know you have nightmares?! That I don’t know you’re constantly thinkin’ about your mom... but it’s so much more than that. You push everyone away cuz you’re terrified of losin’ someone else who matters to you! Someone else who you care about... think about... fuckin’ might love!”
I jumped up, getting right in her face, and before I could say one word, she kneed me in the balls.
“Goddamn it, Harley!”
“I prefer if you don’t talk. It’s my turn and you’ll li
sten, and you’ll listen good, you asshole! You, Jackson Pierce, are the reason I hate you. Do you understand me? You fucked this up, not me.” With that, she turned and left.
Breathing through the pain, I took off after her. Catching up to her once she was in the kitchen, I grabbed her arm and spun her to face me.
“Let’s get one thing straight, Harley Jameson. I don’t need you to check on me. I don’t need you to tell me what I need. I had a mother for that, and she’s fuckin’ gone just like everyone I love will be. I don’t need anyone. I didn’t invite you here, you forced your way in.” I tugged her to my chest, whispering in her ear, “And if I needed a play toy, it wouldn’t be you.”
“Jackson Pierce!” she screamed, shoving me hard. “I can’t believe I wasted my time coming here for you! I hate you!”
“Good! Cuz I can’t fuckin’ stand you!”
“The fuck is goin’ on here?” Noah exclaimed, charging in through the garage door. “Can’t leave you two alone for a few minutes without you tearin’ into each other. Harley, why did you want to come with us in the first place?”
Her chest was rising and falling, her nostrils flaring.
Skyler walked in behind him, shifting her eyes from Harley to me, back to her again. A knowing expression taking over her entire face.
“Noah, it’s been an overwhelming night for us all.”
Harley didn’t miss a beat, answering his question, “I was wrong to come here. I don’t know what I was thinkin’. Can someone take me back to the party, please? Cash is waitin’ for me.”
I swallowed hard, feeling that sentence in the pit of my stomach. I wish I could say I learned my lesson that night, but I didn’t. Not in the least.
What happened next...
Proved that theory.
Chapter 26
<>Jackson<>
I didn’t sleep for shit that night, tossing and turning with no end in sight. My mind consumed with thoughts of my father.
Would he be coming back?
Would things change?
Would he be the man he once was for us?
Journey and Jagger needed him. And maybe, just maybe...
I still did too.
“Jackson!” Mary Poppins shouted through the door, knocking on it.
“Go away!”
“We need to talk!”
“No, we don’t!”
“Jackson, please! Just ope—”
Abruptly, I swung the door open. Mostly just to get her out of my face. “What?!”
She jumped back, not expecting me to be so abrasive. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. You don’t have to bite my head off.”
“I’m fine,” I calmly remarked.
I wasn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.
“You don’t look fine.”
“What do you want me to say? I’ll say whatever to make you go away,” I repeated the same thing I’d said to Harley the night before.
She snapped, “What the hell, man?! You’re worse than a moody teenage chick! You can’t be nice to me and then—”
“Nice to you?” I intervened, taken back. “When was I nice to you?”
“Last night, you defended me to your fath—”
“I did that for Journey, not for you.”
“Oh, come on, Jackson. Even you don’t believe that. Why can’t you just admit you like me? That maybe we could be friends, especially now that I liv—” She stopped herself.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that shit. What were you about to say?”
“Well...what had happened was... last night, I umm... drank a little too much... and uh... didn’t make wise choices,” she stumbled over her words, one right after the other.
What the hell was going on?
“What does that have to do with what you were about to say?”
I was over the games. I had enough of that with Harley.
“Speak, woman!”
She shrugged. “I kind of live here now.”
What the fuck?
“Not forever! It’s not like that. Just until I can figure it all out. Honestly, everything just kind of happened really fast and your dad is—”
“An asshole.”
“I was going to say protective and stubborn.” She nodded. “But your adjective works too.”
“My dad moved you in?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Maybe. You’re confusing me with your trickery, like your dad did this morning.”
“This morning? He spent the night with you?”
“What? No!”
“No?”
“Well, kind of, but not like that. You’re twisting it again.”
“I’m not twisting shit. I’m going off of what you’re saying.”
Between yesterday and today, I swear I was already losing my mind. She went on about what happened, and I tried to pay attention as best I could. Though she was just as confusing as Harley was.
“So, what you’re saying is you got shitfaced, hooked up—”
She interrupted me, going on and on about one thing or another. Until I finally questioned, “Are you okay?”
She was surprised I followed it up with that, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t as well.
“Yeah, for the most part. I didn’t want any of this to come about, and I feel horrible because it did. Your dad thinks I’m in danger if I stay in my apartment, and he might be right. At this point, I honestly don’t know.”
“So ‘Don’t Answer’ is that bad?”
She could see the remorse in my eyes.
Why was I feeling so much toward her?
“I mean, I didn’t think so until I realized how he’s always treated me. Jackson, it’s hard to explain. I didn’t grow up like you.”
I considered what she said for a few seconds, and before I knew what I was saying, I snidely remarked, “I’m sure my mom would love you living here.”
She sighed, stepping away, but I grabbed her arm stopping her.
“I didn’t mean that. I mean... I did mean that, just not in the asshole way I said it. My mom wouldn’t want you to be in danger either. Besides, you stay over most of the time anyway. She’d be happy you’re here. For Journey.”
She nodded, not knowing what to say.
“And for Jagger.”
“And for you?”
I grinned. “Don’t push it.”
It was the truth. After everything she’d done for us, if she was in danger, then she belonged here too.
“Don’t let it go to your head, Mary Poppins. I mostly just like your cooking.”
“I thought you accused me of trying to poison you?”
“That’s probably true.”
“Probably, huh? Did you probably help me last night because you kind of like me too?”
“I already told you, I did that for Journey.”
“Well, whatever the reason, thank you.”
“You’re not going to get all mushy and want to hug me, right?”
She laughed. “I don’t know, Jackson. Maybe we should hug it out. Maybe you’re a closet hugger and you just don’t know it yet.”
“Ask Harley. She’ll tell you what happened after she tried to hug me last night too.”
“Aww. I saw you guys on the roof. You were so cute, I think you lov—”
“Finish that sentence and watch how fast I slam the door in your face. She caught me at a moment of weakness, it’s not going to happen again.”
It wasn’t. It couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow it.
“Maybe it will.”
“I’m positive it won’t.”
“Why are you so mean to her?”
“Cuz I can’t stand her.”
“If that were true, you never would’ve let her comfort you in the first place.”
“I was thinking with the wrong head.”
“Ugh!” She stepped back. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”
&nb
sp; “Then you shouldn’t have asked.”
“I’m going to go now. Are we cool?”
“I’m not happy about you being the one who told me you’re living here now. But it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.”
“Jackson, give him a break. I’m sure he was going to tell you. I just beat him to it. He had to go to the hospital.”
“After the way he treated you last night, you’re still defending him?”
Why was it so easy for people to forgive him?
What was it about my father that had an effect on people?
“Journey keeps calling me ‘Ma’, and every time it comes out of her mouth it hurts my heart. I can’t imagine what it feels like for your dad to hear her say it.”
“What does he expect?” I nodded, feeling that statement in my conscience. “He’s never around. Journey is with you all the time. I could think of worse things she could say.”
“Especially with what comes out of your mouth.”
I chuckled. More truth.
“Your dad loves you, Jackson. I know that sounds really hard to believe right now, but it’s accurate. He wouldn’t have asked me to move in if he didn’t love you as much as he does.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Because it’s the first thing that flew out of his mouth this morning. What you guys would say to him if something happened to me. See, even he knows you like me.”
“You’re reaching, Camila.”
“You called me Camila, not Mary Poppins. Hashtag progress.”
I shook my head. “You really need to stop watching Mean Girls.”
“I’m not a regular nanny.” She smirked, winking. “I’m a cool nanny.”
Rolling my eyes, I hid back a smile. Enjoying the fact, we were establishing some sort of middle ground.
“Better watch out, cool nanny, who knows what I’m going to do to you now that you live here.”
She stopped smirking. “Wait, what?”
I deviously grinned before shutting and locking the door.
“Jackson!” She banged on it. “This is BS! You can’t keep pranking me!”
No answer, I pretended as if I couldn’t hear her. Already planning in my head what was in store for her. It was a nice distraction from the bullshit all around me.
