by Brynn Hale
There’s so much more I would like to know, but there’s only one thing I want to know.
“What’s your real name?”
He’s standing so close I can feel his breaths on my face now. His eyes soften and mottle into swirling pools. “Do you have to know for us to happen?”
I step back. “Yeah, I think I do. I have to be able to trust you, Crow and part of that is knowing you. The real you. I can tell that this,” I wave a hand in front of him. “This isn’t the real you. This is someone you believe you need to be.”
“Lennox Wright.” His fingers tickle the tips of mine. “Lennox. My twin brother was Landon. He died almost five years ago now. He was part of a secret military group, but something went wrong on a mission in Bolivia and he didn’t come back. I tried to get his remains, but they say they’re lost. It kills me to know that he didn’t get a proper send off. He would have gone to the ends of the earth to know that I was safely put to rest. I failed him. I failed a lot in my life and when he was gone, I…I assumed his identity here at the club.”
I step back from him. “You pretended to be him? Why?”
His gaze fixates on something behind me, like he has to be distant. “My brother was the good one in the family. He did things right. He was an example of what a man should be. I made it hard on myself, I know I did. I…I fucked up a lot. I did everything I could to be the opposite of him because in my mind I couldn’t live up to his example so why even try.”
“Crow…” I step in front of him. “Hey, no one is perfect. Hell, I have two examples right here inside of me. Is this how I imagined I’d become a mom?” I try to get his gaze, but he’s fighting me. “No, but it’s happened. I just have to move forward. Have you moved forward, Lennox?”
His head comes up when I say his name. “Say it again…”
I shiver. The change in him is crystal clear. His eyes are hopeful, open, glowing. I raise a hand and my fingertips slide down his face across that beard that I thought would be wirier, but it’s not as coarse as I thought. It’s not soft. It’s bushy and bristly in a softer way. Kind of like him.
“Lennox Wright, I think you’re pretty special.”
“Sasha…” He pauses, “I don’t know your last name.”
“Bensley. Sasha Jade Bensley.”
“Lennox Tate Wright.”
It’s like he’s reclaiming himself in front of me.
“It’s nice to meet you, Lennox Tate Wright.”
“Sasha, my star, come back to my room. I want to show you how nice it is to meet you.” He chest rolls and he rests his forehead to mine.
“I think I’d like that, Lennox.”
“I want to be clear. When it’s just you and me, you can use my real name, but in front of the club you have to call me Crow.”
“Got it. But when it’s only you and me, you only get to call me ‘my star’ cause damn that makes my pussy quake.”
He stands up straight and in two seconds, my hand is in his and he’s pulling me along behind him. We cross a big room that a few people are hanging out in and one of them raises a two-finger wave to Crow and he does the same.
He stops at a door that has the number thirteen on it.
I giggle. “A tribute to your past?”
“Exactly. But maybe I’ll have to pick a new number now, something a little less…wrong? But maybe it can be a memory of when I felt criminal, but right now I don’t feel that. I feel really fucking right, Sasha.”
“I know what you mean.” I look across the hall. They’re not in numerical order. “Wow, how do you know where everyone’s staying?”
“We just do. We’re family, so we know. Blade’s number is thirty-three. Slater is one. Vice is eighty-eight. It’s a way for us to be individuals. We know that we’re not really a number and too many of us have been a number before.”
I still. “Prison?”
“County jail. Small shit when I was young. Stupid shit.” He opens his door and I walk into a sparse room, but the bed has a silky comforter on it.
He moves closer and then stills. “I…gotta go get something.”
And he’s out the door.
8
Crow
Fuck. I don’t have any condoms. I still outside of the door. Technically, she is already pregnant, and I’ve never had sex, and I tested clean—still did the test because everyone who supposedly uses the club Angels is supposed to—even though I’ve never used them. I just tested for shits and giggles.
The only people in the club who know my status are Slater and his wife, Della, my niece. Della thought I was her dad. That was hard telling the truth, but I couldn’t let her believe the lie. And telling Sasha everything has made me feel…
Clean. Clear. Like I’m me.
I knock on Blade’s door.
“What the fuck?!” I hear on the other side.
It slides open a crack and he only has one eye open and the other clamped closed.
“Hey, Crow. Sasha okay?”
I lower my voice. “Yeah, hey, could I…um…maybe…borrow a couple or one or…fuck.” I’m thirty-seven years old. I should be able to say that word.
He chuckles. “Hold on.”
And in ten seconds a box with that infamous name appears extended.
“Thanks.”
“Oh, wait.”
I stand still. What else could I need?
A small box is shoved at me.
“Pregnant women often experience vaginal dryness,” the good doctor warns me with that smile that I want to punch his face. But I won’t. He’s here for me, and he’ll be there for Sasha.
“Do you have any questions, Crow?” his voice snaps me from staring at what’s in my hands.
“Um…no, I don’t think…okay, wait, is this safe?”
“Completely. Just go slow and if she says it’s uncomfortable, then stop. Plenty of women have sex up until birth.”
“I don’t want to hurt her or the—”
Blade steps into the hallway in his boxers. “Stop. Take a deep breath.” His hand grabs my shoulder and the moment’s a little too real for me as he’s in his boxers.
“Dude…”
“It’s human to want contact and to need and desire someone to spend time with. Just do what feels good.”
“You know, don’t you?”
His hand slips from my shoulder. “Slater was worried that maybe you were gay and didn’t want to come out to us so he wanted me to approach the subject with you. But then I saw you flirting with someone at the Hard Brake and I figured you were just waiting for the right person. It’s not unusual for men to be—”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. I guess I should ask. You can achieve and maintain an erec—”
I backed away. “And I’m gonna go.”
“If you need medical advice, you know where to come, but now just get in there and…come.” He chuckles and I flip him off.
“Good luck, Crow.”
“Thanks, Blade.”
“Anytime.”
I stand at the door. I’ve been gone a long time. Maybe she’s not in there anymore. I turn the knob and she’s under the covers, her eyes closed.
Of course, she’s tired. This can wait.
She’s found one of my T-shirts and slipped it on and her dress is folded over the back of a chair in the corner. I haven’t added much furniture, but there is room for a small loveseat and coffee table along with my queen bed and a nightstand. I open the drawer slowly and put the items inside.
I’d been a Boy Scout style prepared for so many years and then I think I just gave up. I slip off my boots and socks, jeans and T-shirt and then I pause, do I get into the bed in only my boxer briefs or should I grab some workout shorts.
“How you normally sleep is fine with me, Crow…” her soft voice runs a slither of something between pure happiness and expectation up my spine.
“You’re sure? Cause I sleep in the buff most nights.”
“If you’re okay with me
not having panties on, I’m fine with you being naked.”
My cock jumps as I slide down my jeans down, then strip my boxer briefs away. And there I am, a sliver of moonlight comes through my window and she can see me. All of me. I don’t hide what the thought of being with her does to me. My cock stands at half-mast well on his way to full. I reach down and stroke him.
She stretches in the bed and the blanket falls down. Her voluptuous body is skimmed by my Warrant T-shirt and the vision holds my gaze.
I move to the bed and slip under the covers. I don’t want to lie to anyone anymore. As I look into those dark smoky eyes, I realize I need to be honest with her. I don’t know if she’d be able to tell my status, but I don’t want it to turn her off. It’s a chance I have to be willing to take.
“Sasha…” I whisper.
“Yes, baby.”
God, when she calls me that my body is a volcano, ready to explode.
“I’m a virgin.”
The only sound is her soft breaths.
She giggles. “Okay, I see, you like to pretend.” Her voice changes to all sultry. “And I’m a virgin, too.” She moves closer.
I hold her at her hip. “No, I’m not playing. I’ve never had sex with anyone. Never.”
She leans back a little. “Wow…you’re a unicrow.”
“What?”
“Well, a man after about thirty who hasn’t sex is called a ‘unicorn’. But since your name is ‘Crow’…you’re a unicrow.”
I bounce with a chuckle. “Unicrow. I’m also pretty nervous.”
She moves closer, her shapely body pressing to mine and I suck in a deep breath. I will give her the best experience of both of our lives.
“Baby, it’s okay. I’m here. I hope you don’t care that I’ve had—”
“No, it’s actually probably for the best, you’ll be able to tell me how to get you there.”
“Oh, you’ll get me there. My pussy is pounding between my legs right now. I swear if you touch me, I’ll come in seconds.”
I slip a hand under the blanket and across her bare thigh, fleshy and soft. I slide through that nice bushy patch to the top of her pussy.
“Tell me what you like, my star.”
She reaches under the cover and guides my hand. She takes my middle finger and slides it through the soft, wetness and deep into her body.
“Oh fuck…” I mumble. I’m sure I sound like a teenager, but I don’t fucking care. It’s amazing.
“That’s right, now do this.” She helps me to rub that hard nub at the top of the opening. “Oh, God, Lennox…”
I grunt as my cock trickles pre-cum down the side. “I wanna see you come, Sasha. I want to know you’re mine. I want you so bad.”
“I want you…too.” She breaths out and I press just a little harder on her clit and after a sharp gasp her softness clamps around my finger and the pulsing is fucking incredible.
She slowly comes down and I cover her mouth with mine, claiming her quickly. Her tongue rolls with mine. I have kissed a woman—college, a few, not many. But this is more amazing than I anything I remember.
She reaches between us and her warm fist wraps my cock and she strokes me. I let the sensations roll through me. It’s like being covered in the silkiest blanket and every nerve ending feels on fire.
“Lennox, I need you.”
I reach back and she grabs my face.
“I’m clean. I’m going to assume you are. Let’s make this special. Not like I can get pregnant again.”
I’m not going to argue. “Um, the good doctor thinks that you might need some…” I hold it up.
She strokes me again and I watch her other hand go under the covers. Her eyes soften and damn, she’s touching herself. Sexiest fucking moment of my life.
“I’m so wet for you…”
“How you want to do this?”
She rolls to her side. “Like this…” Leading me by my cock, she guides me to where she wants me to be.
I kiss the back of her neck. I’d rather be face to face, but I know what she’s giving me right now and I’ll wait for more.
“Slowly, with that beautiful cock, honey. You might not know it, but you’ve got a missile down there.”
The tip of my cock settles at her entrance, she pulls her leg up to her chest, opening up for me.
“Yes…” she moans out. “Give it to me. I want you to fill me up.”
I press forward and I slide inside of her glorious body. I stop when I’m about halfway in. “You okay?”
“Fuck…don’t stop. Don’t, please.”
Grabbing her hip, I slide in the rest of the way. My body takes over and soon I’m gliding into that soft, wet pussy like a pro.
There’s no fear. It’s too perfect. It’s something I never thought I deserved. But Sasha is what I deserve, and I want to be everything she deserves, too.
“Faster, honey. Please.”
I’m barely holding on, but I will for her. I rumble deep and my lips grind into her neck. I reach around her and rub that pretty, sensitive little clit. Her walls tremble inside and I pray she’s close.
“My star, I need you to shoot into the stars for me. Come with me, baby. Come with me, Sasha.”
“Harder.”
I thrust with everything I have. She twists her head back so that our lips can meet, and I make love to her. I make love with everything in my heart for this woman.
“Oh, God. Yes. Yes. Now, honey…” Her body trembles beside me.
I feel the burn in my gut and my nuts pull into my body. I thrust through the first few bursts and then I settle deep and just enjoy the pulsating from her body around my drained cock.
Soon she breaths out a long, soft breath. “How was that?”
“Holy fuck. My star, you sent me to the moon and back, but it’s good to be back on earth, with you.”
“Seriously, that was amazing, Lennox.”
It really was.
9
Sasha
“No, stop!” I see the monster and I try to swat at him. “Get out! Get out of here!” I swing again, but I miss. I miss every time. I never get the monster.
He always gets me.
But then, as mysteriously as he appeared, he’s gone.
But he’s never really gone.
“Sasha! Sasha, baby, wake up. Hey…”
I scramble away from the voice, caught between my dream and reality. I stand and find a corner. Corners make me feel safe and protected. My chest rolls with breaths that don’t seem to add any oxygen to my body. The room is spinning. My head is light.
The darkness…the darkness…
Crow
I run to Blade’s room and pound on the door. Before he gets there, two others open their doors. I ignore their inquiries. I need the doctor.
He opens. “Wow, need more con—”
“It’s Sasha. She fainted.”
A pair of joggers enter from the side, Anna’s petite hand shoving them in Blade’s chest.
He’s pulling them and running down the hallway before I can understand what’s happening.
I follow, but it feels like my feet are concrete. What if I hurt her? Or the babies? What if I fucked up again?
I round the corner and Slater and Blade are helping her back onto the bed. She lays down and Blade elevates her legs.
“What happened?” he asks and I try to think back.
I shake my head and run a hand over my head. “We were sleeping and then she started screaming. I tried to wake her, but she kept screaming, ‘Get out!’. I didn’t know if she meant me or what. I think she was asleep but she was breathing really fast.”
“Sasha?”
She blinks fast. “What’s going on?”
“You fainted.”
“Not again!”
Blade’s eyes widen a little and Anna hands over his bag of medical tricks and treats.
Slater’s hand lands on my shoulder. “You okay?” he asks.
“No. Not at all.”
; “Welcome to the club.”
Blade examines her. “Sasha, how often does this happen?”
“The night terrors or the fainting?”
“Both.”
She moves to sit up and I assist her. Her eyes clamp closed. “The night terrors have been happening since I was discharged from the military a year ago. I thought I had a handle on them.”
“Have you seen anyone to do psychotherapy?”
She shakes her head. “No. I kinda thought they would go way on their own when I got settled and then I got pregnant and I think they came back when I started being anxious about that.”
“Makes sense. And the fainting.”
“That’s new. I did it on the bus after Gene woke me up when I was having a bad terror, and that’s when I punched him.” Her face turns to me and she reaches out. “Did I hit you?”
“No, I’m fine. I just want to know you’re going to be fine.”
She closes her eyes. “I thought it would all stop. I thought I was okay.”
“Blade…” I turn to him. “Should she go to the hospital?”
He shoves his stethoscope back in the bag. “I don’t think so. She seems healthy. I’ll get a rush on that blood I drew earlier and see if it tells me anything, and then I’ll let you know.”
Slater waves everyone back to their rooms.
Blade stops in the doorway and turns back. “I’d like to get you set up with a psychiatrist friend of mine. Would you be willing to go?”
She bites her lip and pulls the covers up over her chest. “I…I don’t know.”
I follow Blade into the hallway. Keeping my voice low, I say, “What can I do to protect her and help her?”
“For now, just be patient. She’s gotta want to get help, just like Charlotte.”
His sister had a mental illness and I’d watched him agonize while she slept on the streets of Kildare. She felt safer out in the open, even if she wasn’t truly safer. She’d gotten treatment in Vegas and now she was doing better. Her episodes were shorter and she found solace in helping in the TSS.
“Do you think Charlotte might talk to her?” I ask.
