The Cowboy's Secret

by Riley Knight

  Logan was gorgeous and had a similar sense of humor to Kyle. He had a sexy voice and strong hands and rugged good looks. And more than that, Logan didn’t seem to mind Kyle’s attitude, didn’t seem to find him irritating, which was more than many people could say.

  He should have been perfect. If Kyle let himself admit it, he was far more interested in men than women. He came face to face with that, and while he had always shied away before, he had to admit now that the reason that he didn’t want to be with Logan wasn’t that he was a man.

  It was because he wanted someone else.

  “Kyle.” Came a familiar voice, as though summoned by Kyle’s thoughts. He turned around, just in time to be gripped by the back of the head, pressed against the wall, and held there as he was kissed.

  It wasn’t a nice kiss. It wasn’t gentle or soft or affectionate. It was all heat and passion and forceful desire. Kyle gasped into it, lips parting, and Malcolm’s tongue plunged deep like he had every right to be kissing him.

  And the thing was, as far as Kyle was concerned, Malcolm did because Malcolm was the reason that Kyle couldn’t even give Logan a chance. He was the reason that Kyle had refused even to try, because as long as he had Malcolm burning through his system and etched on his heart and brain and soul, he wasn’t going to be able to consider anyone else, no matter how great they were.

  As they kissed, Kyle suddenly fell back, and he realized that he hadn’t been pinned against a wall but a door. He stumbled back, saw Malcolm’s hand withdrawing from the door handle, and then they were kissing again as Malcolm pushed the door shut.

  There was something frantic about the way that Malcolm was kissing him. It took Kyle a second to get it, but really, it made sense. This was some sort of desperate attempt for Malcolm to deal with his fear and worry about his father. Like Malcolm was picking life over death.

  That was the main reason why Kyle didn’t say anything—why he didn’t ask any questions. If he could help, he wanted to. If he could offer Malcolm any sort of comfort, he would happily do it.

  Because I love him.

  The thought hit him out of nowhere, and he was astonished by it. He had never been in love before, had never even come close to thinking that he could be. It just wasn’t his style. He’d always thought that his career would be his spouse because he had never found anyone that sparked his interest enough to pull him away.

  Not until now. And he did love Malcolm. Just what that meant, he wasn’t sure, but he was becoming more and more positive that he wasn’t going to be able to do his job right. He should have already been much further along than he was, he should have made himself much more annoying. But he had been derailed almost from the beginning.

  Was it time to stop even pretending that he could do this? He wasn’t sure, but he could think about it when things were more calm, when Malcolm was comforted as much as Kyle could manage.

  They kissed over and over again, and Kyle didn’t know how far Malcolm wanted to go, but whatever it was, he was in. He would sort the rest out later, and he reached around and gripped Malcolm’s ass, hauling him in against himself and kissing him back as fiercely as he could.

  Malcolm was like a man possessed. The experiences that they’d had together before were nothing compared to Malcolm in the grips of something intense, something primal, and elemental. He pushed his hands into Kyle’s clothes, pulling his borrowed t-shirt off, dropping it carelessly on the floor before going for the belt holding his jeans up.

  Kyle had been with men before. He had been caught up in desire, had even dragged another man into filthy bar restrooms. But he had never felt anything like this before, the pure heat of it burning him with every touch, every kiss. He had never known that anything could feel this good. It was a little bit terrifying in its very intensity.

  He had always been so good at keeping control over himself, most of the time. Now, with just a few kisses, the whisper of fingers over his body as it was bared, he had no control over anything at all.

  They were in a hospital room, luckily a vacant one, but that could change at any time. This was intensely risky, and yet Kyle couldn’t make himself even start to try to resist. His hands were in Malcolm’s clothing, too, caressing over hot, smooth, silky skin, so soft, so different than the weathered skin on Malcolm’s hands.

  Their clothing fell onto the floor in a tangled mess that would have normally irritated Kyle to no end, but at the moment, he couldn’t have cared less. He slid his fingers over Malcolm’s strong body, fingertips toying with his nipples, pushing him back toward the hospital bed.

  There was something so deeply compelling about the way that Malcolm surrendered to Kyle. He was so much bigger than Kyle, and so strong, with a body sculpted through hard work. He could have easily stopped what Kyle was doing as Kyle pressed him toward the bed, could have taken control himself, but instead, he surrendered that control to Kyle.

  It was utterly bewitching.

  Together, they fell down onto the bed, pawing off each other’s underwear until they were completely naked. Kyle slid his hand down, palming Malcolm’s cock, stroking over it, utterly thrilled when he felt the slickness of precome against his fingers as he rubbed. Malcolm kept making these completely desperate little noises, flat out the hottest thing that Kyle had ever heard.

  He shifted down, pressing Malcolm onto his back and intending to slip down and wrap his lips around the other man, but to his surprise, Malcolm gripped him by the shoulders and raised him back up before he could do more than get close. Malcolm was flushed, his eyes sparkling, the most utterly gorgeous sight that Kyle had ever seen.

  “No. Not now,” Malcolm murmured, his voice deep and hoarse and quiet. “I don’t know how long we have, baby, and I don’t want to be interrupted, but I need something more.”

  Baby.

  Malcolm had just called him baby.

  It was probably just a meaningless term of endearment, but he couldn’t get it out of his head. It made him tingle all over, and not just in his incredibly aroused body, but in the very depths of himself. Call it his heart, which hadn’t been touched like this in so long. Maybe even ever.

  “What do you want?” Kyle had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat, brought up by the unexpected tenderness that this incredible man was showing him. But he got the words out, saw the smile which rose on Malcolm’s face and made his heart hammer harder than ever in his chest.

  “I want you,” Malcolm admitted, though Kyle had the idea that it was hard for him to say, like he hadn’t ever confessed that to another man before. Maybe he was just projecting, because of his own issues, but he didn’t think so. On this issue, at least, they were on the same page, Kyle was pretty sure of that.

  So it meant a lot that Malcolm would say those three words. Too much, for Kyle’s poor, sheltered heart.

  “But I’ve never done this before,” Malcolm went on, and Kyle stared at him, his eyes wide. Malcolm was a virgin, that was what he was saying. Kyle had gotten the impression that Malcolm was more experienced than that, he certainly knew how to kiss, how to touch a man.

  And Malcolm was saying that he wanted Kyle to be his first. God, how had they gotten into a mess like this? What was this obsession they had with flinging themselves headlong into something that just didn’t make any sense?

  “I have,” Kyle admitted, and the truth was, he had never told anyone that before. It wasn’t something that he had been proud of, he had always been deeply ashamed of it, but it was true. “Are you sure that you want this, babe?”

  He held his breath, waiting for the answer, because even now he thought there was a good chance that the handsome man was going to back out. And maybe he even should, but somehow, Kyle couldn’t help but hope.

  TWELVE

  How long had he fought this? For how many years? Or was it something that would be better measured in decades? With only occasional lapses, he had told himself for that entire time that he wasn’t interested in men, that he wasn’t gay. And he ha
d certainly never even come close to allowing himself to consider that he might want what he wanted from Kyle.

  But he did. He wanted it so much it hurt, that his body throbbed and ached around the emptiness inside of himself. Maybe part of it was the fact that Logan had been so open with him about wanting Kyle. In fact, that was almost certainly a big part of it.

  So, was he sure that he wanted this? Yes, he was. He was more sure of that than he had ever been of anything. But the thought of Logan sat poorly with him suddenly. He had forgotten, in the heat of the moment, about Logan asking Kyle out, but one thing that Malcolm had never been was the sort of person who would go after his best friend’s love interest.

  “Are you really dating Logan?” he asked, knowing that, if Kyle was, Malcolm was going to have to stop this before it started. He wouldn’t like it, but Logan had been his friend for years and he wasn’t going to risk that for this man, no matter how gorgeous he was or how much Malcolm’s body yearned for him.

  “No,” Kyle replied, and there was no trace of any lie in his eyes. Malcolm’s hands tightened on Kyle’s shoulders, then slid down his arms and over the shape of his waist, gripping him and holding him close as the rush of relief flowed through him. “He asked me out, and I didn’t know that’s what he was doing, but it’s all cleared up now.”

  Honestly, Malcolm didn’t hear much of the explanation past the initial denial. All that mattered to him was that Kyle was single, that Malcolm wouldn’t be betraying anyone by giving himself to him. Of course, it still couldn’t work between them, but Malcolm needed to feel this at least once in his life. It even occurred to him that someone who was only a temporary fixture in his life was perhaps the best person to pick.

  “Then I’m sure,” he whispered, sealing his own fate. “I have a condom in my wallet.”

  Kyle nodded and went to grab it while Malcolm had to admit that he was pretty proud of himself for carrying one. He sat up and watched as Kyle opened the condom, deeply aroused by the sight of the gorgeous, man unrolling it over his cock, sheathing himself completely.

  “This is so insane,” Malcolm admitted, and Kyle flashed him a little bit of a smirk and a nod of agreement. And it was. The two of them made absolutely no sense at all, they were probably the last two people in the world who should be sleeping together, and yet that was all Malcolm wanted. All he had wanted, to be honest, from the first moment that he had laid eyes on the beautiful lawyer.

  They kissed again, and Kyle’s strong, sure hand wrapped around Malcolm’s cock, stroking from base to tip as he settled once more on top of Malcolm. Their tongues tangled, breath mingling, and where was all of the nervousness that Malcolm would have expected to feel? Where was his uncertainty, his fear?

  He had never been surer of anything in his life. And it did have something to do with his father who was sick in this very hospital. It did have something to do with the fact that he was going to have to call his brothers and bring them into this situation, something that he didn’t want to do in the slightest. But mostly, far more than anything else, it had to do with Kyle, with how much he wanted him.

  How much Kyle, damn him, was coming to mean to him.

  After the kiss broke, Kyle pushed his own fingers into Malcolm’s mouth, fucking slowly between his lips. At first, Malcolm had no idea why he would do something like that, but then he got it, and he sucked on the sensitive fingertips, even scraping his teeth over them—getting them nice and slick because he suspected that Kyle had plans for those fingers.

  And he wasn’t wrong. Once Kyle had his fingers all wet, he pulled them out of Malcolm’s mouth and settled between Malcolm’s legs, spreading them wide open so that he was vulnerable for the other man. They pressed between the cheeks of his ass to his tight, previously untouched hole, and Malcolm had really had no way of knowing what that would feel like. How the sensation rolled through his entire body, centered on the incredible sensitive skin around the entrance to his body.

  He had been about to protest, to tell Kyle that he didn’t need to be gentle with him, that he was tough and could take whatever Kyle could give him. But when he felt that incredible sensation, the words slipped right out of his mind. Instead, he gasped, spread his legs wider than ever, and tried to relax, tried to let his body accept those slick fingertips inside himself.

  “Oh, fuck, baby, you’re so tight,” Kyle murmured, his dark eyes seeming to glow as he slowly worked just the tip of one finger inside of Malcolm. Malcolm rolled his hips, toying with the sensations, utterly fascinated by everything about this.

  “I can take it,” he insisted, terrified, suddenly, that Kyle might stop. That Malcolm would humiliate himself by actually asking for this, and Kyle would refuse to give it to him. “Kyle, don’t you dare stop. Inside of me, now.”

  It came out in a low growl which actually, damn the man, made Kyle chuckle softly, as though amused by Malcolm’s desperation. But he couldn’t make himself be too upset about that, not when Kyle did finally push one finger all the way inside of Malcolm, taking him all at once in a way that had never happened before.

  Actually, his experience with men was pretty limited, and they had all pretty much assumed that Malcolm would want to be in control, as big and strong as he was. Not Kyle, though. Just one more thing that made the son of a bitch far too perfect, while at the same time, the worst possible person for Malcolm to be around.

  Kyle knew what he was doing. Once his finger was buried deep inside of Malcolm’s hot, eager body, he had it crooked and pressing against a spot inside of Malcolm that was nothing short of magic. Malcolm cried out, had to be silenced by Kyle’s hot lips against his own as he panted and moaned and humped his hips up toward the most intriguing sensation that he had ever felt.

  At first, it felt like that one finger was too much, almost, that it filled him to the point that it almost hurt, though it stopped just short. But as it pounded and thrust inside of him, as it rubbed against his prostate, he found himself soon ready for more, opening up for that one finger until it didn’t feel like enough, not nearly enough.

  Just when he was about to demand more, Kyle gave it to him. Another finger slid deep, and Malcolm took it more easily this time, fucking himself so wildly on those two fingers that the hospital bed shook. There was no more shame, no more wondering what it meant that he loved this. No more worry about if he should be doing it or not because he felt like he could never get enough and nothing else mattered but trying.

  “Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, fuck, Kyle,” Malcolm chanted against Kyle’s lips, his cock oozing hot precome all over his stomach. To his surprise, he felt like he could maybe even come just from this, two fingers inside and stretching him until they didn’t anymore and he needed more.

  “You’re ready,” Kyle murmured, and he did something that Malcolm would never forget because it was nothing short of the most erotic, possessive, claiming thing that he had ever even imagined. Kyle gripped Malcolm’s legs behind the knees, folding them up out of the way, leaving Malcolm feeling completely open and vulnerable in a way that he never had before.

  This tiny man had him helpless, as ridiculous as that was even to contemplate. He had Malcolm pinned down, held still, and it was only then that Malcolm realized just how badly he had wanted someone to do this to him. Only it felt more like a need than it did like want.

  “Last chance for us to not do something really stupid,” Kyle murmured, but Malcolm could tell that the smaller man didn’t want that any more than Malcolm did. So he just gripped the other man, slipping his fingers through that soft, dark hair, messing it up as he pulled him close and forced a hard kiss on him.

  “Let’s do the stupid thing,” he murmured. Any second, they could be interrupted, and he was very aware of that suddenly. Very aware, too, that he was terrified if this didn’t happen now, that it never would. Whatever the consequences were, they would be worth it to have this.

  “Kiss me,” Kyle demanded, and Malcolm closed his eyes and did just that, clinging to Kyle’s slend
er body as he felt the nudge of the smaller man’s cock against the entrance to his body. Kyle had done his work well, Malcolm was stretched out enough by his fingers that it was the easiest thing in the world for that perfect dick to lodge in his hole.

  They kissed, more heat, more passion, between them, and Malcolm had no patience for how slow Kyle was going. Just as he was thinking that, just as he was thrusting his hips forward to take more of Kyle inside of himself, Kyle did thrust. And the way that they moved together had Kyle suddenly deep inside of Malcolm’s body, buried to the hilt, joined in a way that somehow felt more intimate than anything else that Malcolm had ever done with anyone.

  Once Kyle was inside, thankfully, there was no more holding back. They kept kissing, in order to muffle the noises, but they also made the bed shake and rattle. It was deeply risky, and Malcolm knew that, and yet that seemed to add to the whole thing, make it more vibrant and real.

  From the beginning, there was no pain. Malcolm had been stretched out too perfectly, Kyle had done his job so that all he felt was a deep, shuddering satisfaction at finally being filled. At having this thing that he must have wanted for years, even if he had never quite been willing to admit that to anyone, including himself.

  It wasn’t gentle. Sweating, moaning, tongues, and legs tangled together, it was forceful, almost rough, their joining. And yet there was something, some intimacy, and maybe it was just that it was Malcolm’s first time but he had never felt like anything he had done in bed or up against the side of the barn or in the back of a pickup truck was as perfect as this was.

  It would have been better if there hadn’t been that sense of flawlessness to it. Even then, as Malcolm thrust and moaned and struggled to get that cock deeper inside of himself, even as the thick head of Kyle’s cock rubbed right against his prostate, even as his hands slid down Kyle’s back to grip his ass in an attempt to get him even deeper, there was this sense of rightness to what they were doing. Like it was meant to be like it had always been meant to be.