The Tutor

by Kelsi Clayton

  “Is it done?” Cheol asked, coming up behind him and giving Kitae a friendly pat on the back.

  “I think so,” Kitae replied sheepishly. “But we should try it before we give it to Claire-nim, in case we messed it up.”

  “Let’s do that,” Cheol got a spoon from the drawer of silverware and dipped it in the pot to pull out a small steaming bite of the mixture. Blowing on it a few times, he took the bite and was happy to find that, while it was still too hot for him to eat it comfortably, the taste was good. He gave a smiling Kitae the thumbs up as he sucked air in and out of his mouth, trying to cool the bite off.

  They piled some of the rice porridge into a bowl and made another cup of the yuzu tea and put it on a tray to take to her in the room. It was just after two and he needed to give her the first dose of the medication. The instructions had been for all of them to take it twice a day, about 12 hours apart, over the next five days. The medicine was still where he had left it in the living room and he passed it out to all of the members there, giving them the instructions on how to take it before he took his and Claire’s with him to give to her and take himself as he got her to drink and eat something before going back to sleep.

  Cheol entered his room to find Claire seated at the end of the bed holding a tissue to the back of her hand.

  “What happened?” He asked, setting the tray down on the desk and kneeling down to look at her hand.

  “Nothing,” She sighed. “My IV stick just started bleeding again for a minute.”

  “Here, let me hold it,” He took her hand in his, pressing the tissue down gently. She didn’t fight him, but she gave him a look and sighed, avoiding looking into his eyes.

  “I mostly just need a cotton ball and a bandaid,” She said tensely.

  “I can get that, just give me a minute,” He agreed, hopping up and heading to the bathroom. She was angry with him and he wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do about that. It hadn’t happened before. He was pretty sure he knew why she was angry but he was sure he was right about her not being alone when she was this sick. He was also pretty sure that he would have to make it up to her somehow, he just had no idea how he was going to go about doing that. He headed back to the bedroom, items in hand to work on mending her hand.

  “Let me see,” He coaxed. She let him take her hand and remove the tissue. With it gone, the needle mark began to develop a small droplet of blood again, much to her annoyance. Cheol pressed the cotton ball against the back of her hand for a minute or two before letting it go and holding it on with the bandaid.

  Standing up, he popped the pill out of the package and gave it to her with his bottle of water so that she could take it before lying down again. She took it without a word and moved to lie down again, turning her back to the room without saying anything.

  “Ummm, 애인[49], you need to eat something and Kitae made you some rice porridge,” He broached softly, trying not to press too hard. She sighed and sat up, perhaps too fast, feeling dizzy and having to steady herself as she came into a fully seated position. He carefully placed the tray in her lap and sat on the bed facing her. She picked up the spoon and stirred the soupy looking porridge. It wasn’t that it didn’t look good, but the thought of food was entirely unappealing to her with her head swimming and her fever making the room feel too hot and too cold at the same time. Her stomach was already sloshing from drinking to take the pill and now he was going to want her to drink the tea as well. She knew she should as getting dehydrated again was going to make her feel worse but she didn’t want it...any of it. She lifted a spoonful of porridge into her mouth and swallowed it, past a light gag at the feel of food going down her throat. It was unappealing but with him watching, she felt obligated to try and take a few more bites of it before asking him to take it away for now. She managed four spoonfuls before she knew that it was going to be too much and put the spoon down. A few sips of the warm tea were almost nice, even with their sour flavor, but that too was quickly more than enough for her.

  “You can leave the tea but I can’t eat more or I am going to be sick,” She said, hands folded tightly in her lap. “You can tell Kitae that it is good and I will have some later.”

  “Alright,” Cheol set the tea on the floor beside the bed and took the rest of the tray off her lap and put it on the desk to get it out of the way. “Can I get you anything or is there something you want?”

  “No, just close the curtains and turn the lights out when you go,” She laid down and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and rolled onto her side facing the wall.

  “Okay,” He said simply, feeling a little hurt at her curtness. “Just let someone know if you need something. It doesn’t even have to be me.”

  He closed the curtains and picked up the tray, quietly leaving the room to give her some peace and hopefully some time to stop being angry with him. Leaving the tray and bowl on the counter, he moved into the living room to join most everyone else who was home as they were gathered there. He didn’t really take in anything that was being said as he sat down on the floor beside the coffee table. He felt like absolute crap with her angry at him and sick and there was nothing he could do about either thing right now. Conversation was happening around him but he didn’t hear it past the buzzing sort of headache he was getting behind his eyes. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands until he saw the swirling patterns of black and white as if it would wipe away the sensation, but it only left him with the headache and seeing black spots.

  Fuck, he thought to himself, I forgot to take my dose and I left it in the bedroom. Of course. He put his head back and clenched his jaw, frustration with himself and life in general rising up in him.

  “Bro, you okay?” Changho asked, putting a hand on Cheol’s arm to get his attention after having already asked once which he hadn’t noticed.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Cheol gave a humorless laugh. “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t…sound...fine…” Jaejin said slowly.

  “I’m...I’ll be fine,” He took a deep breath. “I need to borrow a dose of the meds from someone. I left my box in the bedroom and I don’t want to bother Claire again just to get it.”

  “Okay, sure,” Changho passed him the box he had on his lap so Cheol could take out a dose for himself. Passing it back when he had taken what he needed, he went to the kitchen to get water and take it before he forgot again.

  Maybe he deserved to get sick, he thought as he downed the pill. Why had it been her and not him? They had all been the same places, eaten the same things, done all the same activities. Not only that they had done them with her money because she had gone out of her way to make sure they would have a fun Christmas and she got the flu for it. God he felt like the absolute biggest heel. He knew why she was mad at him for trying to keep her there and maybe she was right, but the damage had been done and, at least it seemed, they had gotten away with minimal damage being done. Their manager had accepted the explanation for them having her over while she was sick and he wasn’t asking too many questions at the moment.

  Right, he needed to call him, but he needed to know what it was the FX had told him so he didn’t say something stupid and raise any new questions. He gripped the counter top and wished that things were simpler...or that he had made different choices...or literally anything that would mean he wasn’t stuck in the middle of nothing but bad choices. Suck it up and go fix this as best you can, he told himself. Step one is talking to FX, he decided, and headed back out to the living room where he was seated next to Changho and Kitae on the couch playing his handheld console.

  “I need to know exactly what you told the manager,” Cheol said, standing on the other side of the coffee table from FX.

  “Right, yeah of course,” FX paused his game and put it on the table. “Umm, I said she came over to meet with us this morning and started feeling really sick, threw up not long after she got here and we noticed she had a fever. I said we told her to take a break, see if that helped but she ju
st got sicker. I didn’t really get into details and I think he accepted my explanation.”

  “What did he say when you asked if she could stay here?” Cheol probed. “Did he seem to think it was a really strange request.”

  “I mean a little,” FX shrugged. “But not so much that he wasn’t sympathetic to the idea that it was bad to leave her alone like that.”

  “Just….what else did he say?” Cheol asked, trying not to let his anxiety make him snap at his friend.

  “Not much, he wanted us to tell him what the doctor had to say,” FX tried to remember exactly what had been said in those moments of panic on the surprise phone call. “Oh and he basically said, don’t do anything stupid that could make her feel harassed or uncomfortable. Basically, stay dressed, she’s a girl and we are guys, we don’t want any misunderstandings.”

  “Right, yeah,” Cheol felt his headache growing as stress hardened his shoulders. “So he was worried we might, what, walk around in our underwear in front of her and make her uncomfortable?”

  “I think he was trying to say that we should be careful not to do something where she could accuse us of harassing her,” FX corrected him with a slight amount of discomfort himself. “I genuinely think he was worried that she could use having stayed here overnight in a lawsuit against us or the company. It’s ridiculous, I know, but he is right that if one of us was accused of something like that it would do serious damage to our reputation.”

  “So...he was concerned she might...accuse one of us of, what, taking advantage of her?” He was incredulous and insulted on her behalf. “If only he knew how easy it could be for her to accuse me of something. She can describe every inch of me. I guess it’s a good thing Seunghoon got those pictures of us together in the Christmas lights or I’d have no proof I haven’t just been--”

  He cut himself off and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and clenching and unclenching his hands. It was his job to look out for things like that, he reminded himself. Their manager had good intentions and meant to protect them. Still, it bothered him that it had even come up at all.

  “I have to call him,” Cheol stated after a long pause. “Is there anything else I need to know before I do?”

  “I don’t think so,” FX said, not wanting to say for certain and be wrong.

  “I’ll call from the dining room,” He sighed. “I’ll be back.”

  Heading into the nearby dining room, he pulled out his phone and prepared to call their manager. Choi Jihoon was a great manager, a kind guy, and very good at keeping all of them where they needed to be when they needed to be there. He stopped by at least a couple times a week, usually with a day or so of notice, when he needed to meet with some number of them to arrange commitments. Of course he had been by a few times when Claire was there, but it was easy enough to explain her being there even in the few times she hadn’t actually been there to tutor one of the members. He supposed they had been lucky that the times he had just decided to drop by hadn’t resulted in any awkward situations that needed explaining.

  “Hello, Cheol,” Jihoon greeted as he answered the phone. “I’m glad to be hearing back from you. How is it going? What did the doctor have to say?”

  “Everything is fine,” Cheol tried to sound unconcerned as he replied. “The doctor said she has the flu. They gave her some IV fluids and something to cut down on how long she will be sick and gave us the same medicine to keep us from getting what she has.”

  “That’s good,” Jihoon sounded relieved over the phone. “We can’t have you guys having downtime because you got seriously ill at the moment. Too much going on for the upcoming tour.”

  “We should be fine and Claire can go home in a day or so,” Cheol reassured him before he could ask. “Once she is feeling a little better and her fever has gone away.”

  “Right,” Jihoon paused. “As long as it isn’t for long. I do understand you worrying that she doesn’t have any family nearby, but...I know she is a good person but misunderstandings can happen that wouldn’t be good for any of us. It wouldn’t even have to be her causing the misunderstanding, you know?”

  “I know,” Cheol admitted. She didn’t have to say anything, if a friend or someone with a grudge against one of them had some way of proving she was there, they could say anything happened and that alone would do enough damage to be a problem. It was the same reason he didn’t go over to her place anymore even though he desperately wanted the privacy they could get there.

  “You are good guys and I am glad that you care,” He tried to balance sounding like a parent and sounding like a coworker who was trying to give advice from experience. “You just have to remember that you aren’t just some guys doing something nice for a friend or someone you work with.”

  “I know,” Cheol tried to smile, hoping it would go into his tone for the other man to hear.

  “Can I ask why she was there over the holiday break,” Jihoon dropped one of the questions that had been bubbling up in his mind since he talked to them earlier. “Was she meeting with Kitae or..?”

  “Oh she was bringing over some gifts for us,” Cheol explained, it occuring to him that it was an easily proveable half truth. “She made Christmas stockings for everyone and wanted to drop them off.”

  “Ah, that was kind of her,” Jihoon seemed to accept the explanation as a fair enough reason for her to have been there.

  “I guess it was just chance that she happened to be here when she started feeling really ill,” Cheol observed, hopefully nonchalantly.

  “Bad luck, I’d say,” Jihoon added. “I suppose there is no good time to be sick.”

  “Not really,” Cheol agreed.

  “Do you need me to bring anything?” Jihoon offered. “She must not have a change of clothes or anything like her hair brush or toothbrush. I could run by her apartment and get them for her?”

  “Oh, no need,” Cheol searched his mind for the best reason for him not to do that as none of that would be there since she had packed them with her for the Christmas trip. “We, uh, made a quick stop there on the way home from the clinic just to grab the few things she needed.”

  “Good, good,” Jihoon chuckled. “You thought ahead.”

  “Yeah, that’s what got me where I am,” Cheol half joked.

  “Yes, I guess so,” Jihoon agreed, letting out another laugh. “Let me know if you or Claire-ssi need anything and tell her to call me when she is feeling a little better.”

  “I will and is there anything I need to tell her besides that?” He offered.

  “No, just let her rest,” Jihoon waved away the suggestion. “The faster she gets better the faster she can get back to work.”

  “Thank you for understanding,” Cheol told him with genuine appreciation.

  “Just remember to be careful,” Jihoon cautioned.

  “We will,” Cheol promised. “Bye.”

  With a brief good-bye Jihoon hung up the phone leaving Cheol to finally let go of the fearful tension his body had been holding throughout the whole conversation. He had given him good enough explanations and hadn’t raised any more red flags as far as he could tell. Everything seemed like it was going to be okay. Putting the phone down on the table, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the backs of his hands as they gripped the center of the back of the chair. Maybe Claire would stop being angry with him now. Maybe.

  “Sounds like it went alright,” FX said from the couch in the living room, making it apparent that everyone had been listening with bated breath.

  “Yeah,” Cheol breathed another sigh of relief. “I think so.”

  “All I heard was that we have presents,” Jaejin said in a theater whisper that he clearly meant for everyone to hear. “How has no one told me there are presents? Ow, what?”

  He had been elbowed by Changho who was seated beside him who followed up the gesture with a glare.

  “She put the stockings she made for you on your beds,” Cheol replied tiredly. “Just remember to say thank you to her, th
at’s all I ask.”

  Without saying anything else he walked towards his bedroom to poke his nose in and see if Claire had fallen asleep or not. As silently as he could manage, he opened the door and slipped inside. Thankfully, it looked like she was sleeping and she wasn’t curled up facing the wall. Cheol took a seat on the floor beside the bed and rested his head against the edge of the mattress.

  It’s okay, he wanted to tell her, everyone thinks you just happened to drop by. You don’t have to worry. He was pretty sure that she wouldn’t take that too well, actually. People still knew and had reason to wonder and maybe that meant they would be watching her all the more closely. It wasn’t fair. He should be the one sick in bed, suffering after having the best Christmas he’d ever have. It would be the universe paying him back for all the luck he had been having lately. For almost three months they had gotten away with their relationship with no questions being raised and no real close calls. That luck had apparently run out.

  Too tired to think anymore, he closed his eyes, just for a moment, falling asleep propped against the bed.

  ***

  When Cheol didn’t return after fifteen minutes, everyone else in the house gave up glancing at the door, waiting for it to open. With everybody back, things were returning to normal for the most part. There was plenty of moaning when some of the absent members heard about the secret adventure they had over the holiday. Jaejin griped that he would have stayed if he had known, having been bored stiff hanging out with distant cousins he almost never saw for most of the break. Minjun was equally disappointed as he wanted almost nothing more than he wanted a tropical get away in the middle of winter, and a beach-like water park certainly counted. The rest were just disappointed to have missed a trip that sounded like fun but still grateful for the little things the other members had brought back.

  Everyone who hadn’t already found their stocking had snuck back to their room to find the gift a few minutes after Cheol had disappeared into his room. They all happily brought out the stocking to show everyone else the little things she had left and to admire the cute and creative stockings she had made for each of them.