The Tutor

by Kelsi Clayton

  Minjun emerged from his bedroom where he had busied himself reading that evening. He gave her a hug and said it hadn’t been as fun without her coming around. Kitae followed on his heels, impatiently waiting his turn to give Claire a hug that literally lifted her off her feet. Changho, Hyunwoo, and Cheol weren’t home yet but they expected everyone but Cheol to be home soon. No one had mentioned that Claire was coming by to him, unsure of how he would react to knowing. Jaejin was actually surprised no one had accidentally said something to him during the day, but everyone had kept mum.

  Changho came home and immediately turned his eyes on Claire seated in the middle of the couch between FX and Jaejin. She waved at him from her seat and he motioned for her to come over and say hello to him properly.

  “I kept my promise, see?” She told him as she stepped into his embrace.

  “Of course you did,” He said confidently. “I expected nothing less.”

  His absolute confidence made her chuckle and she wondered if he had really been as sure as he pretended. He let her go and went back to drop off his things in his room. Hyunwoo then arrived home and promptly dropped everything he was holding to run over and squeeze himself in between Jaejin and Claire on the couch, draping himself over her as much as he could, with an arm over her shoulders and a leg across her lap, ignoring the protests of Jaejin as he did.

  “Welcome back,” He said, leaning his head on hers.

  “Thank you,” She gave his arm a soft pat. “I’m glad to see you, too.”

  The warm welcome made it feel like she was coming home, helping to alay most of the rest of the anxieties that had been niggling her about going back to treating them like friends or family. They made her feel welcome and wanted and just like she belonged.

  With everyone but Cheol home, they decided they needed to do something to celebrate. Wonjung decided a cake was due and called a courier to pick up the generally agreed favorite ice cream cake delivered. While they waited for it to arrive, they all sat together wherever they could fit around the living room, chatting happily together. It was easy to slip into the comfortable normality of being there with them.

  Jaejin answered the door when the cake arrived, eager to get a piece of it for himself. Cakes and sweets were among the things that made his life worth living. Minjun and Kitae retrieved plates and silverware from the kitchen and helped to cut the cake, passing pieces around to everyone. Wonjung left a piece unserved, taking it into the kitchen to store it in the freezer for whenever Cheol came home that day. It was hard to predict his schedule ever since Claire had stopped coming around. For days he would work 18 hour days mostly out of the house then crash, coming home early in the evening to sleep for twelve or more hours. No one thought it was good for him, but they knew that nothing they could say would have made a difference.

  He had been overworking himself with extended hours the past day or two, no one had particularly been trying to keep track of it, which likely meant it would be at least one more late night of work before he crashed and came home before the wee hours of the morning. Wonjung felt a little guilty that he hadn’t said anything, perhaps given Cheol the chance to come as well and find a way to make amends, but he also knew there was a good chance he would have used it as a further excuse to stay away. It wasn’t up to him to help them fix whatever was going to be fixed between them, he reminded himself. Besides, he hoped that the relationship she had with the rest of them was, at least somewhat, independent of her relationship with Cheol.

  After two hours, Claire decided it was getting late and that it was probably a good idea for her to head home. A few of the members whined, asking her to stay just a little while longer, but with the clock nearing eleven and a full day of work for all of them, she started to say her goodbyes to everyone, promising to come again tomorrow, or at least soon.

  “Don’t forget,” She reminded her students. “All of you are still scheduled to meet with me tomorrow. Get some rest, I prefer my pupils bright eyed and bushy tailed, which is a wonderful idiom you should all learn.”

  “Yes, teacher,” Kitae gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes as he tried to sound uninterested, though his childlike grin gave away his happiness that she was back to treating them like she used to.

  Claire gave them a wave before turning around and opening the door to leave. To everyone’s surprise, the door swung open towards her under some power other than hers, knocking her slightly back as it bumped into her. There was only one person who would have been on the other side of that door. The room went silent as Cheol looked up to see what the door hit, his eyes landing on Claire. For a few seconds they both just stared, neither of them sure what to say.

  It was Cheol who broke the stalemate, looking down at his feet as he rushed to take off his shoes and push past her, eager to escape. No one had told him she was there or that she was coming. She had probably asked them not to, still wanting to avoid him, he reasoned. It hurt to know she still didn’t want to see him, but what could he do that wouldn’t just make things worse.

  “Wait,” She caught his hand as he slipped by, causing his heart to jump into his throat. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “I...yes,” He nodded, unable to make himself turn and meet her eyes. He had no way of knowing what she wanted to say to him, but every fiber of his being was sure it was something along the lines of goodbye.

  “Let’s go to your room, hmm?” She suggested, using a hand to encourage him to start moving in that direction. With a nod, he led the way into his room, letting her close the door behind them. She sat on the edge of the bed, which he suddenly wished he had bothered to make this morning, and he leaned against the door of the wardrobe on the other side of the room. Everything about his stance said he was expecting the worst.

  “Can you come sit with me?” She asked, giving the bed beside her an inviting pat.

  “If you’re going to tell me you don’t want to see me anymore,” He kept his head down, voice coming out as a soft rumble. “I would rather not.”

  “Is that what you want?” She asked, folding her hands on her lap.

  “No but--” He couldn’t find the words to say what he wanted, frustratingly leaving the sentence barely started.

  “Okay,” She nodded, and put her hands on her legs as she rose to stand up. That’s it, he thought to himself, expecting her to just get up and walk out. Instead, she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him as best she could with his arms still awkwardly blocking her. He froze in surprise, just standing in her embrace for a few beats before pulling out his arms and wrapping them around her in return. His fragile control over his emotions broke and he let out a ragged sob as he pulled her closer to him.

  They stood like that for a moment as Cheol released all of the fears which had followed him like a shadow since she had left. He had missed the feel of her arms around him and the smell of her when she was near him. God, he had missed everything about having her close to him.

  “Ready to talk?” She prodded gently, her head resting on his chest.

  “Yeah,” He sniffled, closing his eyes and resting his cheek on the top of her head.

  “Can we sit down this time?” She questioned, pulling back to move back towards the bed. He gave a watery laugh and followed her to the bed, taking a seat beside her.

  “Where do you want to start?” He prompted, taking one of her hands in his as he spoke.

  “Let’s start with Christmas,” She proposed, giving his hand a squeeze. “I made a mistake taking you guys on that trip. Don’t misunderstand me, I loved that trip and it was wonderful spending time with you and some of the group like we were just ordinary friends, but it was an incredibly reckless thing for me to do. That was my mistake and it made me realize that as much as I had asked you to let me have boundaries and let me have times when I was just a teacher to some of the others, I was starting to overstep without realizing I was going too far.”

  “You just wanted to do something nice for us,” He unders
tood the kind intention that was behind her decision. “It didn’t really cross my mind the risk you were taking at the time either.”

  “Yeah and that was a problem,” She admitted. “When I heard Changho talking about them needing to work hard to justify all the time I was spending over here it hit me that I was doing a disservice to the rest of the members. I was treating you all like family and not like the students I need to be helping.”

  “You weren’t--” He started, but she cut him off with a finger to his lips.

  “I was,” She asserted. “I over-corrected and upset the whole apple cart in the process, which was another mistake of mine. I pulled back and hurt a lot of feelings when I tried to just be a tutor and not a friend. I’m going to find a middle ground. I’ll keep the extra hours I am going to meet with the people I’m supposed to be helping but I will also start coming back some evenings to hang out and chat or watch things with everyone. Changho was kind enough to point out that they also learn a lot when they just have a reason to talk with me in English because I am around, so, point taken.”

  “Everyone likes having you around,” He smiled at her.

  “Well the feeling is mutual,” She admitted. “I missed all of you.”

  “I missed you so much,” He confided in a soft, painfilled voice.

  “I missed you, too, but we still need to talk about after Christmas,” She brought up the subject, knowing it was something that hurt both of them.

  “I know,” He knew they needed to talk about it, but he was still afraid of what she was going to say.

  “First of all, decisions like me staying overnight,” She began. “They can’t be made by just one of us. You should have woken me up and asked. I might have said yes, which would have been stupid, but then I could have owned that decision.”

  “I know,” He conceded. “I didn’t see the harm at the time but I regret it all the same.”

  “I’m glad you understand that,” She gave him a lot of credit for understanding that. “But we also need to talk about not listening when I said I need to go home. We were incredibly lucky that not only did no one find out about our little trip but that everyone seems to have accepted the explanation of how it was I came to be sick while I was over here with all of you deciding to play nursemaids.”

  “I know,” He felt color rise on the tips of his ears and across his cheeks. “I couldn’t get past how scared I was after seeing you look so awful.”

  “I’m always glad that you care about me,” She reminded him. “But it worried me that you didn’t listen to me and you didn’t trust me to be able to decide when I can take care of myself. I can tell you when I need you.”

  “It isn’t an excuse,” He explained. “But I was afraid. I thought I would rather have you mad at me than you being sick alone when you really needed someone. I wasn’t thinking about what it would mean...how it would sound to others.”

  “I know,” She squeezed his hand again. “I need you to promise to listen to me in the future. I need to know you trust me.”

  “I do and…I will,” He promised.

  “One more thing,” She cleared her throat. “I need you to help me do better for the rest of the boys when I’m here sometimes.”

  “What do you mean?” He asked.

  “I know we talked before about you giving me space when I was here strictly as a teacher before,” She reminded him. “But I think I need to revise that. I think I need to have days where I am here just for them and some days where I am here just for you...like, date nights. That way I can make sure I am doing justice to what everyone else needs and still have time with you.”

  “What does that mean,” He wanted to give her what she needed but wasn’t sure what she was asking for.

  “It means I’ll be over here more evenings or weekends again but we need to pick two or three days when it is specifically to be with you,” She explained. “I know that you guys don’t have set schedules in a way that would make it easy to do something like say, Tuesday is Cheol day, but we need to decide on those days when we can. On the other days I come over, my priority has to be taking time to talk to and help out or even just hang out with everyone else, okay?”

  “So what do I do on those days?” He asked, biting his lip.

  “I...don’t know,” She answered honestly. “Maybe it’s a good idea for you to work a little later on those days, or if we are watching something or playing a game, you can always be there, but, at least right now, I need you to give me the space to make it about them.”

  “I can try,” He agreed. “But promise you’ll tell me if I’m too much, not just get mad at me.”

  “I will,” She gave the back of his hand a gentle kiss. “Since everyone got to have me to themselves tonight, what would you say to a Cheol day tomorrow?”

  “Really?” He gave her an excited smile.

  “Yeah,” She smiled back. “I’ll come by when I am done with work and I’ll be yours for the evening. We can do anything you want.”

  “Anything?” He asked meaningfully, his free hand moving to rest on her thigh.

  “Anything,” She whispered back. “I meant it when I said I’ve been missing you.”

  “I think you should probably go home now,” He told her, withdrawing his hands and standing up.

  “You ok?” She reached up to take his hand back in hers.

  “Yeah, it’s just,” He averted his eyes and cleared his throat. “I’ve really missed you and if you stay with me in here, I’m not going to be able to stop myself from wanting more tonight.”

  “Ah,” She followed his meaning. “Me too. Tomorrow then. Will you walk me to the door at least?”

  “Of course, yeah,” He interlaced his fingers with hers as she stood up. They opened the door to find Kitae and FX in the hall trying to look like they just happened to be standing outside of the bedroom, not trying to eavesdrop at all. Cheol sighed, escorting her past them as they headed to the door to say goodbye. Helping her to gather her stuff, they stood together at the front door, ignoring the attentive eye of everyone else.

  “So I’ll see you after work tomorrow,” She stated, brushing a lock of hair out of his eyes.

  “Tomorrow,” He confirmed before he leaned down to press a chaste but longing kiss to her lips. They stayed like that for a moment before she pulled back and wrapped her scarf around her neck. He reached out and untwisted a small twist in the scarf and tucked it under her chin.

  “Bye,” He said, dropping his hands to his side. With that she ducked out the door and headed home finally. Cheol let out a sigh as he watched the door close behind her. He was tired but the weight of hopelessness he had been carrying around had lifted. Tomorrow wasn’t far away, after all.

  “So, is everything okay with you guys then?” Changho asked after a moment.

  “Yeah, I think so,” Cheol turned to him with a half smile.

  “What’s tomorrow then?” Minjun asked.

  “She’s coming over to visit me tomorrow,” He said as he headed towards the bathroom to take a shower. “So, uh, any or all of you are free to put in a few extra hours at the studios. I plan to make up for lost time and I make no promises about being totally discreet.”

  “Go get ‘er, tiger,” FX joked as he watched Cheol walk away.

  “Yeah, mate,” Cheol lifted his fist victoriously into the air as he continued to walk away.

  Chapter 14

  The day, though full of work, seemed to crawl by for both Claire and Cheol. She met with each one of her students when they had breaks between practicing their other obligations and went to lunch with Kitae and Seunghoon in the cafeteria. Cheol was good, diligently keeping to himself and keeping busy with practice and the production of a few tracks with Changho in the studio. The company was planning on dropping their latest album two months before the tour which would revolve around the album with a period of heavy promotion both before and after the drop. There was a lot to get done before then. He had given himself permission to leave at se
ven, after all the long hours he had been putting in since Christmas.

  He left Changho in the studio to work on some of the production that he was usually more involved in anyway. Hyunwoo was going to come by soon to record some of his portions of the tracks they had been working on and Jaejin would be coming by after him. FX and Minjun were busy practicing some of the new choreography and adapting it to the changes that were still being made in some of the songs that were nearly done. Wonjung was busy practicing his new parts in one of the smaller practice studios, as was Seunghoon, both of whom were going to be recording their parts the day after. Kitae was working on his school work and planned to join FX and Minjun in the dance studio after he was done to get in some practice with them.

  Everyone had happily taken his advice and were keeping themselves busy and out of the dorms. Claire had messaged him earlier in the day to say she would be done at half past six, but planned to run by her place before coming by the dorms. She hadn’t arrived yet when he got there but he knew she would probably be there soon. With the extra time, he decided to try and tidy the room up a bit, doing what he could to make the little dorm room feel welcoming, if not terribly romantic.

  He suddenly thought of a hundred things he wished he had thought to do before now. He should have cleaned the room and bought her some flowers...maybe chocolates? He should have asked her if she had eaten yet, maybe ordered something for dinner. Well he could at least change the sheets, he thought to himself as he started pulling them off. He threw the old ones in the laundry and pulled out new ones.

  Once the bed was made, he looked around the room. There wasn’t much he could really do to make it not feel like what it was, a shared dorm room with flat packed furniture and knick knacks of two guys in their early twenties. He wasn’t sure why he was worrying over this now, it’s not like she hadn’t seen the room before or that they hadn’t even had sex here before, but he was nervous today.