The Tutor

by Kelsi Clayton

  “Sorry,” He swallowed, doing his best to touch it as softly as he could.

  “‘S okay,” She squeezed out between clenched teeth. The soap turned slightly pink as it mixed with her blood. He rinsed out the rag to remove all the soap, then dampened it with cool water to rinse all the soap off her skin. It took a couple of passes before he was sure there wasn’t anything left, but when he was satisfied, he pulled out the bottle of disinfectant and some cotton balls.

  “This will probably hurt a little,” He warned before touching the soaked cotton ball to the wound in her back. Indeed it did and she sucked in her breath through clenched teeth, causing Yejun to cringe in sympathy. He worked as quickly and as tenderly as he could, putting a layer of antibiotic cream on before covering it all with gauze he taped down to better protect the wound.

  “Do you have a clean shirt in your bag or do you want to borrow something clean to put on?” He offered, repacking the first aid kit and making a mental note to buy more of the things he had used on her.

  “I should have something in my bag if you can bring it here,” She replied. Yejun nodded and took the kit with him as he went to get her suitcase for her. She opened the case and had to dig to find anything clean but did eventually find an old t-shirt buried under all her used laundry. It had been her plan to send her things out to be washed at their next stop, but clearly that had never happened and now, who knew when she would be able to do it. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to tamp down her rising level of frustration.

  Yejun returned, coming to check on her and found her sitting on the floor of the bathroom taking deep, unsteady breaths, her half zipped suitcase on the floor in front of her. She was wearing a new shirt, at least, but looked like she was ready to either cry or throw a fit.

  “Everything okay?” He bent down and zipped her bag closed enough to flip it up and roll it out of the way.

  “I’ll be fine,” She squeezed out at the end of a long breath. “Things are just...really hard right now.”

  “Come with me,” He put his hands out and helped her stand up. It wasn’t far to the living room, where he sat her down on the couch before taking the seat beside her. “What can I do?”

  “It’s okay, I just need a minute to pull myself together,” She patted his leg before clenching her hands in her lap tightly enough that her knuckles went white.

  “Let me help,” He put his hand over hers, trying to comfort her.

  “Please don’t touch me right now,” She implored.

  “Sorry,” Taking his hand back, he scooted a few centimeters back, feeling bad he had made her uncomfortable.

  “No, it’s just,” Her eyes closed like she was in prayer. “If you touch me right now, if you comfort me, I’m going to crack and I am trying so hard right now to hold it together.”

  “Maybe it’s okay if you don’t hold it together for just a little while,” Yejun put an arm around her and leaned his head against her shoulder. She froze for a second under his touch before she let go and stopped trying to be strong. Letting out the wracking sobs she had been trying to hold in, she dropped her head letting all the feelings of sadness and defeat out through her tears. Junwoo and Taehyun emerged from the kitchen and took seats near her feet, each taking one of her hands as they just sat with her.

  After what felt like an eternity to Claire but was probably more like half an hour, she was all out of tears and was left feeling more like an empty shell than a real person. Her head was pounding and her back hurt, but everything was a little closer to comfortably numb.

  Yejun leaned back and asked again, “What can I do?”

  “Can I do my laundry?” She asked, feeling stupid, but it was a small thing that would make a difference at the moment. “Almost everything I have is in storage and what isn’t is dirty.”

  “Yeah, easy,” Taehyun gave her a bright smile. “I’ll go get it.”

  “What else?” Yejun asked.

  “Can I have a pain pill?” As red as her eyes must be from crying, she was sure she looked a mess. “My head is killing me.”

  “Of course,” Yejun laughed and got up to grab some and some water for her to take them with.

  “I’m sorry about what happened in Chicago,” Junwoo smiled up at her sympathetically. “Do you know how Cheol is doing?”

  “No,” She gave him a resigned shrug. “But it’s for the best. The damage is done but maybe they will be okay if it’s just like I don’t exist. I’m sure it hurts but fast and final has to be best, right?”

  “You don’t miss him?” Junwoo couldn’t stop himself from asking.

  “Every moment I feel like I’m dying,” She replied. “But since I would rather die than hurt him, it’s a simple decision.”

  Junwoo frowned at her. “So you aren’t going to try to talk to him?”

  “What could I say?” She smoothed her hands down her legs. “I’m sorry? Be strong? Goodbye? What good would it do except to keep the wound open longer?”

  “Maybe he would want to know that you’re okay,” Junwoo shrugged. “Wouldn’t you, if you were him?”

  “While I was still in the hospital their manager came by to give me my ticket home,” She shared with him. “I told him to let them know I was okay and I trust him to have done that. He knows enough.”

  “Are you really okay?” He gripped her hand.

  “I’m as good as can be expected, I think,” She replied with a humorless laugh.

  “As well as can be expected?” He wasn’t sure what that meant.

  “I’m doing alright for being homeless, jobless and friendless in a foreign country,” She elucidated.

  “Low bar, then,” Junwoo joked, managing to get a small smile out of her.

  “Very low,” She agreed wholeheartedly.

  “But we can be your friends,” He gave her one of his beaming smiles.

  “I appreciate the sentiment, really,” Claire took her hand back. “But that didn’t really work out so well for me last time. You understand what I mean? Besides, I can’t bring this to your doorstep. It would bring nothing but rumors and insinuation if anyone sees me with any of you.” His smile wavered as it struck him that she was probably right. “I should start looking for a place to stay for tonight. I can go when the laundry is done...or maybe I can just come back for it.”

  “No no,” He dismissed. “Stay while it gets done. We’ll help you find a place to stay tonight.”

  She nodded and got up to get her messenger bag from where she had left it near the door. With her laptop out, she let Junwoo help her connect to their wifi and started looking for the most affordable and safe place she could find. After a half an hour of searching she settled on trying to get a place at a nearby public sauna and bath.

  “Are you sure?” Yejun asked when she told him. Of course he knew it was an option, and a safe one, but it was hardly the most comfortable solution, especially with her injury.

  “It’s just until I can find a place to rent and a job,” She wrote down the address and stuck the paper in the front pocket of her messenger bag. “How long do you think the laundry will take?”

  “A couple of hours,” He replied. “Not too long. Do you want to have dinner with us while you wait?”

  “I had a little something before coming,” She shook her head. “I should be fine, but please, get something for yourself if you haven’t had anything yet.”

  “Sure, we’ll order something,” He fully intended to add something to the order for her but decided not to mention it. “Is there anything else?”

  “No, I’m fine,” She insisted. “I think I’ll just sit here, if you don’t mind.”

  “No problem,” He stood up, preparing to join the others in the kitchen. “Just relax for a little while.” She nodded and slowly leaned back into the cushions of the couch with a wince as her back first made contact. Her face was drawn and tired and she looked almost unwell and it made Yejun uneasy. The determination she had to deal with this on her own was, perhaps, admirabl
e, but unrealistic. He and Junwoo left her alone to relax for a few minutes while they went to work out ordering dinner and what to tell the other members.

  “How is she doing?” Taehyun asked when the other two joined him in the kitchen.

  “Well she’s finally taking a break,” Yejun sighed as he opened the drawer with their favorite take-away menus. “That’s something at least.” After a pause, he turned to Junwoo and asked, “Have you heard anything from Changho since all this happened?”

  “No, but I don’t think he would have come to me for advice on this,” Junwoo shrugged. “They’ve had a lot to deal with since this also happened on tour.”

  “Maybe you should see if you can’t talk to him, let him know she’s here,” Yejun suggested, keeping his voice low to ensure Claire wouldn’t hear. “I think they’d want to know.”

  “Right,” Junwoo couldn’t have agreed more. “She hasn’t talked to them since it happened, I’m sure they are all worried about her.”

  “I’ll order some food,” Flipping through the menus as he spoke, he looked for something that was appealing at the moment. “Taehyun-a, can you message everyone else and let them know we have a guest for the next few hours? Make sure they all know not to make the same mistake you did as well.”

  “Yes, I will,” Taehyun blushed guiltily and nodded. “I’ll message everyone.”

  Junwoo sat down at the kitchen table and opened his chat with Changho. He had no idea where they were or what time it was where they were, but he had to try and see if he could reach him.

  Hey, are you there?

  If you are there you need to pick up

  Are you sleeping?

  Junwoo put the phone down, reminding himself to give his friend a few minutes to notice the messages and reply. He busied himself getting something to drink and giving Yejun his order for dinner. When Changho still hadn’t seen or responded to the messages, he decided to start a video call, hoping that the buzzing or ringing would get his attention. The call was ended by someone on the other end and Junwoo felt a tingle of satisfaction that his tactic had worked.

  Junwoo put his phone down on the table and got up to check on Claire in the living room. Cheol would want to talk with her but he was confident she would say no and she might even be upset that he had contacted Changho and Cheol at all. In the short time they had all been busy in the kitchen, she had fallen asleep. He wasn’t surprised, given how exhausted and stressed she had been and he certainly didn’t want to wake her up.

  Junwoo took his phone and discreetly took a photo of the sleeping Claire, curled up on the couch with her feet tucked under her. He sent the picture as he tiptoed back into the kitchen.

  Junwoo saved Cheol’s number in his phone and sent a private chat to him so that he would have Junwoo saved in his contacts. He peeked into the living room to see that Claire was still sleeping. Maybe she would stay overnight if they just didn’t wake her up. Maybe it was a little underhanded but it was one night.

  A knock on the front door announced the arrival of their dinner delivery. Yejun accepted the delivery and paid for the food while Taehyun got plates and chopsticks for everyone. They ate quietly in the kitchen, setting aside a little for Claire whenever she happened to get up. The other members arrived home a couple of hours later, being amazingly quiet considering their normally boisterous nature. Each of the members poked their head in, curious about the guest who was snoozing on their couch. Still, they were smart enough not to disturb her or face the wrath of their leader.

  The laundry had finished and Shiwoo could not keep himself from folding and organizing it. His neat streak wouldn’t let them just sit and wrinkle in the machine and he was, frankly, tempted to pack it for her, as he had, over the years, figured out the cleanest and most efficient method it could be done. In a great show of restraint, he settled for stacking them by the sort of clothing on top of the dryer.

  Claire woke up not long after ten, without a headache, but generally not feeling better than she had for the past couple of days. The house was quiet but well lit, letting her know that others were in the house. Even before she looked at the time, she knew by the lack of light outside that the laundry must have been long done. It was kind of them to have let her sleep, but it was well past time for her to leave.

  She padded softly into the kitchen and found Yejun and Shiwoo seated around the table. The former was busy working on something on his laptop, absorbed in whatever was playing on his headphones, and the latter was watching something on a tablet, earbuds tucked into his ears. Reluctant as she was to bother them, she had no idea where her clothes had ended up. Shiwoo noticed her hovering near the end of the table and quickly laid the tablet on the table and pulled out his earbuds.

  “Hello,” He greeted her politely but warmly, standing up and moving towards her.

  “I’m sorry to bother you,” She apologized. “I just need to know where my things have ended up.”

  “Of course, I can show you,” Shiwoo offered.

  “Hang on,” Yejun jumped in, having finally noticed her. “It’s late already, can’t you worry about it in the morning? Just stay for the night?”

  “It’s alright,” She declined. “It’s already a little late but I am sure the 찜질방[79] will still let me come and stay.”

  “We don’t mind,” Shiwoo insisted. “You aren’t a bother and I would feel better knowing you were staying somewhere comfortable.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t stay, but you I appreciate the help you have given me already,” She gave him a sad smile. “You will have plenty to keep you busy tomorrow and I should start looking for work and a new place to live.”

  “You can do that here,” Yejun pointed out. “We’ll be at the company practicing and working, so you wouldn’t be in the way or anything.”

  “Thank you, but I have to say no,” She paused. “Maybe if I haven’t found something in a week, I could come back and do my laundry again.”

  “Yeah, or if you need help with something,” Yejun added. “Listen, about the job--”

  “Don’t worry about it,” She held up her hands and shook her head. “I wasn’t even going to ask. It’s not possible at this point, too much has happened.”

  “Right,” He sounded deflated. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” She assured him. “We all live with the consequences of our actions. Sometimes they are just harder than others.”

  “Maybe we can help with finding you an apartment, at least,” Shiwoo volunteered. “My aunt has a couple of places she rents in the city, she might have something that is free or she might know of something at least.”

  “I would appreciate that,” She could actually take him up on that offer. “Don’t worry too much if there isn’t anything, but thank you.”

  “Of course,” Offering her his arm, Shiwoo gestured in the direction of the laundry. “I can help you pack.” He led her back to where he had folded her laundry and, as he helped her pack, passed along his organizational wisdom which Claire happily took in. Indeed, his method of packing did leave her more space than she had had when she arrived, but she doubted she had the patience to keep up the organization over the long term.

  With her things safely packed away, she headed for the door. Yejun and Taehyun were waiting for her there to see her off.

  “Are you sure you have to go?” Taehyun asked, as she put her shoes on, near the door.

  “Yeah,” Her eyes were focused on her busy fingers, avoiding looking at the boys standing nearby.

  “There was a little food left from dinner,” Yejun took a few steps towards the kitchen. “Would you like to take it with you?”

  “That’s okay,” She shook her head. “I’m sure someone here can finish it.” Carefully, she put her messenger bag over her shoulder, only wincing slightly as the strap put the weight on her back. “Thank you all for everything.”

  “Here, take this,” Yejun slipped some money in her palm. “For a taxi.”

  “I can’t,” Sh
e tried to hand it back to him, but he wouldn’t take it back. With a sigh, she put the cash in her pocket and headed out the door. She walked towards the elevator until she heard the door to their apartment click closed. Quietly she crept back and stuck the bills in under the cover for the keypad on their door before heading out.

  Chapter 25

  Claire spent the next few days calling Hagwans in the area and giving them her teaching qualifications. Eventually, she found something, it wasn’t much, but it was enough hours to keep her work visa. Shiwoo’s aunt had a place for rent, a small rooftop apartment, clean and renovated, but unfortunately unfurnished aside from a fridge, stove, and washing machine. At 480,000 won[80] though, it was a steal. She also managed to get some private students to supplement her income for now. Oddly, even as a disgraced former tutor to celebrities, most people seemed to care more about the tutor to celebrities than the disgraced part. Her weekends would be full and her evenings as well, but she needed to build her savings back up after having to pay for the deposit.

  With what she had left she got some cheap food, a bed, and a table where she could meet with students. She didn’t need much else at the moment at least. When she could, she would pull all of her things out of storage, but that was not the first priority. She had a pan to heat water in and a place to meet with students and a place to sleep. It was enough right now. The storage was paid for for another three weeks and the boxes would most likely just sit in a corner if she had them anyway.

  The first night in the place was the hardest as it took a day for the utilities to come though aside from the water, but, she told herself, reading by candlelight and wrapped in a blanket was an adventure. Once the power was on and the heat, the place was really nice. Okay, it wasn’t like a home, but it was cheap and clean and she wasn’t going to complain.