Tricks for Free

by Seanan McGuire

  “She didn’t come back because she was trying to keep the crossroads from realizing you got away,” said Sam. “Seriously, whatever those things really are, they’re jacked, and I don’t want anything to do with them, like, ever. She has so many rules about what she can and can’t say that I’m a little bit amazed she’s not more of a jerk. Although she is a major jerk. Annie has awful taste in dead aunts.”

  “Really?”

  “Really-really.” Sam nodded vigorously. “Half the conversations we’ve had so far have been her teaching me the rules of talking to her. I think she’s probably pretty lonely a lot of the time? But she can’t go making friends, because she’s dead, and also because somebody says the wrong thing and suddenly she’s dragging them to her bosses to sell their souls. It sort of sucks to be Mary.”

  “Oh,” said Emery, sounding subdued. “I think . . . I think I may have been uncharitable toward the girl.”

  “It’s okay. It’s not like the rules are the sort of thing we have easy social conventions for. I wouldn’t be handling them this well if she weren’t my only way of getting to Annie.” He paused, looking at Emery. “I may not have a lot of warning before I need to go. When Mary says she’s ready for me to help, I’m leaving. Middle of the night or middle of the day, whatever, I’m gone.”

  “Say goodbye if you can,” said Emery. “Leave a very clear note if you can’t. I can stomach you running off to play the brave hero and rescue the lady, but if I think there’s any chance the Covenant has snatched you from your bed, I will rain down hell itself on their heads. I’ll make them wish all they had gunning for them was a little girl with fire in her fingers and lies on her lips. Are we clear?”

  “As crystal,” said Sam. “Can we loop back to the question of whether chicken is good for dinner?”

  Emery laughed, the sound tapering into a hiccup that made it sound like she was about to cry. Sam tensed as she wiped her eyes. Then she smiled at him.

  “Best thing I ever did in my life was decide that the crossroads weren’t for me,” she said. “If you ever wonder about that, you just remember this moment. And promise me, Sam. Promise me nothing will ever be tempting enough to make you take that walk.”

  “I promise, Grandma.”

  “Good boy.” She stood. “I’ll come with you. Chicken is fine, but you never get the right sides.”

  Sam laughed, pulling himself back into his human guise, and started for the door.

  Things were going to be all right.

  * * *

  MINDY

  Our new friend had stepped away from the desk after calling someone to relieve her, and had offered us solace in the safety of her handbag, which was large and leather and smelled most temptingly of breath mints. We had been contentedly exploring its contents ever since, while she stood nearby and spoke quickly and quietly into her mobile phone. When she was done, she picked up the purse, dropping the phone next to Mork, and hissed, “Come with me,” before slinging us up to her shoulder and striding across the walkway.

  Mork gave a squeak of pained dismay. I put a paw upon his haunch to calm him.

  “Peace,” I said. “For did not the Arboreal Priestess say There Is No Need To Fear A Dragon Who Has Yet To Be Paid? We have incurred a debt against our family on this day, and we are in no danger until it is discharged.”

  Mork looked uncertain of my words. I pushed down a pang of irritation. He was still learning to trust this expanded pantheon, and lacked the benefit of the many lessons gleaned from the Arboreal Priestess’s dealings with the dragon world.

  Mine is not the path of the Arboreal Priestess’s clergy, nor would I ever wish it to be, for my defection would damage the Precise Priestess heart and soul. But I may admire all members of our pantheon for their graces, and hers is the dance of diplomacy, the bending and weaving of different goals into a single coherent whole. Through her we have become, if not allies to the dragon race, then at the very least valuable beyond measure.

  Had the desk clerk been of any other species, I would have been hesitant to approach her, for there are those who would put money against Aeslin lives, those who believe a colony of their own would bring them fame and fortune beyond all measure. For the dragons, however, who have lived for centuries by gold alone, we represent something more valuable than money.

  We represent hope.

  A door opened; a door closed; a lock was thrown, before the purse in which we rode was tossed unceremoniously onto a sink. “Come out, mice,” said the dragon.

  We emerged, cautiously, into the light of the family restroom. It was meant for a single user; there were no stalls, and the door between us and the rest of the airport was locked. The dragon loomed over us, frowning hard to conceal her anxiety.

  It is only polite to allow people their masks. “Hail,” I squeaked politely. “Will you aid us?”

  “One of my sisters is on her way now,” she said. “She will be escorting you to Portland, and providing you with a safe berth on the plane. In exchange, you will arrange a meeting for her with your family.”

  I pressed my whiskers forward in distress. “We cannot negotiate—”

  “I know that,” she snapped, cutting off my objections with a wave of her hand. “If you claimed you could, you would be lying. What I want is for you to get back to Oregon, call your family, and have them send a representative to the airport to collect you and sit down with my sister in a public place. She will make an appeal on behalf of our Nest. They will hear it fairly. I know they will, because you’re going to promise on their behalf. If they feel we are worthy, they will assist us in bringing our suit before the dragons of New York. I know your family has brokered a successful deal on the part of the Los Angeles Nest. We’re only asking for the same treatment.”

  I bowed my head, acknowledging her words.

  Before our gods left the Covenant of St. George—may they wander lost for a thousand years—they were complicit in perpetrating a great wrong against the dragons, whose females could pass for human, but whose males were never seen as anything more than monsters. For centuries, the world had believed the male of their species extinct, and without him, all hope for their future. The females could continue to reproduce on their own, but only more like themselves. The skies would never again know the kiss of leather wings.

  Then the Arboreal Priestess, in defiance of her title, had traveled beneath the Manhattan streets and discovered a male dragon, sleeping the centuries away. Since then, his Nest had begun to be blessed with male children. This woman, this dragon, only wanted the same as her sisters—the same as my colony and I. She wanted a future.

  “It Will Be So,” I intoned, and the dragon smiled.

  * * *

  SAM

  “Hey, Mary, I don’t know if you, like, eat or anything, but if you do, I have leftover chicken,” said Sam, sitting down on the roof.

  There was a scuff from behind him, like a sneaker scraping across gravel. “I could eat,” said Mary.

  “Cool,” said Sam.

  He watched the dead girl walk around him and settle, cross-legged, to dig through the red and white striped bucket of legs and thighs. Once she had a drumstick in her hand and was picking off the skin, eating it one methodical strip at a time, he cleared his throat.

  “So you know, and without me asking for anything, my grandmother knows that as soon as Annie needs me, I’m gone,” he said. “And I mean it, no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing, I’m gone. I hope you won’t forget that while you’re off doing your ghost stuff.”

  Mary smiled at him around her food. She swallowed her latest mouthful of chicken skin, and said, “Don’t worry, fella. I never forget a pretty face.”

  “Cool,” said Sam again, and they sat quietly on the motel roof, eating chicken as the moon came out above them, and Annie was very far away, but somehow Sam wasn’t scared anymore.

 
He was going to see her soon.

  * * *

  MINDY

  Our dragon’s name was Jessica; her sister was Angelica.

  Her sister’s daughter, no more than seven years old and doubtless included on this voyage because she provided an adorable reminder of what was at stake for their species, was Allison. It was her backpack that had been outfitted for our comfort, containing as it did several pieces of repurposed doll furniture, a package of graham crackers, and a large wedge of cheddar cheese.

  Mork and I nestled together on a soft square of artificial fur meant to be a blanket for the plastic bed beneath us, his head across my neck, our tails tangled together in a comforting weave. Around us, people talked and went about their business, while Angelica filled out spreadsheets on her laptop and Allison charmed inflight snacks out of the flight attendants.

  “We will be home in short order,” I murmured.

  Mork exhaled, ruffling the fur along my neck. “And they will like me?”

  “O my love, who is my love, who is my beloved,” I replied, folding my paw over his and holding him tight, he who had come so far to make this voyage with me, he who had come with me to find a future. “They are going to love you even as I do.”

  The words are said: the ritual is performed. The things done outside the reach of the family’s walls are here protected and entered into record, to be known and kept forevermore.

  We are Aeslin. We believe, and we endure.

  So be it.

  Price Family Field Guide to the Cryptids of North America

  Updated and Expanded Edition

  Aeslin mice (Apodemus sapiens). Sapient, rodentlike cryptids which present as near-identical to non-cryptid field mice. Aeslin mice crave religion, and will attach themselves to “divine figures” selected virtually at random when a new colony is created. They possess perfect recall; each colony maintains a detailed oral history going back to its inception. Origins unknown.

  Basilisk (Procompsognathus basilisk). Venomous, feathered saurians approximately the size of a large chicken. This would be bad enough, but thanks to a quirk of evolution, the gaze of a basilisk causes petrification, turning living flesh to stone. Basilisks are not native to North America, but were imported as game animals. By idiots.

  Bogeyman (Vestiarium sapiens). The thing in your closet is probably a very pleasant individual who simply has issues with direct sunlight. Probably. Bogeymen are close relatives of the human race; they just happen to be almost purely nocturnal, with excellent night vision, and a fondness for enclosed spaces. They rarely grab the ankles of small children, unless it’s funny.

  Chupacabra (Chupacabra sapiens). True to folklore, chupacabra are blood-suckers, with stomachs that do not handle solids well. They are also therianthrope shapeshifters, capable of transforming themselves into human form, which explains why they have never been captured. When cornered, most chupacabra will assume their bipedal shape in self-defense. A surprising number of chupacabra are involved in ballroom dance.

  Dragon (Draconem sapiens). Dragons are essentially winged, fire-breathing dinosaurs the size of Greyhound buses. At least, the males are. The females are attractive humanoids who can blend seamlessly in a crowd of supermodels, and outnumber the males twenty to one. Females are capable of parthenogenic reproduction and can sustain their population for centuries without outside help. All dragons, male and female, require gold to live, and collect it constantly.

  Fūri (Homo therianthrope). Often proposed as the bridge between humans and therianthropes, the fūri is a monkey—specifically, a human—that takes on the attributes of another monkey—specifically, some form of spider monkey. Fūri transform instinctively, choosing their human forms for camouflage and their more simian forms for virtually everything else. A transformed fūri is faster, stronger, and sturdier than a human being. Offering bananas is not recommended.

  Ghoul (Herophilus sapiens). The ghoul is an obligate carnivore, incapable of digesting any but the simplest vegetable solids, and prefers humans because of their wide selection of dietary nutrients. Most ghouls are carrion eaters. Ghouls can be easily identified by their teeth, which will be shed and replaced repeatedly over the course of a lifetime.

  Gorgon, Pliny’s (Gorgos stheno). The Pliny’s gorgon is capable of gaze-based petrifaction only when both their human and serpent eyes are directed toward the same target. They are the most sexually dimorphic of the known gorgons, with the males being as much as four feet taller than the females. They are venomous, as are the snakes atop their heads, and their bites contain a strong petrifying agent. Do not vex.

  Hidebehind (Aphanes apokryphos). We don’t really know much about the hidebehinds: no one’s ever seen them. They’re excellent illusionists, and we think they’re bipeds, which means they’re probably mammals. Probably.

  Jackalope (Parcervus antelope). Essentially large jackrabbits with antelope antlers, the jackalope is a staple of the American West, and stuffed examples can be found in junk shops and kitschy restaurants all across the country. Most of the taxidermy is fake. Some, however, is not. The jackalope was once extremely common, and has been shot, stuffed, and harried to near-extinction. They’re relatively harmless, and they taste great.

  Jink (Tyche iynx). Luck manipulators and masters of disguise, these close relatives of the mara have been known to conceal themselves right under the nose of the Covenant. No small trick. Most jinks are extremely careful about the way they move and manipulate luck, and individuals have been known to sacrifice themselves for the good of the community.

  Johrlac (Johrlac psychidolos). Colloquially known as “cuckoos,” the Johrlac are telepathic ambush predators. They appear human, but are internally very different, being cold-blooded and possessing a decentralized circulatory system. This quirk of biology means they can be shot repeatedly in the chest without being killed. Extremely dangerous. All Johrlac are interested in mathematics, sometimes to the point of obsession. Origins unknown; possibly insect in nature.

  Jorōgumo (Nephilia sapiens). Originally native to Japan, these therianthropes belong to the larger family of cryptids classified as “yōkai.” Jorōgumo appear to be attractive women of Japanese descent until they transform, at which point they become massive spider-centaurs whose neurotoxic venom can kill in seconds. No males of the species have ever been seen. It is possible that the species possesses a degree of sexual dimorphism so great that male Jorōgumo are simply not recognized for what they are.

  Laidly worm (Draconem laidly). Very little is known about these close relatives of the dragons. They present similar but presumably not identical sexual dimorphism; no currently living males have been located.

  Lamia (Python lamia). Semi-hominid cryptids with the upper bodies of humans and the lower bodies of snakes. Lamia are members of order synapsedia, the mammal-like reptiles, and are considered responsible for many of the “great snake” sightings of legend. The sightings not attributed to actual great snakes, that is.

  Lesser gorgon (Gorgos euryale). One of three known subspecies of gorgon, the lesser gorgon’s gaze causes short-term paralysis followed by death in anything under five pounds. The bite of the snakes atop their heads will cause paralysis followed by death in anything smaller than an elephant if not treated with the appropriate antivenin. Lesser gorgons tend to be very polite, especially to people who like snakes.

  Lilu (Lilu sapiens). Due to the striking dissimilarity of their abilities, male and female Lilu are often treated as two individual species: incubi and succubi. Incubi are empathic; succubi are persuasive telepaths. Both exude strong pheromones inspiring feelings of attraction and lust in the opposite sex. This can be a problem for incubi like our cousin Artie, who mostly wants to be left alone, or succubi like our cousin Elsie, who gets very tired of men hitting on her while she’s trying to flirt with their girlfriends.

  Madhura (Homo madhurata). Humanoid cryptids with an affinity for sugar in al
l forms. Vegetarian. Their presence slows the decay of organic matter, and is usually viewed as lucky by everyone except the local dentist. Madhura are very family-oriented, and are rarely found living on their own. Originally from the Indian subcontinent.

  Manananggal (Tanggal geminus). If the manananggal is proof of anything, it is that Nature abhors a logical classification system. We’re reasonably sure the manananggal are mammals; everything else is anyone’s guess. They’re hermaphroditic and capable of splitting their upper and lower bodies, although they are a single entity, and killing the lower half kills the upper half as well. They prefer fetal tissue, or the flesh of newborn infants. They are also venomous, as we have recently discovered. Do not engage if you can help it.

  Oread (Nymphae silica). Humanoid cryptids with the approximate skin density of granite. Their actual biological composition is unknown, as no one has ever been able to successfully dissect one. Oreads are extremely strong, and can be dangerous when angered. They seem to have evolved independently across the globe; their common name is from the Greek.

  Sasquatch (Gigantopithecus sesquac). These massive native denizens of North America have learned to embrace depilatories and mail-order shoe catalogs. A surprising number make their living as Bigfoot hunters (Bigfeet and Sasquatches are close relatives, and enjoy tormenting each other). They are predominantly vegetarian, and enjoy Canadian television.

  Tanuki (Nyctereutes sapiens). Therianthrope shapeshifters from Japan, the Tanuki are critically endangered due to the efforts of the Covenant. Despite this, they remain friendly, helpful people, with a naturally gregarious nature which makes it virtually impossible for them to avoid human settlements. Tanuki possess three primary forms—human, raccoon dog, and big-ass scary monster. Pray you never see the third form of the Tanuki.