Lochlan (Broken Deeds MC, #5)

by Esther E. Schmidt

  I pat the spot next to me and place all the papers I was holding in front of me. “Well, don’t just stand there, hurry up and get your ass into bed.”

  Lochlan chuckles and toes off his boots and joins me along with two bags. We both devour some of the chicken wings and when most of my cravings have faded, I start to wonder about the things I’ve read about the case he’s been working on. I haven’t seen a name of the suspect so there’s my first question.

  “All these cases are linked through one perp? I’m guessing here because every case is different and yet they are all stuffed into one big file.” I manage to get the words out before stuffing another piece of food inside my mouth.

  “Bugsy Speck,” Lochlan states and grabs a napkin to wipe his mouth and fingers.

  The name makes me choke on my food. I start to cough and jump to hop on one foot into the bathroom to spit out the piece in the trash before I put my mouth underneath the tap to swallow down some water. Holy shit.

  “Are you okay?” Lochlan sticks his head around the corner, concern lacing his voice.

  I grab a towel and scrub it over my face. “Yeah. You just caught me off guard, throwing the name out like that.”

  “Fuck. I thought you choked or something. Don’t tell me you know this piece of shit.”

  “Not exactly,” I croak, my throat still raw. “I was introduced to him along with a friend of mine during one of the parties after a show. I’ve seen him attend a few more after that. He’s one of the rich ones, daddy’s money, the kind who doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. The ones who like playing games to benefit their own pleasure. My friend was at the party with her boyfriend and when we were introduced, the boyfriend tightened his arm around her and it was as if it drove Bugsy to flirt more with my friend to aggravate them. Like I said, playing games for his own benefit. I hate those kinds of people. You caught me off guard with the name and the stuff I read in the files. Yikes. I’m guessing nothing can be linked to him because he covers his tracks with daddy’s money, huh?”

  “Something like that,” Lochlan muses and steps back into the bedroom to grab the papers and look over the information again.

  I follow him and when he pierces me with his gaze, he questions, “Are you sure about what you just mentioned with the boyfriend setting him off to flirt with your friend? Something he does as a game or such?”

  “Positive,” I say with determination. “You see, I have to attend these after parties a lot. I’m not much of a people person but not shy or socially disturbed either. I just like to watch and assess, you know...figure out how people work. It’s a guessing game I play with myself in my head.” Lochlan’s eyes glaze over with laughter with this last little piece of information. “Oh, shut it. I know it’s weird but I get bored way too soon with these parties and it’s not like I can leave after fifteen minutes. When you’re one of the leads in a play you have to be there for hours.”

  Lochlan’s eyes shift from amusement to appreciation to regret and guilt. Dammit, how can this man’s eyes be a clear and straight path to his emotions?

  “Don’t start.” I roll my eyes. “You know, this is the first time I have to take a break. I’ve been working nonstop for years with only a week or two between jobs. Look at it this way; now I have to take some quality me time. It also means I’ll be all fresh and itching to get back to work in a few weeks. All is good, so stop feeling guilty or I’m gonna pinch your balls every time your eyes fill with guilt.”

  His eyes now widen slightly at my admission before a sly smile appears. “Observant little devil, are you now?”

  I shrug. “Hours and hours of parties with lots of people to experiment with, remember?”

  “Noted,” he says and I get a feeling this will put him on alert around me.

  “You know...I get very competitive with myself if people try to hide shit from me. Understand what I’m sayin’ here, Viking?” Oops. Calling him Viking wasn’t my intention.

  It’s his fault actually. When I first met him, he had a full, well-groomed beard. Even if he’s only got scruff covering his jaw these days, he still reminds me of one with his whole vibe and appearances.

  The way he barged into my life earlier today and just swooped in and took me with him. Even the ink on his arms with the map, and a freaking Viking shield on his elbow. Ugh, and let’s not forget the fierce look on his face that adds to it. A true Viking. One who makes me shiver in all the right places.

  He reaches out and grabs a handful of my hair, the bite on my scalp making me heat up with desire. A gasp leaves my mouth as he tightens his hold. Gosh, if I thought his eyes were gorgeous a breath ago, they are even more stunning now. Glazed over with the same lust he taints my veins with. He eyes me with the intent to raid and plunder my body true Viking style.

  Truth is, I’d be more than happy to surrender. Who cares about personal shit, backgrounds, or responsibilities when the here and now is for the grabbing. I want to run my hands over his body, strip away his cut and shirt to get him naked. Yet, I get the feeling I need to let him take the lead; complete surrender. He reacted way too intense at the thought of us having sex the last time.

  Slowly he closes the distance and slams his mouth over mine. Nothing is sweet and gentle about the way his tongue is taking over, swirling in a demanding way inside me. There’s a raw need feeding the both of us. His hand reaches out to my hip, pulling me closer to him as he turns us so he’s hovering over me. A moan slips out and in return his chest rumbles with a growl.

  Damn, this guy knows how to dominate and has me surrendering without a single thought. Well, other than the plea to make him follow through because it would seriously suck if he would pull back now...getting me all riled up and my body flaming with lust. I wasn’t kidding when I told him about the way he left me last night. So, I’m expecting more than one push inside, if you get my drift.

  He gives me some of his weight and it makes me groan in delight. The kissing stops and he pulls back, piercing me with a look I can’t decipher, dammit. I’m about to start scolding...well, more like threaten his life if he dares to stop, when a sly smile appears on his face.

  “I’m itching to find out what sounds you make when you come, baby,” he tells me, his voice raw with lust.

  Can I get that in black and white? My mind offers. Because it’s a loud and clear statement he’s going to have sex with me, right? Uh huh, all righty then. My fingers slide up to his face, my thumb sliding over his bottom lip. Damn, this man is gorgeous.

  “I’m itching to come,” I purr, before I challenge, “So get to work, and find out.”

  His eyes flare and he pushes away from the bed. For a split second I think he’s going to leave again but then his hands go to the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head, flashing me with yummy abs. I do the exact same thing and lose my undies in the process.

  Lochlan grabs the file and places it on the chair in the corner. One of the bags with the leftover food goes to the floor. He reaches for the other bag and pulls out a box of condoms, opens it and throws a silver foil package on the bed right next to me. Sneaky man, coming prepared. Something I wasn’t expecting at all. But hey, I’m sure not gonna complain.

  The next thing he grabs is my ankle to pull me toward him. I’ve never been one to become shy at any moment. I’ve embraced my tall, too slender body for a long time now. Even my scars—the ones covering my abdomen—never bothered me or even made me think twice when I had sex with a guy. Yet now? It’s all too intense. My breathing halts and I have to look away, I don’t want to see his reaction. He will notice them, even if they’re faded because my accident happened when I was a teenager.

  I got hit by a car while I was crossing the street as my brother watched it happen. He was already on the other side but because I had stopped to tie my shoes, I crossed the street later than him. I never saw the car coming. I was told later it was a speeding car involved in a high-speed car chase.

  Many abdominal surgeries followed, and in
the process my fallopian tubes were damaged. Adhesions have altered my tubes in a way that prevents eggs to travel through. There isn’t a chance in hell I could ever get pregnant. Hence the reason my brother threw the little piece of information out in anger at Lochlan. I think my family has had a hard time dealing with this, more than I do.

  I never was one to dream about having kids, I didn’t even play with dolls growing up. I had a skateboard and my dancing. Yeah, my mom made me go through years of ballet. Not that I hated it, hell no. Ballet was a great addition for my flexibility, posture, and balance, not to mention a positive influence to mix with street dance. Everything gave me confidence and strength. Though it’s lacking now. Jeez, Xena, hell of a moment to become self-aware.

  “Eyes on me, Xena,” he tells me in a demanding tone I can’t ignore.

  Slowly, I let my eyes connect with his and wait, practically holding my heart in my hands and hoping he won’t rip it apart. Shit, why did I bring my feelings into this bed when it’s just sex and lust, that’s all there is between us, right? A craving. A connection waiting to combust. The months I’ve known him as a friend of my best friend’s ol’man. A glimpse here and there, a few exchanged words tops, before he hightails out of the room.

  There’s no judgement on his face. No repulsion. Maybe he didn’t notice the scars. I do get the feeling he doesn’t mind the shape of my body.

  Fingertips gently slide over my stomach. “You gave me nightmares, baby. Brought back all kinds of feelings. Feelings I shoved deep and ignored for years and years. Nothing was able to awaken something inside me, shit that throws me way the fuck off balance. You did. So, don’t fucking hide your gorgeous face from me, Xena. Is it because of these?” His eyes go to his fingers that are still stroking my scars. “Everyone has a story. Yours happens to have left highlights on your stomach while my scars are carved on the inside of my heart. Don’t shy away from me now when I’ve never seen you shy away from anything. I’ll make you a deal, rusty fox...I’ll let you see a side of me—when I’m ready—if you let me see all of you.”

  I have to swallow at his words. My first thought is to remind him how off balance his last line is. Only letting me see a side of him while he wants to see all of me. Not to mention the ‘when I’m ready.’ But everything that happened in the last day makes me very much aware this man is willing to offer something he hasn’t offered anyone. Besides...I’m naked, he’s naked, I’ve felt his thick dick inside me and crave to have him inside me again. What’s there to think about?

  “Double naked with the truth on top. Gotcha.” I smirk, in an effort to lighten the mood before I turn serious. “I’m clean, haven’t had sex in a long damn time. I just wanted to let you know before...” I take a breath to calm my nerves. “I was almost sixteen, the cops were chasing a guy who just robbed a convenience store. I never saw the car coming. I woke up in the hospital the next day. Surgery after surgery followed. My,” I catch my bottom lip between my teeth before letting go. “My tubes were destroyed. No egg of mine will ever reach my cervix. The doctors kept telling me and my family how I was a fighter...the injuries, the infections that followed...recovery sucked ass. Anyway, I’m thankful to be alive and enjoy every second of it doing it my own damn way.” I feel a smile spreading my face. One that comes from deep inside my core. “When I was laying in the hospital bed without any ability to move, I vowed to myself to get back on my feet and dance...to live for me and try everything once and do shit backwards just because I could. And I have been doing everything...living my life to the fullest.”

  Like now. I add inside my head. In this moment with this amazing man, I want to grab hold, and let go all at the same time and just...enjoy life as it connects the two of us.

  Chapter 07

  ***Lochlan***

  The hand I was using to trace the scars on her belly is now cupping her face. “This fucking smile is priceless. It carries so much meaning and value it becomes a trademark of living life to the fullest. I envy you for holding such strength in this gorgeous body.”

  Leaning in, I can’t hold back and let my lips find hers. Where I kissed her frantically and raw before, I now take my time to explore her mouth and relish in her taste. My cock hardens even more, almost painfully but I need to hold back and take it slow, savor every waking second and every inch of her.

  When I went out to get some food and chocolate, I took a detour and bought condoms. I already made up my mind and wanted to bury myself in her completely. The way she stands in life; with both feet on steady soil, hair waving to the wind of the course she lets her life flow. Her way. She takes charge...takes life and makes it the best for her. Every. Single. Part.

  As I said, I fucking envy her. I just went on without a steady course. The only thought was to shut down emotions and take one breath after another; keep functioning. Drown myself in booze on the days when it was too hard to think, to remember. I can’t believe I haven’t had one fucking drop today. Hell, I don’t even seem to fucking need to go numb.

  All because of her; I’m taking a page from her book and taking instead of just letting it ride. I’m taking her. It’s fucked up to still want to use condoms after what her brother mentioned, and even what she just shared with me. Not to mention I’m fixed. Nothing matters...my mind still can’t live up to it, I just can’t fuck bare.

  I regretfully disconnect our lips and place my forehead against hers. “I’m clean, yet my mind still demands I use a condom,” I shamefully admit on a whisper.

  Again, she gives me a blinding smile, one that makes me feel as if I’m being placed on a fucking mountain ready to roar out my victory.

  “As long as we’re having sex and no regrets after, I’m all for it.” Her eyes go down to my mouth as her tongue sneaks out and traces her bottom lip.

  “No regrets whatsoever,” I vow. “We’re both gonna ride this wave here and now.”

  “I most definitely want to ride you,” she groans and I’m fucking glad her gaze is set on my mouth because her words make me cringe. A flashback of my ugly past rears its head and I shut that shit down real fast.

  “Not going to happen, baby. I need to have you, and I’m taking you,” I tell her and the way the words fall out of my mouth it sounds like a raw promise. One that’s meant for more than a quick fuck.

  I quickly dismiss my own words—because they feel so fucking right—and reach for the condom. I grab my cock and give it a tight squeeze before I rip open the foil package and make sure to get the condom on perfectly. My gaze locks on her pussy. Open and glistening, beckoning me to come inside.

  I want to taste her so damn bad but the urge to bury myself deep is even greater. Reminding myself of the fact we’ll have more time further down the road, I settle myself between her legs.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” I croak as I take my cock in hand and nudge her entrance. “Ready for me, baby?”

  “I was ready yesterday. Take me, Lochlan,” she groans and tilts her hips in a smooth move, making me slide inside a few inches.

  Fuck. Hot. Wet. And very fucking phenomenal. The way I’m pushing into the tightest pussy I’ve ever had makes my breath halt until my balls smash against her ass. She feels so right. I have the overflowing need to see my cock getting swallowed by her. Lifting her slightly, I grab her upper thigh and shove her leg toward her and to the side, opening her up for me to see.

  My condom covered cock sliding in and out, covered by her wetness, is one damn perfect visual. Just the mere sight is enough to get my balls to draw up—ready to burst—add the feeling of her pussy clamping down and I can guarantee this won’t last long. I cover my thumb with some of her wetness and find her bundle of nerves.

  She gasps and with it my eyes lock on her face. Pure pleasure. An even better vision than my cock taking her. I draw small circles over her clit and press down when I feel her starting to come. She lights up in a burst of pure euphoria. My chest tightens and the way her pussy is milking my cock...all I can do is follow her in the bliss she’s
giving me.

  I’ve had orgasms in my life and yet I think this doesn’t classify as such. Getting off is easy to give into pleasure. Hell, my right hand can do the trick real quick, but this? Fuuuuuuuck. I found myself an addiction, one I need to indulge in a few times a day at least. If I can that is, because I feel as if I just ran a marathon. My heart might give out any damn second now and I can’t stand it. I need to fire up my cock and do a rerun.

  Condom. Dammit. I need a fresh condom first. This thought makes an electrical current go through my body that jolts me with awareness. I stumble back and my cock slides out. Panic floods me until I see the condom is still very much intact. Thank fuck.

  “Hey.” Xena cups my face, making me drag my eyes away from my cock. Her gaze goes down and back up to me, her face morphs into fury. “That fucking ex of yours tricked you, didn’t she?”

  My damn breathing is still out of control and so is my fucking heart, racing around as if it’s going to burst out of my chest any damn minute. Xena hit the nail on the head; my ex did trick me. Taking my kid. Harmony. The one person I’ve loved, who kept me tied to this world, and cut me right the fuck off when I lost her. I stumble off the bed and head into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face helps to bring me down to the here and now.

  Fucking hell, it’s as if I’m being ripped from the past and thrown into the future and back on my ass again. One moment I’m in total ecstasy and the next I’m shoved into a black hole so deep I have no clue how to crawl out.

  I finally get a grip on myself and rip off the condom and throw it into the trash. What the hell am I going to say once I get into the bedroom? She read me like a fucking open book without having me say one damn word. I don’t want to talk about any of it. It’s shoved deep in the past and it should stay that way.

  My hands tighten to fists, getting angry isn’t going to help me, and it’s not Xena’s fault. I need to face the consequences head on. I’ve always done so in the past and yet with Xena it hits me straight in the chest. She gave me honesty by telling me what happened to her. I saw it in her eyes and the way her mouth pinched. It wasn’t easy for her to tell me her story and yet here I am wondering why I can’t give her any in return. Fucking pansy ass, that’s me.