Acceptable Risk

by Robin Cook

  After the tour was over they all left the castle by the exit in the servants’ wing and then walked around to the front. They discussed the issue of keys, and it was decided to leave the doors to the wings unlocked for the time being. Kim would have keys made as soon as she had an opportunity.

  After a round of fervent handshakes and hugs and thank you’s, the researchers headed off to their respective bed-and-breakfasts to gather their belongings. Kim and Edward walked to the cottage.

  Edward was in a great mood and thanked Kim over and over for her generosity.

  “You’ve really contributed to changing the whole atmosphere of the lab,” Edward said. “As you could see for yourself, they are ecstatic. And, as important as mental state is, I’m certain their work will reflect their mood. So you’ve positively impacted the whole project.”

  “I’m glad I could contribute,” Kim said, making her feel even more guilty that she’d been against the idea from the start.

  They arrived at the cottage. Kim was surprised when Edward accompanied her inside. She’d thought he’d head directly back to the lab.

  “It was nice of that Monihan fellow to drop by,” Edward said.

  Kim’s mouth dropped open. She had to make a conscious effort to close it.

  “You know, I could use a beer,” Edward said. “How about you?”

  Kim shook her head. For the moment she’d lost her voice. As she followed Edward into the kitchen, she struggled to summon the courage to talk to him about their relationship. He was in a better mood than he’d been in for ages.

  Edward went to the refrigerator. Kim sat on a stool. Just when she was about to broach the subject, Edward popped the top from the beer and shocked her again.

  “I want to apologize to you for having been such a bear for the last month or so,” he said. He took a drink from his beer, burped, and excused himself. “I’ve been giving it some thought over the last couple of days, and I know I’ve been difficult, inconsiderate, and unappreciative. I don’t mean this as an excuse or to absolve myself of responsibility, but I have been under enormous pressure from Stanton, Harvard, the researchers, and even myself. Yet I never should have let such issues come between us. Once again, I want to ask you to forgive me.”

  Kim was taken aback by Edward’s admission. It was a totally unexpected development.

  “I can tell you are upset,” Edward said. “And you don’t have to say anything immediately if you don’t want to. I can well imagine you could be harboring some ill will toward me.”

  “But I do want to talk,” Kim said. “I’ve been wanting to talk, particularly since Friday when I went into Boston to see a therapist I’d seen years ago.”

  “I applaud your initiative,” Edward said.

  “It made me think a lot about how we’ve been relating to one another,” Kim said. She looked down at her hands. “It made me wonder if perhaps living together right at the moment is not the best thing for either of us.”

  Edward put down his beer and took her hands. “I understand how you must feel,” he said. “And your feelings are appropriate in light of my most recent behavior. But I can see my mistakes, and I think I can make it up to you.”

  Kim started to say something, but Edward interrupted her.

  “All I ask is to allow the status quo to remain for a few weeks with me staying here in my room and you in yours,” he said. “If you feel we shouldn’t be staying together at the end of this trial period, I’ll move up to the castle with the others.”

  Kim contemplated what Edward had said. He had impressed her with his remorse and his insight. His offer seemed reasonable.

  “All right,” she said finally.

  “Wonderful!” Edward said. He reached out and gave her a long hug.

  Kim held herself back a little. It was hard for her to change emotional directions so quickly.

  “Let’s celebrate,” Edward said. “Let’s go out to dinner—just you and me.”

  “I know you can’t take the time,” Kim said. “But I appreciate the offer.”

  “Nonsense!” Edward said. “I’m taking the time! Let’s go back to that dive we went to on one of our first trips up here. Remember the scrod?”

  Kim nodded. Edward drained his beer.

  As they drove from the compound and Kim glanced at the castle, she thought about the researchers and commented about how exuberant they had seemed.

  “They couldn’t be any happier,” Edward said. “Things are going well at the lab, and now they won’t have to commute.”

  “Did you start taking Ultra?” Kim asked.

  “We sure did,” Edward said. “We all started Tuesday.”

  Kim contemplated telling Edward about Kinnard’s thoughts on the subject but hesitated because she knew that Edward would be upset that she’d spoken to anybody about their project.

  “We’ve already learned something interesting,” Edward said. “The tissue level of Ultra can’t be critical because all of us are experiencing equally positive results even though we’re on widely different dosages.”

  “Could the euphoria you and the others are enjoying have anything to do with the drug?” Kim asked.

  “I’m sure it does,” Edward said. “Indirectly if not directly. Within twenty-four hours of our first dose all of us felt relaxed, focused, confident, and even—” Edward struggled for a word. Finally he said: “Content. All of which is a far cry from the anxiety, fatigue, and contentiousness we’d been experiencing before Ultra.”

  “What about side effects?”

  “The only side effect that we’ve all had was some initial dryness of the mouth,” Edward said. “Two of the others reported some mild constipation. I was the only one who had some difficulty with near vision, but it only lasted for twenty-four hours and I’d been experiencing the problem prior to taking Ultra, particularly when I got tired.”

  “Maybe you should stop taking the drug now that you’ve learned as much as you have,” Kim suggested.

  “I don’t think so,” Edward said. “Not when we are getting such positive results. In fact, I brought some for you in case you want to try it.”

  Edward reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a vial of capsules. He extended it toward Kim. She shrank back.

  “No, thank you,” she said.

  “For God’s sake, at least take the container.”

  Reluctantly Kim allowed Edward to drop the vial into her hands.

  “Just think about it,” Edward said. “Remember that discussion we had a long time ago about not feeling socially connected? Well, you won’t feel that way with Ultra. I’ve been on it less than a week, and it’s allowed the real me to emerge; the person that I’ve wanted to be. I think you should try it. What do you have to lose?”

  “The idea of taking a drug for a personality trait bothers me,” Kim said. “Personality is supposed to come from experience not chemistry.”

  “This is sounding like a conversation we’ve already had,” Edward said with a laugh. “I guess as a chemist I’m bound to feel differently. Suit yourself, but I guarantee you’d feel more assertive if you try it. And that’s not all. We also think it enhances long-term memory and alleviates fatigue and anxiety. I had a good demonstration of this latter effect just this morning. I got a call from Harvard announcing they’ve instituted suit against me. It infuriated me, but the outrage only lasted a few minutes. Ultra smoothed my anger out, so instead of pounding the walls I was able to think about the situation rationally and make appropriate decisions.”

  “I’m glad you are finding it so helpful,” Kim said. “But I still don’t want to take it.” She tried to give the container back to Edward. He pushed her hand away.

  “Keep it,” he said. “All I ask is that you give it some serious thought. Just take one capsule a day and you’ll be amazed at who you are.”

  Understanding that Edward was adamant, Kim dropped the vial into her bag.

  Later at the restaurant, while Kim was in the ladies’ room standing in
front of the mirror, she caught sight of the vial in her bag. Removing it, she undid the cap. With her thumb and index finger she lifted out one of the blue capsules and examined it. It seemed incredible it could do all the things Edward claimed.

  Glancing in the mirror, she admitted to herself how much she’d like to be more assertive and less fearful. She also admitted how tempting it would be to deal so easily with her low-level but nagging anxiety. She looked back down at the capsule. Then she shook her head. For a moment she’d wavered, but as she put the capsule back into the container, she reaffirmed that drugs were not her answer.

  As Kim returned to the restaurant proper she reminded herself that she’d always been suspicious of quick and easy solutions. Over the years she’d developed the opinion that the best way to deal with her problems was the old-fashioned way with introspection, a little pain, and effort.

  Later that night, while Kim was comfortably reading in bed, she heard the front door slam shut. It made her jump. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was before eleven.

  “Edward?” she called out nervously.

  “It’s just me,” Edward called back as he came up the stairs two at a time. He poked his head into Kim’s bedroom. “I hope I didn’t scare you,” he said.

  “It’s so early,” Kim said. “Are you okay?”

  “Couldn’t be better,” Edward said. “I even feel energetic, which is amazing since I’ve been up since five this morning.”

  He went into the half-bath and began brushing his teeth. While he did so he managed to maintain a lively chatter about humorous incidents that occurred in the lab that evening. It seemed that the researchers were playing harmless practical jokes on each other.

  As Edward spoke, Kim reflected on how different her own mood was from everyone else’s at the compound. Despite Edward’s apparent turnaround, she still was uptight, vaguely anxious, and even still a bit depressed.

  After Edward was finished in the bathroom he returned to Kim’s room and sat on the edge of her bed. Buffer followed him in and, to Sheba’s chagrin, tried to jump up as well.

  “No, you don’t, you rascal,” Edward said as he scooped the dog up and held him in his lap.

  “Are you going to bed already?” Kim asked.

  “I am indeed,” Edward said. “I’ve got to be up at three-thirty instead of the usual five to deal with an experiment I’m running. Out here in Salem I don’t have any postdocs to do my dirty work.”

  “That’s not much sleep,” Kim said.

  “It’s been adequate,” Edward said. Then he changed the subject abruptly. “How much money did you inherit along with the compound?”

  Kim blinked. Edward seemed to be surprising her every time he opened his mouth. The inappropriateness of this new question was completely out of character for him.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you feel uncomfortable,” Edward said when he saw Kim’s hesitancy. “The reason I’m asking is because I’d be willing to let you have some equity in Omni. I haven’t wanted to sell any more of the stock, but you’re different. You’ll get a monumental return on your investment if you are interested.”

  “My portfolio is fully invested,” Kim managed to say.

  Edward put Buffer down and held up his hands. “Don’t misinterpret me,” he said. “I’m not playing salesman. I’m just trying to do you a favor for what you’ve done for Omni by allowing the lab to be built here.”

  “I appreciate the offer,” Kim said.

  “Even if you choose not to invest I’m still going to give you some stock as a gift,” Edward said. He gave her leg a pat through the covers and stood up. “Now I’ve got to get to bed. I’m looking forward to four solid hours of sleep. I tell you, ever since I started taking Ultra I’ve been sleeping so soundly that four hours is plenty. I never knew sleep could be so enjoyable.”

  With a spring in his step, Edward went back into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth again.

  “Aren’t you overdoing that?” Kim called out.

  Edward stuck his head back into Kim’s bedroom. “What are you talking about?” he said while keeping his lower lip over his lower teeth.

  “You already brushed your teeth,” Kim said.

  Edward looked at his toothbrush as if it were to blame. Then he shook his head and laughed. “I’m becoming the absentminded professor,” he said. He went back into the bathroom to rinse his mouth.

  Kim looked down at Buffer, who’d stayed behind, positioning himself in front of her night table. He was vigorously begging for some biscotti she’d brought up earlier from the kitchen.

  “This dog of yours is acting awfully hungry,” Kim yelled to Edward, who was now in his bedroom. “Did he get fed tonight?”

  Edward appeared at the door. “I honestly can’t remember,” he said. Then he disappeared again.

  With resignation Kim got up, slipped on her robe, and descended to the kitchen. Buffer followed close at her heels as if he understood what had been said. Kim got out the dog food and scooped a portion onto a plate. Buffer was beside himself with excitement and was both growling and barking. It was obvious that he’d not been fed, maybe even for more than one day.

  To avoid being bitten, Kim closed the dog in the bathroom while she put his food on the floor. When she reopened the door, Buffer went past her like a white blur and began wolfing the food down so quickly he sounded as if he were gagging.

  When Kim climbed back up the stairs, she saw that Edward’s light was still on. Wanting to tell him about Buffer, she stuck her head into his room only to find he was already fast asleep. He’d seemingly lain down and fallen asleep before he’d even had a chance to turn out the light.

  Kim walked over to his bedside and marveled at his stertorous breathing. Knowing the schedule he’d been keeping, she wasn’t surprised at the depth of his sleep. He had to be exhausted. Kim turned out his light then went back to her own room.

  14

  * * *

  Monday,

  September 26, 1994

  WHEN Kim finally opened her eyes she was surprised to see it was nearly nine o’clock. That was later than she’d been getting up during the last month. Climbing out of bed, she glanced into Edward’s room, but he had been long gone. His empty room appeared neat and orderly. Edward had the commendable habit of making his bed in the morning.

  On her way to the bathroom to shower, Kim placed a call to the plumber, Albert Bruer, who’d worked on both the cottage and the lab. She left her number on his answering machine.

  Albert called back within a half hour, and by the time Kim had finished breakfast he was at her door. Together they drove up to the castle in his truck.

  “I think I already know the problem,” Albert said. “In fact I knew about it when your grandfather was alive. It’s the soil pipes. They’re cast-iron and some of them have rusted.”

  Albert took Kim into each of the bathrooms in the servants’ wing and took off the fronts of the access panels. In each he pointed out the rusted pipes.

  “Can it be fixed?” Kim asked.

  “Of course it can,” Albert said. “But it will take some doing. It might take me and my boy a week.”

  “Do it,” Kim said. “I’ve got some people staying in here.”

  “If that’s the case I can get water to the bathroom on the third floor. Those pipes look pretty good. Maybe no one lived up there.”

  After the plumber left, Kim walked over to the lab to let the men know about the third-floor bathroom. She’d not been to the lab for some time and was not looking forward to the visit. They’d never made her feel welcome.

  “Kim!” David called out excitedly. He was the first to see her come through the door that led from the vacant reception area into the lab proper. “What a nice surprise.” David yelled out to the others that she was there. Everyone, including Edward, dropped what they were doing and came over to greet her.

  Kim felt herself blush. She did not relish being the center of attention.

  “We have f
resh coffee and donuts,” Eleanor said. “Can I get you some?”

  Kim declined but thanked her, explaining she’d just had breakfast. She apologized to the group for bothering them and quickly told the men about the resolution of the plumbing problem.

  The men were pleased and assured her that using the bathroom on the third floor was not an imposition. They even tried to talk her out of bothering to make any repairs.

  “I don’t think it should be left the way it is,” Kim said. “I’d prefer it be fixed.”

  Kim then started to leave, but they wouldn’t allow it. They insisted on showing her what each one of them was doing.

  David was first. He took Kim to his lab bench and had her peer through a dissecting microscope while he explained that she was looking at an abdominal ganglion preparation that he’d taken from a mollusk called Aplasia fasciata. Then he showed her printouts of how Ultra modulated the spontaneous firing of certain neurons of the ganglion. Before Kim could even figure out what she was looking at, David took the printouts from her hands and led her into the tissue-culture incubator. There he explained how he evaluated the tissue cultures for signs of toxicity.

  Then it was Gloria’s and Curt’s turn. They took Kim downstairs to the animal area. They showed her some pitiful creatures: stressed rats and stressed monkeys that had been raised to have severe anxiety. Then they showed her similar animals that had been treated with Ultra and imipramine.

  Kim tried to appear interested, but animal experiments disturbed her.

  François took over from Gloria and Curt and led Kim into the shielded room where the NMR machine was isolated. He tried to explain exactly how he was attempting to determine the structure of the binding protein for Ultra. Unfortunately, Kim understood little of his explanation. She merely nodded her head and smiled whenever he paused.

  Eleanor then took over and led Kim back upstairs to her computer terminal. She gave Kim a lengthy explanation of molecular modeling and how she was attempting to create drugs that were permutations of Ultra’s basic structure and that would potentially share some of Ultra’s bioactivity.