by Love Belvin
“Please, Nalib,” he begged beneath his breath.
I opened, and he pushed the tasteless food into my mouth with rapid service, but with care as well before continuing a conversation with his father. I kept at pushing food around on my plate with the occasional scan of the table. This time, I found Iban smiling sinisterly.
Awwwww… Great!
I put my fork down and sat back. As if on cue, Sadik was handing me a couple of pieces of forked pasta.
“Try this seafood salad. My mother makes her own mayonnaise. It’s the kicker.”
If I wanted the seafood salad, I’d eat the bit on my plate!
I wanted to shout at him, feeling irritable. His family seeing him feed me couldn’t go over well.
“That wasn’t a request.” His tone was with full authority.
The kind I responded to, always. It wasn’t out of fear, rather respect. I hadn’t been able to put my finger on it just yet, but there was a foreboding component to Sadik’s makeup. Experiencing the aura of his father and brother encouraged the inkling.
I ate the pasta and tasted no more than I did with the fish.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” his delivery endearing again.
A clinking of glass caught the attention of the room. Irene, down at the other end, leaned into the table.
“I know it’s early yet, but we need to discuss the holidays. I’ve found an accommodating property in Aspen, but Earl wants us to break in the new island property he closed on a last week.”
An island?
I grabbed my wine glass for a big gulp.
“Everybody ain’t here for us to handle that, Ma,” Iban asserted.
Taaliba made a dramatic show of gazing up and down the table. “All Ellises aren’t present? Who are you missing, Ib?” She sent him a saucy expression.
“Nah,” Iban disagreed. “Tiff ain’t here.” With a sinister grin, he plucked fish into his mouth. “You know she’ll have Deek’s ass if family plans are made without her. Real talk.”
Taaliba sucked her teeth. And Sadik sent a long gaze his way.
“That isn’t necessary,” Monica interjected as the plates were being collected.
Thank God this was the end.
Earl cleared his throat, reclining in his high wingback chair. “Nah, he’s right. Baby girl’s input still matters in this family.” Then his golden irises brush against me briefly.
Who is Tiff?
I couldn’t see how the name “Tiff” could be pulled from Lia.
“Well, those here can begin to decide on their choice,” Irene made clear.
“Not everybody here,” Iban countered. “Y’all forget how many chicks I brought home before I got my hands on Monica?”
“Oh, stop it!” his wife demanded. “We all know you’re not Sadik. Let’s not make Bilan feel ostracized by reckless comments like that.”
Sadik’s hand was on my thigh, weightily stroking it up and down for consolation.
“I agree,” Irene shared with feminine authority. “Why don’t we have drinks in the garden and welcome our guest with more intimacy? Let’s retreat out there with just the core.”
People began leaving their seats, beginning with the girls.
“I have a call with a gallery in ten minutes,” Taaliba announced as she left the table. “I may have to miss this.” I watched as she made her way to her mother for a hug similar to the way she did Sadik.
“I’ll be out there right behind you. Girls, let’s go.” Monica ordered. “Just give me a few minutes, Irene.”
We all began to file out of the room as I wondered what Irene meant by just the “core.” I followed the group down the hall with my brain speeding.
Sadik’s mouth was at my ear. “I have to take this call I’ve been avoiding all day. I’ll meet you out there.”
The soft kiss on my neck sealed the deal.
As I followed the small group outside, I glanced behind me to find Sadik ambling in the opposite direction, fixedly on his call. That’s when it dawned on me. The core meant minus the lovers. Tom, Nena, and Diane were no longer with us. There was a strange set of dynamics in this family.
“Come on, Bilan.” I turned to find Irene with her arm stretched and a warm beam. “The garden is gorgeous. One of my favorite features of the property for the family.”
I smiled and continued ahead. Earl led the way, and I was low key surprised to see Irene catching up to him. I stumbled when his hand stretched as he reached back for her, anticipating her presence. Iban strolled with one hand holding a drink and the other in his pocket, his posture almost as intimidating as his younger brother’s. He was definitely brooding. I wondered what was his deal.
We journeyed quite a way under the glow of tall lamp posts along a cement walkway. To the left of us was an open, deep green, manicured lawn. Its details were hard to make out at this hour with the sun being down. To our right were high artificial boxwood hedges. I was tempted to reach over to pull a clover, but decided on good judgment. The Ellises were legit in every facet of their lifestyle, other than their reputation.
The group eventually made it to the lounge, centered by a fire pit bowl. The flames were blazing against the mild wind. This cozy area was illuminated by the fire and light posts around miniature stadium-style seating.
“Have a seat,” Earl offered as he took to a curved bench himself.
Irene followed him, planting herself to his right. Iban took the area to the left of his parents. As he sipped his drink, his glower on me couldn’t be missed. My eyes averted from unease and I tried to smile.
Irene’s regard swept our small group. “I’m going to call for a cocktail. Earl, I can request Mauve for you and Sadik. Bilan, can I order something for you?”
Why did my eyes balloon? I didn’t know what to say at first. Order?
“Ummm…”
“She’ll take more Malbec,” Sadik’s smooth alto boomed with authority out of nowhere, golden head glistening against the flames of the pit.
His expression was blank as he strode in with a cell phone in each hand. Irene nodded warmly, taking to her phone. Instead of taking a seat next to me, Sadik walked up to the bench above mine and sat behind. His muscular legs surrounded me, knees on either side. Immediately, I felt a sense of comfort. And when he pulled me back and into his crotch, my contented hum was almost audible. This visit was harder than I imagined. The family intimidated me just as much as the compound.
“So, you’re from West Paterson?” Earl asked as Irene spoke quietly into her phone.
I gazed up to find his regard on me. “No.” I cleared my throat. “I guess you can say I’m from Newark.”
“Oh, yeah?” His eyebrows hiked.
“Yes.” Placing one palm over the other, I weaved my fingers together. “My parents had a restaurant there by the time I was born. When I was about six, they opened a second location in Paterson and settled there.”
Iban scoffed. “I thought you were gonna say Woodland Park.”
“Oh, noooo,” I breathed. “That was a big issue with my neighbors, but for me, the name switch didn’t change the neighborhood. I still say West Paterson in conversation. And up until a few years ago, I had to remember Woodland Park when filling out my address.”
“How did your father feel about the change? I know those folks had been trying for that for years. It was that big of a damn deal for them to separate themselves from the hood. Did Sadik tell you I’m from Paterson?”
My head shifted up to Sadik. “No. He didn’t.” His response was a tender kiss on my forehead. I turned back to face Earl. “The change was officially made in maybe…2009.” After my father’s passing. “I don’t think he was into the politics of the town.”
“Too much into running those restaurants, I bet.” Irene smiled.
“No.” I let out a breath. “We’d lost them by then.”
It was a dreadful period. We struggled so hard around that time, living off my mother’s wise savings from when years were plentiful.
“Running a business is hard,” Irene attempted to save me.
“If being a businessman is a part of your attraction to Sadik, you on point, shawtie.” Iban took a sip of his drink.
“This is true,” Earl chimed in. “My son’s a Blakewood man.” Iban’s head whipped over to his father. “His mind is one of the brightest.” He nodded decidedly. “My son.”
Sadik went to THE Blakewood University?
I had no idea. I’d never asked him which schools he went to, only about some of his experiences. This deepened the gap between us. BU? Was he being modest about his pedigree or simply withholding pertinent information?
Like the fact that his parents’ house is as big as my whole block?
My head shot up and found Sadik’s blank expression, though I was confident he knew I was surprised.
“That’s enough of embarrassing him. Let’s talk about something else,” Irene tried with a warm expression.
Sadik began to rub the tension, he likely sensed, from my neck. I loved the intimacy of his touch, didn’t even mind it in front of his family.
“The only other pressing topic I can think of is our family vacation this winter. And seeing how Sadik brought someone home, I think it’s appropriate to get to know Bilan, Irene,” Earl noted. He opened his palms. “This is us: our unit, our family.”
“Or maybe we reading too much into this,” Iban voiced.
“What do you mean?” his mother asked.
Iban shrugged. “Maybe my brother is finally acting his age and just…dating.” His brows lifted as he peered over to his brother above me. “Things’re about to change in his world. Like it or not, this may be how he’s dealing with it.” Sadik’s legs tightened around my arms, and his hands froze on my shoulders. The baby. He was referring to Sadik’s baby. “Let him be a young man.” Iban shrugged again.
We were now both sitting in front of a crackling fire, tensed from agitation. It was pathetic how easily I could forget Sadik was an expectant father. How could I agree to being a man’s girlfriend when he’d be having a baby soon? A man who clearly doesn’t like using condoms—because he doesn’t with me—and didn’t just a few months ago with Lia.
His magical hands began again, and as good as they felt, I didn’t lean into him this time.
“What did I miss?” I heard sang from my right. Monica swept into the pit area wearing the biggest, most distracting smile. She carried a tray of the drinks Irene ordered. “The girls are tucked away in their room and should be dozing off any minute now.” She lay the tray down on the table portion of the pit.
“Oh!” I perked up. “The girls have a room here?” I guessed so, seeing the place was large enough for a small army.
“They share one now, but in a couple of years when they’re funky teens, they’ll separate and have their own room,” Sadik explained, unusually tenderly. “Everyone has a room here.”
“Easy,” Iban warned, nose in the air and eyes narrowed our way. “Only family.”
I spit, “Of course. For family.” I laughed nervously, trying to rebound from his hidden message.
“Yup,” Sadik added coolly. “My room was just remodeled last year. It’s enough space and grandioseness for you, I’m sure.” Humor sprinkled between his words. “One day, our babies’ll have their own room, too.”
Monica’s torso swung up and her head whipped back to face us. She wasn’t alone in her shock. Earl’s arm held, extended in the air from when Monica handed him a tumbler of brown liquid. Irene’s mouth hung agape, and Iban’s chin was to his chest. We were all agog with Sadik’s forecast.
“Babies? Are you two planning a future together?” Earl trilled.
Sadik kissed my forehead again. “Of course, it means we’ll be married first, but yeah.”
Monica handed me a glass of red wine.
“The hell! Is this the way you tell us?” His father pushed. “Randomly, after a family meal?”
My breathing became shallow, and my pulse pounded my neck.
Sadik’s hand moved affectionately over my head, neck, and shoulders. “Me bringing a woman to my family home and to our dinner isn’t random, and I believe you know that.” His voice was eerily calm, just a hint of agitation in it. “Bilan is my future. It was time for me to bring her here. Hopefully, in the morning, Monica can show her around the estate.”
My eyes flew to Monica, whose expression hadn’t changed.
“So, this is you proposing?” Iban bit out, clearly angry.
“Nah, but I’m taking her away in a couple of days, and we’ll have a timeline soon after,” Sadik responded to his brother, but the tenderness in his tone was obviously for me.
My head whipped around to see his eyes gleam with a fire I’d never seen of him.
“We just got back. I have to work, Sadik.”
He lifted my chin with his index finger and kissed me, pulling my lip when he withdrew. “I know, baby. You’ll have to quit.”
“Quit?” I echoed.
“You’re done with school anyway. How long did you think you’d keep that gig? Nicky was right. You’re about to be a graduate school student.” His eyes were soft, completely loving as he admonished me in front of his well-heeled family.
“Holy shit,” Monica cried, still in shock as she plopped down next to her husband. “This is serious.”
Iban’s irises shot bullets; this time, I saw they were landing on his brother. I’m not sure I’d ever been as uncomfortable as I was in that moment—and I’d been uneasy a lot recently. I couldn’t help but wonder if this all was some sick joke. And by the way Sadik’s father and brother were gaping at me, I could assume they wondered the same thing.
“I’m happy for you, Sadik,” Irene proclaimed proudly.
“Are you?” Earl barked. “While he has a child on the way with a fuckin’ Rizzo? You think it’s okay for him to be littering the state with my goddamn legacy?”
That was it. I stood to my feet and slammed the untouched wine glass down on the tray it came from.
“Excuse me.” I turned to Monica. “Could you show me to the room I’m staying in tonight?”
The exit was so corny, but the only one I could think of to get me out of the twilight family.
Shooting to her feet, Monica scurried to place her bottled water down and began out of the lounge area. “Sure. This way.”
I sat there in the wake of her scent with my head hung, pinching the bridge of my nose. I did the countdown thing, trying not to lose my shit on these two.
“We should have kicked it about this first, Sadik,” Iban grounded out.
My head swung up in rapid speed. “Muthafucka, I’ve kicked it with you enough about my future! Don’t fuckin’ go there.”
“Sadik, your mother!” my father shouted.
I shook my head. He was right. I couldn’t give a damn about him, but my mother didn’t deserve me spazzing the hell out.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I begged my temper to slow. “You better hope I can rebound from this.” My eyes shot to both Iban, then my father.
I paused, holding the knob, fortifying myself for what awaited me on the other side of the door. After a deep breath, I pulled the lever and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. My eyes swept the room until I found her at the other end, pacing with crossed arms. Bilan noticed me almost immediately and began her trek toward me.
“What the hell was that?”
“What?” My aplomb game was strong, she would soon learn that, even for matters concerning things closest to my heart.
“Let’s start with you bringing me up here to this…” She swung her arm around toward the open balcony. “This fortress, and basically telling your family we’re engaged!”
I dipped my chin, eyes beseeching for her logical thinking. “We both know I didn’t tell my family we’re engaged. I said we’re going to get married, sweetheart.”
“That’s the same thing!” Both her arms shot into the air. “How could you get me in front of a w
hole bunch of strangers…on a freaking arm-guarded compound and decree my future like that?”
I inhaled deeply, my eyes closing momentarily. “Bilan, I only gave you what you asked for, but presented it in front of the most cherished people in my life. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“What did I ask for?”
“A family. Remember that?” My eyes narrowed and head tilted. “Is that not what you said you wanted more than anything in this world. A family, similar to what you used to have as a small child? I can give you that. My family is that and more. We’re a stringently woven unit. Loyalty is a part of our teaching. Nothing comes before my family.” I took a deep breath, standing straight, and stretching my neck. “Until you.”
A wave of tears fell down her freckled cheeks. “Don’t manipulate me, Sadik. Don’t do it!” That knocked the fucking wind from my chest. “You took my words of vulnerability…admitting to wanting to risk my feelings for you, to trust you an—”
“I’M FUCKIN’ IN LOVE WITH YOU!” My whole body quaked with volcanic rage.
The tumbler I held vibrated, spilling brandy all over my hand. Sweat sprouted from the pores of my head and my chest heaved, lungs working vigorously. I needed space from her. If I didn’t leave, I was afraid I’d be stripped of the last of my dignity. She was fucking clueless! How could she not know?
With a quivering frame and hands covering her mouth, Bilan sauntered backward. “You never said.”
“I did! Down there in front of the people I love the most. And now I’m here, like a fuckin’ clown, telling you. I’m fuckin’ in love with you, Bilan. I want to spend the rest of my life being your friend, lover, leader, and protector. I want all of you. I want your damn hips to birth my babies. I want to fight with you and for you for the rest of my days, but not just as we are now. I need more of you. All of you.” I began to back away my damn self. “But I guess I’ll just have to wait for you catch the fuck up.”
I marched the rest of the way out and slammed the door behind me.
My heart thundered when he opened the bedroom door, casting a stream of light from the hallway. Closing it behind him, he trekked until finding his way into the bathroom. I lay there listening to the shower go, counting down the minutes until I had to confront him again. My heart ached and mind somersaulted with questions and probabilities and scenarios and doubts. The one thing I didn’t have was assurances.
