It's Not All Downhill From Here

by Terry McMillan

  Everybody laughed except Lucky.

  “What about you, Ko?” I asked.

  “We’re tied, Lo.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had one,” Lucky said. “There, the truth is out. But to be honest, I don’t care. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

  “It’s because you’re mean and your karma is bad,” Sadie said.

  “Okay, let’s stop! Enough! I was just curious,” Ko said.

  “Wait, you said the personal question pertained to your current situation. What? How?” I asked.

  “Okay,” Korynthia said with a smirk on her face. “So, you guys already know I’ve been on a senior dating site and met a few old farts. Well the last one, Lloyd, I went out with four times and finally decided to have sex with him.”

  Everybody leaned forward.

  “So anyway, we were at his house—the one his wife died in, I might add, which did not make for great foreplay. It’s a very nice house over by the Langham hotel. Anyway, we were getting touchy and I realized he was already very excited, if you get my drift, and when I took off my clothes and he saw how fit I was he looked like he wanted to get a plate and fork or something. But to make a long story short, Lloyd had taken a pill while we were at dinner, and Lord, I cannot even tell you how long that man’s miniature erection lasted. I was just watching the clock, getting pissed off because he kept asking me to turn this way and that way. And after what felt like years had passed, I finally pretended I needed to go to the bathroom because I was trying to figure out how I was going to get the hell out of there. He was still at attention when I got back and then he wanted to get on the couch. We tried up there for about ten painstaking minutes, but then he pulled me down on the carpet and he was moving like a jackhammer. I felt sorry for him but when he started yelling ‘Ride it, girl!’ I heard myself yell: ‘Give me something to ride!’ Apparently that hurt his feelings, but I didn’t care, and I sat up and said, ‘How many of those pills did you take?’ He said two and that’s when I jumped the fuck up, put my clothes on, and told him to go find a prostitute and do not call me anymore.”

  We were in tears by the time she finished.

  “Well, there is no way I can top that,” Lucky said. “But my news is that I am going to do the gastric bypass because I realize I have no self-control and I just keep getting bigger and bigger and I don’t want to die this size.”

  “Don’t think like that, Lucky!” Ko said.

  “Yeah, please don’t,” I said. “But it’s not a bad idea.”

  “I should’ve done it a long time ago.”

  “How soon?”

  “I won’t know until I get a physical to make sure I won’t die on the table.”

  “How does Joe feel about this?”

  “I haven’t told him.”

  “That’s ridiculous, Lucky, he’s your husband,” Korynthia said. “I do not for the life of me understand why he has tolerated your mean ass all these years.”

  I needed to lighten up the conversation a little. No, a lot, so I said, “Well, I’ve decided to ask my real estate tycoon friend Korynthia to help me start looking for a new space for the House of Beauty. And I finally started taking diabetes medication because I don’t have enough willpower to do what it takes on my own, but one day soon I will change the way I eat and make exercise part of my life.”

  “Taking diabetes meds is nothing to be ashamed of. And Carl hasn’t even been gone a year. So cut yourself some slack,” Sadie said, then she cast her eyes down and I knew I’d been right that those tears hadn’t been for Bird.

  “I’m being punished for what I’ve been doing,” Sadie whispered. “George told me his wife found out about us. He is leaving our church because he violated the rules of marriage in the eyes of God. He said he was sorry for giving the devil the power and that he was sorry if he broke my heart.”

  “What did you say?” I asked.

  “I said, ‘Fuck you’ and ‘Good luck finding a new church.’ ”

  “You swore?” Korynthia asked.

  “It’s about damn time, and isn’t it ironic it took a preacher to get you to do it!” I said.

  “Are you leaving the church, too?” Lucky asked.

  “Yes. But I don’t know where I’m going to start worshipping.”

  Even though she’d been stupid, I could tell her heart was broken, which was why I reached under the table and took her hand and squeezed it.

  “Pray on it,” Korynthia said.

  Lucky stopped herself in the middle of rolling her eyes and turned to me. “So, Lo, now that you seem to have gotten used to Carl being on permanent vacation in heaven, we think he’s probably wondering when you’re going to get around to fulfilling some of those promises he made you make?”

  “I went to Sadie’s church. That’s one down. I’ll get to the other ones in due time.”

  “Well, the clock is ticking. You’re going to have another birthday in about four months, so get on it.”

  I gave her a thumbs-up with a smirk.

  Korynthia grabbed a fortune cookie. “Okay, since I’m hosting, I’ll read mine first: A good way to keep healthy is to eat more Chinese food.”

  Korynthia tossed that one in the air and grabbed another one.

  “You will marry your lover. Oh hell to the no, I won’t! Read yours, Lo! And if it’s better than mine I want to trade!”

  We all started laughing.

  I opened my cookie and read: “Be able to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur.”

  I gave my cookie a thumbs-up then devoured it.

  Lucky snatched hers: “A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.”

  “No shit,” she said to the fortune cookie, and then plopped it in her mouth.

  Sadie read hers: “Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.”

  We all shook our heads and muttered, “Ya think?”

  “Okeydokey, then,” Korynthia said. “Now that we all know where we’re headed, when do we start?”

  I was checking my glucose when my cellphone rang in my bathrobe pocket. It was six thirty in the morning and no one calls me at this hour unless it’s an emergency. Even B. B. King knows this, so he crawled across the floor as if he was trying to protect me. I was hoping it wasn’t Jalecia and when I looked at the number it was the security guard who monitored the House of Beauty.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Curry. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.”

  “I suppose I’ve been robbed.”

  “I’m sorry to report it, but yes, you were.”

  “How much damage?”

  “A lot. The place has been ransacked and I doubt if there’s anything salvageable, ma’am.”

  “What happened to the alarm, Officer Clark?”

  “Well, these new thieves are pretty sophisticated. They know how to disarm them. They also know when we’re making our rounds from one facility to the next, and I admit, I stopped at Dunkin’ and got to talking about the Lakers with a buddy. I’m so sorry. All these years, we’ve never had any problems in this part of town. The police just got here.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  I didn’t bother to look at my monitor. I slipped on a pair of sweats, a sweatshirt, and sneakers, took B.B. outside near his doghouse, poured some dry food and fresh water into his bowls, and ignored his please take me with you stare. I stopped at the drive-through window at Starbucks to get a latte and was surprised that they already had my favorite: Pumpkin Spice. But I ordered a low-fat mocha latte with no sugar instead. I didn’t like it.

  On the fifteen-minute drive to the shop I felt tears rolling down my eyes. Not because the shop had been robbed, but because this was the kind of situation Carl would’ve handled. Since he’s been gone, I have had to make every decision myself. I have not been able to ask
him for advice, or weigh his unsolicited suggestions, or know that when something was too hard for me to handle he would comfort me until I was able to put things in perspective.

  When I pulled into the parking lot, police cars took up all of the parking spaces and they didn’t want to let me through until I identified myself as the owner. I did not even go inside. I could see how much was missing through the broken glass and I had no interest in trying to figure out what was still in there. This was a sign: it was time to move the store. Because unlike my husband, everything in here could be replaced.

  * * *

  —

  Instead of going home, the Volvo steered itself to the Rose Bowl. I considered walking off some of this stress, even if it was only for fifteen minutes. While looking for a parking spot, I glanced up at Lucky’s house and decided I would drop by, hoping maybe I might get her to take a few baby steps with me. But I immediately changed my mind. Lucky doesn’t like being surprised. So I called her.

  “Put your behind in something comfortable. I’m on my way up the hill to drag you down here to walk just a quarter of a mile with me. My shop got robbed and I’m feeling antsy.”

  “Wait, have you heard from Korynthia this morning?”

  “No, why?”

  “Bird left that rehab place before his treatment ended. She’s on her way down to San Diego. I’m so glad I never had any goddamn kids.”

  “Shit! Does she know where he is, Lucky?”

  “Apparently he went home. I’ve been calling her since I got her message but she’s not picking up.”

  “Shit.”

  “Come up, Lo. Forget about walking. We can call Ko together and figure out what we can do to help her. And don’t tell me my being nice is out of character because I do love all you bitches.”

  “I’m on my way up now,” I said, wondering what made her say that.

  “But don’t say anything about how this house looks. The housekeepers quit a month ago and I just haven’t been in the mood to find new ones. Anyway, I just made a strong pot of Peet’s Sumatra and I baked a delicious apple pie for Joe.”

  I went to dial Ko but realized I had a voicemail from her.

  “Hey, Lo. Bird walked out of rehab yesterday but he’s at home now. He’s okay, but he’s not okay. He went straight to buy more of those goddamn pills. I’m not leaving here until I can get to the bottom of this because he’s going back to rehab and I will stay here until he finishes the program, even if he has to stay another twenty-eight days. If he doesn’t, I might kill him myself. Anyway, I’ll be in touch, so don’t worry. But do this for me, Lo. Call Jalecia and show her all the love you can. Something makes them do this shit to themselves and we need to help them figure out what it is so they can stop. Love you.”

  I had to wipe my eyes as I drove up the hill. I pulled over and looked down at the Rose Bowl. The last time I walked it was with Ko. The people looked so much smaller. But at least they were trying to be stronger, healthier, and sounder. As I watched, I was wondering how many of them were suffering from something, trying to recover from something. How many of them had lost a loved one or were suffering from a broken heart? How many of them were worried about a loved one? A child. A parent. A friend.

  A few minutes later I pulled into Lucky and Joe’s driveway. Their house is a stucco mansion. If it weren’t white, it would be scary. The guesthouse is practically the same size as my house. I can’t believe that’s where her husband lives. Well, yes, I can.

  I didn’t ring the doorbell because Lucky’s door is always unlocked. I walked in.

  “Lucky? Where the hell are you?”

  She came from around the kitchen corner in an orange-and-green-flowered muumuu. When she threw her arms around me she was too soft. Her hair looked like she had two or three different styles going on at the same time, which meant no style at all. And she smelled weird. In fact, it smelled weird in here. Not like apple pie.

  “What’s that I smell, Lucky?”

  “Marijuana.”

  “What?”

  She grabbed me by the hand as we walked through the living room, which looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months. Newspapers were strewn on both ends of the long brocade sofa. Empty cups and wineglasses filled the cocktail table in front of it. It also smelled like the windows hadn’t been opened for years.

  “Wait a minute,” I said and walked over and pushed open the wide French doors that led out to a beautiful backyard.

  “What is your problem?” she asked me.

  “It stinks in here and I don’t want to inhale that nasty smoke. What is wrong with you, Lucky? When did you start smoking marijuana?”

  “Slow your roll,” she said like the young people.

  “No! What in the hell is going on?”

  I walked past her into the kitchen, which was an even worse mess. Flour was all over the counter and the sink was full of dishes that were not from her pie making. The Spanish floor tiles were sticky. I couldn’t believe what was going on inside this beautiful house. It looked like someone had a party in here and didn’t bother to clean up afterward.

  “Sit,” she said. “You want a piece of my delicious apple pie?”

  “No, I do not. And you don’t need any either.”

  “I enjoy my own baking.”

  I realized Lucky was high as hell. So this is what prompted the friendly call and her change in attitude. She must have been smoking when she got Ko’s message and something inside her hard heart cracked.

  “Lucky, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Why does something have to be wrong with me? I’m up here in my house minding my own business and just enjoying life.”

  “Who do you think you’re talking to, huh? That is total bullshit. You’re in here smoking reefer and your house is a fucking mess. Now I know why you didn’t want us to have dinner here. What in the hell is going on?”

  She turned so I couldn’t see her face.

  “I have made a mess of my life.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “What happened to your damn housekeepers?”

  “They quit. They didn’t like the smell of this,” she said and pulled a joint from the pocket of her muumuu.

  I walked over and snatched it, moved some of the dishes out of the sink, dropped it down the garbage disposal, and turned it on.

  “I dare you to say something. Now, where’s the rest of it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Go get it, Lucky. You are scaring the hell out of me. Is this what you do all day? Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Well, I can.”

  I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the living room in front of the biggest, ugliest, floor-length mirror she had.

  “Who in the hell is that?” I asked.

  She wouldn’t look up.

  I slapped her behind.

  She lifted her head up slowly until she was looking at herself and then her head dropped until she was looking at the floor.

  “Let’s rewind the videotape. Whose bright idea was it that we both lose weight and start exercising?”

  She pointed to her chest.

  “You said you want to get bypass surgery, but have you even tried to lose any weight?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why haven’t you?”

  “Don’t turn this around on me.”

  “I…I don’t think I love my husband anymore, and I don’t think he loves me.”

  “Joe does love you.”

  “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Well, you’re not all that loveable, Lucky. You’re mean and all you do is complain about everything and everybody.”

  I was surprised when I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and even more surprised when I f
elt them falling from my eyes, too. I wiped mine dry because I didn’t want there to be two people falling apart, which wouldn’t solve anything. Somebody needed to be strong.

  “Why did you tell me to come over here if you knew your house looked like a pigsty? We were supposed to be worrying about Korynthia and her son, but now you’ve got me worrying about you.”

  “I know that, Lo. I just felt so overwhelmed that I wanted you here. I’m also ashamed and bored with my life, and I feel old and I don’t know what to do with so much free time on my hands. I even stopped shopping because I have too much of everything but not enough of something.”

  I grabbed her by the hand, walked her back to the kitchen, and pulled a chair out from the table in the nook and made her sit. I picked up that big-ass apple pie and started shoveling it out with my hands and pushing it down the garbage disposal until the glass pan was clear. Then I opened the dishwasher and started emptying it but realized the dishes weren’t clean and there was hard dishwashing detergent caked inside it, so I shut the door and turned it on. I then grabbed some rubber gloves and washed every dish, every pot, and every surface as Lucky sat in that chair and watched me until she fell asleep, head down on her folded arms. By the time she woke up I had vacuumed the entire living room, cleaned the kitchen and all four bathrooms, and shaken the dust out of the goddamn rugs. When I finished, I went outside and sat on the patio and looked down at the Rose Bowl.

  “Thank you, Lo,” I heard her say from behind me. She squeezed my shoulders and sat in a chair next to mine.

  She looked over at me. “I’m worried about all of us. You. Korynthia. Sadie. Poochie. Bird. Jalecia. And me.”

  * * *

  —

  Odessa called the other day to ask if I wanted to see what she’d done to the apartment, so I was back in the building waiting for the elevator. I really wanted to stop on the third floor to hold the babies, but I’d probably never leave, which was why I pressed 7 instead of 3.

  She was standing outside her doorway with her arms crossed as I walked down the long hallway. She should consider wearing something besides earth tones. Today was tobacco. She’s already mocha. But as I got closer, I couldn’t believe she was wearing lipstick. Maroon lipstick. She looked like fall, which I suppose it was.