Run

by Anna White

  “He’s not here.” She muttered against my ear. Usually she wouldn’t have to say another word but right now all I could think about was the brunette at the wedding. I moved from her grasp and heard her huff. “Fucking hell are you feeling alright?” She placed her hand against my forehead and chuckled. I mocked her.

  “Oh very funny,” she folded her arms “where is he? You found him yet?” She shook her head.

  “I think he’s in Italy. It would make sense.” I didn’t disagree with her but I was hoping she was going to say something else. I knew he didn’t trust me to travel there with him, every time we went I fucked something up, I got in a fight and ruined his plans. My stomach twisted. This is why you can’t see her again. She seemed like a good girl. I ruined good people. It's what I had always done. The only woman I’d never destroyed was Chloe and I swore that’s because she was just as fucked up as me. I shrugged off the thought and landed back in the living world. Her expression was unreadable. “What’s wrong with you? Ever since you went to Harvey’s wedding last night you’ve been all on edge?” Her tone was of genuine concern. I couldn’t tell her that I’d accidentally bumped into somebody twice and I was having dreams about them. She'd think I was losing my mind. Maybe I was. Or maybe it was the drugs. I shook my head.

  “I’m just worried about Jay I suppose, people were asking where he was last night and I hadn’t got the answers to give them.” I swallowed as I glanced behind her towards her pink bed sheets. She smirked and shrugged.

  “He’s a big boy Haz?” She stepped closer towards me and her hands traced up my chest towards my neck. I leant down and kissed her cheek softly and she frowned. “There’s definitely something bothering you.” There was a tiny crease in her forehead from where she was frowning. She didn’t get that often enough. She was always smiling. I wriggled my way from her grasp and inhaled.

  “I’m heading to the gym, be back later.” I turned to leave and felt her hand catch mine. Chlo had always been a comfort. She was one of the only people that knew about my demons and accepted me for me. Her brown eyes looked sad and I hated seeing her this way. I squeezed it gently and offered her a smile. She nodded and I left. My veins were burning and my chest tighter than it had ever felt before.

  Holt - Monday

  I sat waiting for the arrival of my two best friends. I noticed a buzz that wasn’t unusual for this place. People were gathered around the booths and tables, chatting away and smiling at each other. I glanced down at my phone to see if Conway had suddenly remembered that he’d stood me up and sighed. I wasn’t upset that he may not be interested. I was upset because he had sort of become a friend to me. The bar was filled with people and I heard a familiar voice and looked as Alfie was leaning across to where I was sitting. I took a breath as he opened his mouth.

  “Why are you all alone?” His face was friendly and I instantly relaxed.

  “I’m just waiting for my friend’s. We were gonna eat and then head back to one of theirs.” I forced a smile and followed his line of site to a group of people huddled around the bar. There were familiar faces from around uni and I straightened my posture. I was waiting for a response from him but he simply nodded and walked back towards them. He was laughing and seemed so carefree. I wish I was in his frame of mind.

  After what seemed like an eternity of being sat looking like a wally, they finally rocked up, 40 minutes late and Nancy’s hair was bouncing around. They were giggling together. I frowned and pulled them towards a spot that had caught my attention. It was quiet and out of the way. The waiter took our orders and we waited. I won’t tell them that I’m a little drunk because I got through 3 glasses of wine whilst I was waiting for them.

  “So what took you so long?” I frowned in their direction, hoping that they had been kept back late at a lecture.

  “Well,” They shared a guilty look and I watched as the waiter placed our food on the table. My stomach growled. “We kind of ran into Archie and James after we finished at uni and got a little side tracked…” Nancy’s voice wandered off and I suddenly felt a wave of disappointment move through me.

  “Basically we had a quicky and then made our way here.” Soph was chewing on her pasta and she winked. Her eyes were dancing.

  “Ouch, I was ditched for a boy,” I placed my hand over my chest in an attempt to shield my broken heart “that hurts.” I held in my smirk as best as I could. I watched as Soph looked across the room, her eyes widened as she swallowed her pasta.

  “Fuck me, isn’t that Chloe and Missy?” I followed her eyes and examined the two young women. I would recognise Chloe anywhere. Her platinum blonde hair was smooth against her head, she was dressed in casual attire, ripped jeans and a white shirt which hugged her curves perfectly. Alfie was standing chatting with them both. They were in that big group. My memories of school flooded back. I remembered that she was 2 years above me. She hadn’t aged. Missy had. I glanced across at her, her face seemed drawn in and her face even though she clearly wore fake tan, looked lifeless. She looked ill. I shook my head and made eye contact with Nancy who was picking at her chips.

  “So it seems.” My words were quiet and I suddenly lost my appetite. “Can both of you please stop staring at them, I’m not up for a school reunion tonight.” My tone shocked me. I felt Soph kick me under the table and jumped before glaring at her. Ouch…

  “They were sluts in school I guess not much has changed.” Soph scoffed and I shook my head. Please shut up girls, you're killing me. Nancy raised her glass towards Soph’s and they clinched it together. Internally I was cringing. I stood from my seat and glanced at them. I want to go home. I wanted to wrap myself up in cotton wool. My ego hurt. Not just about the rejection I was feeling from being stood up by Conway but the feeling of being ditched at Harvey’s wedding by Haz. My girls were supposed to be cheering me up, not bringing me back down. “Where do you think you’re going?” Soph stared at me, her eyes were glaring at mine and I crossed my arms against my chest.

  “I want to go home.” Nancy pulled on my coat that made me thud back down in my chair.

  “Oh fucking hell she’s gone funny Soph,” they shared a look and I held in a laugh “you know what this means.”

  “Wine!” Soph finished.

  “Are you pair kidding? You’ve got lectures tomorrow!” Soph’s eyes wriggled with delight.

  “No we aren’t.” Nance sighed loudly as she looked over towards the bar.

  “Well I’m leaving. You can come with me or stay here.” My mind was made up. I no longer wanted to be here. My anxiety levels were heightened.

  “We can come back later when it gets a little more busy. You’ll feel fine once you’ve got the vodka in your system.” She pulled my arm and made me rise from my seat. I knew that I wasn’t going to win this battle. I really wasn’t.

  Vens - Monday

  Everyone had been on egg shells almost all night, nobody knew where Jay had gone and the fact he had just vanished was more unsettling than I remembered it being. Especially in our line of work. The evening drew on into night and the once peaceful buzz of the bar was becoming more intense. I looked towards Alfie who was nodding towards the bouncers. Nobody ever gets to budge a que in this place. What the hell is he doing? He must have a new girl. I smirked to myself as I watched his eyes light up and took a big swig of my pint. He caught my gaze and I raised my beer in his direction before I took another gulp. Chloe leant against my arm and squeezed it softly, she was looking more intently at me. Her big brown eyes were softer today and no longer hungry. A feeling of uneasiness overwhelmed me.

  “Where's he gone Haz?” She muttered down my ear. I wished I had the answer to her question but I didn't. I shrugged and wrapped my arms around her in an effort to comfort her.

  “He'll rock up, don't worry about it.” I gulped down the growing lump in my throat and ruffled her perfect platinum bob, she swiftly moved from my grasp and smacked my shoulder. She was now giving me the don't fucking do that again look as she patted her ha
ir back into place. The music was blaring and it had suddenly gotten much darker, the flashes of light surrounded the room and I spotted a familiar group of three girls. Fuck it’s her. Her voice was now ringing in my ears and I shook my head. I studied her frame, the dress she was wearing was skin colour, it hugged her in all the right places, her thick dark waves were cascading down her back and I fought back the urge to hold my breath. Her fire engine red headed friend was drunk and so was the tiny brunette who she was with. I watched her struggle to pull her friend from the arms of a young lad. I grimaced for her and felt a tap on my shoulder. I nodded.

  “That's the girl Jay likes,” I felt a stab of disappointment and I frowned, “if you want to know where he's gone it might be worth you approaching her?” My frown deepened and for some reason I found myself on my feet walking towards her. She was the girl. Out of all the fucking girls in Devon it had to be her. I rolled my eyes at the thought. The redhead was nowhere to be found and had left her battling with her extremely drunk friend. I touched the young lad's shoulder and tilted my head towards the tiny dark haired helpless girl.

  “Enough lad yeah?” The darkness of the room made his expression unreadable, though I got the feeling he had stopped. The girl started to whinge.

  “Why have you always got to be a spoilsport!?” She almost screamed at Avaya and I frowned at her as she began to wobble off towards the women’s bathroom.

  “I'm sorry,” she began to speak and it was hard to hear by the continuous boom of the speakers “she's always like this when she's drunk.” I fought to find her expression and smiled to myself.

  “Don't worry about it.” There was an awkward air and I reached out for her arm. “I was wondering if you'd like a drink?” She shook her head and moved her arm away from my grasp.

  “I’m okay thank you?” She leaned in closer towards me and I assumed it was so that she didn’t have to raise her voice. The smell of her perfume surrounded me. I inhaled a deep breath and savored the moment. “I should really find my friends.” Shot down Vens… The urge to fold my arms was almost unbearable and I nodded. How do you woo a woman who wants nothing to do with you? This was a feeling that was foreign to me. Women loved me. She turned on her heel and walked towards the ladies, I followed her casually a few steps behind. I examined her body shape and smirked to myself. She was better than I remembered. She was clearly toned, her stomach was as flat as a pancake, she went in at all the right places and had the right proportions, though a little ‘thicker’ on the hips and legs. She stopped abruptly and turned once she hit the outside of the toilets, she was now calling for her friend and she caught my gaze. I smirked and watched as her throat rose and fell. Her skin was tan, though I didn’t think this was natural and gazed across her beautiful sea green eyes. I made my way towards her and she froze. Her feet not moving and her breathing mellowed. I opened my mouth,

  “I'm not a freak,” I instantly regret opening my mouth. Fuck sake Haz who says that. I watched as a soft smile caught her lips. They were fuller than I remembered. Your memory hasn’t done her justice at all “Alfie told me that you’re the one who knows where Jay is?” She blinked repeatedly as if she was confused and I watched as her beautiful face twisted.

  “Who's Jay?” She eventually responded to my question. Ahh he's told her his surname. I scoffed a laugh and nodded at her.

  “Conway? You know where he is?” I closed the gap between us and hoped I’d be hit by her smell again and I wasn’t disappointed. I closed my eyes to breathe her in. How could he not have told me he was talking to her? Where did he even find her?

  “When I saw him the other week he had said he was going away on business but I can’t remember,” her eyes looked full of an emotion I couldn’t pinpoint which emotion it was, her mouth opened and closed again, “he was supposed to meet me for coffee but he didn’t show,” her expression changed as it seemed like she was recalling the memory of him standing her up. Her eyes didn’t look pained, she looked pissed. My chest danced “he didn’t tell me he wasn’t coming and I haven’t heard anything from him since.” Her words were sharp. I reached to touch the perfect skin on her face and ran my thumb along her cheek watching her hold her breath.

  “Thank you.” She stopped breathing when I stroked her face and a thrill overwhelmed me. Maybe she likes me afterall. Avaya must be the girl he’d been hiding from us. She was the reason he’d take off during a lunch hour and here she was melting in my arms and not his. A thrill moved through me and I smirked as I took in the site of her. “I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.” I released her and made my way to go and grab Chloe. It looked like Chloe was right. He was in Italy. Why has he been so stupid? Why had he taken off without letting anybody know? He knew the danger of going there alone. I fought back my urge to squeeze harder on Chloe’s arm and forced her out of the front doors of the club.

  “You’re brother is a twat and he’ll be the death of me.” I hissed, my tone sharper than I had intended it to be. I was pissed with him not her. I glanced down at the look of confusion written on her face and found it amusing. I pulled her arm again and we made our way into my car.

  “You know I like it when you’re angry.” She flashed a wink at me, her eyelashes fluttered against her brows and I grinned. I knew all too well the sex we had when we were angry was the best.

  Holt - Monday

  That feeling of electricity I felt when the tall, muscular God touched me at the club is still resonating through my entire body. It had been a week since I last saw him but the image of him was stuck. Well and truly stuck. I looked towards the bottom of my bed where Nancy was slumped, holding a sick bowl which she was sharing with Soph. I rolled my eyes and kicked them both, a small groan escaped Nancy’s mouth and she opened her eyes. She was peering up at me through her eyelashes, her pineapple bob wobbled as she shook her head at me.

  “Get lost Av. I blame you.” She gripped the bowl tighter as I let out a sigh. I felt fine. I didn’t drink. I let out a slight giggle.

  “It wasn’t my idea to go there, may I add.” She slumped back down, nestling her head in her pillow and pushed Sophia over. Soph threw her arms to one side and moaned as she grabbed the duvet and wrapped herself up in it. I smiled to myself. This has become a regular occurrence lately, them getting sloshed, me picking up pieces and carrying them home. But I love them and though testing at times, I don’t mind because they’ve been the only constant in my life. I stood from my bed and quietly made my way across my tiny landing towards the bathroom to shower. I glanced in the mirror as I unwrapped my white dressing gown. I huffed and ran my hands over my semi toned tummy, wishing it would be slightly more flat. Wishing my hips weren’t so wide, wishing my arse wasn’t so big and desperately wishing my C cup boobs were more like B cups. I frowned as I ran my hands over my breasts holding them up more and criticizing my body. I must have followed my father for my looks as people often mistook my mother for being my aunt or sister. I had darker hair, she had white blonde hair. I was slightly darker skinned than her. The only thing that resembled her was my heart shaped lips. My bright green eyes were my father's - there was no doubt in my mind I was more like him than I cared to think about. I placed my foot in the shower, a warm feeling ran over me; this should have washed away anything that was on my mind this morning.

  We nursed our hangovers, caught up on outstanding uni work that was due in that week and slept. We slept a lot. My mind wandered once more to the image of the huge pools of blue eyes and I exhaled. I wonder if he’s found Conway? What was that relationship? Why did Harvey not tell me he knew him? I had a million questions I wanted the answers to but I was probably never going to see him again. The thought of never laying my eyes on him again made my stomach churn. I turned to see my mum engrossed in her laptop. I always wondered what she was so involved in. She was a PA for the managing director for a law firm. I was always so proud of everything she did but I wished she’d just slow down for a minute. I placed my books in my handbag and patted her gently on t
he back, she jumped slightly before she turned her head in my direction.

  “I didn’t even realise you were still here?” I smiled down at the expression on her face. It was one of shock. I shrugged. Her hazel eyes looked so tired.

  “You were sorting through stuff of your own I suppose?” She nodded and glanced back towards her laptop screen, I gave her a nod before I leant down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll leave you in peace now I promise.” She smiled against my cheek and turned back towards the dining room table. I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed out of my front door. The wind taking it, making it slam shut behind me. I cringed as the sound echoed through the street and made my way towards the university campus.

  People were enthralled in the lecture. Today it was all to do with interpretations of songs, different styles of dance etcetera. I had now zoned out. Nothing was registering in my brain. The hall was a good split between young lads and women which had always surprised me. I huffed and felt a familiar dig in my ribs. I stared at Nancy who was smirking at me. Her blue eyes were smiling. No doubt she got laid this afternoon once she’d left mine. I smiled to myself and winked in her direction. She cut me a devilish stare and continued to write down notes while I tossed my pen in my hand and doodled on the piece of paper laid out in front of me. Luckily the rest of the lecture flew by, people started to ask some questions, some not so relevant to the course, which always made for a good laugh and always seemed to come from the same cock sure, tall and typically good looking idiot with no brains. I smiled to myself again and stood from the uncomfortable chair.

  “Did you make any notes at all throughout that lecture?” Nancy was gathering her notes and placing them back in her bag. I shrugged. Not really?

  “Some yeah?” I gathered up the piece of paper that I’d scribbled on and walked towards the fountain with Nancy. Soph swore she was meeting us there after her lecture. Back to normal routine now.

  “Alright Miss fairyland?” Nancy gave me a wide smile. The autumnal sun shone down on her red hair making it glisten in the sun and I nodded.