If You Could See Me Now

by Cecelia Ahern

  Vincent grunted and looked at his diamond-studded Rolex. ‘You’ve thirty seconds.’

  She froze for twenty of them and eventually her face fell and she looked to be in a great deal of pain as she spoke her next few words. ‘Poppy,’ she sighed, ‘tell him your ideas.’

  ‘Yes!’ Poppy jumped up in excitement and danced around the other side of the table to Vincent. ‘OK, so I’m thinking waterbeds in the shape of hearts, hot tubs, champagne flutes that rise from the bedside lockers. I’m thinking the Romantic era meets art deco. An explosion,’ she made explosion signs with her hands, ‘of rich reds, burgundy and wine that make you feel like you’re being embraced in a velvet-lined womb. Candles everywhere. French boudoir meets…’

  As Poppy rambled on and Vincent nodded his head animatedly while hanging on her every word, Benjamin turned to look at Elizabeth, who in turn had her head in her hand, wincing at every one of Poppy’s ideas. Their eyes met and they both shared an exasperated look over their respective colleagues.

  Then they shared a smile.

  Chapter 17

  ‘Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness,’ Poppy squealed with delight, dancing towards Elizabeth’s car. ‘I’d like to thank Damien Hirst for inspiring me, Egon Schiele,’ she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye, ‘Banksy and Robert Rauschenberg for providing me with such incredible art that helped my creative mind develop, opening delicately like a bud and for—’

  ‘Stop it,’ Elizabeth hissed through gritted teeth. ‘They’re still watching us.’

  ‘Oh, they are not, don’t be so paranoid.’ Poppy’s tune changed from elation to frustration. She turned to face the cabin on the site.

  ‘Don’t turn round, Poppy!’ Elizabeth spoke as if giving out to a child.

  ‘Oh, why not? They’re not watchi— Oh, they are. BYEEE! THA-ANKSSS,’ she waved her hands wildly.

  ‘Do you want to lose your job?’ Elizabeth threatened, refusing to turn round. Her words had the same effect as they would on Luke when she threatened to take away his PlayStation. Poppy stopped skipping immediately and they both walked in silence back to the car, Elizabeth feeling two pairs of eyes burning into her back.

  ‘I can’t believe we got the job,’ Poppy said breathily once inside, hand on her heart.

  ‘Nor can I,’ Elizabeth grumbled, securing her seat belt around her body and starting up the engine.

  ‘What’s wrong with you, grumpy? You’d swear we didn’t get this job or something,’ Poppy accused, settling down in the passenger seat and drifting off to her own world.

  Elizabeth thought about that. In fact she hadn’t got the job, Poppy had. It was the kind of victory that didn’t feel like a victory at all. And why had Ivan been there? He had told Elizabeth he worked with children – what had the hotel got to do with children? He hadn’t even stuck around long enough for her to find out, instead leaving the room as soon as the drinks were brought without a goodbye to anyone apart from Elizabeth. She pondered this. Perhaps he was involved in business with Vincent and she’d walked in during an important meeting, which would make sense as to why Vincent had seemed so rudely preoccupied. Well, whatever it was, she needed to be informed and she was angry that Ivan hadn’t mentioned it last night. She had plans to make and despised disruptions.

  Separating from an overexcited Poppy, she headed over to Joe’s for a coffee and to think.

  ‘Good afternoon, Elizabeth,’ Joe shouted. The three other customers jumped in their seats at his sudden outburst.

  ‘Coffee, please, Joe.’

  ‘For a change?’

  She smiled tightly. She chose a table by the window looking onto the main street. She sat with her back to the window. She wasn’t a gazer, she needed to think.

  ‘Excuse me, Ms Egan.’ The male American voice startled her.

  ‘Mr West,’ she said, looking up in surprise.

  ‘Please call me Benjamin.’ He smiled and indicated to the chair beside her. ‘Mind if I join you?’

  Elizabeth moved her papers out of his way. ‘Would you like a drink?’

  ‘Coffee would be great.’

  Elizabeth took her mug and held it out towards Joe, ‘Joe, two tall slim mango Frappaccinos, please.’

  Benjamin’s eyes lit up. ‘You’re kidding, I thought they didn’t sell that he—’ He was cut short by Joe dumping two mugs of milky coffee on the table. It spilled over the sides of the mugs. ‘Oh,’ he finished, looking disappointed.

  She turned her attention to the extremely dishevelled-looking Benjamin. His thick black hair was in wavy curls around his head, and he had jet-black stubble growing from the top of his hairy chest to his cheekbones. He wore scruffy jeans streaked with muck, an identically soiled denim jacket, turf-clad sandy Caterpillar boots that had left a trail from the front door to the table, under which a small mountain of dry mud was gathering. A line of black dirt collected underneath his fingernails and as he rested his hands on the table on front of Elizabeth, she felt herself having to look away.

  ‘Congratulations on today,’ Benjamin said, seeming genuinely happy. ‘It was a very successful meeting for you. You really pulled it off. You guys say sláinte, right?’ He held up his coffee mug.

  ‘Excuse me?’ Elizabeth asked coldly.

  ‘Sláinte? Isn’t that right?’ He looked worried.

  ‘No,’ she said with frustration, ‘I mean yes, but I’m not talking about that.’ She shook her head. ‘I didn’t “pull it off”, as you say, Mr West. Getting this contract was no stroke of luck.’

  Benjamin’s sun-kissed skin pinked slightly. ‘Oh, that’s not what I meant at all and please call me Benjamin. Mr West seems so formal.’ He moved uncomfortably in his chair. ‘Your assistant, Poppy …’ he looked away, trying to find the words, ‘she’s very talented, has lots of “out there” ideas and Vincent pretty much has the same philosophy but sometimes he gets carried away and it’s up to us to talk him down from the window ledge. Look, it’s my job to make sure we get this thing built on time and under budget so I plan to do what I usually do and just convince Vincent that we haven’t the money to put Poppy’s ideas from paper to practice.’

  Elizabeth’s heart quickened. ‘Then he’ll want a designer he can afford. Mr West, have you come here to try to talk me out of this job?’ she asked coldly.

  ‘No,’ Benjamin sighed. ‘It’s Benjamin,’ he stressed, ‘and no, I’m not trying to talk you out of this job.’ He said it in a way that made her feel foolish. ‘Look, I’m trying to help you out here. I can see that you’re not happy with the whole idea and truthfully I don’t think the locals would be too delighted by it either.’ He gestured around at the people in the room and Elizabeth tried to picture Joe going for Sunday lunch in a ‘velvet womb’. No, it definitely wouldn’t work, definitely not in this town.

  Benjamin continued, ‘I care about the projects I work on, and I think this hotel has a huge amount of potential. I don’t want it to end up looking like a Las Vegas shrine to Moulin Rouge.’

  Elizabeth had slid down ever so slightly in her seat.

  ‘Now,’ he said assertively, ‘I came here to meet you because I like your ideas. They’re sophisticated yet comfortable, modern without being too modern, and the look will appeal to a broad range of people. Vincent and Poppy’s idea is too themed and will alienate three-quarters of the country immediately. However, maybe you could punch them with a bit more colour? I do agree with Vincent that your whole concept needs to look less like The Shire and more like a hotel. We don’t want people feeling like they have to travel barefoot to Macgillycuddy’s Reeks to drop a ring down the centre.’

  Feeling offended, Elizabeth dropped her mouth open.

  ‘Do you think,’ he continued, ignoring her reaction, ‘that you could work with Poppy? You know, water down her ideas… a lot?’

  Elizabeth had been prepared once again for a stealth attack but he was here to help her. She cleared her throat that didn’t need clearing and pulled at the end of her suit jacket, feeling awkward. On
ce she had composed herself she said, ‘Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page here, but.’ She signalled to Joe for another coffee and thought about fusing her natural colours with Poppy’s rich tones.

  Benjamin shook his head wildly to Joe’s offer of another coffee, still with a full untouched mug in front of him. ‘You drink a lot of coffee,’ he commented as Joe placed her third mug on the table before her.

  ‘It helps me think,’ she said, taking a sip.

  There was a silence for a moment.

  Elizabeth snapped out of her trance. ‘OK, I’ve an idea.’

  ‘Wow, that worked fast,’ Benjamin smiled.

  ‘What?’ Elizabeth frowned.

  ‘I said it—’

  ‘OK,’ Elizabeth interrupted, not hearing him in her rush of ideas. ‘Let’s say Mr Taylor is right and the legend lives on and people see this place as a place of love, blah dee blah.’ She made a face, clearly not impressed by that belief. ‘So there’s a market there we need to cater for, which is where Poppy’s ideas will work, but we’ll keep them just to a minimum. Maybe a honeymoon suite and a snug thrown in here and there, the rest can be my designs,’ she said happily. ‘With a bit more colour,’ she added with less enthusiasm.

  Benjamin smiled when she’d finished. ‘I’ll run it by Vincent. Look, when I said earlier about you pulling it off in the meeting I didn’t mean you hadn’t the talent to back it up. I meant doing that whole crazy thing.’ He circled his dirty fingers beside his temples.

  Elizabeth’s good mood vanished. ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘You know,’ Benjamin smiled broadly, ‘the whole I-see-dead-people-thing.’

  Elizabeth stared at him blankly.

  ‘You know, the guy at the table. The one you were talking to? Is this ringing any bells with you?’

  ‘Ivan?’ Elizabeth asked uncertainly.

  ‘That’s the name!’ Benjamin snapped his fingers and bounced back in his chair, laughing. ‘That’s it, Ivan the very, very silent partner,’ he laughed.

  Elizabeth’s eyebrows almost lifted off her forehead. ‘Partner?’

  Benjamin laughed even harder. ‘Yeah, that’s it, but don’t tell him I said so, will you? I’d be so embarrassed if he ever found out.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Elizabeth said drily, shocked by this information. ‘I’ll be seeing him later and I won’t mention a word.’

  ‘Neither will he,’ Benjamin chuckled.

  ‘Well, we’ll see about that,’ Elizabeth huffed. ‘Although I was with him last night and he didn’t say a word then either.’

  Benjamin looked shocked by her. ‘I don’t think that kind of thing is allowed in Taylor Constructions. Office dating is strictly frowned upon. I mean, you never know, Ivan could be the reason you got the job in the first place.’ He wiped his eyes wearily and his laughter calmed. ‘When you think about it, isn’t it amazing what we do to get jobs these days?’

  Her mouth dropped.

  ‘But it shows how much you love your job to be able to do a thing like that.’ He looked at her in admiration. ‘I don’t think I could.’ His shoulders shook again.

  Elizabeth’s mouth gaped even wider. Was he accusing her of sleeping with Ivan to get the job? She was rendered speechless.

  ‘Anyway,’ Benjamin said, standing up, ‘it’s been great meeting you. I’m glad we got the Moulin Rouge thing fixed up. I’ll run it by Vincent and give you a call as soon as I know more. Do you have my number?’ he asked, padding down his pockets. He reached into his front breast pocket and pulled out a leaking biro that had left a blob of ink at the bottom of his pocket. He grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and messily scrawled his name and number across the tissue.

  ‘That’s my cell number and the office number.’ He handed it to her and pushed forward his leaking pen and a ripped napkin damp from his spilled coffee. ‘Can I have yours? Saves me having to go through the files.’

  Elizabeth was still angry and offended but reached into her bag, retrieved her leather-bound card holder and held out one of her gold-trimmed business cards. She would refrain from hitting him just this once; she needed this job. For Luke and her business’s sakes, she would hold her tongue.

  Benjamin flushed slightly. ‘Oh right,’ he retracted his torn napkin and leaking biro and took her card. ‘That’s a better idea, I guess.’ He held out his hand to her.

  She took one look at his hand stained with blue ink and with dirty fingernails, and she instantly sat on her hands.

  After he had left, Elizabeth looked around in confusion, wondering if anyone else had witnessed what she had. Joe met her eyes, winked and tapped his nose as though they were sharing some sort of secret. After work she planned to collect Luke from Sam’s house and although she knew Ivan and Sam’s mother were no longer together she was hoping among all hopes that she would see him there.

  To give him a piece of her mind, naturally.

  Chapter 18

  Mistake number one: going to Elizabeth’s meeting. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s the same rule as not being allowed to go into school with our younger friends, and I should have had the sense to realise that Luke’s school is the equivalent to Elizabeth’s workplace. I could have kicked myself. Actually I did, but Luke thought it looked so funny that he started doing it to himself and now both his shins are bruised. So I stopped.

  After I left the meeting I walked back to Sam’s house, where Luke was being minded. I sat on the grass in the back garden, keeping an eye on them wrestling each other, hoping it wouldn’t end in tears and also doing my favourite mental sport. Thinking.

  It was constructive thinking too because I realised a few things. One of the things I learned was that I went to the meeting that morning because my gut feelings were telling me to. I couldn’t figure out how my being there would possibly help Elizabeth but I had to go with my instincts and I just presumed she wouldn’t see me. My meeting her the previous night had been so dreamlike and unexpected that I started the day feeling as if it was all in my imagination. And yes, I am aware of the irony there.

  I was so happy she saw me. When I saw her swinging on that garden bench looking so lost, I knew that if she was ever going to see me that would be the time. I felt it in the air. I knew she needed to see me and I had prepared myself for the fact that one day she would, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the shiver that ran up my spine when our eyes first locked together. It was odd because I’d been looking at Elizabeth for the past four days and I was used to her face, knew it inside out, could see it clearly even when I shut my eyes, knew that there was a tiny mole on her left temple, that one cheekbone was slightly higher than the other, that her bottom lip was larger than her top, that she had fine baby hair at the edge of her hairline. I knew it so well, but isn’t it strange how different people can look when you actually look them in the eyes? They suddenly appear to be someone else. If you ask me, it’s true what they say about eyes being the windows to your soul.

  I had never felt that feeling before, but I put that down to not having been in the position before. I had never had a friendship with someone of Elizabeth’s age and I supposed it was nerves. It was all a new experience for me but one I was immediately willing and able to take on.

  There are two things that I am rarely. The first is confused and the second is worried, but while I waited in Sam’s back garden on that sunny day, I was worried. And that confused me and because I was confused, that worried me even more. I was hoping I hadn’t caused trouble for Elizabeth at work, but later that evening, as the sun and I were playing hide and seek, I soon found out.

  The sun was trying to hide behind Sam’s house, covering me in a blanket of shadow. I was moving around the garden, sitting in the very last patches of sun before they disappeared completely. Sam’s mom was having a bath after doing a dance workout video in her back room, which had been hugely entertaining, so when the doorbell rang Sam answered it. He was under strict instructions not to answer to anyone except Elizabeth.

  ‘Hello, Sam,�
�� I heard her say, stepping into the hall. ‘Is your dad here?’

  ‘No,’ Sam replied, ‘He’s at work. Me and Luke are playing in the garden.’

  I heard footsteps coming down the hall, the sound of heels on wood and then an angry voice as she stepped out into the garden.

  ‘Oh, he’s at work, is he?’ Elizabeth said standing at the top of the garden with her hands on her hips looking down at me.

  ‘Yeah, he is,’ Sam said, confused, and ran off to play with Luke.

  There was something so endearing about the sight of Elizabeth looking so bossy that it made me smile.

  ‘Is something funny, Ivan?’

  ‘Lots of things are,’ I replied, sitting down on the only part of the grass that still had sun on it. I guess I won the hide-and-seek game. ‘People getting splashed with puddles by passing cars, being tickled right here,’ I gestured to my side, ‘Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy in the second Beverly Hills Cop an—’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ She frowned, moving closer.

  ‘Things that are funny.’

  ‘What are you doing?’ She stepped closer still.

  ‘Trying to remember how to make a daisy chain. Opal’s looked nice,’ I looked up at her. ‘Opal’s my boss and she had them in her hair,’ I explained. ‘The grass is dry if you want to sit down.’ I continued pulling daisies from the ground.

  It took Elizabeth a moment to settle herself on the grass. She looked uncomfortable and made faces as though she was sitting on pins. After brushing invisible dirt off her slacks and attempting to sit on her hands so her bum wouldn’t get grass stains, she resumed glaring at me.

  ‘Is something the matter, Elizabeth? I sense that there is.’

  ‘How acutely aware of you.’

  ‘Thank you. It’s part of my job but nice of you to compliment me.’ I sensed her sarcasm.

  ‘I’ve a bone to pick with you, Ivan.’

  ‘A funny one, I hope.’ I threaded one stalk through the other. ‘There’s another thing that’s funny – funny bones. They hurt but they also make you laugh. Like lots of things in life, I suppose, or even life itself. Life is like a funny bone. Hmm.’