By The Way, I Love You
Page 6
The ball finally starts to drop, ushering in a new year and a new chapter – but suddenly, the only “balls” on my mind are his. Because I can’t wait anymore. I want to get to know every inch of his body tonight, every crevice, and I am going to – if he lets me, at least.
I reach up and start to slide my hands down his chest. Out of the corner of my eye I see my phone light up with a notification from Reddit, meaning that yet another person has commented my post, probably asking for an update. But as I start to unbutton his pants, I reach over and toss my phone across the couch. Because enough has been shared already.
This next chapter is just for us.
Six Months Later
Reddit Posting
From user: ConfusedInATL
Title: I Accidentally Fell in Love With My Gay Best Friend.
This Is What Happened Next.
Hello again! It’s me. First of all, I’d like to offer you a thank you and an apology. I’d like to thank you for the reaction to my post six months ago, when I confessed I’d unexpectedly fallen in love with my roommate.
Looking back, it was one of the worst times of my life – I felt so alone, so conflicted, so torn. So I turned to you all, and your reaction to my post was so big, it forced me to do the best thing I’d ever done. Which leads you to my apology: sorry for never coming back to update you, or responding to the media requests for interviews and information. Because for the first time, I’ve been living my love story in real life, and not just in my head.
As you probably noticed, the post started spreading, and I knew the object of my affection could find out in the worst way possible – through someone else. So that New Year’s Eve I sat down and spilled out my fucking guts when he returned from vacation.
And guess what? He said yes. He accepted me. And this has been the best six months of my life.
I’m sorry for not updating you all when he took me into his arms that night and confessed he felt the same way, because nobody in the world would be able to put that feeling into words. (Trust me, I’ve tried. That’s why this post took so long.) I’m sorry for not sharing what it felt like to wake up in bed with him for the first time on New Year’s Day, because not even a famous poet would be able to give it justice.
And the rest of the moments: our first real date, the first time I held his hand in public, the first time we made love while it sleeted against the window. All of those moments feel like they are ours, and I’m sorry for not coming back to share what was happening.
Okay, enough apologizing. For the first time, I am not sorry about the life I am living with him, the love I feel for him. Of course it hasn’t all been perfect. Adjusting our situation from best friends to partners was a little rocky, and sometimes I didn’t know how to react to certain things, or what exactly to say in a specific moment. But he changed my life overnight, and I would never go back.
I am not sad that some of my friends iced me out and turned their backs on me, because my partner’s friends welcomed me with open arms, and his world is far better than the one I am leaving.
Basically I just want you to know this: despite everything, the post you read back in December had a happy ending. Happy isn’t even the word, really. When I introduced him to my mom for the first time, when we walked into a gay bar as a couple for the first time – “happy” would never describe those moments. Every day feels too sweet to be real, but it is real.
And it’s not just the big things. Honestly, the little things are my favorite thing of all. I like doing life with him. I like the way he leaves a glass of water to the side of my bed every night, because he knows I get nightmares sometimes and wake up thirsty. I like the way he always remembers to get me Spicy Hot Cheetos when he goes shopping. I like the way he rubbed my leg all night when I got those horrible muscle spasms that run in my mom’s family. Anyone can be in love, but sustaining that love in everyday life feels like a miracle. Just the act of going through my day and knowing that no matter my failures and successes and flops, he will be waiting for me at home when I walk through that door – it feels like magic, it really does.
Tomorrow we’re heading to Lake Burton for his family’s Fourth of July trip, where I will be introduced as his boyfriend for the first real time. (Yikes – I still can’t even believe I’m using the word ‘boyfriend’ about my own life, but it’s about time I get used to it.)
There’s one more detail I guess I should share. Burning a hole in my jeans right now is the promise ring I got him, with a staircase engraved on the inside of the band. He literally fell into my life and changed it forever, and I want him to know how committed I am to this new life he gave me.
I’ll be signing off now, and I probably won’t be checking back. I hope you understand, but our story belongs to us now. For a minute there, it almost went off the rails and blew up and became the world’s story, but we reclaimed it. Anyway, he’s in bed right now, waiting for me with the laptop open to Netflix, and that is a feeling so warm and tender and beautiful I cannot describe it.
So – goodbye, friends. Please wish us well. And please pray he accepts the ring. Because this time, there is no turning back. Hopefully, at least.
Oh, and one last thing, a personal message from anyone who may be in a similar situation, and might be confused about it: tell that person now. Don’t think about what the world will say. Nothing else matters. If I’d never held my breath and shared my truth, I would’ve lost out on the best thing I ever found.
If you trust love, trust it all the way.
All my love,
(NoLonger)ConfusedInATL
The End