Forget Me Never

by Sable Hunter

  He was gone. Her world was empty. The house that had been full of love and laughter was now silent as a tomb. Savannah had checked her computer hourly, walked around with the cellphone in her hand – but there had been no word.

  Patrick had not given her any indication as to this mission or his destination- he couldn’t – it wasn’t allowed. But there had been something in his eyes that told her that this time was different. Danger was a given. The reality that her beloved was in harm’s way just ate at her heart and lungs like a cancer. Savannah found it hard to breathe without him.

  Ciara paced the floor. She wasn’t satisfied. The dog’s restlessness made Savannah nervous. Neither one of them had any appetite, but to keep their strength up, she had boiled Ciara a chicken breast and made herself a salad. Taking it to the couch, Savannah curled up in the corner next to her laptop and phone – the only tenuous connection she had with Patrick.

  Evening fell slowly and Savannah just sat there dwelling on the happiness she had enjoyed while Patrick had been home. How amazing it was to be loved! As she prayed for his safety, she thanked God for the blessing of Patrick. No one had ever loved her before. Oh her mother might have loved her – or her father – but she had been torn from their lives before a memory could take root. So only Patrick – only Patrick had ever seen anything in her worth loving. And Savannah loved him back – beyond reason.

  Finally, Savannah realized her food was gone and darkness had settled on the land. She was about to get up and put away her dish and walk Ciara when a knock sounded on the door. For a moment joy flared – Patrick! But that was impossible. He was in Afghanistan righting some wrong or battling some faceless enemy.

  Setting down her plate, she went to the door. Who could it be? Remembering March, she thought to look through the peep hole. It was Revel Lee. With a smile she opened the door. “Well hello, Revel.”

  But the moment she looked in his face, she knew something was wrong. Anguish was written on every feature. “Revel, what’s wrong?”

  “Savannah. . .” His voice broke.

  “No, please, no.”

  “Savannah, Sweetheart. . .”

  Her world began to crumble. “Revel? Patrick?” Oh, God. . . Savannah felt the life drain from her limbs. She grew weak with fear.

  “I’m sorry, Savannah. I just got word. Patrick was killed. . .”

  Patrick was killed.

  Patrick was killed.

  The words exploded in her heart and mind. ‘NOOOOOO!” she screamed as she went to her knees. “No, please God, not my Patrick.”

  Revel caught her, then blackness engulfed her, and blessedly, she knew no more.

  *****

  “I can’t do this,” she told Revel as if she had a choice. “How do you expect me to say goodbye?”

  One moment she had everything. The next moment she had nothing. Sitting down in a corner of the couch, Savannah curled herself into a tight ball. She wanted to make herself small, so small that she just disappeared. That’s what she wanted – to not be here at the funeral home. Savannah wanted to not be anywhere. She wanted to not be.

  Revel knelt in front of her. “I know. I’m hurting, too. But we’ve got to get through this for Patrick. I want you to help me plan the service.”

  one end of the big viewing room, the flag draped casket already stood. Four honor guards stood at attention, two on each side. “They won’t let me see him?”

  “No,” Revel shook his head. How did he tell her that there was nothing to see? The report he had been given said that Patrick had been incinerated in the blast.

  “How do I know that it’s him, if I don’t see him? How can I say goodbye?” Her voice broke. Savannah didn’t know if she could go on – or if she wanted to go on.

  Revel didn’t know what to say.

  Her throat hurt. Her mouth was dry. She had cried so much that there was no moisture left in her body. Trying to stand up, she swayed.

  “What do you need? Are you hungry?”

  Hungry? No. “I couldn’t eat. Where’s the water fountain, I’m thirsty, though.”

  Revel helped her sit back down. “I’ll go get you some water.” He hurried from the room.

  Savannah couldn’t sit still. Pushing up, she stood for a moment, gathering strength, then walked over to where Patrick lay in a closed box. All of her dreams were in that box. She had been loved. For a few precious months, she had known what it was like to be important to someone, to be cherished. With a shaking, trembling hand, she touched the casket. “What now, my Love? Why did you leave me? I can’t go on without you. I don’t want to live one day on this earth without you.”

  The men standing near weren’t supposed to move, but hearing her pain caused them to shift in sympathy.

  “It’s over. You are everything I ever wanted. What reason do I have to go on?”

  “What would Patrick want you to do?” Revel asked her softly as he handed her the water. Savannah sipped it gratefully and returned the empty paper cup to him like a child.

  His words reverberated through Savannah’s mind. “Patrick didn’t want to be forgotten. But I would never do that.”

  “Live for him, that’s what he would have wanted. Come on now, we have some work to do. Flowers to order and we need to go tell Paddy.”

  “I want to bring Ciara back here. Will that be okay? And I want to stay here with him tonight. I’ll sit here beside him. I want to be with him every second that I can.”

  Her simple little requests just broke Revel’s heart. “I’ll make it happen, don’t worry.⶝

  Savannah walked through the day in a daze. Agony and total, utter despair squeezed at her heart like a vice. To think that she would never look into his eyes again, never hear his voice whisper in her ear, never hold his hand – never feel his touch again – just ate at her soul like acid. Of course, Savannah had no legal status. They were only engaged. Revel was the executor of the will, but he made no move without consulting her. He let her choose the flowers. When she made her request, the florist balked. But with Revel’s special brand of persuasion and an additional fee, a spray of blue forget-me-nots were ordered. Savannah chose the songs. Patrick had left no specific instructions, nor was he deeply religious, so she chose songs for herself more than anything. ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ perfectly described what he was for her. Patrick had stepped into her life and walked with her through the storm, he had held her hand until they had passed through the turmoil and he had given her glimpse of the life they could have shared together. ‘Danny Boy’ almost brought her to her knees. She didn’t know how she would sit and listen to these two songs and maintain any sort of decorum, but she would try.

  Revel had suggested that he and Jayco and Hawke speak instead of bringing in some preacher than none of them knew to say words of comfort where no comfort could be had. But Savannah had asked for that privilege herself. It would be hard – but he was her Patrick and she wanted to do it. All of the events of the past months when she had been traipsing through cemeteries and calling out to the dead, now seemed almost blasphemous. Every one of those ‘dead’ had been precious to somebody. The next time she approached an investigation, it would be with a completely different attitude. And she would – because now she had the greatest reason in the world, for the one that she loved best now resided beyond her touch. So tomorrow, when she spoke at the service, she would be speaking to Patrick. Because she was convinced he would hear every word she was saying.

  When she went to the nursing home, Paddy didn’t remember her. And when she tried to tell him that Patrick had been killed in the war, he only smiled and told her that his Patrick was sitting in the chair beside him. Savannah stared at the empty chair and hoped he was. In fact she ran a shaking finger over the back of the cushion, longing for just one touch.

  Savannah told Ciara like she was telling a close relative. She had no idea if anything she said sunk in – how could it? But she told her. And Revel had cleared it with the funeral home that the lab could be
brought in to be near her master.

  Mechanically, Savannah got ready to go be with Patrick. Walking through her house was impossible. He was everywhere. She wasn’t crying anymore – Savannah was frozen. She had shut down. If it wasn’t for the promises she had made to him, she would have gone to say goodbye to him, then come home and shut her doors. But Revel was right; there were things she could do. The grief was so overwhelming that thinking about doing something for Patrick seemed to help.

  “Are you two girls ready to go?”

  Revel’s voice caused her to jump. She had gladly put him in her guest room and she would have thought hearing a man moving around the house would have given her comfort – but it didn’t. Revel was a good man, but not the right man.

  “Yes, we’re ready.” She wasn’t ready. How could she ever be ready to let Patrick go? She placed a leash on Ciara and walked with Revel to the car.

  “You do know that Patrick left instructions for me to give you all of his insurance and savings.”

  “He told me. I’d say that I don’t want it, that all I want is him but that would be insulting him. Besides, I think I may have an idea.” She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “I want Patrick to be remembered. I’m going to try and think of ways to do that. Maybe I could use his money to start a scholarship or a memorial for those lost in service in Afghanistan.”

  “Savannah, those are beautiful ideas. But I think he would have wanted you to use the money for yourself.”

  “There’s nothing I want,” she whispered softly. Just Patrick.

  “I would never put in; it will be your money. But there’s quite a bit of it and the one thing he told me, the last time we talked was that he wanted to make sure you were taken care of.”

  With that revelation, Savannah broke down and cried.

  When they arrived at the funeral home there were a few other people there. Not many. Two of them she recognized from photos that Patrick had sent. They were standing at the casket, deep in conversation, but Revel took her over to introduce her to them. “Hey, Guys. This is Patrick’s Savannah.” Her heart broke anew. “Savannah, this is Philip Hawke and Jayco Johnson.”

  Savannah held out her hand, but Jayco didn’t take it. Instead he pulled her close and hugged her. “Patrick was right. You are absolutely lovely.” She hiccupped a sob.

  Hawke hugged her next. “I bet you don’t have any idea how much he loved you.”

  “Yes, I do. He had told me countless times and he shows me in more ways than I can count. I have no doubt about Patrick’s love.” There was no way she could speak in the past tense – not yet.

  Ciara recognized the men and she wagged her tail in greeting. Savannah watched her carefully knowing how sensitive animals were. She fully expected the lab to react to Patrick’s presence in the casket. Several times she had seen photographs of dogs who were allowo come say goodbye to their soldier Masters at their funeral, so she knew what to expect. But as much as the dog loved Patrick, she made no sign. This confused Savannah.

  “Would you like to sit down?” Revel asked, noting how pale she was.

  “No, I want to stay close.” Realizing that she needed privacy, Patrick’s three friends left to mingle with the few others that had come to pay their respects. She released her hold on the leash and Ciara moved to the side of the room and sat down, facing the door. How odd. It was as if she were watching for the one person that was missing. Patrick. “I know how you feel, Girl.”

  Savannah moved two steps closer to the coffin and laid her head down on the flag. It might not be respectful, but right now patriotism wasn’t her focus. “I love you,” she whispered. “I will never, ever forget you. You are the only person in this world who ever loved me. Thank you for showing me how perfect life could be.” She started to just sink down by the casket and huddle close to him, but she didn’t want to embarrass his friends. So, she made her way to the nearest couch and curled up in the corner. And there she sat, because there was no where else in the world for her. Everything she possessed was here.

  *****

  Hawke and Jayco sipped coffee. “Should we say anything?” Jayco asked.

  “Hell, no. We don’t know anything. All we have are suspicions. I don’t want to even say anything to Revel. There’s no use getting their hopes up if we’re wrong.”

  “We can’t just drop it. What if we’re right?”

  Hawke glared at his friend. “I don’t have any intentions of dropping it. But we don’t want to end up like Patrick. Let me do some digging. I just wish I knew where he stashed that evidence he was talking about.”

  “What if we can’t find it?”

  “I’m not giving up, Jayco. Congressman Jeffers is a former Marine. I’m going to take my theory to him and see what he can do about it.”

  *****

  The hour grew late. Revel had brought Savannah a sandwich and taken Ciara for a walk and fed her. “Are you sure you don’t want to go home?”

  “No, I want to stay here.”

  Revel didn’t argue with her. Instead he walked to the hall and pulled a twin size blow up mattresspulled a he room. Savannah almost cried. “Come on, Sweetie. You are tired. Come lay next to Patrick.” The honor guard had switched out several times, only she had remained steadfast.

  Again, he went out in the hall and this time he returned with a pillow and a blanket. “Thank you, Revel. You are a good friend.” She went to him and hugged his neck. “I’ll be very comfortable here by him. I couldn’t have stood leaving him and going home. It just wouldn’t have been right.”

  “In the morning, I’ll come after you bright and early so you can shower and change for the service. But for tonight, you stay here with him. These officers will watch over you while you sleep.”

  “I don’t think I can sleep,” she murmured as she lay down. Ciara was reclining, also. But her eyes were still on the door.

  “Try, Patrick would have wanted you to rest.”

  “But this is my last few hours with him; I don’t want to miss a second of it.”

  Revel marveled at the love Savannah had for his best friend. How wonderful it must be to have a woman feel that way about you. Harper’s face was never far from his memory. What he wouldn’t give to be able to hold her. Death hadn’t separated them, but the chasm that existed was almost as wide and deep. But he’d never love another woman – Harper was it for him. And that was sad, because she wouldn’t see him and she wouldn’t take his calls. He had lost her and he had lost his heart at the same time.

  And so he left Patrick’s beloved lying on the floor next to the flag covered casket that held all of her hopes and dreams.

  Savannah spent the next few hours in the quiet, in the near dark, being watched over by men who had done this same thing far too many times. But this was the first time they watched over both the Marine and the one he had left behind.

  *****

  “Thank you for coming, today. Patrick would be so pleased. My name is Savannah Doucet and I am Patrick’s fiancé.” She held up her hand to show the ring as if it vindicated her right to speak.

  “Patrick Heath O’Rourke was born on May 14th 1980. He was the only child of Amanda and Stephen O’Rourke. He is survived by his grandfather Patrick Seamus O’Rourke. There are others that loved him.” She nodded toward Revel, Hawke and Jayco. “His best friend, Revel. The brave men he served with. Even the dog whose life he saved. And me.”

  “Patrick was raised by his grandfather after losing his parents at a young age. He graduated from Tulane University with honors. And he entered the Marines Officers Program and rose to the rank of Captain. I have here in my hand a letter that details the many acts of valor and heroism that Patrick performed for his country and those who were in need of being saved.”

  Swallowing hard, Savannah sought to fight back tears. “I was one of those people who needed saving. Patrick came to me like an answer to a prayer. For years I have hidden my past, but today – in honor of Patrick, I want to tell you who I am.” />
  Because of Patrick’s rank and the way he died, the media had come to the funeral. What a change. What once she would have hidden, now she openly confessed. And it was because what she valued had changed. No longer did she really care what people thought. The person she cared most about in the world was gone. No one else really mattered. “I was born in the Hansen’s Disease Center at Carville, Louisiana. Both of my parents had contracted leprosy. From the very moment of my birth I was placed in foster care and I never knew who my parents were. As I was growing up, the facts of my birth always preceded me. And I was tried and judged and convicted of being unclean and unfit for decent people to associate with. This was my life. Oh, I grew up and went to school and got a job, but always this information would eventually leak out and the people I was around everyday would look at me differently and refuse to sit with me at lunch or walk beside me down the hall. Until Patrick.”