Nan's Journey

by Elaine Littau

  “You weren’t looking for us?”

  “No. I don’t understand why I kept beating you.” Mary began to sob. “I was so miserable I guess I had to inflict misery on you kids. I am worthless for what I did to you. I am very sorry. Fred, what can I do to get away from my past?”

  “You have done a great thing to admit to your wrong actions and apologize for them. That is the first step. You have no control over Nan’s ability to forgive you. You must continue to read your Bible and spend a lot of time in prayer. Go to church and confide in your pastor.

  I know Marcus Hall and he and Esther will love you no matter what happened in your past. You will need them to help you when you tell your husband about your conversion. I think that you need to leave now and give Nan some breathing room. I will walk you to the hotel or train station.”

  “We will be going home on the evening train. I am to meet up with Mr. Dewey to do some business in town. He thinks I have been shopping so I best go before he finds to the contrary.”

  “I will walk with Mary to the general store and be back shortly. Nan rest in the rocker while I am gone and we will talk this out when I get back.”

  Nan stared blankly as the man that she loved walked out her front door with Mary Dewey.

  Chapter 26

  Mary walked in silence as Fred escorted her to the general store. She was stunned that while searching for Brother Young she had found Nan and that Nan was Brother Young’s wife. It was a lot to take in.

  “Are you all right, Mary?”

  “I guess…I…Will she be all right?”

  “God is watching over her. She will be fine…eventually. You do know that you will have to tell Mr. Dewey about your conversion.”

  “I know. I have been putting it off. He has a vile temper and I don’t want to rile him.”

  “Ask God for the words to say. He will help you.”

  “Here we are, Brother Young. Thank you for the advice.” She gave a small nod and crossed the floor of the store to the bolts of fabric. It wouldn’t do for Mr. Dewey to see her talking with another man.

  Mr. Dewey spied her as she edged her way to the button boxes. She seemed to be in deep thought choosing tiny mother of pearl buttons for a baby dress for Sammy. He thought, “Good, she looks like a doting mother.”

  His mother’s lawyer set an appointment to inspect the child and Mary in a couple of hours. ‘Mary, lets go to the restaurant at the hotel and get dinner before we go to see Mr. Fields.”

  Mary looked up from the buttons and nodded her head. “Yes, Mr. Dewey.” She held the sleeping baby closely and followed him out to the street and on to the restaurant.

  “I know it is a splurge to eat in here, but we must look our best when we meet with that confounded lawyer.”

  The waitress took their order and they sat waiting for the food to come. “Was Mr. Fields agreeable to you, Sam?”

  “He is a tightly wound little man. He wants proof that I am married and that I have an heir. I am glad I brought the marriage certificate.” He produced the paper from the inside pocket of his suit coat. “I also have a letter from doc stating that he delivered Sammy. That should be enough for anyone.”

  “Why does he want to see Sammy and I?”

  “Because the will says that he must see my wife and boy child before the inheritance is mine. He has to talk with you and ask you about my son.”

  “You mother wrote all of that in her will?”

  “She was thinking of the best for me.” He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and started to make a biting comment when the waitress placed a plate of steaming hot soup before him.

  “Of course she was. I can understand now how a mother loves her child and wants the best for him.”

  Sam spooned the soup into his mouth and studied his wife as she shifted Sammy in her arms so that she could eat. She was very tender with his son. It was amazing to observe a woman who had the most vile, caustic tongue tending the toddler this way. He had to admit that of late she had been mild with him too. It didn’t appear to be the sarcastic cat and mouse game that they had engaged in for the past year. She seemed genuine in her kindness. Shoot, she even acted happier, even happier than she was at Sammy’s birth.

  Last week he had to make sure that it was Mary doing the wash. He heard her singing at the washboard. He usually kept clear when her saw her hauling the heated water buckets to the wash tub because she would carry on in a cursing fit.

  Whatever brought about the change in her moods was too good to be true. He reasoned that it could end as quickly as it began. Her sassiness had landed her a good many blows from his fists in the past, but he hadn’t needed to get her back in line in quite some time. He had to be sure that she knew that it wasn’t because he had gone soft or anything of that sort. He knew that he spoke more harshly than was necessary lately, but she had to be reminded that he was in charge.

  The waitress brought them a plate of roasted meat and potatoes. He began with gusto. “Mary, we need to be sure to only answer the questions that Mr. Fields puts to you. Don’t go off tellin’ him more that he needs to know.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He don’t need to know about Nancy’s kids that we took care of unless he asks specifically about them.”

  The meat stuck in Mary’s throat, “What would he ask about them?”

  “Well, where they are and why aren’t we tendin’ to them.”

  “I see.”

  “Tell me how you would answer that question. Remember, he don’t need to know that we were glad to get rid of them.”

  “Well, they live with relatives who love them and want to be close to them. Their Ma wanted them to know her family…” Mary was sure that both of those statements were true. She just wasn’t sure that stringing them together like that wasn’t a lie.

  “Be sure that Mr. Fields thinks that we wanted them and all of that hogwash. Otherwise, he will know that we didn’t care what happened to them.”

  “Of course.” Mary breathed a prayer, “Help me, God!”

  *****

  Mr. Fields peered over the bifocals perched on his long skinny nose. “So, you packed them off to relatives? Don’t you care for those little orphans that were left in your care?”

  “I only want what is best for those children, sir! I have grown to love them with all my heart. I feel sorry that they lost their dear ma and pa. I remember reading a letter that Nancy received from her closest aunt that stated that she wanted to know Nancy’s children. I sent their things in a trunk and bought tickets to Boston. Those children should be living with people who are kin to them. It was the right thing to do.”

  “And this child,Clarence Samuel Dewey III, is your own child borne out of your body?”

  “Yes sir!”

  “Here is proof of the child’s birth… a letter from the doctor.” Sam produced the valuable letter.

  “Everything looks in order here. I need you to sign these papers attached to the late Mrs. Dewey’s will. They state that you will never abandon Sam or the child by way of divorce or any other means. You will see to his education. College is required. You will see that he attends church and religious training every week. You will see that every cultural opportunity available in the state of Colorado will be sought out and that he will become a well-bred gentleman. You will do everything in your power to bring out kindness in his demeanor.”

  “Yes, where do I sign?”

  “There, madam. We are finished with your portion of the agreement. However, your signature is required to be affixed to the papers your husband must sign and vow to keep.”

  ”Vow?”

  “Yes, Samuel. You are to listen as I read the attached document, swear to uphold the requirements laid out by your mother, and affix your signature to it.”

  Sam frowned, but he knew that in order to inherit the sizeable fortune, he must comply. He sat quietly as Mr. Fields began to read.

  *****

  By now I will have been gone from this w
orld for a good long time. I know that you, my son, are not going to be happy with the conditions of receiving your inheritance. I know the fabric you are cut from. In some ways you are made of sturdy stuff. In many ways you are weak. Like your father, you have been somewhat of a bully. Unlike your father, I was not successful in getting that out of you.

  I know that you thought that all the time you spent doting on me while I was ill, showed me that you actually loved me and not the money in my bank account. I may have been sick, but I was not a fool. *****

  Sam stood so quickly that he knocked over the heavy leather chair.

  “Sit down, Sam. It is required that you hear this!” Mr. Fields voice boomed.

  Sam righted the chair and eased himself into it avoiding the stunned look in Mary’s eyes. Sammy stirred and whimpered, but Mary was able to rock him gently and he quieted down.

  *****

  You were required to get a wife and a boy child to meet the stipulations of this document. I knew that if it were not required, you would take the fortune and live your life and die without an heir. You always were a selfish boy.

  I can only imagine the torment you put a wife to. That is why she will have control of ninety percent of the fortune. You will get an allowance each week. Mr. Fields will deliver it to you each Sunday noon after you have attended church. On weeks that you do not attend, you will miss your allowance. I want you to be active in raising your son.

  A tithe of ten percent of the income of the estate will be paid each month to the church you attend. An offering of five percent of the income of the estate will be given each month to the smallest church in the town you live in. *****

  “She was insane!! Stop reading this now!”

  “Be seated, sir. I have instructions to cut you out completely if you do not do as required by the will.”

  Sam slammed his body into the chair.

  *****

  I know that you have little respect for anyone or anything except money. Do you see what money got me? I could have had all the money in the world, but I am still dead. I want you to learn that lesson before it is too late. I have loved you since the day you were born. As you grew I could not believe how you turned out. I am determined that the cruelty inherited by you from your father stops here. Your son will be a fine man one day.

  As you know, I wanted to meet your wife, Nancy, before she died. I also asked you to let me meet Mary. I would have liked to meet the woman into whose hands I place my fortune. I have asked friends of mine from Campo and they said that she is a strong, determined woman. For the sake of my grandson and the other grandchildren that follow, I hope that she is also a woman of character. Samuel, you must agree to the following stipulations upon receiving your inheritance:

  I swear to never drink alcohol.

  I swear to never get a divorce or otherwise separate from my wife, Mary Dewey.

  If and when Mary Dewey dies, the inheritance belongs to my son, Clarence Samuel Dewey III. It will be held in trust by the law firm Mr. Fields represents until he is thirty years of age.

  I swear to support my wife’s business decisions concerning the estate.

  I will be an example of a gentleman for my son.

  I will live a respectable life.

  I swear to give up violence in all forms for the rest of my life.

  *****

  “I never heard of such a thing as this! I don’t think it is reasonable or legal to place such baggage in a will! Let a woman rule me! Never! Mary Dewey, do you hear me? Never! I will not be a simpering fool like my father was! I refuse to bow and scrape for morsels from a woman’s hand!”

  He grabbed Mr. Fields by the shirt collar and banged his head against the paneled walls. Mary screamed and jumped to her feet to assist the small man. Sam whirled around and caught Mary on the jaw hard with his fist. She lost her balance and landed on the floor. Sammy made a soft landing on top of his mother. They cowered in the corner whimpering as Sam swore and wrecked the small office.

  “Sir, you must gain control of yourself!” Mr. Fields pleaded.

  “That old woman will not control me from the grave! I tell you I would rather die!” He grabbed a candlestick from the lawyer’s desk and covered the short distance ready to deliver a deadly blow to Mary’s head when a deafening blast sounded in the tiny room. Sammy screamed as his father crumpled into a bloody mass on top of him. Mary grabbed her little one and tried to soothe him as the life drained from Clarence Samuel Dewey II. The violent died by violence. Mr. Fields trembled as he held the smoking small caliber gun.

  Two men burst into the room and quickly surveyed the damage, “Mr. Fields? Put down the gun. George, you better go get the sheriff! And the doctor. Ma’am?”

  Chapter 27

  “But Nan, listen to me.”

  “I don’t care what you have to say. You chose sides against me!” fumed Nan.

  “I am not against you! Don’t you know what the pain in your past is doing to you now?”

  “I do all right. I just live for today and try not to think about bad times.”

  “You still scream in your sleep at night. You are still hurting.”

  “I don’t know what it is you want me to do. Am I supposed to become best friends with Mary Dewey? I would rather die!”

  “Best friends is not the goal here. If you don’t forgive it will continue to eat you alive. Shoot, Nan, I had to forgive her too!”

  “It didn’t seem to be so hard for you! How could you?” Nan screamed.

  “Because God expects me to.”

  “I can’t believe that just because you are a preacher you would have to do that!”

  “It isn’t because I am a preacher! God expects it of all of His children.”

  “A good God would never expect that. I don’t believe you.” She spat out the words.

  “It is for our own good. He knows that unforgiveness will eat at you until you are you lose yourself. You become a bitter person. Nan, you are a sweet, gentle woman, but if you don’t forgive and move past this pain you will become a cynical person. The sin of unforgiveness will take over your life and you will never become the woman God intended you to be. We have talked about this. Please listen to me.”

  Nan sobbed as her hands covered her face. “The hate and pain are all I have to hang onto now that you chose her side,” she moaned.

  “No, Nan. You still have me. Hang on to Jesus. Call out to Him and He will pull you through the pain.”

  Nan reached out to Fred who was kneeling at her side. She held on tight. “Fred! I can’t!”

  “In yourself you can’t, but tell God all about it. Tell Him exactly how you feel.”

  “I can’t do that! God chose her side too!” she cried.

  “God is big enough to love both of you. He doesn’t choose sides!” Fred spoke firmly.

  *****

  “Fred! There has been a killing at the lawyer’s office! A woman is there asking for you.”

  “For me?”

  “She has a little baby and is crying something fierce!”

  “I’ll be right there.” He turned to Nan, “I think it is Mary Dewey. She and her husband had business in town today.”

  Martha ran up to the little house, “Nan, it’s your step ma. I came to watch the baby so you could go with Fred. She is in a bad way.”

  “Is she hurt?”

  “No, her husband was killed. She can’t stop screaming. The baby…it’s just a mess.”

  Nan and Fred ran to the lawyer’s office and arrived as the mortician was removing the body of Sam Dewey. Nan shuddered as she saw the familiar face just prior to it being covered up. Even in death the scowl was embedded on his brow. Mary’s screams were deafening. She was rocking her crying baby.

  “He is bloody, all bloody! He is bloody, all bloody! Oh God, my baby!”

  Fred knelt on the floor next to Mary. The child was trying to wrench out of his Mother’s grasp. He was covered in blood. “Mary, settle down. Little feller, are you hurt? Mary,
let me see him. Reluctantly, she surrendered her beloved son over to the preacher man. Fred began wiping the blood off of his face with his red bandana. There were no wounds on his head. Then he removed the blood soaked clothing from his body. There was not a scratch. “Mary, you baby isn’t hurt! Look at him!”

  “He’s not hurt? Thank you God! Thank you God! Sam landed on him after he was shot.”

  “Mary, you do know that Sam is dead don’t you?”

  “He’s dead.” It was a quiet statement. She was still trying to believe the events of this long day. She looked up slowly into Fred’s eyes. “He wasn’t ready to meet God. I never told him anything about God. I was afraid.” She held Sammy’s bare little body closely and began to rock him. She dragged her eyes away from Fred and looked up at Nan and sobbed. “Oh, Nan! I am so glad you and Elmer got away from us!”

  Nan looked carefully at Mary. It was odd to look at her with no fear. It was as if she were looking at a pitiful stranger. Her eye was black and swollen and her lip was cracked and bleeding. She had a fair amount of blood on the front of her dress. Some of it was hers, but most of it was from Sam. Seeing her as she sat rocking her naked baby, Nan felt pity for her.

  “That was a long time ago.” What else could she say?

  “Nan, I beg you to forgive me! Forgive me for everything! I am so sorry!”

  Tears filled Nan’s eyes as she looked at the poor creature, “I don’t know how to!” She turned and walked away.

  Fred’s eyes locked with Mary’s. “She is a good girl. She will learn to forgive the past.”

  “I think I am being punished for how I treated them kids.”

  “No, remember Mary, you have been forgiven by God. All is well with your soul.”

  “What do I do now? The body… I guess a funeral? How do I start?”

  “Let’s get you and Sammy a room at the hotel. Get cleaned up and I will come help you make arrangements.”

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter 28

  Fred entered the small home and a meal of roasted chicken and potatoes was waiting for him. Martha made Nan eat and take a nap after she returned from seeing Mary.